Visiting
"Whatever you do, don't call her Mom"
Themyscira
Queen Hippolyta slowly paced back and forth in her throne room. Her hands were behind her back as she tapped one against the other. The only other person in the room, General Phillipus stood patiently. Since hearing the news from Diana about her 'bet', the Queen had been unable to get passed one small detail, Diana living as wife and husband with Superman.
She might be two thousand years old and Queen of the Amazons, but she was also a mother, a very protective mother. Her natural instincts had always been to protect Diana, as she was too precious to the Queen. Even the thought that something might happen to her was intolerable to Hippolyta.
Diana had been an answer to a prayer, one she had repeated so many nights for all those years. A child of her own, one she could shower with all the love in her heart. She had almost given up hope, when the Gods finally chose to answer the prayer. A daughter, even now thinking back on the first time she held Diana in her arms brought a smile to Hippolyta.
Watching her grow into a beautiful, loving and caring young woman had been the best years of Hippolyta's life. In front of her people she had to maintain her detachment and honor her station and role in society, but in private she let no such distance come between them. All the love in her heart she gave to her daughter.
Daughters grow up.
Hippolyta certainly knew this and for the most part tried to encourage Diana. From what she remembered of the Man's World, women were always running into limits, boundaries and assigned roles. Women were supposed to know their place. Hippolyta had made sure nothing of the sort happened on Themyscira. All of her sisters were encouraged to pursue their full potential wherever it might lead them.
Diana's had led her off the island and out into the Man's World as their champion and Wonder Woman. Although she wasn't pleased with this development that took her daughter away from her, Hippolyta tried to be supportive. Perhaps the world outside had changed after all these years, she tried telling herself.
Men were another matter. It had only taken one trip to visit Diana in the Man's World for Hippolyta to see men for the most part were still too often ruled from below the belt rather than above the collar. Being a beautiful woman herself, Hippolyta recognized those looks in men's eyes. They were as old as time and from her experience spelled trouble for any woman. The fact that Hippolyta saw those looks directed at her daughter certainly didn't improve her view of men.
She had tried to instill in Diana the Amazons rightful suspicion of men. Every one of their sisters had suffered unspeakably at the hands of men and the Queen's greatest fear was the same happening to her daughter. Unfortunately, the young think they know better. Diana hadn't suffered those same abominations, so her natural loving nature led her to give men a chance when she went out into their world.
She joined teams with them, socialized with them, even allowed men to take her out on dates. Hippolyta had lashed out, forbidding Diana form associating with men, but it had done no good.
Diana was head strong and hardheaded. She rebelled against these demands, arguing that if she were to bring the Amazon way of peace to the Man's world, she couldn't be afraid to interact with men. 'Interact', the Queen scoffed, they had a different name for it in her day.
The more they argued the more Diana dug in her heels. Hera, where did her daughter get that stubborn streak from, Hippolyta wondered? She knew if she kept pushing, Diana would pull away from her. That was something she never wanted, an estrangement between them. In the end, the Queen knew she would not win the argument and had to give in.
Now this new situation had presented itself. Superman. She may be two thousand years old but she was still a woman. When she had first met him, she saw the same things every woman would see. He seemed unaware of his physical beauty and that was enticing in it's own way to Hippolyta. The fact that he was respectful, polite with a quiet charm weren't lost on her either. She knew immediately many women would desire him.
Hippolyta didn't want her daughter to be one of them. Alarm bells had gone off when she saw Diana and Superman together for the first time. It wasn't hard to see there was a natural attraction between them. He conjured up memoirs of the first time she'd seen Heracles. Yes, their temperaments were different, but Heracles had been charming and polite at first too.
Diana was still so new to the Man's World, Hippolyta mused. There were so many things she didn't understand. Her trusting nature would be used against her if she weren't careful. Hippolyta knew Diana believe she could handle any threat, but once long ago, Hippolyta had thought that way about herself. She had paid for that false belief. The scars had faded long ago, but the memories were still there.
Through this 'bet' Diana was naively putting herself in a compromising position. The Queen had tried to point this out but her daughter had dismissed it, saying, "Kal was like that."
Kal wasn't like that, the Queen irritably repeated in her head. Now it was 'Kal' instead of Superman. Hippolyta certainly didn't like that development at all. I wish she was still young enough I could just lock her in her room until she gets this idea out of her head, Hippolyta thought. Unhappily, the Queen sat back down on her throne and crossed her arms in dissatisfaction.
"Why does my daughter had to be so stubborn,' she said out loud.
"Perhaps it runs in the family," Phillipus offered. The Queen slowly turned her head and gave her old friend an angry look.
"Are you suggesting she inherited it from me, General,' Hippolyta asked. She pointedly emphasized General.
"Pardon, my Queen, I thought you were asking for suggestions,' Phillipus replied. She bowed subserviently. "I did not mean to overstep my place, your Majesty."
"Oh, stop with the 'my Queen' and 'your Majesty', Phillipus, we've known each other too long to use such titles in private."
"That is true, Hippolyta,' the General replied. "We also know each other well enough that I can see this news from the Princess is not to your liking."
"No, it's not,' Hippolyta admitted. "I'm just not sure what to do about it."
"You could forbid her,' Phillipus suggested. "You are still her Queen, as well as her mother."
"And what do you suppose my daughter would do if I did," Hippolyta asked.
"Knowing Diana, she would do it anyway,' Phillipus admitted.
"Exactly."
"So you're going to put the fear of the Gods into Superman?"
"It's an idea," Hippolyta replied. "I was thinking more of the fear of an angry Amazon Queen and Mother, actually."
"It might work, he does seem very deferential towards women,' Phillipus said.
"Yes, I've noticed that as well, but…"
"He reminds you of Heracles,' the General completed the Queen's thought.
"Yes and no," Hippolyta confessed. "He has the looks and power of a Demi-God, yet from all I've seen he doesn't act like one. I've listened to Diana's stories about him for any clues to his nature, but he is still something of a mystery."
"How so?"
"He grew up on a farm and masquerades as a average human most times. Diana says he is so good at it he blends into any crowd. I find myself wondering why he would do that? With his powers, why would he hide in plain sight? I have seen him interviewed and he never offers opinions on any of the issues of the day. He's always neutral, saying he's working for all humans not any one group."
"You would think with his powers he would be able to impose his will on the world,' Phillipus mused.
"Yes, but he doesn't,' Hippolyta replied. "Stranger still, in his disguise, he has courted several normal women, never using his powers to win them over. From what Diana tells me, he doesn't even tell them he's Superman."
"Never?' The General found this hard to believe. "That is most strange."
"It makes me wonder, if he is so good at putting on masks, how do we know Superman isn't just another mask?"
"And yet, to what end would he do it,' Phillipus asked. "I could see deceiving the world for a short while to further your goals, but he is already acclaimed everywhere."
"As I said, a mystery,' Hippolyta said.
"So will you still try to get your message across to him at the point of a sword?"
"I've been considering it,' Hippolyta replied. "I would imagine an implied threat would be better. Let him imagine what might await if he tries anything with Diana."
"Imagined threats are always more effective than real threats,' Phillipus agreed.
"That still leaves the matter of Diana. I could see she was so focused on winning this 'bet' she hadn't considered that the real danger might lie somewhere else."
"She is a true Amazon, Hippolyta,' Phillipus offered. "She will not back away from a challenge"
"Yes, I know." A mother's pride swelled within Hippolyta as she considered this.
"There was something else I noticed,' Phillipus said. "The one that made the challenge, this Batman, Diana's voice was very vehement when she spoke of him."
"You think she has feelings for him too,' Hippolyta asked. "It seems this situation grows worse by the moment."
"He is an attractive man from all reports,' Phillipus replied. "It would only be natural for her to be interested."
"That doesn't mean I have to like it."
"True but it also plays into what you were worried about with Diana. If she's attracted to this Batman, it would only make her more focused on winning the challenge."
"Perhaps what she really needs is something to bring home the nature of what she is getting into,' Hippolyta said. A small smile appeared on her lips as an idea began to form.
"You have thought of something, haven't you,' Phillipus asked.
"Yes, perhaps we are approaching this all wrong,' Hippolyta replied. "The more I protest and argue with Diana, the more she will stubbornly dig in her heels."
"Like mother, like daughter,' Phillipus absently said.
"Very amusing, General,' Hippolyta replied. "You might be right, I can be stubborn, but I am also a Queen and leader of the Amazons. I've learned in battle to be flexible with my tactics. If the head-on approach isn't working, you adapt."
"I take it you have a plan?"
"Yes, and I will need your help to pull it off."
"As always, I'm at your service, my Queen."
Gotham Heights
Sounds of the Sixties from the Time-Life Music Club played on the stereo. It had taken several false starts, the remains of quite a few ripped rolling papers attested to this, but finally the group figured out a way to smoke the Pot.
Jenny remembered that someone at the college party had used a pipe. At first this wasn't much help, but then Cubby remembered he had a corncob pipe from a Halloween costume somewhere. After much searching, they found it among some boxes in the attic.
After a lot of coughing and comments about how it burned their throats, they managed to choke down enough smoke for the Pot to take affect. They didn't notice it at first and began to wonder if the dealer had sold Carl the right stuff or just ripped him off. They were all silent for a few minutes, disappointed that it hadn't worked.
"I can see my nose. I never noticed it before."
It seemed like a strange thing for Dottie to say to the others, but they let it go. It wasn't until they noticed Ted had been staring at the reproduction of Grant Wood's American Gothic that hung on Cubby's wall for a long time that they realized something was amiss.
"I take it you like that there picture, Ted,' Cubby asked.
"They're staring into my soul," Ted whispered.
"I think he's high,' LuAnn said.
"That means we're all going to be high,' Jenny nervously said. "Oh, God, please, don't let me freak out and jump out of a window or something!"
"It's a ranch house, Jenny," Cubby replied. "The windows are like five feet off the ground."
"You know, Dottie is right," Phil said. "I can see my nose too."
"I never noticed how long my toes are,' Nancy commented. "They look more like fingers than toes. Can I borrow a knife and fork, Luann? I want to see if I can eat with my toe fingers?"
"Sure."
Everyone soon noticed they were high.
Gotham Heights - Across the street
The moving van backed into the driveway and three rather large, burly men climbed out. Standing at the front door waiting for them was Diana. When they saw her they stopped in their tracks, mouths open.
"You-You pretty,' one of the men involuntarily said.
"Um, thank you," Diana replied to the strange comment. "If you could just bring the things into the house I'd appreciate it."
"Um, ah, yeah, of course," the man managed to say. Inwardly he was kicking himself for being such a douchebag. You pretty, what the hell, he thought? He glanced at the two men with him and saw the beautiful woman standing at the door was having he same affect on them.
"Put your tongues back in your mouths, boys, don't embarrass me,' he said to them. Both men faces turned a deep shade of red with embarrassment.
"Is there a problem,' Diana asked.
"NO! No ma'am, we were just admiring … um, ah, the house, yes that it, the house,' the first man said.
"Spectacular,' one worker added.
"The most beautiful wo-house I've ever seen," the other said.
"Well, thank you,' Diana said with a smile. The three men grinned in return.
"So, the furniture?"
"Oh, right, right," said the first man. Pulling themselves away from the unbelievably beautiful woman, they opened the cargo door and started to unload the truck.
As they struggled to carry the large plastic wrapped items up the walk, Diana was a little frustrated. She could have easily carried all of it in herself in no time, but that would draw the notice of the neighbors. It would ruin the bet before it began. Reluctantly, she knew she would just have to supervise. Well, at least they seem friendly, she thought.
It was an agonizingly slow process for her. She repeatedly had to ask them to please be careful, as they didn't seem to be watching where they were going. Still they were very helpful, moving several of the heavier pieces again and again until they were just right in her mind. They brought in several of the smaller boxes and Diana dug right in.
Diana heard music from one of the houses across the street and guess they were having a party. Five in the evening seemed a little early to her, but she put it done as just the different customs of the suburbs. She slipped off her outer shirt and began placing some of the smaller items around the main room. Apparently the movers were religious, she thought, because on their next trip they each said something like 'Holy, God Almighty!'
The fact that she was just wearing a tee shirt and rather form fitting jeans hadn't occurred to her.
When they finally finished, Diana thanked them all and they gushed that it was a pleasure. They seemed to take a long time packing up and leaving, but eventually they pulled out of the driveway. She smiled and waved, which they all returned. The driver had to slam on the brakes, as he wasn't paying attention the road and nearly plowed into a tree.
Gotham Heights – Across the Street
Sly & the Family Stone's 'Everyday People' blared from the stereo. Phil was playing air guitar while Bob joined him on air drums. Betty and Dottie were arm in arm singing along with the song. Unfortunately, they didn't know the words, but it didn't stop them. Cubby and LuAnn were horizontal on the couch making out in their own little world. Nancy was trying to hold a knife and fork with her toes and cut a Lil' Debbie snack cake in half. Carl and Marie sat next to her urging her on.
Jenny sat by herself, glancing all around her. In her head, a million thoughts seemed to be running at once.
I think I'm stoned, but why is that speaker pulsing like that? What was the name of the middle girl on Full House? I'd love a snowcone right now. I'll bet a could jump over that chair pretty easily. I wonder where my old boyfriend from high school, Lance is right now. He had that cool Camero we use to make out in. I'd love to have that car, I'd name it Moonbeam. I hate my hair. I wish it was bleached blond. I could change my name to China or something cool and start wearing all sort of hats. China, nice Camera, people would say to me. Is Lindsay Lohan still in jail?
Ted was also sitting silently just staring off into space. He was getting a little paranoid.
I haven't said anything in forever! Everyone must have noticed by now. They must think I'm crazy or something! Am I crazy? How would I know? Would I even realize if I was crazy? Crazy people probably think they are normal as anyone else? So if I think I'm going crazy doesn't that mean that I'm not? Is everyone staring at me? Oh, God, I still haven't said anything!
As the song ended and another began, Phil and Bob happened to glance out the front window. The moving van was just pulling away from the big house across the street. They had been so into their 'air' playing they hadn't even noticed it before. They watched as it nearly ran into a tree and then their eyes drifted back to the house. They saw Diana for the first time.
"Pretty.' The word came tumbling out of Phil's mouth before he knew it.
"She pretty,' Bob added.
Gotham - Later
Bruce sat at his computer in the Batcave going over his files. He was updating some, reviewing others, while looking for connections he hadn't seen before. His cowl was down, but he was still in Batman mode after returning from his patrol. He sensed her before he actually heard her.
"Hello, Diana, what brings you here,' he asked, not looking away from the computer.
"Our bet,' she replied.
"Oh, right, I got the bill for your little shopping trip,' he said, finally turning toward her. "You have expense tastes, Princess."
"Different worlds, remember, Bruce," she fired back at him with a smile.
"Oh, I remember."
"I just wanted to let you know that the bet will start in another day or so."
"There's still time to call it off, Diana,' Bruce offered. "You can just admit you were wrong and no one will know except you and me."
"Not going to happen, Bruce,' she stated firmly. "I look forward to watching you have to take that uniform off. Two weeks, it must seem like an eternity to you, doesn't it? How will the city survive if Batman isn't always there?"
'Nice, Princess,' he replied, giving her a mocking smile. "If you're so certain you'll win, should we up the bet? Say you take my shifts for four months? Oh, and how about you admit publicly on the station that I won?"
She held his gaze, anger building up within her, but she stayed calm. Diana let a smile cross her lips as she looked at him.
"And if I win? A month of not wearing that uniform," she offered. He flinched just a little at the thought, but she saw it and her smile grew.
"All right, but I'm not going to lose, Princess,' he finally replied.
"We'll see.'
"If you're so confident, why not start the bet tomorrow,' he asked.
"I would, but my mother has asked to speak with Kal first,' she informed him.
"Your mother? She wants to speak with Clark,' he said, the surprised plain in his voice.
"Yes, she wants to talk with him."
"Poor bastard,' Bruce muttered. "I think I'm going to owe Clark more than just an interview."
Themysciran Embassy – The Next Day
Clark had been circling overhead for the last five minutes. He knew Diana was waiting down there for him, but the truth was he didn't want to land. He'd been thinking about this 'talk' with Queen Hippolyta all night and was dreading it. He'd met her before and while she seemed like a lovely, reasonable woman, somehow he didn't think that would be the case today.
As Kara had so eloquently put it, "he was shacking up with her daughter." Even if it wasn't like that and only because of this stupid bet, he was having a hard time imagining the Queen taking it well. Visions of magical swords and axes aimed strategically at one part of his anatomy had been running through his head all night.
Diana was his friend and he wanted to help her but that had its limits. While it was true he probably could never have a family with a normal human woman, he certainly wanted to try. The idea of fighting off a whole nation of bloodthirsty Amazons enraged by the thought he was going to defile their Princess certainly put those plans in doubt.
Maybe he could just call Diana and beg off visiting her mother today. There must be a crisis somewhere in the world he could use as an excuse? If that didn't work, he could always say Kara was sick and he didn't want to leave her alone. As long as he stayed out of range of Diana's lasso he could probably pull it off and she wouldn't know he was lying.
"Are you just going to circle around up here all day, Kal?"
He had been so preoccupied with trying to come up with an excuse he hadn't heard her approach. Damn it, he thought, I was sure I was high enough so she couldn't see me.
"Kal?"
He turned to face her. She was just hovering in front of him wearing her Wonder woman costume. She was smiling at him.
"Hey, Diana,' he said. "I was just wondering any chance we could postpone this?"
She didn't answer, but the smile vanished from her lips.
"Yeah, that's what I thought,' he said. "Okay, let's get this over with."
The smile returned to her face and they headed down to the Embassy. She gave her staff last minute instructions as he stood looking at the portal in dread. She came up behind him and put her hand on his shoulder.
"Don't be so nervous, Kal, everything's going to be fine."
"You are always so optimistic,' he replied half-heartedly. "Lead the way.'
The two of them stepped through the portal and they appeared in the central hall on Themyscira.
"Wonderful, you are right on time,' Mala said as she greeted them. Diana and Clark stood looking around them in confusion. The entire hall was decorated with flowers. Silk ribbons and bunting gently rippled in the warm breeze. It seemed all the Amazons were waiting for them to arrive. There was center aisle and at the top of it, standing in front of her throne was Hippolyta. She wore all the vestments of her position as Queen. An honor guard lined the outer walls of the hall. Everyone was looking at Diana and Clark.
"Mother? What is going on," Diana asked.
"A wedding, Diana,' Hippolyta replied with a smile.
"A wedding? Whose,' Diana asked in confusion.
"Why the two of you, of course."
"What?" Diana gasped.
"Wh-What,' Clark stammered.
"I knew I couldn't talk you out of this 'bet' you are involved in, so I reluctantly find I must agree to it,' Hippolyta explained. "While you say you are just pretending to be wife and husband, you will still be living and acting as a married couple. As an Amazon, Diana, you know we are against lying, which this would be. Also, as Queen and your mother, I can't allow you to live together without being wed at least for the time you share in this 'bet.' Since I can't talk you out of it, the only alternative is for you and Superman, or Kal-El, as he is properly know, to be married according to Amazon law for the duration of this 'bet' Diana."
"Mother! You can't be serious,' Diana gasped.
"But I am,' Hippolyta calmly replied. "You wouldn't listen to me and call this 'bet' off so I'm forced in my role as Queen to make sure your marriage is legal, Princess Diana."
The emphasis she placed on the word 'Princess' wasn't lost on Diana. She knew her mother was against this, but hadn't expected her to be this devious and clever. By invoking Diana's title, Hippolyta had made it a Queen versus subject matter rather than a mother versus daughter argument. If Diana refused, she would be going against her Queen in front of all her sisters. Anger rose up within Diana as she realized her mother had cleverly outmaneuvered her. She had left Diana with two choices, give up the bet or marry Kal.
Hippolyta stood looking at her daughter, a serene smile on her face. She hadn't been Queen of the Amazons all this time without having mastered the art of court politics. Whichever way Diana decided, Hippolyta would get what she wanted.
"Of course, the marriage will only be binding while you two are living together,' she added. "It would be like an engagement in your world Superman, just an engagement."
It all seemed surreal to Clark. He'd prepared for a threat, and while there was one in that last message about it only being an engagement or in other words, no consummation, he was total unprepared for this. He slowly ran his hand through his hair as he looked around. What the hell have I gotten myself into repeated over and over in his mind?
"What say you, Princess Diana of Themyscira,' Hippolyta calmly asked.
Diana glared at her mother, knowing she had been put on the spot. While it was true, Diana had the wisdom of Athena among her gifts from the Gods, this wasn't about wisdom, but a test of wills between mother and daughter. Like mothers and daughters everywhere throughout time, rash decisions are made in the heat of the moment.
"Fine!" Diana practically growled. "I, Princess Diana of Themyscira say yes, my Queen! Let the wedding begin!"
"Wh-Wh-What the hell?"
It was Clark's voice that spoke up. There was a look of complete confusion and perhaps a little panic on his face. As he glanced from Diana to Hippolyta, he was slowly backpedaling. The point of one of the honor guard's spears suddenly stopped him.
"Can we talk about this?"