2 W's
The Watchtower
As the conversation swirled all around him, a rather confused Clark Kent slowly raised his hand.
"Excuse me, could we go back a second,' he asked. "I'm doing what with whom and more importantly, why?"
"Hey, that's three of the five W's Big Blue, I guess you really are a reporter after all,' Wally said.
"What did you think he was lying,' Zatanna asked.
"Well I've been developing this theory that he's actually two people just pretending to be one,' Wally explained. "It takes the whole secret identity thing and turns it on its head."
The room got quiet for a moment as everyone gave Wally a look that said 'are you insane'. Even Plastic Man, who had turned himself into a miniature zeppelin, stopped floating around the room for a moment. With a shake of her head, Diana turned from Wally to Clark.
"You are helping me win a bet against Bruce,' she explained. "He has challenged me and as an Amazon I'm am going to make him eat his words!"
"Okay, I can see you're really fired up about this, but why does it involve me moving to the suburbs?"
"The bet is that we can't live a month without using our powers,' Diana continued. "Bruce arrogantly believes that somehow having powers makes us less equipped to do certain jobs than non-metas can."
Clark turned to Bruce now.
"Seriously?'
"Yes,' Bruce replied. "You tend to use and rely on your superpowers too much. Those of us that don't have them had to develop other skills that make us better at working undercover."
"So the fact that I can sit a mile away and see and listen to everything being said and done is a hindrance? Do I have that right?"
"The bet is the Princess and you can't go a month without using your powers,' Bruce replied. He didn't even bother addressing what Clark had said.
"Why would we want to?"
"When was the last time you went even a day without using your powers, Clark?"
"Is this about your two worlds excuse, Bruce?"
"No."
"Yes!"
"I just was trying to explain to Diana that some assignments are better suited for members without powers,' Bruce offered. "She's the one taking it personally."
Clark could see Diana's temper rising. He could also tell from the way the two of them were staring at each other that something else was going on here. The last place Clark wanted to be was between Diana and Bruce at the moment.
"Okay, I can see you're both passionate about this, but I'm going to have to be counted out on this one,' Clark said. "I've got a job and other commitments to think about."
"Oh! Oh! If he doesn't want to do it, pick me, Diana!" Wally waved his hand in the air.
"No! Pick me, Princess!" Plastic Man zipped overhead, dipping the nose of his zeppelin.
"Thank you both for the offer, but I don't really think of you two that way,' Diana diplomatically said. "I think of you both more as friends."
"Well, that's a punch in the gut,' Wally groused. "That's like the worst thing you can say in the English language, Diana!'
"Actually it's not," Plastic Man said as he continued to circle. "Its not even in the top ten."
"Oh, come on, sure it is,' Wally replied. "What could be worse than that?"
"Well, number two is, 'I shit myself."
Everyone made faces in disgust.
"That's number two?' Dinah groaned.
"Yeah, number two! Get it?' Plastic Man laughed. "Number two, oh that's rich! Whoop-Whoop, hee-hee, ring-a-ding-ding-ding, ring-a-ding-ding-ding!"
As stupid as it was, Shayera, Wally and Zatanna had a hard time keeping a straight face. Dinah shook her head in disgust and dropped it into her hands.
"I know I'm going to regret this, but what's number one,' she asked.
"I shit myself again! Ring-a-ding-ding-DING!"
Plastic Man went into hysterics, making little farting noises as he circled overhead.
"Get Out!"
"Hey, but you asked,' he complained.
"GET OUT!"
Dinah was on her feet pointing at the door. One look at her told Plastic Man it was time to leave.
"Okay, I'm going, but you did ask!"
"GET… OUT!"
Still making little farting noises, Plastic Man disappeared through the door.
"I hate him!"
Dinah glanced around the table, her eyes landing on Wally and Zee. They were both trying hard not to laugh, but failing miserably.
"You two keep it up and you're going on my list too!"
"Easy, Dinah,' Ollie said, as he gently took her hand and ushered her back to her chair. She reluctantly sat back down, still grumbling about Plastic Man. It was quiet for a moment and then finally Bruce spoke up.
"Don't you have vacation time saved up, Clark? You're never sick so you must have a couple of weeks by now."
Clark had been caught up in the Plastic Man/Black Canary moment and it took a second to realize Bruce had said something.
"Ah, yes, um, yes, I have some time coming, Bruce, but I can't just take off like that. I've got responsibilities and commitments to think about."
"So you're out, Clark? I guess that's that, Princess. We'll just have to have a difference of opinion."
"I'm sorry, Diana, I can see this is important to you, but I'm afraid I can't help,' Clark offered.
Diana looked from Clark to Bruce and then back at Clark. She stood up and held out her hand towards Clark.
"May I speak to you in private, Kal?"
Clark shook his head as he turned towards her.
"I don't think that's going to change anything Diana. Maybe you should pick someone… hey!'
She suddenly jerked him out of his chair and onto his feet. The look in her eye told him they were going to talk whether he liked it or not.
"I guess talking wouldn't hurt,' he lamely said.
"Good, come with me."
Still holding his hand, Diana practically dragged Clark from the room. The others were quiet until after they left the room.
"So the bet's on,' Wally said. "I've got twenty that says Diana and Clark wins. Any takers?"
"Make it fifty and you got a bet,' Ollie replied.
'You're on, my friend!"
Gotham Heights
The six couples had just finished another successful ceremony and were feeling something of a rush as they exited the converted den. There was more blood on their robes than usual, but since Carl owned a laundry they weren't too worried.
"Okay, everybody, greet work in there," Cubby offered. "I think we really knocked one out of the park for Satan tonight! You all deserve a pat on the back!"
"There's a hamper for your robes," LuAnn added. "I hope everyone's hungry because we've got barbequed ribs and I know Betty made her famous potato salad. There's lots of food, so let's head upstairs and dig in!"
Everyone took off their robes and put them in the hamper before moving up to the living room. LuAnn was already hard at work, setting out the Chinet paper plates and tableware. Two lines formed on either side of the table.
"Everything looks so good,' Betty Winger commented.
"Who knew performing a Satanic ritual could give you such an appetite,' Jenny White offered.
"You really went to town on that goat down there, Dottie,' Carl said. "I could tell you were really in the zone."
Dottie blushed as she took a spoonful of the macaroni salad.
"I have to admit, I was ambivalent about this at first,' she said. "I mean I'm a good Christian. I go to services every Sunday, but this is so different and exciting!"
"I know," Marie Burns commented. "It's so theatrical, with the costumes and the incense. I feel like an actress when I raise my dagger down there."
"Exactly,' Dottie agreed. "I missed the whole Sixties hippie thing and the Me Decade of the 70's but I've seen films about those times. It always looked so wild and fun. This is like that."
"You know, we should get some of the Pot,' Marie said. "I've seen those shows too and they are always smoking the Pot."
"I've never done it, but I hear it heightens the experience,' Dottie offered.
"It does,' Nancy Sawyer remarked. Everyone looked at her in surprise. She blushed under the scrutiny. "It-It was in college, I tried it."
"Don't you mean you experimented with it,' Joe Winger joked.
"Let's do it,' Dottie excitedly said. "Let's do the Pot before the next ceremony! Can we?"
"I don't see why not,' Cubby replied. He continued heaping food on his plate, as the others talked eagerly.
"Where would we get it,' LuAnn asked. "Does anyone know someone in Gotham Heights that has it?"
"Nancy, since you've tried it, do you know anyone,' Bob asked.
"No, of course not," she said, blushing as everyone looked at her. "It was at a college party and someone else had it. I wouldn't even know where start looking for it."
"The High School is probably your best bet,' LuAnn offered.
"I don't think we want to get it here in Gotham Heights anyway,' Joe said. "We don't need any nosey Nellie's poking into what we're doing here."
"Good point, Joe, good point,' Cubby offered. "We want to keep this on the down low, as it were."
"The down low, my Cubby, you even know the lingo,' Marie said in admiration.
"I've seen some things, darling," Cubby said with a wink and a smile. "Just because LuAnn and I grew up in Smallville doesn't mean we're straight off the farm."
"So do you know someone we can get it from,' Carl asked.
"Ah, no."
"I might.' Phil Sawyer spoke up. "When we used to live in the city, there was a guy in our building that I think was dealing. He always looked high on something. I could go talk to him if he's still there."
"That sounds like a plan to me,' Cubby said. "Phil will get some of the Pot and we'll try it at the next ceremony!"
"Wonderful, I can't wait,' Dottie said. Everyone else nodded in agreement.
"Everyone, remember to save room, we've got cake,' LuAnn announced.
The Watchtower
Clark walked into the small empty room and leaned against the table. Diana waited until the door closed before turning to look at him.
"Kal."
"Diana, before you start let me say I'd like to help you, I really would, I just can't right now."
Diana took a step towards him. Clark could see the determination in her eyes.
"You're my friend, aren't you Kal,' she asked.
"Yes, of course, Diana, that still doesn't change anything."
"I've never asked you for anything, have I, Kal,' Diana said, taking another step closer. "I've never asked you for a favor in the two years we've known each other, have I?"
"Well no,' Clark reluctantly admitted. Diana took another step closer.
"We're doing this Kal,' she said firmly. "I want to win so you're doing this."
"I can't Diana."
"You are, Kal."
"Diana,' Clark said in exasperation.
"Kal." She took another step closer to him.
"Diana." Clark crossed his arms in front of him. There was a point involved and he was going to dig his heels in on it. She took another step closer.
"Kal."
"Diana."
She took another step closer and was now less than a foot away from him.
"Kal."
"Diana."
"Kal."
"Diana."
She stepped forward once more and they were almost touching. Diana looked up into his eyes and held his gaze.
"Kal."
"Diana."
"Kal."
The Watchtower
The others were still talking about the bet when the door opened and Diana and Clark came back in. Diana had a triumphant smile on her face. Clark was rubbing his forehead as he dropped back into his chair.
"Okay, so I'm in,' he immediately said.
"Shocker,' Wally joked. Clark gave him a withering glance and Wally mimed locking his lips and throwing away the key.
"The bet is on, Bruce,' Diana said.
"Fair enough,' he replied. "When would you two like to start?"
"As soon as possible."
"I'm going to need a little time to get things in order,' Clark said. " I guess I can take some vacation. If you gave me an interview Bruce, it would help me get the time off."
"I suppose I could do that.' Bruce reluctantly agreed.
"I can ask Kara and Steel to watch the city, but I'm going to have to be around so no one thinks I've disappeared. I can't just give up everything for a whole month."
"Since I'm sure I'm going to win, I'll make it that you two only have to go without your powers while in Gotham Heights, how's that,' Bruce asked.
"That seems fair,' Clark admitted.
"You're so sure, aren't you,' Diana scowled.
"Yes,' Bruce replied, a hint of a smile on his lips. Diana balled her hands up into fists, her anger just at the breaking point. Clark noticed this and quickly put his arm on hers.
"He's just trying to rile you up, Diana."
"He's succeeding."
"May-Maybe we should go over the rules of this,' Clark offered, hoping to change the subject. "I'm still not clear on any of it."
"It's simple, Clark,' Bruce said. "You and Diana spend one month in Gotham Heights without using your powers and you win. Oh, and it's a couples community so you're going to have to pretend to be husband and wife."
"Wh-What," Clark stammered.
"Husband and wife,' Wally repeated. "See this is where my theory kicks in. He usually has super hearing, yet just now he missed what Bruce said even though it was as clear as a bell. Two guys, I'm telling you."
"You're an idiot,' Zatanna replied. "Did you hear that?"
"They scoffed at Columbus too and then he found Ohio,' Wally retorted with a satisfied smile.
"That's so stupid I can't think of a word to describe how stupid it is,' Zee said.
"Genius always leaves people speechless."
"Moving on," Clark said with a shake of his head. "How exactly are we supposed to move into this place? I don't have the money to buy a house in the suburbs, never mind furnish one."
"I'll get the house,' Bruce replied. "I'll even set up a line of credit for Diana to furnish it."
"Why me,' she asked.
"The wife usually handles that,' Bruce smugly replied.
Diana started to stand, her fists clinched, but Clark grabbed her and Dinah spoke up.
"He's got a point Diana. You're the one with the taste so you should pick out what's in the house,' she offered.
"Gee, thanks, Dinah,' Clark replied.
"The first thing I'd get is a pool table,' Wally said.
"Case in point,' Zee added.
"If you're going to live there for a month, Diana, you want to be comfortable, don't you,' Dinah continued.
"I suppose,' Diana admitted. "All right, I will pick out the furnishings."
"I'll help if you want, Diana,' Zee offered. "I think it would be fun spending Bruce's money."
"I hadn't thought of it that way," Diana replied. "I will be happy to furnish our house. Make sure it's a large allowance, Bruce."
"With in reason, Princess,' Bruce said.
"I'm from a different world, remember, Bruce,' Diana replied with a smile. "I'm used to expensive things."
"I think with that we should adjoin this meeting,' Dinah said. "You three can work out the details on your own."
Everyone got up and was heading towards the exit when a thought occurred to Wally.
"Hey, Supes, just out of curiosity what are you going to tell Lois?"
Clark's eyes went wide and then he dropped his face into his hands.
"Oh God, I forgot about Lois,' he groaned. "She's going to kill me."
"Don't be so negative, Kal, I'm sure she'll understand,' Diana said, patting him on the shoulder. "I have every confidence we will win and this will all be over in no time. There's only one thing I'm not sure about."
Clark didn't even look up from the table.
"And what would that be, Diana?"
"What exactly are the suburbs?"
Clark just groaned and laid his head down on the table. He could hear Bruce softly chuckle as he walked out of the room.
The Watchtower Observation Lounge – Later
Batman stood looking out the window at the view of Earth. The door behind him slid open and Zatanna walked in. Bruce didn't turn, but felt her move next to him. They stood there in silence for a moment and then she bumped him with her shoulder. He gave her a look but didn't say anything. Another moment passed and she bumped him again.
"What,' he finally said.
"What are you doing, Bruce,' she asked.
"I was spending some quiet time alone, but then you came in,' he replied.
"Don't be cute, I'm meant about earlier."
"What about it?"
"What was the rant about metas and non-metas all about?"
"Just a spur of the moment thing,' he offered.
"Come on, Bruce, I've known you forever,' Zee replied. "You don't do anything spur of the moment. You always have a plan, a reason behind everything you do."
"I'm hurt you would say that Zee,' Bruce sarcastically said.
"Ha-ha, so what's really up?"
"Different worlds.'
"Care to explain that to those of us that don't speak Batman?"
"Everyone thinks that's just an excuse I use, but it's not, Zee,' Bruce began. "Diana has only been out here for two years, but she thinks she knows. Most of them think they know the world I live in, but they don't."
"Gotham's your world, we get that,' she replied.
"You've known me for years Zee, but I'm not even sure you do, really,' Bruce said. "Diana, Shayera, Jonn, Clark even you, are people of the air, above everything for the most part. I'm a being of the ground, down on the pavement, hip deep in the filth I'm trying to fight. Yes, my world is Gotham, but it's more than that. It's the alleyways, the abandon houses, the grit and grime of the waterfront, the sewers and the darkness are part of my world."
"Sounds lovely,' Zee joked.
"It's my reality, Zee. Diana wants a relationship, but she doesn't understand what that means,' Bruce softly said. "If we were to be together, that's the world she would have to look forward to. From the sky everything looks so clean and clear, it's only from the ground you see how cruel and vicious the world really is."
"So this is a test?"
"You can call it that, if you want,' he replied. "It's just a way of showing her how different we are. She's lives in palaces and embassies, sees me living in a mansion and working in a skyscraper, but that isn't really my world, Zee. Maybe this little bet will open her eyes to just how different our worlds really are."
"But the suburbs?"
"I'm not so cruel I'd throw her right into Gotham, Zee,' Bruce joked.
"What about Clark? Isn't he kind of the wild card in this?"
"I'll admit he makes it more difficult to predict what's going to happen,' Bruce said. "I know as much about him as anyone, but he's still a bit of an enigma to me.'
"But?"
"There one thing I know about Clark that will never change,' Bruce replied. "He always has to help, anyone, anywhere. That's what I'm counting on and why I'll win."
"What if you lose?"
"If I lose, which isn't going to happen, maybe Diana understands a little better what it means to be with me."
"Would that be so terrible? Being in a relationship with her," Zee asked.
"No, of course not. I'm not made of stone, Zee. I see whatever one else sees when they look at Diana,' Bruce said. "I just can't have a relationship with someone that doesn't have their eyes open before it starts."
"Like Selina or Talia, huh?"
"We are not talking about them."
"Okay, don't go all Dark Knight on me,' Zee replied. "So if I understand this, you win either way?"
"You can look at it that way."
"I hope you lose the bet Bruce, for your sake,' Zee offered.
"Who did you bet on?"
"You,' Zee reluctantly admitted. "I hate that I did, but I figured you had some plan up your cape.'
"I guess you do know me pretty well,' he said with smile. He bumped her with his shoulder. Zee smiled and leaned into him.
"I just hope you figured this one right, Bruce or you might lose either way."
"Look at it this way, if I win, maybe you'll get your shot with Superman sooner rather than later,' Bruce teased.
"Oh, shut up,' Zatanna groaned, trying to cover her blushing.