"I would keep my pride this time,
No tears
No degrading groveling to make me burn with shame at the memory
Pride was all I would have left to sustain me through the ordeal of her refusal.
Pride would make me wish her well and let us part with civilized courtesy."- Excerption from the diary of Erik.
Erik's POV
Pain, that's all I felt. My head was pounding and my legs were aching. Over and over again, my body cringed in the worst pain I ever experienced. Christine had been kind enough to heat me up a cloth, but the heat was slowly fading away. I had only run out to return the wrong medicine the pharmacist had given me, and instead I was mugged and beaten. But Christine, that lovely angel had cared for me, never leaving my side.
I rolled over to burry my face within my pillow, only to have my head throb even harder.
"Dear, god…." I bit my lip, only to disturb my injured jaw.
"Stop…" I pressed my hand against my head, hoping to stop the pain.
When I opened my eyes, I noticed the bottle of brandy sitting on the nightstand. I groaned, and reached out for it. If anything was going to numb my pain, it was that.
"Erik?"
My door was opening, and Christine's voice was calling out to me.
When I couldn't reach the bottle of brandy, I plopped back against my mattress.
"Erik, are you ok? I heard you groaning from down stairs."
She rushed to my side, and picked up the cold cloth.
"I'll warm that up for you."
But Christine wasn't done yet, she placed her hand over my forehead, and gasped at the raised temperature of my fever.
"Erik, your fever rose…."
"Christine, I'm in so much agony…"
When she saw me staring at the bottle of brandy, she pulled it away so I couldn't get my hands on it.
"Erik, alcohol will dry your insides out. You need water and juice to keep yourself hydrated."
"But the pain….."
"Erik, I'll get you your pain medicine."
Christine left for the slightest of seconds before returning with my syringe and pain medicine. After giving me my dose through my arm, I relaxed myself against my pillow, feeling Christine's fingers stroking my burning head.
"Erik, if you get any worse, I'm going to get a doctor for you."
No, a doctor was the last thing I wanted. I hated them, and if Christine got one involved I was sure to be recognized as the Phantom.
"N…No, Christine, please…."
But before I could say another word, my medicine put me to sleep. Everything around me was burning. My eyes were burning, my skin was burning, and my legs ached in agony. When I opened my eyes again, something didn't feel right. I was still laying in my bed, but there was somebody else here….I saw someone pacing the floor at the end of my bed…. It was my master….I didn't want to believe that he was here…..but he was. He was pacing around my bed, looking at me, reaching for me, but never touching me.
"Stop…..Go away….."
I closed my eyes, screaming for him to go away, and when I opened them again, he was standing over me. His large hands reached out to me, touching my head with his thick fingers.
"Erik….."
I heard Christine's voice, but couldn't see her anywhere. All I could feel were hands touching my boiling head.
"Erik, shhhhh it's ok."
When I looked up at my master again, he was still touching me, but the voice was coming from him. When ever he spoke, he spoke in Christine's voice. God, what was happening to me?
"Don't touch me…..please…." I was pleading for my master to go away, but what ever I tried wouldn't work, for the hands continued touching my head.
I closed my eyes once more, and when I re opened them, Christine was standing in my master's place. What was happening to me? Why was I seeing things like this? She was placing her hand over my head, dabbing something cool to help bring down my rising temperature.
"What happened?" I groggily asked.
"You're hallucinating."
"What?"
Without saying a word, Christine handed me a glass of juice, and I drank it without arguing with her.
"I'm starting to get worried about you, Erik. I mean, what if you got an infection in your wound? Your fever shouldn't be lasting this long."
"I'm fine, Christine."
"No you're not."
"Just let me rest, Christine."
Christine tucked me in, and headed towards the door.
"I'm going to get Eudora some dinner. I'll check on you a little later."
As much as my fever bothered me, I laid there staring at the ceiling, hoping the hallucination of my master wouldn't return. A while later, when I couldn't lay there any longer, I decided to get up to clear my mind. After clumsily donning my robe, I slipped on my leg braces and headed down the stairs. I wasn't expecting Christine to still be up, but she was. She was sitting in the family room, reading with just the dim flame of a candle lighting her pages.
"Wh…what are you still doing up?" I cringed, almost stumbling down the final stair.
"Erik…." Christine placed her book down in her lap, and tried to stand in order to help me.
I waved my hand to get her to sit back down, but she wouldn't listen. She gently grabbed me by the arm, and sat me down in the loveseat beside her.
"Erik, you should have stayed in bed."
"I couldn't lay there any longer."
Once Christine sat back down beside me, she reached for the blanket folded neatly on the floor, and wrapped it around my shoulders.
"You're still sick, Erik, and I don't trust that fever."
"I'm fine." I assured.
"I still say you should be in bed."
When Christine picked up her book again, I couldn't help but look over at the pages to wonder what she was looking at.
"What are you reading?"
She smiled, and flipped to the next page.
"Hamlet."
"Of course. I knew you would get into my Shakespeare collection sooner of later."
"I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all, you've been helping me, the least I could do is let you read my books."
Christine put laid her book into her lap once more to reach up to gently touch my jaw.
"How does your jaw feel?"
"Sore."
"Erik, promise me you won't go out on your own anymore. I worry about you."
My angel worried about me! She worried about me so much that she didn't want me going out on my own.
"I…I promise."
She patted me on my lap, and stood to her feet.
"Where are you going?"
"I haven't eaten dinner yet. I was too busy trying to feed Eudora and put her to bed. I'm sure you're hungry too."
I was. I hadn't eaten hardly anything the past couple of days. My throat was dry, and I couldn't speak, only nodded. It was enough for Christine, for she helped me to my feet, and walked me into the kitchen. She sat me down, and turned to take a few things out of the cabinets.
"So what will it be?"
"What ever you're having is fine…" I groaned, rubbing my sore head.
"I think soup would do us good."
Christine took extra special care of me. She poured me a glass of juice, and heated up a pot of broth. I wasn't that hungry, but took a few mouthfuls to be grateful for Christine's generosity.
"I hope Eudora isn't causing much trouble for you." I said, looking at Christine who was sipping on her broth.
"No, she's just anxious to see you is all."
"I know, and I'm sorry I've been sick."
Christine's hand caressed my scarred cheek, and I caressed her hand with my own.
"Erik, don't ever apologize for that. You're a good man, and what happened to you wasn't your fault."
I looked down at my broth, and closed my eyes. As much as I wanted to continue eating, I couldn't.
"Are you finished?"
I looked up to see Christine ready to take away my bowl.
"Yes, sorry….. I feel terrible for letting you make all this.."
"Nonsense, I was starving."
I finished my juice, and stood up from my seat.
"I'll clean up, Erik. Go on back upstairs and lay down."
I nodded, and slowly began walking back upstairs. I hadn't seen my daughter in a few days, and so I slowly opened her bedroom door. She was laying in bed fast asleep with one of her dolls snuggled tightly in between her arm. I approached her bed, and placed a kiss on her cheek. I knew I shouldn't have done it, because that kiss had caused her to stir in her sleep. I could only thank god for it being dark within the room, otherwise, she would have seen my malformed face.
"Who's there?" she groggily asked, sitting up, and rubbing her eyes with her hand.
"It's me, little one."
"Uncle? Is that you?"
"Yes. I came to say goodnight."
Eudora pulled the blankets closer to her chest, and hugged her doll.
"How do you feel?"
"Still sick." I confessed. "And I'm sorry that I haven't been around much ."
"It's ok, uncle. I know you're too sick."
"Just do me a favor, Eudora."
"Anything."
"Go easy on your mother. You must have patients, and I promise once I'm feeling well again, we'll go back to the park."
"Yes, uncle."
My daughter laid back down, and I tucked her in.
"Goodnight….uncle." she said, yawning sleepily.
"Goodnight, little one."
I walked back down the hall, and crawled into bed. I wondered when Christine would be joining me, but I knew she was still cleaning up from dinner. I laid there with my eyes closed, slowly drifting off to sleep. My head was pounding, and I knew walking around had tired me out. I should have stayed in bed, but I was terribly restless…
When I heard the door open, I opened my eyes to find Christine walking in carrying her night gown. I pretended that I was asleep, and watched as she began changing in the candle light. It had been so many years since I saw my angel without any clothes on. Most nights I would lay there just thinking about it. She was still so beautiful after all these years. Once she was dressed again, she came slowly walking towards the bed, and crawled in beside me, still keeping quiet as if I were asleep.
"Thank You, Christine." I softly said, snuggling into my pillow.
"So you're still awake? I was sure you would have been asleep by now."
"I'm restless."
"It's ok, I understand."
Once more, I closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to take me, but Christine was still awake.
"Erik?"
"Yes, Christine?" I murmured.
"What's the one thing you think about the most?"
"What do you mean?"
"About me? What do you think about when you're all alone at night?"
"I…I don't know." I lied.
What could I possibly tell her? That I lay in bed at night thinking about her body? She'd never trust me again if she knew this.
"Of course you know, Erik." she teased. "There must be something."
"Well, there isn't."
Christine sat up, and placed her head on her knees.
"I think about you all the time, Erik. Sometimes, night is the loneliest time for me."
"Why?"
"Because I'm so used to sleeping beside you, Erik. But….for the past four years, I've gone to bed alone…..It's hard, you know."
"Oh stop your whining, Christine. You think four years was hard!" I snapped. "I've gone to bed alone my entire life! And then….just when I thought things would be different, you leave with that boy, and ten more years of sleeping alone happened!"
I don't know why I was yelling, but I couldn't help it. When Christine brought up moments like these, they upset me. This had also upset Christine, for she rose from my bed, and donned her robe.
"I….I should go to my room."
I was a monster. Here she was only trying to make things better between us, and here I was once again making them worse.
"Christine, wait…."
"No, I understand that I upset you, Erik. Sorry…."
"I upset you, because I am a monster."
Christine turned, and came walking back towards the bed.
"No, Erik, you bring pain to yourself. And it's not because you're a monster either."
"Look, Christine." I confessed. "I do think about you….almost every second of everyday. You know how terrible my temper is."
"Don't blame this on your temper, Erik."
"I'm terribly sorry, Christine."
"It's your own fault, Erik. I hope you're happy with yourself."
Christine turned, and headed towards the door…..She wasn't coming back this time. God! What could I do? What could I possibly do to make her love me again! I had to do something! I couldn't wait any longer for this to end. I knew if I waited until morning to apologize rightfully, the moment of passion would be long gone. When I heard the door to her room slam shut, I rose to my feet and thought of what to do once I was out in the hallway. I've screwed up too many times to just say "Sorry." No, I was way past sorry….
I stood in front of her door, thinking about what to say. What could I say to her? I reached out my trembling hand, and was about to knock when her door opened. She stood there in front of me, giving me this dirty look as if I were blocking her way.
"Erik, please move out of my way." she said, looking up at me.
My mind had run blank, and there wasn't anything left for me to say, nor was there anything left for me to do….It was now or never….. I don't know what made me do it, but that last bit of passion that was beckoning to get out escaped, and my lips pressed against my angel's.
It was a wonderful, heavenly feeling…..A feeling I had been waiting for four years to experience once more. Christine sighed, and pressed her lips closer to my own. It wasn't a passionate kiss, but I was happy with the chaste kiss that it was.
When we pulled away, Christine looked up at me, hungry and wanting more.
"What…what made you do that, Erik?"
I shrugged.
"I've been wanting that for far too long."
A smile escaped her lips.
"Me too."
"I know if I would have said sorry to you, it wouldn't have worked. I've screwed up way too many times to be sorry, Christine."
Christine stepped out into the hallway, and pulled me back into my room. Once there, she pressed her lips up against my own again. Our kiss this time was more passionate than the first, our tongues dancing with one another's for the first time in four years. I groaned at such a heavenly feeling, ignoring my body's urge to stop.
Soon, we were on my bed, Christine laying on top of me as she continued kissing my lips.
"Do you know what I've been waiting for, Erik?" she huskily asked in between kisses.
"What?" I sighed.
She pulled the privacy drapes down over the bed, and I began feeling her hands against the buttons of my shirt.
"I think you know, Erik….."
"Oh, Mon Ange…."
"Oh, Erik….say it again."
I gently rolled her over, and began planting kisses on every part of her neck. I didn't care about taking things slow with her….No, this was something we've both needed since the day we broke off our relationship.
"I need your body, Erik…..please tell me you want my body too."
"I yearn for nothing more, Christine."
Her lips were now kissing my malformed face. That sexual, wonderful feeling tore through my body like a thousand hands reaching down to my inner core and pulling out my lust for this angel who was beneath me.
Christine made her way back on top of me, and began kissing the small exposed flesh of my chest.
"Oh, Christine….don't stop."
I've wanted this feeling for four long years, and now…..Oh, now I was getting it. Her kisses were trailing from my chest all the way down to my trousers…..I was grabbing the bed sheets, and groaning to such pleasure…..But in a flash, it all came to an end….
"Uncle?"
It was Eudora….and my shirt was off! Christine immediately rolled off me, and I reached on the night table for my mask, but I couldn't seem to grab it….
"Uncle?"
"Yes, what is it?" I frantically asked, reaching around for my mask….
But my daughter didn't answer me. Figuring that she left, I continued fumbling around for my mask….Damn it! Where was it! But before I could find it, my privacy drapes opened, and my daughter stood before me…..I turned my face so she wouldn't see my monstrous face, but she was more fixated on Christine who was laying beside me. I only thanked God that my head was wrapped in gauze, otherwise, she would have seen my exposed skull.
"Mother, what's going on? Why are you in bed with Uncle? And why is his shirt off?….And your lipstick all over his skin?…."
Damn it!
"Eudora, go back to bed." Christine said, sitting up.
"But mother….I don't understand."
Christine turned Eudora to lead her out of my room, and only then was I able to find my mask. I sighed, and ran my hands through my hair to ease my mind….When Christine came back in, she was alone…..
"How is she?"
"She'll be fine, Erik."
"Somehow I doubt that, Christine. How could we be so stupid…..It might have been ok four years ago but we've got a child wandering around."
"So do you regret all this?" she angrily questioned, her arms crossed in front of her chest.
"No, but now what will she think? Her mother and uncle in here having sex….."
"She doesn't know, Erik. She's four and completely innocent."
"And yet, she knows that your lipstick is all over my chest." I said, wiping away Christine's marks that were all over my chest.
"She doesn't need to know."
I buttoned up my shirt, and stood up.
"I'll be back…"
"Erik…."
Christine was trying to pull me away, but I wouldn't listen to her. I wouldn't have our daughter walking around confused over our relationship….
"No, Christine. Just go back to bed and I'll be with you shortly."
This was something I had to do. I entered her room to see her sitting up in bed with a doll in between her arms.
"Eudora, you should be asleep."
"I know, uncle….but….I was just thinking."
I took a seat on her bed, and sat my daughter in my lap.
"Thinking about what?"
My daughter looked up at me with her innocent eyes. My daughter was so innocent, and yet, I couldn't figure out why she had to be caught up in such a horrible situation.
"About what I just saw you and mother doing in your room."
"Did that upset you?"
Eudora shook her head.
"It didn't upset me, it just confused me is all."
"Confused you how?"
"I thought you were my uncle…."
"I am…" I assured her. God! She couldn't know, not now, not ever.
"But I thought in order to be an uncle you and mother had to be related….Like brother and sister….You are my mother's brother, right?"
I couldn't lie to her….but then again, I couldn't tell the truth either. And so, I told her the truth as much as I possibly could.
"I am not related to your mother, Eudora. In fact, we're not related at all."
"You're not?"
I shook my head.
"Sometimes, Eudora, if a mother has no living relatives, they call upon a good friend to become an uncle or aunt. Your mother and I are good friends. I've known her for a very long time, as a child even."
"Are you seeing each other? Like lovers?"
How I wanted to say yes, but I couldn't give my child false hope.
"No, Eudora. Your mother and I love each other very much, but not….not in that way."
"Then why did you have mother's lipstick all over your chest?"
Oh, how embarrassing this was.
"I…She…Your mother was healing my sores. You see, sometimes if you kiss a wound, it makes them all better."
"That's a lot of sores, Uncle…"
How my face wanted to turn red, but I had to stay calm, for my own protection.
"Yes, Eudora….there was a lot of sores."
I laid her down, and covered her up.
"Get some sleep now, little one."
My daughter softly giggled, and closed her eyes.
"Goodnight, uncle, I love you…."
I smiled.
"Me too…Now get some sleep."
When I closed her door, I backed up against it and heaved out a sigh of relief….I only hoped she would never grow up….for explaining such subjects when the time came would be harder than I thought…..
Please review! Christmas is killing me with writing. I've been decorating and shopping like crazy..I'll try to have my next chapter up as soon as I can.