Disclaimer: I don't own Death Sentence. Featured song: Lie to Me, Bon Jovi
it feels like there's a stranger standing in these shoes
but I know I can't lose me, 'cause then I'd be losing you
His eyes snapped open at 6am sharp, even though Bodie had told him the night before that they had to wake up at around 7. But Billy's body was already used to waking up at 6 and finding a bunk bed above him, and that morning was a welcome change of events. It did take him a while to fully realize where he was, and even longer to comprehend that he woke up free.
Free.
There wasn't a day when Billy didn't think of what he was going to do on his first day after being released. Sleep until noon, jump on the Mustang and drive off. Just drive, for hours, until he felt like stopping for lunch. Then go home to find Lisa, and James, and Emma. Watch her run around with dinner. Put the kids in bed, and then...
Only he wasn't going to do any of that. Actually, that day was very different from everything he had imagined. Billy woke up early, alone, he was willing to go to work – a regular 9 to 5 work. Maybe willing wasn't the right word, he needed to go to work. He needed to get his life together, or he would lose her for good. That thought alone stirred him up enough to get him out of bed. He reached out for his cigarettes and headed to the window.
Lisa sat on her bed, and was pulling her hair up in a sloppy ponytail when she smelled a faint scent of smoke coming through her window, and since Bodie didn't smoke, she knew exactly who it was. Without giving it much more thought, she stuck her head out the window and looked down to her right.
"Billy?"
He frowned and cocked his head, wondering if he was imagining things, hearing things. Did jail mess him up that bad?
"Billy, it's me. Look up", she said, rolling her eyes.
He turned his head to find her, messed up hair, dark circles under her eyes. One more sleepless night, even though he was already out. Lisa wondered if she would be able to get a decent night of rest ever again. Still, with all that going on, she was the only thing he wanted to see early that morning.
"You can come up for breakfast if you want. Not sure if Bodie even has breakfast."
Billy let his head hang down with a smirk he didn't even try to conceal. Years ago, such an invitation would come with a mischievous grin. But now, breakfast was breakfast, and you know what? He'd love to.
"I'll be right up."
He put an effort to it. Well, as much effort as he could put having close to no clothes left. He took a shower, shaved, brushed his teeth, silently thanking for the little joys, such as being able to use a decent razor again. A decent soap. A shower that was hot enough. Then he slipped on a clean white t-shirt, jeans and boots. Lisa liked that look, or at least she used to. Billy wasn't sure of anything anymore.
He flew up the stairs, the smell of freshly brewed coffee guiding him over and bringing memories he had to bury in order not to go crazy while locked up. It was time for new memories.
The door was ajar, so he walked in; he had been invited after all. Seeing that there was no one in the living room, Billy went to the kitchen to find Lisa flipping pancakes. It took him all his might not to sneak up on her and hold her, bury his head in her shoulder and tell her that he missed her so fucking much. The scene played in his head while he stood by the doorway.
"Billy?"
He blinked and realized he'd been staring at her.
"Sorry, it's just that... pancakes. Haven't had them in years."
Lisa couldn't help but smile a little, knowing that it wasn't about the pancakes. It was more than enough to make him smile big.
"I know."
She poured coffee in a large mug and handed it to him. It tasted just as good as it smelled. Billy wondered if that was because he had spent too much time drinking shitty coffee, but he chose to believe that it was really that delicious.
Emma stirred in her playpen and started to whine, as to remind them that she was there. Lisa was about to turn back to her when Billy placed the mug on the corner of the sink, stretching out his arm and touching Lisa's shoulder.
"Let me."
She leaned back and crossed her arms to watch that improbable scene. It was good to have him around, but it wasn't good that she was enjoying it that much. Billy bent over, as tall and strong as he still was, and picked Emma up. Lisa thought he'd be all clumsy since he had zero experience with babies, but she was wrong. He held her close, with ease, as if he'd been doing that for years.
"Hey. It's all right, baby girl. It's all right."
Their eyes were the exact same shade of blue. Lisa stared at them for another second as their daughter looked at Billy intently, as if trying to recognize her father. He ran his fingers over her thin blond hair and Lisa turned back to the stove. No sleepless night, no endless crying could have prepared her to see them reunited. That, right there, was what they could have had, if he hadn't fucked it all up.
A small, cracking voice broke that frail harmony.
"Why he's here?"
Same question, four years later. James was standing in the living room, not daring to go into the kitchen, like he didn't belong in that fleeting moment of happiness. Billy turned to him, looking for the sweet, slightly scared little boy he once knew; he saw anger and resentment instead. Meanwhile, Lisa struggled to find the words.
"He's uh... he came here to..."
"I just came to get the keys to the Mustang", Billy stated to save her from being embarrassed in front of her own son, which wasn't fair. So much for pancakes. He placed Emma back in her playpen, to which she protested a little. Lisa couldn't take her eyes off of James, so young and so scarred. Like she was. Like Billy was. What a shitty vicious circle.
"I... I am gonna get the keys."
With that, she left Billy and James staring at each other. Lots to be said, nothing being said. But they had to start somewhere, Billy thought.
"So, how's everything? How's school?"
It wasn't small talk. Billy really wanted to know how he was doing, even though the answer was pretty apparent in the kid's blank stare. James didn't say a word, and his silence sounded like a scream to Billy. He limited himself to turn around and go back to his room, at the same time that Lisa came back and placed the key in Billy's hand.
"Here. Not sure where you're going with it, though."
Billy held her hand in his, not willing to let her go that easily. She looked down, in an attempt to shake off the feeling. That feeling that made her want to drop everything and kiss him good morning. And she knew that one look would be enough for her to give in.
"I'm not going anywhere, at least not yet. I... I've got a lot of things to fix", he said, knowing that she understood what he meant. Not just the car. Their lives.
He let go of her hand.
"I'll see you later."
His palms were sweaty. Not a good moment to be nervous, right before meeting your new boss for the very first time. Billy ran his hands over his jeans to dry them off and cracked his neck. A couple of seconds later, he heard steps coming closer and stood up, pushing back his chair.
"Darley, right?"
"Yes. Good to meet you, Mr. Sullivan."
"Please", the sturdy man plopped down on his chair, making Billy think that it was way too early in the day to be sweating that much. "Just call me Rick."
"All right... Rick. Listen, uh, thanks for agreeing to see me. I don't really have much experience but... I really think I can do this."
"No problem, you just have to learn fast because we have no time to waste over here. That being said, we need big guys like you."
Billy let out a nervous chuckle. It turned out that yes, he was very anxious when it came to the only thing that could put him back on the right track.
"I will learn fast, don't worry about it. I just... I need this job."
His new boss took a good look at him, cocking his head to the side, running a hand over his graying beard.
"Yeah, Bodie told me. Trafficking, right?"
"It wasn't...", Billy trailed off. It would be useless to explain it to him, as it was useless to explain it to the judge. Either way, that wasn't exactly how it happened.
xXxxXxxXxxXxxXx
Lisa was in a bad mood even before she could find her phone on the nightstand. Being close to 6 months pregnant, sleeping wasn't an easy task and everyone who interrupted her deserved the most horrible form of punishment. Alma's name was blinking in bright letters on the screen. Well, that was one person who didn't deserve any kind of punishment. Lisa opened her mouth to answer, but didn't have time to do it.
"Lisa? Lisa, it's Alma. Sorry to wake you up, but you have to go... I'll be up there in 5."
"What the...?"
Alma hung up on her, and she sat up straight in bed, staring at the phone. Lisa couldn't be dreaming. It was 3:38 in the morning and it started to sink in that if she needed to go somewhere at that time, it was either to the hospital, the jail or the morgue. That was the order of the places she didn't want to go to. Those scrambled thoughts landed with a thud in her stomach, making her jump off her bed to get rid of everything she hadn't eaten. When Alma arrived, Lisa was already putting on the first pair of jeans and sweater she saw and brushing her teeth at the same time. Alma was pacing around in the living room when Lisa came out to see her.
"Where am I going?", Lisa asked, trying to keep herself calm enough not to feel sick again.
"10th precinct. Bodie will be there later on with a lawyer", Alma replied, staring at Lisa, waiting for her reaction. A precinct. Bodie wasn't there. Lisa was unable to put the pieces together and it showed on her face. There was no way around it.
"Billy and Joe were arrested."
"What?"
It could only be a bad dream. Lisa had seen Billy at the body shop earlier that day. He had told her they were going out to celebrate Ewan's birthday. They were celebrating, not being arrested. Alma kept looking at her friend, waiting for it to sink in. It didn't.
"No. No. They were out to celebrate," Lisa raised her voice and Alma widened her eyes, reminding Lisa that James was still asleep. "They were... why?"
"They got busted with a whole lot of cocaine in a house by the bridge, like an hour ago," she stated calmly, knowing that Lisa needed time to comprehend what was going on. "Bodie was sleeping when Billy called him. He's trying to find a lawyer and will meet you there as soon as he can."
The full weight of the situation took the ground from beneath Lisa and Alma had to step forward to hold her arm before she lost her balance.
"I will... I have to...", Lisa stuttered, blinking several times as to gain clarity, and it worked. She steadied herself and her unborn child, grabbed a coat, her handbag and stormed out. She would deal with the speeding tickets later. In a matter of minutes, she was facing one of the cops in the precinct. Bodie was still nowhere to be seen.
"I'm here to see my... husband. William James Darley."
The tired cop gave her a sideways look and apparently he didn't need to check anything; he stood up and Lisa followed him through a couple of whitewashed hallways, clinging to her bag, scared and numb and completely surrendered to that chain of events. Through a small window she took a glance at Billy; a second later, the door was open and Lisa hesitated. It was the only time she saw him look defeated. He hung his head low and clasped his hands together on the table, as if he had already been cuffed. She heard the door closing heavily behind her and took a seat in front on him. For a moment, they stared at each other without reservations. Lisa looked at him in disbelief, disappointment, and a hint of despair that was starting to find its way into her heart; his expression was a bit more enigmatic. Lisa wished she could see regret in his eyes... she didn't. Either he didn't care about being caught, or he was very good at disguising it.
The rosy cheeks and confident look Billy had seen just hours before had been replaced by pale skin and deep, dark circles under her opaque eyes. All the hope he found in her was gone, and realizing that made Billy shift, uneasy, in his chair. He was the one to give her the greatest of joys in form of a child; and he was also the one to take all that happiness away in a night. Just like that. Everything – every dream, every possibility was lost for them because he was unable to say no.
Her words came out tired.
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I didn't want to wake you up. Plus, you didn't need to come. Bodie will get us a lawyer and we'll be out in a couple of hours."
Her eyes burned hot with tears.
"You know that's not true. Alma told me what happened."
"She doesn't know shit", he said, glancing over her shoulder to the glass panel, where the police officer was probably hearing everything they said. Lisa took a deep breath and tried not to panic. At least not right then.
"Where's Joe?"
"I don't know. They're probably holding him in another room, trying to fish for a confession. Not gonna happen."
"I'm... I'm gonna see if I can find him", Lisa said, standing up. She changed her mind on her way out and turned around before she reached the door.
"Can you at least tell me why? We were making a decent amount of money, I am pregnant with your baby, so please, just tell me why. I think I deserve to know this much."
He raised his eyes to meet hers and a long moment of silence dropped in between them, as Lisa realized one last thing: that she would raise another child on her own; that Billy would go to jail and she would go back to their place and sleep alone again. All alone. Again. And he never even answered her question.