Welcome to chapter 7. Thanks for sticking with me. I have to say that I like this chapter more than the last one. It's actually one of my favorites of the time when they were apart before he goes to Italy. We're 3 chapters away from Edward's departure. I hope you like it.
Chapter 7-Denver
The snow was falling thickly outside the window of my cheap hotel room. The only light in the room was coming from the large red numbers on a generic alarm clock that told me it was 3:15am. I could hear the humans next door snoring loudly and the cold Colorado wind blowing the snow into drifts outside.
I had followed Victoria from Kansas City to Denver, arriving the day before the worst December snow storm in ten years did. And, most unfortunately I was just as stuck here as the humans who were dealing with cancelled flights and closed freeways. Of course I was physically capable of leaving, but it would be impossible for me to be inconspicuous about it. So, I had to stay put until the weather cleared.
Victoria had continually managed to stay one step ahead of me, and my patience was wearing thin. I'd followed her from Saskatoon to Toronto, where she had killed several vagrants and a family of 5, including two small children. She'd staged their deaths to look like an accident. Then she'd gone on to Portland, Maine. In Portland, she only preyed on the vagrants, killing 3 homeless men in a 7 day period before she left. From there I'd followed her to Detroit, where she'd killed 4 teenage runaways.
In both cities she'd burned the bodies, leaving no trace evidence behind, and by sticking to vagrants and runaways, she'd chosen victims that no one would miss. This newfound caution worried me at first. I was afraid she was starting to suspect she was being followed.
But I was sure my concerns were unnecessary after Kansas City, where she'd murdered two accountants who were working late one night, leaving their bodies in the high rise where they worked to be discovered by the cleaning staff. Then she'd attacked an elderly couple in their homes, not bothering to conceal any evidence at all. I had visited that scene, kicking in the back door and "misplacing" some of the lady's jewelry in an effort to make it look like some kind of botched robbery.
I didn't do this to help Victoria, though; I had other motives.
The Volturi were always on the alert for suspicious crimes like hers. They routinely sent members of the guard to a variety of locations to investigate anything that might warrant an intervention. I didn't want them to look into this situation for fear that they might consider me an accomplice to Victoria's crime spree. But, that erroneous presumption would be preferable to explaining why I had been in every city where the careless killings had been committed.
I thought of Jasper's precautions to make sure that the Volturi never found out about Bella's knowledge of our kind. I shuddered.
Everything that I was doing was to protect Bella from the monsters in my world, and I would do that for the rest of our lives. Our lives. I was more determined than ever to make sure I didn't outlive Bella by more than a few days. The idea of that I would die when she did was still the only thing that made the horrible pain I endured every second of our separation bearable.
The only acceptable idea, at least.
I was too weak to keep from thinking about an alternative to the idea of death.
With each passing day, the idea of returning to Forks was becoming more and more difficult to resist. And, at times like this when I had no leads on Victoria, my will was weaker than ever.
I thought of Bella's beautiful face, her expressive brown eyes, her warm pale skin, the sound of her voice, her laugh, and sighed. I fantasized about feeling her arms around me, watching her sleep, of hearing her say she loved me as she forgave me for leaving her. And each image, every sound was like air, like sunshine. It was a pure, divine, and healing concept. I could just imagine the relief and happiness I would hear in Alice's voice if I called her to tell her I'd changed my mind.
NO!
I promised Bella that I would leave her in peace, not pieces; I would not be responsible for her death, and she would surely die if I went home. The idea of returning to Forks was selfish, unthinkable. I would not break my word. Allowing her to live a normal life was the least I could do. She had given me so much. I would suffer to keep her safe. I couldn't ever go back, not even to check on her, to see her face...
These thoughts had consumed me ever since the snow started, forcing me to wait out the storm here. I had nothing to distract me from my loneliness. I'd curled up into a ball on my dingy hotel bed two days ago. I hadn't moved my body since. But my mind went back and forth as I argued continuously with myself about how good it would be to go back and the reasons I had to stay away. I would never see her again, never feel her, never...
I would be alone for the rest of my existence.
But, did I really have to be? I could go home to my family. They would be happy to see me; they would welcome me back...
I couldn't even do that.
I thought of Rosalie and Emmett and the physical nature of their passion; Alice and Jasper's spiritual bond, of Esme and Carlisle and how they completed each other. Three perfect pairs.
And I also remembered the two vampires I'd encountered in Saskatoon weeks ago. Though our meeting had been brief, I'd thought of them often; Samantha and Matthew. How intuitive and observant she was, how he adored and protected her. Their relationship reminded me of mine and Bella's in that way. She was gifted, too; Samantha had a talent that was sort of similar to Jasper's in one way, and yet like Alice, her abilities were sort of precognitive. She'd felt certain that I would see Bella again. I sighed as I remembered Alice's words;
"Tracking Victoria won't keep you distracted forever," she'd said. The miserable visions she'd had of me...
Alice's visions.
Alice had seen me here in this very room weeks ago, curled up on this bed. I'd seen the vision in her head when we were driving to Alaska. Did she also know how my resolve was wavering?
I made my final decision then. I could never go back to live with my family again. Being with them would only make it more difficult for me to resist the urge to go back to Bella, and if my strength were subjected to one more test, I wouldn't be strong enough.
A half a second later, my phone rang. I winced, not wanting to answer it, but I hadn't spoken to any of them for several weeks. I needed to check in anyway, so I opened my phone.
"Come home Edward," Alice's silver bell voice pleaded before I could say hello.
"I can't Alice," I whispered, my voice oddly hoarse from lack of usage. "It wouldn't be good for anyone for me to be there, I would just make everyone miserable."
"We're already miserable, Edward," Alice replied sadly. "Especially Esme. Jasper rarely ever leaves her side because he's always trying to keep her from getting too depressed; And Bella is still un-..."
"I told you not to look for her future!" I hissed, unfolding myself from my fetal position for the first time in 48 hours.
I remembered the vision Alice had before I left Denali; Bella curled up in a ball, motionless and silent, while Charlie tried to get her to eat. But, that had been three months ago. She would be better by now.
"Time will heal her..." I said, trailing off as I remembered the dead look in her eyes that day in the forest. The light gone from her eyes…
"At least come for Christmas and see Esme, even if you aren't planning to ever move back," Alice pleaded.
"Christmas?" I replied blankly, as though she was speaking a foreign language I'd never heard.
"Don't you even know what day it is?" Alice asked.
I paused to look at the gold watch on my wrist.
December 21st.
"I guess I've lost track of the time," I admitted, trying to hide the pain I felt over my family's suffering. "But I'll lose track of Victoria too if I leave now, plus there's a terrible snow storm here and..."
"Please Edward," Alice implored.
"I can't do it, Alice," I replied.
She paused for a moment, and I did not break the silence. She was probably trying to see something.
"I can see that you aren't planning to listen to me, but I know where you are; you know I've seen it," She said coolly. "You're so miserable because she's your true other half! Do you honestly believe you could love her this much if she didn't feel the same way?"
"Stop it," I moaned. I was desperate to avoid more temptation to go back to Forks. I heard movements and a soft mutter in the background on Alice's end just then.
"Carlisle wants to speak to you," Alice replied, giving up.
"Edward," Carlisle breathed into the phone a moment later, relief coloring his voice. I felt a stab of guilt as I realized it had been over two months since they'd heard from me.
"Carlisle," I replied flatly. It was all I could manage. I hated thinking of how much he wanted me to come home, but I knew my returning home wouldn't help him or anyone else in my family for that matter. It would do more harm than good to everyone if I went back.
"I heard you turn down Alice's request that you come home for Christmas," He went on, trying to make his voice even. "I don't suppose I could persuade you either, could I?"
"I'm sorry," I said in a hollow tone. "I can't afford to lose track of Victoria now. I have to stop her."
"I understand," he replied, and in spite of his best efforts I heard the disappointment and worry in his voice. I'd known him too long for him to be able to totally hide his feelings from me.
"How is Esme?" I asked reluctantly, not really sure if I wanted him to answer. Alice had said Esme was especially unhappy without me, but I didn't trust her not to exaggerate. She was so desperate for me to come back so we could return to Forks that I was sure she would try anything to get me to cave. So I couldn't stop myself from asking Carlisle.
"She misses you a lot," Carlisle replied simply, still trying to keep his voice neutral. She's hunting with Jasper and Rosalie at the moment. If you could try to remember to call her back on Christmas she would love that."
"I will," I promised, thinking of what Alice had said about Jasper rarely ever leaving Esme's side.
"I love you son," Carlisle whispered. "Your brother wants to talk to you, too." I heard the phone change hands again.
"Hey little bro," Emmett said, a smile in his voice. This had always been his term of endearment for me; he'd been several years older than I was when Carlisle had changed him for Rosalie, but I was still older than him in years.
"Hey Em," I replied, trying not to sound as bad as I felt. I realized I missed Emmett more than I did anyone else. But, even his carefree laughter and brutal honesty wouldn't help me the way they used to. Nothing could.
"Alice says you aren't coming home for Christmas. Rose is going to be pissed if Esme make her play carols on your piano this year. You know she hates Christmas music." Emmett continued.
I knew Emmett wanted me to come home too, but he wouldn't ask. Not because he was afraid to express his own feelings, though. Unlike Carlisle, who had tried to hide how much he missed me, Emmett didn't say anything because he knew it was pointless.
"Oh well," I retorted, feeling no sympathy for Rose. I still hadn't gotten over her stupid matchmaking endeavor in Denali.
"Rose is tired of everyone else missing you," Emmett said in a humorous attempt to defend his mate. "So I guess she misses you too by default."
"I'm sorry about that Emmett," I replied sadly. "But believe me when I say my being there wouldn't make anyone feel any better."
"Yeah, I know," Emmett answered wistfully, his voice unusually serious. "We'd all just try to get you to go back for Bella since we know how miserable you are without her."
I heard a longing in his voice that I had never heard before, and it shocked me. I knew then that he missed Bella almost as much as Alice did. Emmett was always so easy to read; I knew his mind so well. How had I failed to notice how much he loved Bella before now? He must have worked really hard to hide his feelings from Rosalie.
And the fantasy intruded into my thoughts before I could stop it; the house in Forks, covered in clear twinkling lights and all of Alice and Esme's ornate Christmas decorations; exchanging gifts with my family; playing in the snow with Jasper and Emmett; sitting at the piano with Bella at my side, kissing her under a clump of mistletoe…
I quickly forced myself to banish those images.
"I'm sorry," I repeated again, not knowing what else to say. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and my forefinger out of habit as I said it.
"I know," Emmett replied.
I hung up the phone, tossing it aside as I curled back up into a ball; back to my meaningless existence.
The weather cleared the next morning, and by 23rd, the airport opened back up. I could no longer stand to stay in that hellhole hotel, so I cleaned myself up, dressing inconspicuously in a tan sweater, jeans, tan boots and a black trench coat to prepare to interact with humans. I dug the Range Rover out of a snow drift and decided to get back to business. I needed to try to find Victoria's trail again.
I didn't find any trace of her scent in the immediate area, but I was sure she hadn't left the area yet. Her hunting habits proved that she wasn't overly concerned about secrecy, but even she wouldn't have wanted to draw attention to herself by travelling during the storm. I tried to think of places to go to try to locate her scent, but, I couldn't seem to find the energy to really focus on her. My mind just kept wandering back to Forks and Bella.
My love.
She was never out of my thoughts, but since I knew it was Christmas, I was finding it harder to function. Normally, I could think of many different things at one time, but now memories of her face, every moment of our time together consumed me.
I drove aimlessly for a time, fighting with the traffic. Now that the roads were clear and the airport reopened, people were out in droves, finishing Christmas shopping, travelling to see relatives, or just getting out of the house after being stuck inside for several days.
I followed a large group of cars without really noticing where I was going until I wound up in downtown Denver at the 16th Street Mall. I parked the Range Rover and decided to get out and walk around. Maybe I would hear something useful, or pick up her scent. This was a crowded place full of edible people.
My throat burned slightly as I followed the crowds of people, their hands filled with bags and packages. It had been over 2 weeks since I'd hunted myself. Somehow I rarely ever noticed my own thirst anymore. I didn't care, really.
The crowds gave me a wide berth, subconsciously sensing the danger I presented in spite of my innocuous clothing and wasn't an easy feat considering how crowded the mall was. I was also being careful not to get too close to any of them; I wouldn't want to tempt myself. I listened idly to the thoughts of some of the passers-by, but heard nothing of interest.
"…hope my mother-in-law decides not to visit this year…"
"Will this sweater fit him or should I try to find a smaller size…
"-can't believe he decided to dump me a week before Christmas. Wish I hadn't bought him a gift; now I have to take it back…"
I walked past a jewelry store, and thought of picking up something and sending it to Esme. I wanted her to know that I was thinking of her. I looked in the display window and the first thing I saw was a delicate garnet pendant set in platinum and diamonds. A pain stabbed my empty chest as I tried to catch my breath. Garnet was Bella's favorite gemstone.
I stood and stared at the trinket for a moment and considered sending it to her anonymously. But, she would know it was from me, and she wouldn't want it. Besides, I promised her peace without reminders.
I thought of how much I'd always wanted to spoil her, dote on her, and the way she would never allow it. Maybe when she fell in love with someone else, he would be able to convince her how much she deserved to be spoiled and treasured.
Somehow, I had never been able to make her understand how precious she was, how grateful and fortunate I felt that she'd chosen a monster like me over all the others. I'd told her this a thousand times, told her how much I loved her, how much she meant to me.
And then I'd taken back every word of it in that forest.
The pain nearly knocked me to my knees. I folded my arms over my empty chest and walked away from the display. I slumped into an empty seat outside the stores and hung my head, trying not to lose it in a crowded mall full of humans. For the first time, I really started to wonder how much emotional damage I had done to… her. Had I undermined her self-confidence? Would she have a hard time trusting someone else to love her?
It was suddenly difficult to think her name again. The fury that had fueled me, made being without her barely tolerable for the last three months had vanished when I'd gotten stranded here and lost Victoria's scent. And, the anguish overtook me again, and I was sure I was going to crumble to pieces...
I wished that I could just die and easy human death. But I knew I deserved to suffer for what I'd done to her. Not just for leaving her, but for inserting myself into her life to start with. I should have left Forks as soon as Alice warned me I wouldn't be able to stay away from her.
Alice had started to tell me about her most recent visions of Bella when we were on the phone yesterday. I'd stopped her when I realized what she was going to tell me probably wasn't good. Was Bella still hurting? I hope she wasn't. She deserved to be happy.
Maybe Alice was wrong. It wouldn't be the first time. I wondered fleetingly how she was spending her first Christmas in Forks. I was sure Charlie would try to make it special since she hadn't been with him for the holidays since she was really small. Perhaps she had met someone else and he would be spending the holidays with her, too.
The idea nearly crushed what was left of my insides.
And yet, I knew it was inevitable. She would say yes to someone else someday. She had to. There were countless mortal men out there who would give anything to be with her. I just hoped that whomever she chose deserved her at least a little. That he wouldn't hurt her the way I had.
I told myself for the millionth time that she was 18 years old, resilient and strong enough to forget me.
I sighed and looked up when I felt a pair of eyes on me.
A little girl with bright blue eyes and long, dark hair looked directly and unflinchingly into my black eyes. Her thoughts were simple and easy to read;
That man is so sad. People are supposed to be happy on Christmas. I love Christmas. I wonder what's wrong with him. Did he lose his mommy? My mommy told me to wait right here, but I want to go sit with him and say hi. I'm not supposed to talk to strangers and she would be real mad if she saw me talk to him, but someone needs to make him feel better…
I managed to smile sadly at her as I marveled at how unafraid she was. How odd! She smiled shyly in return, blushing as she twirled a lock of her hair between her tiny fingers.
"Come on Bella, we're in a hurry," I heard a voice call from behind me.
The little girl looked up in response as a woman who looked very like her rushed over and took her hand. The mother glanced over at me and she quickly scooped the little girl up in her arms and walked toward a group of clothing stores. The little girl named Bella looked back over her mother's shoulder at me and waved.
I waved back.
Surely this was a sign. But what did it mean?
"Go home! Go home! Go back to Bella! Call the others and tell them to meet you there." The voice in my head screamed.
I laughed humorlessly to myself as I hung my head again. Was there any such thing as a sign for a soul-less vampire monster? What a joke. If my encounter with this little girl meant anything, it was that I should stay away, not go back. The child had been beautiful, happy and innocent. Her protective and loving mother had scooped her up and put her out of harm's way from the monster she wanted to comfort.
I couldn't ever go back.
In spite of myself, it was all I could do not to sprint from the building, grab the Range Rover and drive straight to Washington.
I needed to distract myself. So, I got up from my seat, walked over to a nearby newspaper machine and put my quarters in the slot. The headlines jumped out at me immediately.
"Rash of violent crimes in Boulder frightens residents" Three deaths in the last 4 days, no leads or evidence evidence; police baffled.
I'd found the distraction I was looking for.
Hopefully, the police in Boulder wouldn't be able to catch up with Victoria before I did.
Author's note;
I hope you all liked this chapter. Okay, so Edward still refuses to listen to any signs he might receive, or his family, or his heart, or Alice's visions because he's the most pig headed vampire in the universe. :) Coming up next: Edward follows psycho vamp Victoria to Dallas, and we know she figures out what he's up to at some point and she lays a false trail for him there. We're getting a little closer to Italy all the time. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.