This chapter contains some small, very small very very small phrases written by George Martin. Just saying, they don't belong to me blah blah blah. Again, a very very very very very small portion of this chapter like just a little paragraph. Sorry but i was having trouble with the flow of inspiration and that shit. Reviews people! i would appreciate so much, and i'm currently on finals so that's why it took my so long to post this chapter, sorry!

Tyrion

Varys stood over the brazier, warming his soft hands. "It would appear Lady Sansa is growing tired of Kings Landing, my lord" he said giggling.

"More like growing tired of living, my dear Varys" responded Tyrion.

Varys had come to him after the chaos in the throne room, Cersei must have sent him, he thought.

"Still my lord, I can't help but feel sad for the poor girl, all away from Winterfell and most of her family dead"

"Yes, well wars do kill people, Lord Varys"

Varys giggled again and looked at him, a hint of humor in his eyes "You areright my lord, wars do kill people but wars had nothing to do with Ned stark's death…"

He likes playing games, and I'm too tired for games, you win this one. "You are implying something Varys and I'm too exhausted to figure out what so let's skip all the foreplay and go straight to the point, yes?"

He tittered "It's about the king, my lord, and his throne"

"Ah, yes, the king," Tyrion muttered sourly. "My nephew is not fit to sit a privy, let alone the Iron Throne" but you already know that, what do you want?

"I agree, ever think how easy life would be if the other one had been born first?" said Varys, in a serious voice.

Where are you going with this eunuch? "He's just a kid, he knows nothing about Westeros, about being a king, he wouldn't do bad but he would also do no good, he would do nothing"

"And that would make him the best king to ever live, he'd do whatever he was told like a good king should" said Varys, "All men die, my lord"

A chill crept down Tyrion's spine as he realized what the spider was hinting at. If Tommen was king…

There was only one way Tommen would become king. No, he could not even think about it. Joffrey was his blood, and Jaime's son as much as Cersei denied it. He wondered if Jaime knew, of course he knows, but does he love him?

"Cersei would castrate you again if she found out about our little conversation" or does she already know? Maybe she thinks I want Joffrey dead

"I won't tell her if you don't, my lord," giggled Varys

"Still, I could have your head off for saying that," he told Varys

"Renly… is dead… Stannis commands most of his troops now, my lord"

"Yes, I know. And he is sailing his way to kings landing as we speak"

"Yes, my lord, but what about Lord Renly's death?" asked Varys

"What about it?" responded Tyrion.

"The whole matter, it was a most mysterious and fortuitous murder, don't you think my lord?" The eunuch paused a moment. "My lord, you once asked me how it was that I was cut…"

"Yes, and I recall you did not want to talk about it" said Tyrion

"I still don't, but… desperate times, my lord, call for desperate measures. I was an orphan boy apprentice to the owner of a whorehouse, much like our friend Petyr. Now that I come to think about it my master was exactly like lord Baelish. One day, a certain man came to my master and made him an offer too tempting to refuse. I thought he would take me away the next day but instead I stayed in the whorehouse for several months" Varys stopped to drink some wine and cleaned his sweaty hands on his robe.

"I knew what the man wanted to do with me, I had had many days to wrap my head around the idea until I was scared no more, but there in his tent, away from the whorehouse and my master, I felt powerless, my lord. Then I saw the blade. He gave me a potion that made me incapable to move or speak, yet did nothing to dull my senses. He sliced me root and stem, chanting all the while. I watched him as he burned my manhood on a brazier. The flames turned blue and then red and then gold, and I heard a voice answer his call. I still dream of that night, my lord. Not of the man but of the fire and the voice that came from the flames"

There was a long pause after that, "A very sad story, my friend. I'm sorry, but what…?"

"There's a lady, my lord. She travels with Lord Stannis, Lady Melisandre they call her. My whisperers say she is a red priest, some say that her dark magic killed Lord Renly"

"Dark… Magic?"

"You don't believe me my lord, but it's true, I've seen it"

"I believe, in gold, steel swords and wine, lord Varys." Said Tyrion "the rest is just… wary. As for Lord Renly's murder, I've heard Stannis sent a ship to the Free cities and hired a Faceless Man to kill his lovely brother"

"Yes, the Faceless Men are quite skilled, my lord, but not that skilled. Even so, we must not underestimate Lord Stannis"

"Are you scared Lord Varys?"

"Worried, my lord, and anxious. I've hated magic ever since my incident and if Lord Stannis is using such to win the throne, I mean to see him dead"

"And what exactly do you propose we do to fight off Stannis?" Tyrion asked.

"King Joffrey has proven to be a remarkable king, no doubt, my lord. But, he is not suited for war and war is coming," said Varys with a strong voice, though Tyrion could see hesitation and fear in his eyes.

Tyrion sighed, if Varys is not with Cersei, then who is he with? "Spike. Head. Yours" he warned. Just because he is not loyal to my sister it doesn't mean he is loyal to me.

"My lord, it was only a simple suggestion to a problem" he giggled nervously, "Quarreling will not serve us, take heart,"

"Whose?" asked Tyrion. He could think of many options.

"I'll let you decide, my lord" he tittered, "You and me, we both want what's best for the realm. If Lord Stannis has the red god on his side we must rise to the threat he poses". And with that Varys left the chamber.

"The realm could survive a few less councilors as well as kings," Tyrion said to himself as he poured a glass of wine. The idea of killing Joffrey was not a new one; he had thought about it ever since he took Eddard Stark's head and threw everyone into a war but he had decided not to act on it. The gods and his people will judge him.

"Lord Stan… King Stannis is here; his ships have been spotted. Three hours until he reaches Kings Landing" Bronn said as he opened the door, startling Tyrion who had started to pour himself another glass of wine.

Fuck "Bring Podd" he said "and Shae" Fuck it all, he was sick of caution, he wanted Shae in his bed before he rode to war, to kiss her, to fuck her, to hear her tell him se loved him, even though it was a lie. She was a whore, she IS a whore, you've been through this before Tyrion, are you really that stupid?

Podd slammed the door as he entered the chamber, startling Tyrion who was pouring himself the rest of the wine. "Doesn't anyone knock anymore? If people don't knock anymore I don't know what we are going to war for" said Tyrion with a serious voice.

"Y-you called for me, my lord," mumbled Podd. Great, now I've scared the boy, I must be drunker than I thought.

"Yes Podd, please bring my armor and my axe if you would be so kind" he said as he noticed Shae entering the room. "Bring it in an hour Podd" his eyes locked on Shae's body "An hour and a half better"

"But, my lord, the wa…" Tyrion closed the door before Podd had the chance to finish.

"You should be kinder to him, my lord, he admires you a great deal" said Shae

"I know. I don't deserve him. I feel terrible, help me feel good again". Tyrion grinned.

Shae pushed him to the bed and started undoing his laces; she took his pants off and threw them to the side of the chamber. She took of her gown with one quick move, Tyrion could see her nipples getting hard, he loved that he could have that reaction on her. He started caressing them gently as he entered her, soft moans coming from her mouth. She was moving faster now, almost jumping. Tyrion let out a groan and bit her neck, and then her breasts and then her lips. He kissed her passionately until their mouths were sore and then he moved on to her breasts again. He licked them and kissed them, her nipples getting harder with every touch of his mouth.

"My lion" she moaned, a smile of delight brimming over. He gripped the back of her hair as she groaned again, her nails digging into his skin.

After they were done she got out of bed and poured herself a glass of water, then she jumped back to bed again and pulled him close to her chest, his face resting on top of her breasts.

"I love you," he said.

"I know you do" she responded sliding her hand through his hair.

"You are supposed to say it back, you know"

"I love you," she whispered in his ear.

"If I die tonight, will you miss me?"

"Does it matter? You won't even notice, you'll be dead," she said teasingly, her eyes closing.

Shae hadn't moved for a while so he figured she must have fallen asleep. He turned around to face her so beautiful and all mine, no… she's not mine, you've been through this before, are you never going to learn Tyrion? He was arguing with himself when a knock on the door interrupted him.

"My lord? I have your armor, my lord," said Podd

Ah, yes, the war… Shae had made him forget about the war, she was good at making him forget. He stood from the bed and threw a medium sized robe around his body.

"Come in, Podd" The boy opened the door cautiously and nervously.

"Well, hurry up, Podd. There's a war going on and don't act like you haven't seen tits before" he said when he caught Podd's eyes glancing towards Shae naked body lying in bed "I know what the whores say about you, we have some serious things to discuss, my friend" he said with a voice so serious that made the matter sound as if it was of life and death.

Podd blushed so hard that for a moment Tyrion was genuinely worried the boy's face might explode. Nevertheless he laid the axe on the floor and helped Tyrion into his armor. It had been specially made for him, small on the legs, medium on the chest, huge on the head. He looked himself in the mirror, the smaller the target, the smaller the chances to hit it, he thought calming himself. By the time he was properly dressed Shae had already woken up and was putting her dress back on.

"It's time," Bronn yelled from the other side of the door as he knocked loudly.

"I know!" Tyrion yelled back.

"My lady, I must go" he turned to look at Shae "If I die I give you full permission to touch yourself to the memory of our many encounters" he said smiling.

Shae blushed. I made a whore blush? That's a first time… he thought.

"Don't do anything stupid, Tyrion," she said, her voice grave and her eyes serious.

She kissed him and then stood up and opened the door; Bronn was leaning on the wall with his arms folded, he turned to look at her and smiled, she smiled back. "Don't let anything happen to him," she warned.

"Yes, my lady" Bronn said and gave her a half grin. Sometimes Tyrion felt as if Bronn had feelings for Shae, but then he reminded himself that he was a sellsword and Shae was a whore, and that they didn't had feelings for anyone. Why do you torture yourself Tyrion? He thought.

"Take care of her, Podd" Said Tyrion.

"Yes, my lord" he said, smiling.

"Not in that way, boy" said Tyrion grinning in a way that made Podd blush even more than before.

"I've heard stories about you…" Shae said to Podd, with a voice so seductive that made Tyrion jealous.

"Hey! I'm not dead yet," he forced out a laugh but the idea of Shae being with another men was enough to make Tyrion go mad.

Fucking Shae had given him the confidence he needed before the war, but now, walking through the lines of his armed men he could hear murmurs and drowned laughs as he waddled with his strange armor and his axe and he wondered, yet again, why he was going to war for them. From the distance he spotted his nephew fastening a white silk cloak on the shoulders of two newly named members of the Kingsguard, Ser Balon Swann and Ser Osmund Kettleblack. An odd choice those two, Cersei must have picked them Tyrion suspected, though against all chances Ser Osmund had proved loyal to him by selling some of her sister's secrets.

Tyrion had one last man to see before setting off to war. He made his way through the men and the horses and into the house of the alchemist's guild.

"My lord, I knew you would come before war started, hmm, yes" said Hallyne

"I trust everything's ready…?" said Tyrion

"Yes, my lord, everything is ready. Actually, we are more than ready, we have not only satisfied my lord's request but we have surpassed it by eight hundred jars" the alchemist say, his voice filled with pride.

"Eight hundred jars?" exclaimed Tyrion "What am I to do with eight hundred more jars?"

"Well, my lord, if you are going to burn something, why not make a show out of it" he giggled.

Sick old man thought Tyrion but responded with a smile nonetheless.

"How it is, if I may ask, that the guild managed to make this additional jars, I thought you said you might not even reach half the number of jars I requested"

"Certain spells, my lord, hmm, they seem to be working better than they were"

"And why is that?" asked Tyrion, he was growing suspicious of the alchemist.

"The books say, my lord, the spells work better in the presence of dragons. You wouldn't happen to have seen or know of any dragons about, do you?"

"Now that you mention it, I have. Oh and also, the Others are marching towards us and the children of the forest are back" He said mockingly as he left the house. Gods save us all if that ever comes true.

"Everything ready?" asked Bronn who had stayed behind to guard the door.

"Yes, with any luck everything will go as planned and I won't end up burning half the city down" said Tyrion hopefully "Now, I need to find a certain dog, have you seen him or do I need to whistle?"

Bronn smirked and pointed at the two feet man standing on top of one of the walls that guarded the city. Next to him was the King and Lady Sansa?

Tyrion waddled his way to the top of the wall not without half drowned laughs and whispers from the soldiers nearby following him all the way up.

"Lady Sansa, how weird to find you here; I trust my sister, the Queen, has asked you to join her and the other women inside the shielded room" Tyrion asked, glancing at his nephew who seemed to be smiling. He has something planned.

"She has, my lord. But King Joffrey has asked me to come to witness the battle" she said, her voice was soft but her eyes were filled with anger.

Tyrion went mad. "You may be the King but you can't force Sansa to witness this, I won't let you," he said, his eyes never leaving Joffrey's and his hands turning into fists.

"I'll have you arrested!" Joffrey yelled, sounding like a spoiled child.

"And then who will win your pretty little war for you, nephew?" said Tyrion grinding his teeth, he could feel all the blood in his body rushing to his head.

"It's okay, my lord. If my love want's me here, I shall stay here" said Sansa, forcing out a smile.

Tyrion looked at her with eyes filled with pity and shame, you think he will die today don't you? You want to be here when that happens, you want to see how he dies, and I don't blame you. "As you wish, my lady" forcing out a smile as well and then he turned to Bronn.

"Bring the lady an armor, we can't have an arrow hitting her accidentally," he said glancing towards his nephew "and bring her a practice helmet as well" It would protect her head but it wouldn't cover her face "we can't have Stannis thinking she is a regular soldier if they get through to the castle.

"Follow me, My Lady" Said Bronn, giving her a warm smile.

Tyrion waited until they had left the wall and turned towards Joffrey "If she is killed because of your stupid games nothing will stop the northmen; not my father's army, not Stannis's army, not these walls and not even your precious hound. They will kill you and I will let them."

Joffrey said nothing but simply turned around and left.

"He will remember that, imp," said the Hound

"I hope he does. Now, I have a job for you, I was going to tell you to lead an attack from the right side of the bay in case Stannis's troops tried to go around but that was before my nephew's little stupid trick" He could see the Hound's face growing serious " I need you to protect Lady Sansa, she is not safe here"

"You want me to babysit? Tell someone else to do it, imp" said the Hound, his eyes had grown darker and his body had stiffened.

"Who should I tell, Sandor? Ser Ilyn Payne? Ser Meryn? They will rape her the second the war starts and maybe even kill her after. She trusts you, for some reason and don't act like it's a punishment, I know you care for her" The hound's body had stiffened and his hand was holding tight to the grip of his sword. "Just keep her safe and I'll give you all the coins, whores and wine you want"

The Hound would probably kill him if the war didn't but he knew the dog would die first than let something happen to Sansa, he had seen the way he looked at her. Besides this would be a battle fought with fire and he wasn't sure how the hound would react to that.

Now, he thought, let's go die in this fucking war.