DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters in this story-they belong to the creators and writers of PLL. I only take credit for the story lines I create and write and spend large amounts of time on. So, basically, I'm harmless lol
Aria's eyes began to tear up at the sight in front of her as she was flooded by an overwhelming rush of both anxiety and excitement. At this moment, looking at the small, white stick that read positive, it seemed surreal to her: she held the answer to her suspicions. What she had in her hands was the next chapter of her life.
Pregnant.
A baby.
A baby.
It still wasn't seeming to sink in completely.
Her and Ezra...a baby.
The sight of the positive sign made her heart flutter as she realized what this meant for them. Everything would change: the spare bedroom would become a place for a life she held inside of her, a sort of sanctuary that would hold the possessions of their life. She could see the room: a lavender shade on the walls with accents of a pastel turquoise throughout the room, butterfly decor placed strategically around the room, and clean, pristine white furniture for a small girl. For a little boy, she envisioned wooden furniture, the primary color of the room being navy blue, and boy-like things she would leave up to Ezra to decide. Perhaps he would choose cars, animals, superheroes, or dinosaurs to be added to the room to make it all-boy. She saw toys sprawled across the floor, pictures spread throughout the room to capture the special moments of a young life beginning, and block letters spelling out the baby's name across the wall.
She felt overwhelmed by the revelation that she was expecting. It was a seemingly magical moment, one that Aria had dreamed would come at the right time. But to be pregnant now was not a part of the plans—it was always why they'd been so careful—and she wasn't so sure that this point in time was right to bring a child into the world. It was a different kind of responsibility: full-time, requiring several sacrifices, as well as endless amounts of love, support, and patience. There was no committing to parenthood halfway; it is all-or-nothing and would require for Aria to reevaluate everything she'd always seen for herself and she prayed that Ezra would see it through that he would take on the role of fatherhood, regardless of it being unplanned and requiring huge changes to be made to not only their individual lifestyles, but the one they had together.
She found herself uneasy, shifting between conflicting emotions: happiness and excitement one minute, realizing what was to come, but as it dawned on her, her nervousness caused her to become tense and weary. Her excitement had seemed to grow into a panic as she realized that maybe the promise parenthood held and the enthusiasm and anticipation she felt from finding out that she was expecting wouldn't be mutual.
She was ripped from her thoughts as she heard the door open, signaling that Ezra had arrived back from his teaching job at Hollis. She heard him enter the apartment, his feet shuffling across the wood floors as he made his way in, placing his things down and heading into the kitchen, where she heard the cupboard doors open and movement from inside them as he searched for a coffee cup to fill with the caffeinated, warm drink she knew he needed after a long day with papers to grade later that night.
As he began brewing his coffee, he made his way to the couch and turned on the television, making himself comfortable as he positioned himself onto the couch and practically melted into it, surrounded by the soft, worn leather.
He didn't know she was home and he wasn't expecting her to be in the bathroom, making a revelation that would change the course of their lives.
Aria glanced up, finally looking away from the pregnancy test that had managed to hold her attention for quite some time without her even realizing it. It just seemed so unreal that all she could do was look at it, questioning if it was true and over-examining what it meant.
She wanted to stay silent, invisible, hidden until she could muster up the courage to tell Ezra that she was pregnant. She didn't want him to know she was there until she was ready to tell him the news, but as she waited for the strength to come to her to reveal the important news, she began second-guessing her idea that he would be happy to find that they were going to be having a child.
She stared at her belly in the mirror, looking at it intently and studying to see if she was showing at all. Nothing.
She sighed and tilted her head slightly to the left, picturing herself with a big, pregnant and bellowing belly. She was so petite that it was hard to picture herself with a belly resembling a basketball. She thought of the clothes she'd no longer be able to wear, the clothing in her closet that'd she'd never be able to fit into the same way. But after finding out she was pregnant, things already didn't feel the same because motherhood had begun.
She could imagine sitting on the couch and using her belly as a sort of tray, like she'd watched her mom do with Mike when she was just a small girl. As a child, she'd always thought that that would be the best part of having a baby, but she could vividly imagine her own child, the perfect combination resembling bits and pieces of Aria and Ezra. She thought about the traits the baby would have-intelligent, full of strength and poise, determined, and courageous (all traits that she saw Ezra possess). She pictured an overly rambunctious child, much like herself in the way they would see and take on the world, fearful of being average and not taking chances.
Realizing she couldn't ignore the situation at hand and that Ezra sat out in the living room, deserving to know the news, she pushed herself to make the move and turn the knob of the bathroom door, opening it and peeking out. She saw Ezra turn his head sideways to his left, unexpectedly seeing her at the doorway of the restroom, hiding behind the door that she seemed to think would protect her from having to reveal the truth to him.
A wide smile appeared on his face, quickly able to calm her nerves and give her the courage to step out of the bathroom that shared her secret news.
She walked shakily over to Ezra, who rose from his position on the couch to greet her lips. He kissed her softly and even though it was a short-lived taste of intimacy, it held its grip on Aria long after his lips left hers.
She stood there, looking down and trying to find the words that wouldn't seem to form.
Ezra sensed uneasiness and a certain kind of lingering tension in her facial expressions. Lines on her face were emphasized and there was no real emotion showing, instead only a straight face that wouldn't make eye contact.
She played with her fingers mindlessly, trying to figure out how to go about starting a conversation that would end with, "I'm pregnant."
For a second, he just watched her, waiting for her to say what was obviously on her mind, but after the second passed, followed by a few others, he was forced to ask, "Aria?"
His voice seemed to lure her away from her pressing thoughts and she looked up at him, an instant and all-too-fake smile that was there to try to blow off his instinct that there was something more going on.
"Aria," he said simply, his head nodding towards the slightest bit and his eyes getting wide as he looked at her, waiting patiently for her to speak.
"What?" she asked as she attempted to be cheery, but there was also a detectable amount of anxiety and weariness in her voice.
"What's wrong?" he responded.
She stood there, silent and thinking. She stared away from him and off into space as she realized the moment to tell him the news had come. But she kept imagining a frantic and furious Ezra storming away from her, leaving her to deal with the consequences by herself. This image had taken over all previously hopeful thoughts that she'd had that he would embrace fatherhood, taking on the role openly and happily. Parenthood had been discussed several times and Aria and Ezra had gladly expressed to each other that they were sure they wanted children in their future and saw themselves having a family together. But it wasn't anywhere near the point for them to discuss a family life with her still in college and Ezra just beginning to establish his career and working towards success at Hollis, teaching English classes throughout the week.
Her thoughts raced over what to do, what to say, how to begin. But she didn't know how without blurting it out, so she grabbed his hands in hers and motioned for him to sit down, her finding a spot next to him.
"I-I have something to tell you," she stuttered helplessly. She aimed to get to the point, but decided to dance around it while she tried to see if he could catch on himself. I'm pregnant, she thought. Say it, Aria. Just say it. I'm pregnant.
"You know how we've always talked about having kids in the future," she began. She wanted to trail off, not finish her thoughts, but knew she couldn't avoid the conversation any longer, especially because it'd already started and there was no way to go back on her words. "And we-we wanted to wait for a while, I know, but…" She searched for the words, staring straight at Ezra. "…I know we've been careful, but not..." she paused, swallowing before restarting in a low, soft tone, "…we didn't try hard enough."
Ezra stared at her, seemingly confused. His expression changed after a few moments though, portraying the link he'd seemed to suddenly make, his eyebrows, once furrowed, emphasized the astonishment the rest of his face clearly showed. "Are you saying…" He looked down, dropping his hands from Aria's. He tried again. "Are you saying…" He wasn't able to finish though, the word "pregnant" too crazy and foreign to be true.
"I'm pregnant," Aria said meekly, fiddling with her fingers as an attempt at a distraction. She avoided any eye contact or touch, pushing herself away from him slightly, prepared to hear the worst.
"You're-you're pregnant?" Ezra seemed unable to grasp the concept.
Aria nodded slightly, closing her eyes and nervously waiting to see his reaction. Tears started to form though as she squeezed her eyes tight, wishing away this moment.
It was supposed to be happy, but she's thought so hard that she'd turned it into something bad. She didn't know how to be a mother, didn't know much about parenthood besides what she'd seen in movies and during her childhood. She didn't know how to go about raising a child, an intimidating task that provoked fear in her. She wanted to be everything for her child, but knew that she couldn't be that for him or her forever.
Tears began to overflow and at the corners of her tightly-shut eyes, they began to roll down her face. She sniffled and moved her hands quickly to her face to wipe the tears away, quickly swiping them across her face to remove any sign of tears, hoping that Ezra hadn't caught sight of her emotions.
But he had. And he very quickly took ahold of her hands in his.
"Hey," he said in the softest way, gently caressing her hands that he held tightly in his own. "Don't cry, Aria. Don't cry, okay? Please," he begged sweetly.
But Aria only cried more, this time, into bellowing sobs from the overwhelming fear and anxiety that had rattled her since she'd found out. Through her loud cries, she began to speak, hardly audible, "I don't know what to do. I was happy at first and then I realized how awful of timing this all was. I want you to stay with me and raise this baby and I'm scared to death you'll run because you aren't ready. I'm not ready either, but I can't run." She took a deep breath, forcing her tears back before saying, "Mainly because I can't run very well."
Ezra let out a soft, barely audible chuckle, but knew she was in the process of considering what her—their—future would entail: a baby, a family that all too soon and unplanned for him.
She quit talking for a moment, allowing her sobs to continue, but then slowly allowing them to subside as she released the tension her body had been holding. She was quiet when she answered next, what was left of her sobs only small tears still rolling down her face. She opened her red, swollen, tear-rimmed eyes and spoke so softly she could barely be heard, "But I don't really want to run anyways."
Ezra sat there, looking at her and in deep thought, processing what had been said.
The two were silent for a few moments, but both felt like it was an eternity as the growing quiet sucked them inward, their thoughts continuous and conflicting.
Aria waited for the answer, time slowly ticking away as she looked at Ezra, studying his features. He was obviously distraught and in a state of shock, but he stayed there, making no attempt to leave her and run from the reality of the situation.
He didn't flinch or make any sort of move as he sat and stared straight ahead, thinking about the new reality of his life. Their life. The course of their future had changed drastically and he was in deep thought of all the changes approaching.
He sighed before starting, leaning his head down and pressing his fingers against his temples, messaging them as he began to speak, "Th-there's a lot to consider, Aria. I mean…" he paused. "I never pictured this as being the right time."
Aria stared at him, biting her lip before barely speaking in an audible tone, "So what are you saying?" Even though it was a mumble, it was harsh and sharp, demanding an answer.
He whipped his head in her direction, though not in anger, and said simply, "I may not have saw myself as being a father at this stage, but I don't have a choice because I have a responsibility to you and the baby."
Aria was red from anger, feeling like Ezra had reluctantly took on the role because there was "no other way out" and he didn't see how he could still be considered an honorable man if he walked away and left her to make the decisions. She pushed herself up from the couch, standing for a moment facing forward without a single body movement.
"Aria…" Ezra said softly, reaching to touch her skin and comfort her obvious tension.
"Don't touch me!" she snapped, turning to face him. "What the hell, Ezra?! I should not feel like this! It should be a happy moment and it's a moment that a lot of couples wait anxiously for!" She started to pace back and forth, her eyes straight ahead and her left arm extended across the front of her body, her right elbow resting on her left hand and her fingers doing their own sort of dance, nervously tapping against her chin in a repeated motion. Every so often she would begin chewing on her fingernails, too, further trying to push away the anxiety that kept her on edge and not let the anger creep in. But it was.
Ezra stood from his position on the couch though, quickly trying to readdress the situation in a different manner. "Aria, I—"
"Shut up! Just shut up for one god damn second and let me think!" She stayed quiet for a minute, frustration apparent on her face and in her body movements. "What do you expect me to do, huh?!"
At this, she started making hand gestures that further expressed her discontent and anger. In a voice that was meant in imitate his, she repeated what he'd said, "I don't have a choice." She snapped out of her voice that tried to imitate Ezra's and back into her own, continuing on with her rant, "You make it sound like I'm forcing you to stay! You're not even a tiny bit happy that we're pregnant!? Or I guess I should say that I'm pregnant, seeing as how you seem so disappointed to know that you're going to be a father. Well, guess what?! I don't want you around if your child and I will just be burdens to you. I'm the one who should be upset about this! Your dumb ass dick got us into this!"
She began to imitate his voice again, saying, "Oh, condoms are 'no fun'! Besides, you're on birth control." She then stopped talking, out of breath and obviously too angry and heated to continue.
"That's not what I said, Aria! Not at all! I didn't mean it like 'oh shit, I'm going to be a dad and there's nothing I can do.' I meant it as in you're pregnant—we're pregnant—and we're not going to explore any other options because you and I agreed a long time ago that there weren't options for us, that we were going to raise a baby when the time came and, even though we weren't planning or expecting it, it's obviously time for us to open that next chapter. We dragged our feet on marriage and we were always going to drag our feet on a baby too because, once we get comfortable with one way of living, we don't want to change it," he explained, trying desperately to reason with her.
He saw her facial expressions soften and her anger subside as he continued on. He said softly, in a loving tone, "I'm not leaving you or our baby. This is our new reality, our new life and," he paused, "I could never find a reason to walk away from it. I don't care if we weren't planning or looking to get pregnant now because, regardless of how hard or different it may make things sometimes, I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather experience parenthood with."
Aria's heart swelled, but she refused to show it. She tried to keep her facial features hard, cold, but the quick change of tide and his genuine approach made her upset that she'd assumed that Ezra's actions would mirror what she'd always imagined a man to do: walk away. A smile graced her face—it was too hard to keep her face from showing her pleasant surprise at Ezra's acceptance of a baby—and the grin brightened her face. She was radiant and seeming to glow with a new sort of happiness and excitement, intense and true.
But it was also a new sort of glow, going beyond contentment and coming from the knowledge of a new life starting, not only for her and Ezra, but also for the one growing inside of her, who she promised to love endlessly.
She didn't say anything, instead, she just seemed to fall into Ezra's arms and she closed her eyes with her head against his chest and her petite arms wrapped tenderly around his frame.
As Aria saw within the next months that her body was quickly changing and her body was ever-growing in proportion, there was a glimpse of a baby bump beginning to show. Whenever she thought of the life she carried, she thought of a whole new stage of her own life starting that would forever change the one she knew. Her life has spawned into something so much more beautiful, holding purpose and meaning—parenthood. With Ezra.
Her, Ezra, and a baby…
Aria, Ezra, and baby Katie, she thought to herself, tilting her head to the right ever-so-slightly and looking down at her stomach, liking the sound of the three names together.
TADA! I REALLY hope that you all enjoyed the first one-shot in this series :)
I'm so excited to do this series and add to it because I already have some future one-shots planned!
Please let me know what you think of this "one-shot series" and this first post :) I'd like to know your guys' thoughts so I can take the feedback and use it!
Y'all are so amazing to me and I could never express how much I love you all SO much! Since I hadn't posted in a month, I'd figure that I'd be forgotten or get some unhappy people, but you guys were so supportive and loving and your words were so very appreciated! I could never really begin to tell y'all how much having people like you to share my writing with means to me and I am so unbelievably thankful that I have people who not only read my writing and leave me such good feedback, but that I also have such positive people that I can share personal aspects of my life with. I feel accepted and loved and everything you do for me does not go unnoticed. I think you guys are blessings and such beautiful people! I'm so happy to be apart of the PLL family and I never thought I could find such wonderful people that could have such a positive influence on my life. I love you to the moon and back and I really do appreciate each of you. You are just soooo beautiful to me and you're like my angels. I know I sound like a broken record by now, but I feel like I get emotional every time I think about how wonderful of a gift you guys are to me. Thank you for loving, supporting, understanding, and accepting me. I will always do the same for each of you.
- Halle
P.S. I'm committing to two posts a week on whatever stories I feel like updating for that specific week! A new chapter of "The Wrong Kind of Love" is already getting set up in my mind and "For Now" ch. 18 is already written and ch. 19 is almost finished so those will be up soon too :) And, of course, I already have ideas for this series of one-shots, but it takes me longer to write them because it's a whole story in one post and I want it to be decently long, ya feel me? So anyways, I'd thought I'd just give y'all a heads up on my plan to update twice a week, unless something happens where I'm unable to post.