Chapter 11-Decisions
Porcelain- By Moby
In my dreams I'm dying all the time
As I wake its kaleidoscopic mind
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to lie
So this is goodbye
This is goodbye
"Welcome to Volterra," the tallest, thickest cloaked figure in the trio said in a pleasant voice. He and his companions were all dark haired and pale, with Mediterranean features and irises that were a deep burgundy around the edges.
This should be interesting; this boy is too thirsty to be left unattended here, especially since the St. Marcus Day celebration starts in the morning. Surely he didn't come here to hunt! If he slips up and does something stupid, maybe I can let Jane have a little fun with him before we kill him; she'd like that, he thought to himself.
"I didn't come here to hunt, if that's what you're thinking," I said, answering his unspoken question without revealing my gift. My mind was oddly clear at the moment, more peaceful than it had been since I'd gotten the news that destroyed me utterly. My imminent death was an undeserved comfort to me.
"What brings you to our city, then young one," one of the shorter men asked, smiling slyly at me.
I think he means that. Felix wants to have a little fun tonight with this one, but I sense something strange about him; he is undoubtedly gifted and intelligent even for our kind, but there's something else….Hmm… he thought to himself.
I deduced that Felix was the large one who had spoken first, and this second man's name was Demetri.
"My name is Edward Cullen, and my father is an old friend of Aro's," I replied slowly. "I would like to see him if I may." Carlisle had told me that Aro was the Volturi leader with the greatest influence, so I thought it best to ask for him directly.
"Father?" the third hooded figure said curiously at my words. He had a very deep and resonant voice and was the slightest of the three, but he had powerful, long muscular legs. I could tell that he would be able to outrun even me with ease.
"Our masters do not accept visitors," Felix said stiffly before his other companion could say anything else.
I don't know who this insolent boy thinks he is, but the only person I want to introduce him to is Jane. He thought smugly.
I shuddered at the thought of Jane's talents. Carlisle had told me all about her and her twin brother, Alec.
"Are you referring to Carlisle Cullen," Demetri said with an expression of curious surprise.
If he is part of Carlisle's coven, then Aro will want to meet him. But, we'd better check first. Hmm…he thought.
"Yes," I replied politely, though I was growing a little tired of the preliminaries. "I am Carlisle's son. He rescued me from death nearly a century ago, and I have spent most of my existence with him. He has told me many wonderful stories about your master, and I would really like to meet him."
The pain in my hollow chest was threatening to overwhelm me again. I wished I had held on to my bag of mementos for a little longer, but I'd abandoned it outside the city walls. The items inside were the tangible and comforting connection to her that I craved, but I wouldn't need them for long anyway.
"Why are you here now, though?" the third figure, whose name I read in his mind was Santiago, asked me suspiciously. I had hoped to wait until I was face to face with Aro before explaining the reason for my visit, but I knew then I was going to have to be a little more specific before they'd take me to the castle.
"I actually have a small favor to ask, but I would prefer not to discuss it here," I replied calmly. Thinking again of my death made me feel a small sliver of undeserved peace. "Is there somewhere discreet that I could wait while you go and ask your master if he would be kind enough to see me?"
How dare he suggest that we do his bidding this way! Felix shouted mentally, shooting a dark look in my direction. He opened his mouth to say a few choice words to me before throwing me out of the city, but Demetri spoke first.
"Certainly," Demetri replied cordially. I inclined my head slightly in a gesture of gratitude as he continued. "If you will just follow us to the castle, you can wait with our assistant while we discuss your request with Aro."
Felix and Santiago eyed him with incredulous disbelief. Their thoughts were apprehensive. They were afraid of what Caius might do to them for asking to bring visitors into their quarters.
Santiago had been tortured by Jane on more than one occasion at Caius's request and he was loath to go through it again. The memory of his pain was severe, but then the smug afterthought he savored about his illicit secret relationship with Caius' mate distracted him.
"Demetri," Felix said sternly. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea. Perhaps it would be better for Santiago to wait here with..."
"Follow me, Mr. Cullen," Demetri said quietly, ignoring Felix's protests. Without a word, he turned toward the mouth of the alley and I followed. The other two fell in step behind me. Their thoughts were wary, but they both decided if Caius got upset, they would blame Demetri for any perceived lapses in judgment.
Demetri on the other hand, was still thinking there was something unusual about me, some talent that he couldn't quite understand. He knew Aro would be interested in learning more about me, and he would be pleased with Demetri if I turned out to be special. I should've been concerned about that, but I had nothing left in me to feel afraid. The only fear that I could feel was for continuing to exist past this day.
The reception area reminded me very much of a high rise corporate office waiting room. The walls were paneled in mahogany and covered with ornate artwork. Floral arrangements adorned the room and the deep green carpets were plush and soft underfoot. A petite female vampire with golden hair and ruby eyes sat behind the large mahogany counter in the middle of the room. She looked up and smiled at the four of us as we approached.
"Good evening," she said quietly, eyeing me with a curious expression.
I wonder if he's a new acquisition of Aro's. That would be odd; we don't usually see anyone down here except at mealtimes when Heidi comes in with the catch of the day. Too bad that human girl who works here during the day isn't here to see him come in. Gianna would love to get an eyeful of him. She wants someone to change her so badly. She thought.
I wasn't really surprised that the Volturi employed humans. It would be necessary for them to have some mortals to take care of daytime business, but I didn't expect that the humans would be aware of their secrets.
"Good evening, Sophia," Demetri replied pleasantly. "This young man is waiting to see if Aro has a few moments to speak to him," he gestured in my direction and the young Sophia nodded at me in greeting. "Santiago is going to wait here with him while we announce his arrival. We will return shortly." The girl named Sophia nodded politely and smiled.
Santiago took a seat on a plush pale leather sofa and gestured for me to do the same. I copied him without a word, and he soon began an uninteresting conversation with Sophia and I discerned that Caius's Athenodora wasn't the only female vampire in Volterra who enjoyed Santiago's company.
I tuned them out and started to ponder exactly how I would ask Aro to kill me. I wondered if his affection for Carlisle would impact his decision. I thought of ways to carry out my plans in the unlikely event that he denied my request. I knew from Carlisle's memories that Aro possessed a talent very similar to mine, so I hoped that when he saw the desperation in my mind he would take pity on me and grant my wish. If he refused me, my choices would be limited, and I hoped it wouldn't come to the point that I would have to do something drastic.
"Don't do this," Bella said softly in my mind.
My hollow insides burned and twisted at the sound of bleak desperation I heard in her imaginary voice.
I can't survive in a world without you, love, I thought you knew that. I said to myself.
I closed my eyes; they stung and ached as I longed for tears. She hadn't known, though, had she? My Bella had jumped off a cliff to her death believing that I didn't love her. The image of her pale, stricken face haunted my thoughts again as I pictured her on some steep precipice preparing to end her life, her brown eyes hollow and devoid of light. I could only imagine how horrible it was for Alice to have to see it firsthand. I hope she'd forgive me someday for all the pain I'd caused her. I'd taken Bella away from her too.
"Mr. Cullen," Demetri said from behind me, pulling me out of my reverie. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't even registered the mental sounds that indicated his return. Felix was standing beside him. "Aro is waiting to see you in his quarters, and his brothers will join you shortly as well."
"Thank you," I replied, feeling a little relieved as I stood. I didn't like Demetri; he was the worst kind of predator in our world, but he'd just delivered the news I'd been hoping for.
"You may return to your post, Santiago," Demetri said, interrupting his conversation with Sophia. Santiago nodded, bowed, and turned to go back outside.
I followed Felix and Demetri down a large and elaborate corridor that led to a beautiful, gilded door. I could tell it was made of real gold. Demetri tapped lightly on the shiny surface, and a papery voice invited us to enter.
Demetri opened the ornate door and the room behind it was unequivocally the largest, most opulent room I had ever been in. The large stained glass windows shot beams of rainbow moonlight all over the suite. The floors were made of polished mahogany, and the furniture was of the exact same grain. Large mahogany bookshelves in the corner were filled with priceless volumes and an ornate, round mahogany bed was raised on a platform above the rest of the suite. Burgundy velvet curtains hung around it. An elaborate sitting area with several large golden brown leather chairs and a burgundy velvet sofa dominated the primary space, and a table made of white marble inlaid with gold sat in front of it.
An ancient vampire with papery skin, milky eyes, and long jet hair dressed in a billowing black cloak sat on the sofa beside a frail looking female with chestnut hair that was tied into an intricate twist at the nape of her neck. I knew them from Carlisle's memories as Aro and his mate, Sulpicia. Another female vampire I recognized as Aro's body guard looked warily at me from behind the sofa.
"Welcome, Edward Cullen!" Aro cried, springing lithely from his place beside his mate on the sofa. Demetri and Felix stepped aside for his approach. He walked toward me with his arms spread wide in welcome. His bodyguard shadowed behind him, still looking at me with mistrust.
"This is such a splendid surprise! How often I have thought of my old friend Carlisle. I had heard about a half century ago that he created a small family for himself in the new world, but I have heard very little since then."
Demetri says the boy wants to make a request. Surely if it was on Carlisle's behalf he would have come himself. Demetri senses he is talented. I can't wait to hear his mind! It has been too long since I had a new vampire mind to entertain me. My food is hardly interesting enough to read for enjoyment. He thought.
"Thank you," I replied, trying to sound sincere. I couldn't feel anything but the horrible emptiness of my Bella's absence. Aro would know the severity of my grief soon enough, but I still wanted to try to sound composed and observe the pleasantries that meant so much to him.
"You look thirsty, young one," Aro observed, looking at the black irises of my eyes and the purple shadows beneath them. "Could I get you some refreshment? The banquet hall is just outside this door and down the corridor."
"No thank you, sir," I replied shortly, my jaw tightening at the idea of having human takeout brought to me by Demetri.
"Ah," Aro said with a smile. "I suppose you adhere to Carlisle's diet! Tell me, does your palate adapt to it after a time, or do you still crave human blood?"
I was eager to ask for my death. I couldn't handle the small talk anymore. My broken lungs were making it nearly impossible for me to breathe and every image of Bella's face that kept running through my head made me want to scream from the unbearable sorrow that permeated every part of me.
"Perhaps I could show you instead," I replied a second later, thinking of how much I had longed for Bella's blood. "Carlisle explained your talents to me, and I also have an unusual mental gift that allows me insight into the thoughts of others."
I knew that it would be unwise for me to conceal my abilities from Aro any longer. If I wanted to get my way, I needed to play by his rules.
Aro's milky eyes widened in shock and his face lit up with excitement. I could hear his gleeful thoughts as he anticipated learning about my talent. He was like a child in a toystore; he collected people like me the way some humans collected antiques. Without a moment's hesitation, he danced forward, and I imitated the gesture. His bodyguard let out an involuntary snarl.
"Peace Renata," Aro said gently as he extended his forearm. I took it at once.
I felt an odd pulling sensation, as though someone was trying to tug lightly at the roots of my hair and suddenly I was seeing every moment of my life through my eyes and Aro's too. It was the strangest thing I had experienced in my entire existence. And, the reminiscence was fitting, considering what I came here for. I was getting that whole "life flashing before your eyes" experience. A prelude to my death, I hoped.
First came the dim human memories of my old life; I saw myself at the age of three, sitting beside my mother at her piano; recalled the floral smell of her perfume as she cradled me in her arms; sitting on my father's knee a couple of years later as he read in his study; having dinner with my parents; playing hide and seek with the little boy next door; my teacher hitting me with a ruler in grammar school for speaking out of turn; my deathly ill mother standing over me as I burned with a fatal fever…
Then the sharper memories flowed between us, and I replayed every single moment of my immortal life with my family like a film being viewed at the speed of light. Carlisle's lips at my throat and the searing pain of my transformation; my first hunt with Carlisle; Esme's face as a newborn and her wedding to Carlisle; Rosalie's red eyes as she awoke; wrestling with Emmett; stalking a murderer in a dark New York City alley as he chased a woman through the dirty streets; Alice and Jasper joining the family; a plethora of Alice's accurate visions, including the ones about Bella.
My Bella.
I thought I would crumble to pieces as every moment I'd spent with her came flooding back to me: the day we met and the way her blood called to me; saving her from being crushed by the van; my inability to read her thoughts; watching her sleep as she called my name and the realization that I loved her completely; driving home from Port Angeles the night she confronted me about what I was; lying beside her in the meadow, my skin glittering in the sun; our first kiss; sucking the venom from her hand after James bit her; holding her while we danced at prom; my arms around her as she slept in her little bed; every summer day we'd spent together, talking, laughing and kissing; Jasper lunging at her as the scent of blood from her paper cut permeated the air; arguing with Alice about my decision to leave her; standing in the forest when I told her goodbye; every terrible pain of my separation from her; and finally, the news of her death, my journey here and my desire to die.
Aro's eyes were wide and staring as we broke apart. The others were looking at him with identical expressions of concern. Sulpicia started to rise from her seat to approach him, but he stopped her with a gentle wave of his hand.
"How extraordinary," Aro breathed a moment later. "I never would have believed being in such close contact with a human was possible. I don't think I have ever seen such restraint…such devotion! And I have never heard such morbid request from a vampire." He shook his head sadly at the thought of my wish to have the guard assist me with suicide.
"What do you mean?" Felix asked. His voice was respectful, but I could hear the irritation in his thoughts. He hated it when Aro didn't explain what he'd seen in someone's mind right away. Felix was a barbarian with little patience. His brute strength made him a huge asset to the guard. Otherwise Aro would not have tolerated his crude disposition.
"Patience, Felix," Aro replied pleasantly with a genial smile. "I shall explain more thoroughly when my brothers arrive. In the meantime, please have a seat young Edward."
He gestured toward one of the oversized leather armchairs across from the sofa, and I sat down obediently. He rejoined his mate on the sofa, folding his pale thin-skinned hands in his lap and watching the gilded door expectantly. Renata had resumed her position behind him. Felix and Demetri joined her this time, standing behind Aro and gazing at me curiously. I tuned out their thoughts and focused strictly on Aro.
The bond between the Cullens is extraordinary! No other coven that I'm aware of is as large besides us…And Edward has a remarkable talent! What I wouldn't give to be able to read minds without physical contact. And Alice… He mused silently.
I heard the indistinct unease he felt at the idea of the size of our family and the greedy longing in his mind as he thought of my sister.
Aro's thoughts should have been very disturbing to me, but I was still unable to feel anything but my loss. His flimy eyes met mine and his mental musings suddenly became more carefully controlled.
A knock on the door interrupted Aro's thoughts, and he stood. I did the same nearly a half second later, so only Sulpicia remained seated. She was completely disinterested in the entire exchange.
"Come in, my brothers," Aro called softly as the door opened an instant later. Two men with features similar to their brother entered the room gracefully, followed by two much smaller figures that could only be Jane and Alec.
"Ah, and I am pleased to see that you have brought Jane and Alec with you as well," Aro crooned, smiling at the beautifully sinister grey-cloaked twins that stood on either side of Marcus and Caius.
"Dear master," Jane cooed, walking forward to kiss Aro's cheek as Alec bowed before him. They both looked at him with nauseating love and devotion in their ruby tinged eyes.
"What is this all about?" Caius asked Aro, eyeing me with mild curiosity.
Could this be another one of his discoveries? We don't really need anyone new to join the guard, though I would love to be rid of Santiago, so maybe he could replace him. He's worthless and I cannot stand the way he looks at my mate. Caius thought.
"Please, take a seat and I will explain," Aro replied blandly. Marcus, looking apathetic, took the seat on Aro's left while Caius situated himself on his right. Jane and Alec continued to stand.
"As Demetri has informed you, we have a most intriguing and talented visitor," Aro said. "I know that you are acquainted with my family in a way through your father's memories, Edward, but allow me to introduce you to them. This is Edward Cullen, Carlisle's son."
"What do you mean when you say he is already familiar with us?" Caius asked, aware that his brother's words were more significant than they might seem to someone who didn't know him well.
"Edward has a similar talent to mine," Aro went on, his opaque eyes excited again. "He can read the thoughts of others. But while he cannot see as much detail as I can, he does not need physical contact to do it."
Demetri was paying more attention now as he thought of ways my mind reading talents might compliment his tracking skills. I gritted my teeth audibly; the only thing I wanted from Demetri was for him to kill me.
"I have just had an interesting look into his head and I regret to say that he has made a most grim request of us."
I hate the idea of granting it; he's so gifted and Carlisle loves him very much! But I must consider it…Marcus might agree to it if I don't get Chelsea in here to subdue him. Aro thought.
"Please explain further, Master," Jane said, her juvenile voice dripping with false enthusiasm. She resented Aro's interest in me; Jane hated for Aro to pay attention to anyone besides herself.
'I'll bet I can rid him of any desire he might have to join us when I get a chance to get into his head.' Jane mused sadistically.
"Young Edward has lost his mate and he came here to ask that we assist him in ending his life," Aro went on, his voice filled with exaggerated sadness.
"He had a human mate," Felix gasped, unable to restrain himself as the meaning of Aro's words about my relationship with a human a few minutes ago sunk in.
'How disgusting! I'd love to kill him myself for that! Humans are only good for mealtimes, unless you find one worth turning, and that's almost impossible.. Felix fumed mentally.
"Yes," Aro replied to confirm Felix's words, shaking his head in bewilderment.
I still can't fathom how he was able to resist her blood! So repulsed by the idea of changing her that he left her to die a horrible death! She would have died eventually anyway but how Shakesperian for her to jump off a cliff to end her grief at their separation. Aro said silently to himself.
I groaned in agony in response to his thoughts before I could compose myself. I was too far gone to care about the appalled looks and disgusted thoughts of all the others. They didn't know how special my Bella was. They didn't understand.
"Forgive me, Edward," Aro said in reply to my reaction. "I didn't mean to upset you further with my callous thoughts. I just don't understand how you could resist her blood when it appealed to you so strongly, and why you couldn't bring yourself to change her. I saw it in your mind, but I cannot relate."
"Will you help me?" I asked evenly, unable to control myself enough to tolerate more small talk.
Who cares?Marcus thought, his dead face indifferent;Let him die if that's what he wants.
"Let us consider it," Aro said in a businesslike tone. "If you would all excuse us while my brothers and I discuss the matter privately?"
"Edward, you may wait in the lobby with Demetri; Renata, please take my precious one to your quarters and look after her there, and Felix, if you could bring Chelsea to me that would be splendid."
I waited in the lobby for what seemed like an eternity, tuning out Demetri's baffled thoughts about my request. The human girl, Gianna, had replaced vampire Sophia at the receptionist desk, and she was watching me with interest. I ignored her as thoroughly as I did Demetri. How slowly time had seemed to pass since my world ended. How I hoped they would hurry up and kill me.
I knew that death was too good for me, too easy. Unless there was some sort of hell waiting for me in another dimension, but even then, I couldn't imagine anything more horrific than living in this world without Bella. There was no point to anything. Finally, just as the sun had started to rise, Jane came to take me back to Aro's suite.
"They are ready for you now, Edward," Jane said in her prepubescent soprano voice.
I'm ready too. I hope they let me play with you before they dispose of you, Jane thought sadistically. She smiled an evil angel smile at me, knowing I head what she was thinking. My face remained impassive. She could torture me from now until the end of time and it wouldn't be enough restitution for what I'd done to Bella.
I followed her back down the corridor and through the gilded door, where the three brothers, Felix and Chelsea waited in the parlor area.
"Please sit down, Edward," Aro said, gesturing toward one of the leather chairs again. His thoughts were careful, and I knew he didn't want me to see what they'd decided before he had a chance to say it out loud. I knew what it must mean.
"I'd rather stand if you don't mind, Aro," I replied, my hands balled into fists so tight that if I had been human the bones would have snapped.
Aro nodded indulgently, understanding my demeanor.
"We have considered your request, Edward, and upon careful consideration, we've decided to tell you no," Aro said with an apologetic sigh as Marcus and Caius looked on without interest. "You see, it would be a waste for us to destroy you, especially considering that you ask us to do this for the sake of a dead human..."
A growl ripped through my chest at his words.
Bastard!! I thought furiously. He'd seen Bella in my memories, knew how precious she was to me, and he still had the gall to suggest that she was just a human! I read his thoughts then and saw the selfish motivation behind his choice and I was even angrier.
"We believe you have potential, Edward," Caius said blandly, ignoring my reaction to Aro's words. "Therefore, we would like to offer you a place here with us."
"Not a chance in hell," I yelled, causing Jane to bare her teeth and advance toward me in defense of her masters.
Give me a reason! Please! Jane taunted me silently, her thoughts sadistic.
"Please consider our offer, Edward," Aro implored, ignoring the tone of my voice and motioning for Jane to calm down with a withered white hand.
"It could be a fresh start for you; a chance to rebuild your life! We would love to have a talent like yours to enhance our family."
Chelsea could keep him calm, I'm sure. He would heal eventually. She was just a human. Aro mused.
I'm sure that Carlisle would be grateful if you decided to stay here rather than end your life." Aro went on, trying to play on my sympathies for my father.
"My father is the most compassionate creature on this earth and he would understand my choice," I said coolly. I didn't add that I knew he would try to stop me if he could.
"Relax, Edward," Aro implored me again. I could see he was entertained by my response.
I hated him then, knowing that he'd seen every single moment of my life, the intensity of my pain and he'd never had any intention of helping me. All he cared about was getting what he wanted; another prize for his collection.
"If you won't help me," I growled furiously, "I will help myself."
"It is unfortunate that you feel that way, Edward," Aro said with mock sadness. But there was also an undercurrent of malice in his voice. A warning.
I can't believe he's willing to risk the trouble it will cause if this fool does something to expose us in the city just on the off chance his little psychic sister will come here looking for him. Using him as bait! Caius thought angrily. It's Saint Marcus' Day! Too dangerous!
I was disgusted as I listened to Caius's thoughts. I understood then what Aro really wanted; the chance to get his hands on Alice if he could manage to get her here to try to save me me. Alice would never fall for that, though. I was sure she already knew it was too late to stop me, and she would foresee Aro's plans for her. Plus, Jasper would never let her risk herself to come after me anyway since Bella was dead and there was nothing they could do to help me.
"If that is your final word, we have nothing more to discuss," Aro said evenly, dismissing me. I stormed out of the gilded door without another word.
I would force their hand on the very day their unsuspecting human subjects celebrated their freedom from fear of violence and monsters. I would make a mockery of their rules before Alice could even consider coming after me.
I shuddered at the idea that she might try in spite of my wishes.
I had to act before the day was over.