Sorry it's been so long since the last update. This one is a bit longer though :3 and as always, please tell me if there are any mistakes? It's 6:00am and i'm so tired ;w;

Chapter Three: Conflicted

Lux

I kept my gaze fixed on his, willing my tears to end and my lip to stop quivering, but it was no use even trying. I was too overwhelmed by the things I'd seen; I didn't know what to think, or if I even believed any of it. It had to all be some elaborate trick. I've been pursued by guys before, but none have ever gone this far. To make me believe I'd lost my memory, and that I'd had feelings for him, even writing fake journal entries… it's all too much.

But the picture… how would he have gotten a picture like that without my knowledge?

My heart slammed against my ribcage. It all made sense… but the photo is what threw me off. If it weren't for that photo, everything would be clearer. I couldn't have actually forgotten the past three years of my life, could I?

No. There's no way…

As I stared up at the blond boy in the doorway, a wave of questions flooded my mind, and I bit my lip in an attempt to keep them from spilling into the air. What happened? What is he to me? What am I to him? Just how much have I forgotten, if I've forgotten anything at all? Why won't he tell me anything but his name?

The silence between us seemed to drag on for hours, when it reality, it had merely been a handful of seconds. Worry etched across his face, he began taking another step towards me, but stopped and drew his foot back when he noticed my entire body become rigid. "Lux…"

A wave of heat surged through me as soon as he spoke my name. Then I shivered.

I wanted to tell him what I'd seen and demand an explanation, but something was stopping me; no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't form any words. If everything I'd seen were real, then Ezreal held every answer to the questions I so desperately needed to understand. He knows… and yet he won't tell me a thing. When I thought of this, feelings of frustration piled on top of my anxiety until my mind was spinning so violently that it took everything in me not to break down and scream. Why is this happening to me?

"I…" I managed to squeak, but my voice cracked. I opened my mouth again, but closed it when I found myself unable to form a coherent thought. So many things to say, yet I am rendered incapable by my inability to put my feelings into words.

"You what?" he asked me gently – almost hopefully – as his eyebrows pulled together in concern. Staying right where he was in the doorway, he crouched down to the floor, his eyes moving rapidly, searching every inch of my face as if he was looking for something.

As I continued to gaze at him across the room, I realized my tears had stopped. I didn't know why or when it had happened, but my face was dry and my heartbeat had slowed. Why have I stopped panicking? My situation hasn't changed…

Is it because of him?

In response to his question, I said the first thing that came to my jumbled mind.

"I… I fell out of the bed."

Stupid, Lux. Stupid.

He squinted in confusion, a small smile crossing his face as a flicker of amusement glittered in his eyes. "Then you fell awfully far," he pointed out, motioning to the bed and then to me, who was huddled on the floor a foot or two from the end of it.

I glanced downward, embarrassed, then met his eyes again, my expression remaining impassive. Just as quickly as the joy had entered his face, it dissolved into melancholy once more, as if he'd come back to reality. His eyes fell.

After a moment's pause, he spoke again without looking at me. "Are you okay?"

No, I am most definitely not okay. I don't know you and you kidnapped me, I'm honestly unsure as to whether you want to contain me or help me, I can hardly move due to my injuries that you may have caused, and I just found evidence suggesting that I've forgotten more than three years of my life. My world was thrown into chaos overnight and if I really have lost my memory then I might not even know who I am anymore. Also, I have so many things I want to ask you right now but I'm too afraid of the answer to say them out loud. On top of all that, you won't tell me a damn thing. I'm scared and confused and upset and I just want to go home.

"I'm… I'm fine," I told him. It was an obvious lie and it was apparent even he knew I wasn't speaking the truth. But I really just wanted him to leave so I could be alone for a while and try to make sense of the things I'd discovered only a few minutes ago.

As if he'd read my mind, he offered me one last sorrowful glance before he pushed himself up off the floor and prepared to leave. Staring downwards, he released a sigh, then turned his back on me and began walking out. "Please just tell me if you need anything at all," he said dejectedly, then grabbed the doorknob and began to pull it closed behind him.

Without thinking, I called out to him. "Wait," I said, just before he had time to shut the door completely. He pushed it back open and turned to look at me hopefully.

"What is it?" he asked.

I froze. I hadn't meant to call him back; it had just slipped out as if it were a natural reflex. Why was calling out to him the first thing my mind jumped to? Company is the last thing I need right now; all I want is to be alone with my own thoughts.

After I was silent for too long, he spoke up again. "Do you need something? Food? Water?"

I knew he was trying to be kind, but I unconsciously tuned him out, trying to understand why I had called him back instead of just letting him go. It didn't take me long to realize that it was because I didn't want him to leave. Right now, I'm scared, and as far as I know, he's the only one who knows what happened to me. As much as I hated to admit to myself, I needed him.

Wait, what am I saying? I thought to myself, my heart thudding in my chest. He's a complete stranger…

I felt myself growing flustered under his gaze, and I bit my lip, unable to stand that he was making me feel so confused. My mind wanted to push him away but my heart wanted to pull him close. Forcing those thoughts to the side, I met his eyes.

"I want you to tell me what happened to me," I said, not allowing myself even a moment to think it through.

His emerald eyes widened ever-so-slightly, and after a short pause, he turned to face me again, his gaze falling to the floor, then back up to me. I blinked up at him, then reached out and gripped the bed's frame, pulling myself to a standing position and supporting my weight on the mattress. I fought to calm my rapidly beating heart and watched him steadily. Then I turned towards his desk and, mustering every ounce of strength I could manage, began walking forward, trying to suppress my limp. When I reached it, I knelt down, keeping one hand against the desk in case I were to lose my balance, and retrieved the photograph. Sooner or later, he would know I'd seen it, so it was no use trying to hide. Maybe it would force him into revealing more to me.

With shaking fingers, I picked the photo up, taking one glance at it before turning back towards Ezreal. My heart lurched as I held it out towards him. "Explain," I told him, my voice quivering.

His eyes moved between the photograph and myself. He couldn't see the image from where he was, but by the way he was looking at me, I could tell that he knew exactly what I was holding. "Please," I added, turning my head slightly to the left and refusing to make eye contact with him. I still held the photo.

He took one careful step towards me, then two. When I made no move away from him, he closed the distance between us and came to a stop a few short feet away from me. The closer he was, the more I felt drawn to him. Every step he took towards me, my heartbeat escalated until I felt that my chest may burst. And I was shocked when I realized it wasn't fear that I was feeling. I tried to shove these thoughts aside and focus on the problem at hand, but they wouldn't fade. All I could do was ignore them.

Ezreal's eyes fell to the photograph, and he reached out and took it from my hand delicately. I felt a lump forming in my throat and tried to swallow it, but I knew the tears were coming and my efforts to hide them were in vain.

After he thought for a moment, admiring the photograph almost nostalgically, he looked up at me sadly. "You and I do know each other, Lux…"

"How?" I questioned, never facing him directly. I couldn't handle that.

"You… you were visiting from Demacia… and I helped you find a shop when you were lost," he told me, sounding as if the words pained him.

"And when was this?" I pressed, wanting to see if his words matched the writing in the journal.

He fell silent, and I knew he didn't want to answer me. Or couldn't.

Even under the circumstances, I felt my heart aching for him, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't understand why.

"Ezreal," I said, trying to draw his attention again if I had lost it. And for some reason, the name suddenly sounded uncannily familiar, as if it had crossed my lips a million times before.

He sighed shortly, giving in. "June," he told me. "Three years ago."

I closed my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from pushing through. "So it's true? I've forgotten that much?"

"Lux, I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I should have—"

I turned towards him suddenly, my mind racing. "What was your fault? You keep saying that, but what are you talking about?" I asked him, sounding much harsher than I'd meant to. I started to feel guilty; I had no idea what he might have been through, so it wasn't my place to be rude. Even so, I forced the apology back down my throat before it could make itself heard.

He looked at me helplessly, his mouth opening as if he were about to say something, then closing again when the words wouldn't surface. He swallowed hard. "Lux, I can't tell you…"

"Why not?" I asked, growing frustrated. Was it so terrible that he doesn't even want me to remember?

He turned towards the floor, and I knew no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make him tell me. I was angry, but I could still realize when someone else was in distress; I couldn't get myself to hassle him any further. Instead, I chose to do the one thing that would keep us far apart. Then there was no way I could upset him further.

I took in a deep breath, then sighed. "I'm going home. I will leave first thing tomorrow morning," I told him decisively.

He turned to me abruptly, something akin to heartbreak manifesting in his shimmering gaze. He suddenly appeared as vulnerable as a lost child, and it took every ounce of strength I had to stop myself from reaching out to him. I didn't want to leave here, but I had no choice, and I had already made up my mind. Home was the best place for me to be right now.

"Are… are you sure?" he asked me, his gaze pleading.

The look on his face made my heart ache; all I could do was nod once. "It's best…"

He paused to look at me for just a moment before taking a step back, then another. His bottom lip quivered faintly and a single tear fell down his cheek. I longed to know what was making him feel this way, but he wouldn't tell me anything. Even I knew that I couldn't leave him, but I hadn't the slightest idea why I felt that way. My body and mind were at war with each other.

"Okay…" Ezreal's voice broke my thoughts. "I… wish you well." His tone was unsteady. He gave me one more brokenhearted glance before turning to face the door, seeming as if he were in a hurry to get out.

._-:*~*~*~*:-_.

I stood outside of a beautiful wooden cottage that was almost lost among all the towering trees, carrying a small suitcase. The sky was clear and the sun was warm against my skin. Birds fluttered from branch to branch, making their songs heard. Butterflies rose and fell with the subtle breeze. It was the most gorgeous scene I could ever have imagined, but I felt sad.

After being here for several weeks, it was time for me to leave. It pained me to go, but at the same time, I was happy because I knew that I would return soon enough. And now I had something wonderful to come back to. At the thought of him, I smiled.

Just then, he came out through the front door of the cottage, his blond hair swaying lightly in the wind. He was still pulling his jacket on as he jogged over to me. I suppressed a chuckle. If I knew him any better, he'd probably just woken up. He'd told me yesterday to come by so he could see me off, but now we were a little pressed for time. My ride was leaving in no more than ten minutes and it was picking me up a few minutes' walk from here.

"There you are! I was wondering when you'd finally show your face," I teased him.

"I'm sorry! I slept in. Am I too—"

"Aw, you still got all prettied up for me?" I poked fun at him, noticing that even though he was only saying goodbye for a short time, he had still gotten dressed up. His hair was combed neatly as well. "You didn't have to." I smiled at him.

"Well, I—"

I reached up and ruffled his hair. "I like it better messy anyway."

He looked down, an embarrassed smile lighting up his face. "I'll keep that in mind…"

His cheeks had turned a light shade of pink, and I laid my hand against his shoulder, adoring the fact that he was trying so hard. I hadn't even left yet, and I already couldn't wait to return to him.

I dropped my suitcase and pulled him into a hug, willing this moment to last forever. My hands rested delicately against his back, and he wrapped his arms gently around my waist and buried his face in my shoulder, holding me as if I were made of glass. "I'll see you soon, okay?" I told him.

"Don't miss me too much," came his reply, muffled by the fabric of my shirt.

"I already do."

We released each other and he grabbed my hands softly in his, our eyes meeting. My heart swelled and my stomach filled with butterflies. The warmth in his gaze consumed me and I soon found myself lost in those glittering emerald orbs just as I had so many times before. I didn't want to look away, because as soon as I turned my back, the fact that I won't be able to see him again for a while will really start to set in. When I looked into his eyes, I felt our hearts collide and meld into one. Time seemed to halt, and suddenly nothing else mattered, I couldn't think about the sorrow of leaving; I found myself able to think of nothing but the joy I would feel upon my return. For in those eyes, I saw my future.

"Y-you're gonna be late," Ezreal disrupted my thoughts, causing me to jump.

I smiled, only just now noticing how red his face has turned. "I can make them wait a few minutes. They wouldn't leave without me."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"My brother is with them to escort me. He wouldn't let them leave. Oh! You should meet him!"

Ezreal's eyes widened. "Your brother?"

"Yes!"

"Big brother Garen?" he asked, seeming to grow more and more nervous.

"Mhmm!"

He looked down timidly. "Er… is that really a good idea? Does he know about me?"

I nodded fervently, excited at the thought of him meeting a part of my family. "At least, I think so. I sent a letter back home a couple weeks ago and talked about you. I think my parents would have shown him, or at least told him."

"He won't, like… sever my tongue for talking to you?"

I giggled. "No, of course not! Just don't look suspicious. Also, stay at arms' length when he's watching. Don't look at me either. Or think about me. He'll know somehow."

"Oh, that's all…"

I poked his chest, causing him to jump and look back up at me. "I'm kidding. I've probably made him sound worse than he actually is. He's just protective. He's really a nice guy. I think you guys could be good friends!" I smiled happily at the thought.

Ezreal scratched the back of his head and returned my smile.

"So come on!" I said excitedly, lunging towards him and grabbing his wrist.

._-:*~*~*~*:-_.

That vivid image faded to black, and it took me only a few split seconds to recover and realize what had happened. In the midst of my vision, I had jumped forward and firmly grasped Ezreal's forearm before he had time to leave. He had turned to look at me, nothing but pain and surprise evident in his eyes. I wondered how long we had been like this, and why I couldn't get myself to let go right away. I couldn't look away from him. I couldn't move. My heart was racing and the blood was rushing to my face, but I was frozen.

Why do I want him to stay so badly?

His expression told me that he was waiting for some sort of explanation, but I didn't know what to say either.

A moment later, I came to my senses and released him, looking to the side and refusing to make eye contact. "I'm sorry…"

That was the only thing I could think to say. I was embarrassed. I didn't know what had happened. Had I said something to him as well?

Ezreal's eyes remained on me, as if he was hoping I would continue to speak, but I'd already said all that I needed to. However, I still felt it wasn't enough.

He closed his eyes and turned back towards the door. "I'll… go get you a bag to pack your things…" he told me, still facing away from me.

I sighed. When he said that, it hardly even came as a shock to me anymore. I was starting to believe what was happening – actually, I did believe it. I live here. At least, I did. Tomorrow, I will be leaving.

"Okay…" I responded, my voice hardly above a whisper.

Ezreal paused, then headed out the door, closing it behind him.

I was slowly beginning to understand.

I hope you enjoyed c:

Thank you for reading~ *gives cake*