Days later Stefan returned with Lexi in toe. To my surprise she was tall, blond, beautiful and the sweetest girl. Not at all like the vampires I had come into contact with in the past. Immediately after Damon and I had sex we pretended nothing had happened. We actually went on doing research and only calling upon each other if we had something important to say and kept those conversations light and airy. I avoided his eyes and he avoided mine knowing exactly what could happen to me. It wasn't that I didn't want to take advantage of this time alone with him it was just that once it was over and I went back to my room the guilt of it all drowned me and it was drowning him too. I also think he realized that no matter how much I wanted him and loved him back I still loved Stefan and he wasn't ok with that. Loving again was not ok with him. And loving again a girl who loves his brother as well, he wasn't ok with that either. I didn't blame him. I understood and that is why I kept my distance. I couldn't give my heart entirely to him until I figured out what was between Stefan and I anyway. It wasn't fair to him and like I said the guilt was wearing thick upon me.
Lexi obviously being a girl knew something was up with me when I kept my words to the boys short and civil. She knew something was up watching me as I avoided looking at either of them or touching them. I was a girl who just confessed my love for them both and she knew this because Stefan told her. He also told her he was in love with me and he knew Damon was in love with me as well. She should have stormed in here and chewed my head off. Beat me to a pulp but the moment she walked in touched my hands she knew I was not Katherine.
Stefan on the other hand took my reservation toward him and Damon as normal because the triangle had finally been revealed and was out in the open. It was part of the mystery and now that we were getting closer to the truth this revelation was something that needed to be out there. Regardless of who was going to get hurt.
Lexi staying in another room usually ended up in mine helping me research and chatting to me about what she knew about Katherine which ended up being not that much but she did bring some good books that I was going through trying to get any ounce of info that I could on Katherine and on the Petrova bloodline in general.
"Knock knock" a voice called out to me from the door. It was Lexi.
I smiled politely and waved her in. I actually needed a break.
She walked to my bed where I had the books she brought me laid out with a notepad full of notes. "Anything new"? She asked scanning over everything.
"Nope. Same old same old information. Nothing and I'm growing tired of this game. And I feel like that is what this is, a game? I mean who sends a new vampire out to protect two vamps much older than her and that are guys. I mean really what is she asking me to do because I don't think protecting them was the truth behind this game she is playing".
Lexi looked perplexed. The front door shut and her attention went to the fact the boys were leaving.
"No goodbyes" She whispered. "How rude".
I laughed at how offended she got. I was used to us all running in and out all of the time no one ever greeted anyone anymore.
"So they're taking a day trip I'm guessing?" I knew they were. I could hear them easily talking upstairs in Stefan's room.
"Yeah. They think this guy Alaric who was married to Isobel might have some information. Guess they looked up Isobel and she was married once." She looked at me. She knew exactly what I was thinking.
"Do they think he could be my dad?" I swallowed hard.
"I'm sorry Elena, I don't think so. It said they were married a year after you were born. Unless of course they decided together to give you up but you have no real adoption papers. Just fake birth certificates that the Gilbert's had created."
I didn't even know this stuff. Wow Damon and Stefan were keeping things from me.
I wanted to cry, "They didn't tell me about this stuff."
"Oh I'm sorry. Me neither. I was going through Stefan's research and I found it. Maybe he was waiting until the right time".
I interrupted, "or just being Stefan sparing my feelings trying to protect me. Yep that is Stefan alright. Just like him".
Lexi seemed offended, "don't take that as a bad thing Elena. He cares about you deeply. Just like he cared about Katherine and really I have been meaning to talk to you about this".
I quickly objected, "um no we don't need to talk about them. Not right now."
She quickly interrupted me "no we do and now is the perfect time they are both gone. No crazy inhuman super Vampire hearing to hear everything we say." She looked at me kinder. Empathizing with me I believe. "Look Elena, I get it. You love them both. But something inside of you cares for one more than the other and then there is something inside of you that is too selfish to make a choice. Katherine was the same way. She loved both dearly. Damon will have you believe she never loved him but she did. Too much at times. But there was a stronger connection to Stefan. One she couldn't deny nor one that she didn't want to live without."
"But she kept leaving them. using them to get information about the founding families."
"The second time Kat came back I warned Stefan to leave her alone. I knew Kat back in 1864. She introduced me to Stefan. He and I quickly became friends. She always told me in a nice lady like way to keep my paws off him so I did. She staked her claim and it wasn't as if all he didn't do was chat me up talking about Kat anyway. But she was older, stronger. I was afraid of her. She knew people. Powerful people and I didn't want to get on her bad side so I stayed friends and nothing more with Stefan. When she left them they were heartbroken. They spent years hating each other and in their heartache only had each other to lean on in it. For decades they wondered where she had gone. Finally in the early eighties the boys moved up to New York where I was staying. And for awhile there Stefan and I were happy. Damon was tolerable but I had my friend back again. Then Kat hunted us down protesting her undying love for them and need to be back in Mystic Falls with them so they gave in like they always do and left".
I took a deep breath in. The power she had over them. "Just like that?" I asked.
She smiled and snapped her fingers, "just like that". She smiled again "you have the same power Elena. Difference is you are so different then her. You are kinder and your heart is gentle and cautious. She wasn't. She loved them both and that I cant deny but she loved herself more and whatever she could gain by loving them she gained selfishly. Finally when she chose Stefan over Damon I felt horrible for Damon. I couldn't understand why she chose Stefan? I was never romantically involved with them like that so I guess I'll never know why. Maybe you can tell me when you finally decide why and how you chose."
I looked at her as if she were insane. When I choose?
"You are gonna have to choose Elena and when you do the other one will get hurt. I just ask that if you chose Damon, I mean if you feel more for Damon now then please don't lead Stefan on no matter how much you love him. I know its hard and the connection you have with Stefan is strong. But one connection has to be stronger. I cant even begin to understand where your mind and heart is. I cant understand this Petrova blood bond thing you have with Kat and them. I just don't want Stefan hurt again".
I whispered with as much conviction as possible so she would get the point, "I don't want to hurt Stefan Lexi. I love him and the last thing I want to do is hurt either one of them".
"I know" she interjected. "But you will have to hurt one of them. I don't want to see Damon hurt even though he drives me nuts but to see Stefan the way he was when Kat left him for the second time. Well I just cant bear it. It was bad. His heart was brutally broken. Stefan is gentle. He loves without thinking and gives his heart easily. He was not his mothers favorite. Damon was. His father favored him more. This is why Damon and Stefan bump heads. They are both jealous of the relationships they wanted but the other had. Stefan felt love for his mother but Damon and her were like two peas in a pod. Joking and laughing with each other. Had secret games they would play. It made Stefan feel left out. He needed his mothers attention and he never got it. His dad was tough on him. He pushed Stefan and wanted everything he never achieved Stefan wanted the respect his dad gave Stefan. Like he was good enough as well. Damon felt his dad never saw the potential in him that he saw in Stefan. Like he wasn't strong enough. Plus Damon's dad called him a mamas boy and softy." She chuckled, "Yeah Damon a softy. Right." She rolled her eyes. I smiled at how insane that sounded. Damon soft?
"But he was Elena. Damon was soft and Stefan was hard. After their mom died you know Stefan was twelve Damon was fourteen. They were both devastated. Damon went through the emotions but their father never allowed Stefan to cry about it. He was to hide it and be a man. He felt abandoned by his mom and after he fell in love with Kat and her leaving him twice he felt abandoned again. His love was never good enough. This is how he will feel. Like every woman he has given his heart to has never wanted it and given it back."
I was confused. "How was Damon hard now and Stefan soft?" I asked.
"Stefan and Damon had Katherine's blood in them the night they died trying to save her from the Vampire witch hunt the founding families had conjured up. I was long gone by this time. Katherine being arrogant made a deal with a Gilbert and got her friends caught so she could walk away. They were killed and everyone knew she betrayed them so she went into hiding for years. But that night they both died trying to save her. They were shot by the hunters and left in a nearby field to rot. Later the next morning they woke up. Stefan first. He had a pretty young girl with him. Damon asked what he was doing with her and Stefan explained to him what happened and who they were now. Damon chose death, Elena over being a Vampire and killing the girl. Stefan had drank her friend already and had made the change fully. Damon refused to kill the girl. He wasn't a murderer let alone did he want to be a vampire. But Stefan gave him some long speech about how he couldn't live forever without his brother. Guilt tripped him basically and Damon being the older brother gave in not wanting this life for himself. Later Stefan revealed that he just didn't want to be alone and he was being selfish. For years they didn't talk. Stefan went out and drank the blood of many innocent people and Damon he found other ways to get the blood he needed. Years passed and Stefan had changed. He met someone again who restored his humanity."
"Who?" I blurted out.
She smiled, "Me. After that he found Damon apologized and Damon still never fully forgave him but accepted his proposal to move back to Mystic and have their companionship. I visited often throughout the years. Got really close to Stefan. He is my best friend. But Damon resentful about being a vampire, resentful about his father, bitter and heartbroken about Kat, he turned dark inside. Stefan blames himself and yes he is to blame in parts but he has asked time after time for his forgiveness. So the roles were switched. Stefan became the gentle sweet vampire from a hard selfish human and Damon became the dark twisted vampire from the sweet gentle boy."
I sat there drowning in her story taking each word in. I was thankful for her friendship at that moment. She made me understand them both more. Know them better. I was in love with two vampires whom I realized I knew nothing really about. I scratched the surface but never itched the itch.
She retired for the night just shortly after her story. We had been talking for hours and didn't realize the time. The guys would be home soon. I laid on my bed envisioning an evil Stefan. It was hard to do. He was just so sweet and harmless. He was always there for me and his friendship was my sanity in all of this mess. He sheltered me from things he thought would hurt me and although it was annoying I knew he had my best interest at heart. I thought about his heartache and the changes he had made in his life. Even the risks he took for love.
All of this made me adore and love him even more. More than Damon? No. But equal? Maybe I wasn't sure but I was quickly forced to figure it out. The front door opened. Only one pair of footsteps. I could smell him and knew by the sound of his feet on the floor that it was Stefan. He knocked on my door and I called him in.
"Where is Damon" I asked.
"He is staying out there until tomorrow. Alaric has lots of information Elena. I think we might be onto something. We decided one of us should come back to you know keep you guys safe and all so I volunteered. Damon was having too much fun digging up Kat's dirt."
I smiled at him. "So you are home."
He walked to me with his arms open asking for a hug I didn't want to give. But I couldn't have him think I was disappointed that it was him that was home. It wasn't the case. So I hugged him and I was electrocuted over and over again. It did not hurt it was just intense and a desire came over me that never had before. I could quickly turn it off with Stefan. Move away, not touch him. But in this embrace and it was a long one for a vampire I just didn't want to let him go. Everything that Lexi said all of the heartache I wanted to mend him. How? I had no idea but I wanted to hold onto him and give him whatever he wanted. A kiss, myself.
Still touching he pulled away so he could see my face. He smiled at me moving the hair from my face. We were so close and the electricity was so intense I could scream. His eyes moved from mine down to my lips and then his lips found mine. Our lips moved with each other in a dance to a song of our own. It was sweet and passionate. But there was something screaming at me and I couldn't figure out what it was. I thought about Damon. Nope still didn't want to stop. Katherine nope. Why could I not give in fully to him and my desire to give him exactly what his body was telling me he wanted. Lexi. She was upstairs witnessing this all by herself. I couldn't do that to her. Not like this. So as quickly as it started it ended. I pushed him away quickly.
He apologized, "I'm so sorry Elena. I shouldn't have done that".
"It's ok". I snapped back. How could he apologize for that. I was at fault.
"I just love you so much. I know I shouldn't be doing this and I feel bad about Damon. I just love you and I cant fight it anymore. I just want to be with you." I interrupted him.
"Stefan Lexi is here can we talk about this later?"
He shook his head, "I don't care. She is my friend. She knows everything. I love you Elena and I know you love me". He wasn't giving up. He was back now holding onto my arms. I grew weak and feeble and gave in again. This time he kissed me more passionately lifting me up and carrying me to the bed. His lips moved down my chin to my neck where I sat there breathing in the sweetness of his kiss and the electricity it was pumping through my body. I felt I would explode and then I thought about Lexi who could hear this. His hand moved down my shirt and over my chest caressing me. I couldn't let this go any further. I pushed him off with all of my mite.
"Stop" I screamed as he hit the wall. He looked confused but wanting me to give in he started to walk back.
"No Stefan" I said holding my hand flat out to him to stop.
"But I love you". He wasn't going to give up.
I had to hurt him. I had to say the one thing that would make him stop because if he came and kissed me again I would have given him all of me but I knew I couldn't.
"I slept with Damon". I blurted out.
Something upstairs dropped and a loud thud echoed throughout the house. His advances finally ended and the electricity died.