Chapter Four: Coalition

I ran as fast as I could, but it was to no avail. I pleaded with my body to cooperate, but my legs were too small. I couldn't run any faster. They would catch up to me. And, when they did it would all be over. The path in front of me seemed never-ending. Tears started to form. An image of him came to mind. His long silver, Gold eyes, and white skin...

They were coming! I had to find him, and tell him. Warn him... But, The forest was getting dark, and I started to panic. What if I can't find him? What will he do? How will he survive? My heart seemed to ache in my small childish body. First, it was my parents, my brothers, the villagers, Now this?! It seemed like death was a never-ending circle in my life.

Here I am, A small, Mute orphan, running from wolves.

Trying to find that Angel, I had somehow misplaced in these woods.

I was a lost spirit, with nothing to live for.

Way, in over my head.

I closed my eyes for a brief second. That's all it took.

I tripped over the root of a tree.

And The wolves Descended.

My eyes flew open, and I sucked in a ragged breath.

"I see you allowed yourself some sleep."

I turned my head and gave him a wary look.

"You were restless."

"I was comfortable."

"Nightmare?"

"Dream."

"Why do you insist on acting like a child?"

I wiped the sleep from my eyes, and sat upright from my bed. My eyes roamed around the dimly lit room. I looked to the blinds, it was still dark, well into the night. My eyes went back to him. Sesshomaru sat two feet away, his legs crossed, and swords placed elegantly to his left side. He watched my face, as I took in my surroundings.

I looked at the demon in front of me, with hopeful eyes. It only brought me back to what Jaken said. About how we would only be a destruction to each other, but right now at this moment I didn't care. Right now, Here in my room, in my very own face was Sesshomaru. His very presence here, spoke in volumes. Then again, I could be wrong. He could be here for a whole other reason, and I'm over-analyzing the situation. But, I couldn't help it. Just seeing him here, whether it was good or bad, gave me a small amount of hope. And with that hope, I prayed to God it would be good. For, my sanity, I prayed it was good.

"Why are you acting so cold." His voice held something foreign.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"What's wrong?"

I bit my lip. When it came down to it...I didn't know what was bothering me. The fact that I loved him, and couldn't have him. Or, because I didn't know if he felt the same way. Maybe because I was engaged, without my consent. I didn't know.

Sesshomaru let out an annoyed sound. He closed his eyes briefly, then reached out and held my hand in his. "Rin. I'm here because I don't understand. I want to know..."

I stared at him, unsure of what to say.

"Rin." He let out a sigh of irritation. "I don't make it a habit of befriending people, but I can say that I care for you more than any being I have met thus far. I..." He looked to the floor. "I don't let my barrier down for anyone, but I consider you an exception."

"I don't know what to say."

"This Sesshomaru, would like to know what is happening with you, Rin. It is taking all of my strength to keep my calm, but I don't like this feeling of hopelessness."

He tilted his head to the side as I retracted my hand from his. Hopelessness? How could he even say that? It is I who should feel hopeless. Earlier he had me looking like a fool. Toying with my feelings. He had no right to say this to me! I am the one who is in pain!

"Earlier my lord, We shared a kiss, and I apologize for being so bold, But I was not alone in that action. You kissed me back."

"I understand that. I am not faulting you for that, and there is no reason to apologize."

I gave him a quizzical look, "Then what do you want to know?"

Sesshomaru took a breath, and relaxed his shoulders. "How do you feel about this situation?"

This had to be some sort or twisted joke. Why is Lord Sesshomaru asking such unusual questions? "My Lord, Forgive me but, why are you asking me these questions?"

"I cannot question my own ward?"

"My cheeks felt hot. They were no doubt red from embarrassment. "Yes...I'm sorry. Its just..This is the most you've asked me in months."

"Your face is flushed. I take it I'm embarrassing you."

I put my hands up in protest. "No! I'm..jus..-"

He held my hands in the air. He moved them so our palms were against each other. "We are so different."

It wasn't just a statement, or opinion. It was a fact. We were different, in many ways. I looked at our hands against each other. His hands looked so big against mine. His pale skin clashed with my ivory. My feminine to his masculine. But, despite the difference, weren't we still somewhat alike? When you really think about it, shouldn't the only real difference be gender? In my eyes, he is male, and I female. That's it. Demon, Human...That doesn't matter.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"I'm not in the habit of repeating myself."

I bit my lip, "Why did you push me away earlier?"

I felt his hands stiff, then relax. "Jaken was coming."

I mulled his answer over in my head. It seemed like a good answer, Then again I could be wrong. True, Jaken is annoying at times and runs his mouth, but, he's loyal. Its not as if he would go run his mouth to other servants, he valued his life too much. Without really thinking, I began slowly pulling my hands back. But, His rich, baritone voice caught my attention. "I was caught off guard, Thus my reaction was somewhat cold."

I considered his words for a second, then gave a small smile. I appreciated it, because this was the closet I would get to an apology.

"It wasn't my intention to make you feel...rejected."

My face felt like it was burning. I was yet again embarrassed. I dropped my hands in my lap. "My Lord, May I ask, why you are so talkative all of a sudden?"

He gracefully folded his hands in his kimono sleeves. "I feel as though I can speak to you as an equal."

I let a brilliant smile surface. "Thank you, My Lord."

He removed his hands from his sleeves, and came to a stand towering over me. "Do not be confused. I will confide in you more than others, and will let you speak freely, But always remember your place. I am your Lord, and you my ward. I expect respect at all times."

I gave small bow, "Yes, my lord."

When I looked up, he was holding my door open. His face expressionless as he looked down at me. "Come, There is something I wish to show you."

I threw the sheets off, without hesitation and ran after my lord as he walked down the hallway.

_Ten minutes Later

Before me was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Across the horizon were what seemed like thousands of colors! There was Red, Yellow, Orange...Then if you looked to the other side it was Blue, Purple, Violet and maybe even a little gray. It was so beautiful. It literally took my breath away. I moved a little closer to the edge of the cliff, and let my feet hang over its edge.

"Every morning I come out here and watch the sunrise."

I couldn't hide the amazement from my voice. "Its beautiful."

"Indeed."

For at least an hour, we sat there on the cliffs edge and enjoyed each others company. Neither of us said anything. We say there silently and enjoyed the sun rise. After a while, he spoke.

"Rin, how do feel about this?"

I looked from the sun to his face. It was expressionless as usual, but I knew underneath he was anxious to know my answer. Then again, I wasn't exactly sure how I felt. I loved him with all my heart, but...Jaken keeps coming back to mind. 'In the end you have to think about how it will effect everyone, not just you and your little girl fantasies.' He was right but...I didn't want him to. Maybe we could somehow work this, maybe there was a way where I didn't have to die...Then he would be okay, and we could be together forever. And be...happy. No. That was impossible. I was human...

"I can't live forever..."

"I am aware of that."

"It will only seem as though a minute in your infinite life."

"I realize that."

"What about after I die? What will you do?" My eyes looked at him questioning.

He looked me in the eye, with such a seriousness I never seen before. "I will cope with it as best I can."

"But why even go through that? Why waste your time?"

Sesshomaru grabbed my hand and leaned forward. "I'm wasting my time now. I want to be with you, Rin, but it seems as though you are unsure. If you refuse me, I will not hold it against you."

Tears started falling from my eyes by their own accord. "Its just so many things can happen..."

"Elaborate, please."

"What if other demons find out?"

"They will be angry. But, they will respect my decision."

"What about my engagement?"

"Upon his arrival, I will have jaken tell him that he is no longer needed."

"What if I become heavy with child? He will be half-demon. He will be weak. What will you do?"

"If you become pregnant, then we will become parents. If he is half-demon, it matters not. He will still have my demonic blood running through his veins. He will not be weak. I will make sure of that."

I let out a aggravated noise. "My lord!"

"Rin..."

"You make it sound so easy."

"It is."

"But its not...What if I die again?"

Sesshomaru pulled me into an embrace. His arms tightened around me, desperately trying to comfort me.

"I won't let that happen."

My tears fell faster. That was the first time he had lied to me. Whether he said it to comfort me or himself, I didn't know. But, He just promised something he possibly couldn't keep. I was lucky I had even been brought back once. What if I actually stayed dead the third time?

What would he do?

_Later that Evening

Jaken knocked on the large wooden door.

"Come in."

Jaken walked in the room quickly, and shut the door. Sesshomaru put pending letters of agricultural merging aside. "What is it Jaken."

Jaken walked towards the desk, "There seems to be a problem..."

"Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. "Jaken I do not have time for games."

"Oh! So sorry my lord. Will not happen again. My deepest apologies. I was way out of line, I- "

"Jaken."

"Oh, yes! Well, uhm...It seems as though Orin, Rin's intended has been called away. And there was no way in communicating to him that the engagement is off. But, the village leader wishes to meet with you whenever Orin returns."

"For what purposes?"

"Uhm..I..I don't know, everything he said came in and out the other. Nothing of real importance, just some internal issues within the village prob-"

"Jaken."

"Yes, my lord?"

"Be quiet."

Jaken bowed his head, "yes, my lord."

Sesshomaru stood, and walked over to the door. Before departing, he called over his shoulder, "I will be speaking with Rin. There will be no interruptions."

"But of course my lord." Jaken said, as he bowed his head yet again.

_Five Minutes Later

I stood at the palace steps, with Kohaku and Jaken while Sesshomaru talked to his mother. I wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying, until I heard the words, 'eat' and 'human'. I could feel her stare upon me. Out of nowhere I see something black, from the corner of my eye.

I looked up to see a huge black dog come towards me.

As it pulled me into the darkness, the last thing I saw was Lord Sesshomaru jump in after me.

My eyes flew open, only to be obscured by something silver. His lips lingered on my cheek for a few seconds, when he pulled back he held his head to the side, so his ear was almost to my chest.

"Are you ill?"

I cleared my throat before speaking, "No, I'm fine...why?"

"Your heartbeat is irregular."

"Oh. Its probably nothing."

"Was it wolves again?"

"No. I stopped having nightmares long ago."

"You don't have to lie about it."

"I'm not. I just...I don't like talking about it."

Sesshomaru sat in a sitting position. His Golden eyes shining brightly into the darkness.

I turned to my side and pushed myself into a sitting position. "I don't dream about dying anymore."

Sesshomaru watched me as I leaned up to kiss him.

"I dream about being with you forever."

_Morning

I awoke to find he wasn't here.

The sun lit its way through the blinds, casting striped shadows against the wooden floorboards. As I lay, I could hear nothing-No movement in the hallways, no servants bustling around...I didn't even hear the birds that usually chirped happily outside. I hastily climbed out of bed, and went to the window.

The sky was a dreary gray color. There was no wind, no clouds, and no animals in sight. Fear began to form. This whole scene in front of me...The sky, the lack of life and sound...It was nothing short of a bad omen. Yesterdays occurrences flashed in my mind. Sesshomaru in my room, The kiss, The oh so sudden change in his personality, The dreams...

They were omens. Many warnings of bad luck. Right when I thought I was in control of my destiny..I was wrong. I was never in control. All this, was too good to be true. The dreams confirmed it. I stopped dreaming about death long ago, but now...

My heart seemed to ache, it was all an illusion. It was a mirage, from the beginning, And I was just fool enough to believe it. I was fool enough to actually think that loving a demon, would come with no consequences. I was wrong. It was even more than that...

Its hard to comprehend, He' so much! I'm so little. My mind is becoming unclear. The emotions I'm feeling were too colorful. Its becoming hard to see. He's so perfect! I'm not. Obligations have to be met. Choices have to be made. Refusals to no avail. He is a Lord! I, his ward. I once had happiness...long ago. Time never slows.

He is Immortal!

I'm not.

He is Forever!

I'm fleeting.

He is Sesshomaru!

I'm just...Rin.

I became overwhelmed with the sadness and reality of my life. It was truly the hardest thing I had to come to terms with. He was...

I felt the tears fall down my face.

"Rin?"

I turned to face Jaken, and tried to keep my composure as best as possible.

"He was...Out of my league from the beginning. And, I was too stupid and oblivious to realize that."

Jaken's tightened his grip on the staff of two heads.

"Master Jaken...You were right. You were right all along."

Jaken looked to the floor, trying to avoid eye contact. "I didn't want this to happen, Rin. I didn't want you to have to go through this."

I shook my head, "No, you tried to warn me. It is I, who is to blame, but...It is too late, Jaken." I fell to my knees in defeat, "I'm in way too deep."

Jaken put a hand on my shoulder, "There is still hope. You can still rectify this situation."

My hands tried desperately to wipe the tears away, but it was pointless. "How?"

"Orin has just arrived and is in a meeting right now, with Lord Sesshomaru. You must go and stop Sesshomaru from declining your engagement."

I shook my head, "No, I can-"

Jaken tightened his hold on my shoulder. "If you loved him, you would do what's best."

I nodded solemnly. He was right, If I loved him, I would do what's best for him.

I wiped my face, and ran out my room and down the hallway to Sesshomaru's study.

_Sesshomaru's Study

I knocked on the large wooden door.

"Come in."

I slowly pushed the door open, and saw Sesshomaru sitting at his desk, his hands holding a piece of parchment. Sitting a little to the side was a short stubby, looking man with a large beard and round stomach. Next to him was a young man, probably a year or two older than me. He had straight brown hair that came just above his shoulders. As he stared at me, I noticed he had dark amber eyes, so much like Sesshomaru's. But, not as beautiful. His face was plain, but with that large smile he seemed somewhat kind.

"Rin, this is Matsu, and his son Orin."

The round man, gave me a cheeky smile, "Hello!"

I tried to smile, but I think it may have came out as a grimace. "Hello." I bowed my head in respect. "Pleased to meet you."

When I rose again, the round man, was smiling broadly at Sesshomaru. "So polite, and mannerable. She's sure is something!"

"She sure is..."

I looked at the young man, with unsure eyes. Under my stare he became fidgety and, clumsily came to a stand. He held his hand out to me, "Its nice to meet you Rin."

"Likewise." I gave him a small smile.

He let go of my hand and scratched the back of his head. "You're so beautiful...I don't understand why you aren't already taken. You must have had many suitors."

I held my smile in place. I dared not to look at Sesshomaru, for fear I would fall to my knees and begin to sob uncontrollably. "No."

"That's hard to believe...Well, no matter." He gently held my hand, "I promise to love and cherish you as much as humanly possible."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sesshomaru leaving his seat, and walking towards us. Orin, didn't seem to notice. "It would be most fortuitous having you as my wife, Rin."

Sesshomaru was less than several feet away, and I knew what I had to do, before it was too late. If I do something, everything thus far would be in vain. My mind tried to think, but my thoughts were too clouded. Either way was bad. It was a lose, lose situation. My heart seemed to increase dramatically.

Sesshomaru was now three feet away. I had to make a choice, but..

Sesshomaru was two feet away. I could either agree or disagree, but I was so...

Sesshomaru was a foot away. "I would be happy to be your wife, Orin."

Sesshomaru stood still. Motionless.

Orin, then became giddy. He pulled me into an embrace, and whispered joyously in my ear, "I will not let you down, Rin. You will see. I will be the best husband. You will see."

I held my face up and my smile in place. But, my eyes were full of false happiness. I let them celebrate the joyous moment. The whole while, I held my mask in place.

_The Main Gates

After the meeting in Sesshomaru's study, I made sure Orin, was near me the whole afternoon. I was too afraid to face Sesshomaru, let alone face him. Every time I seen him approach, I would grab Orin, and go in the opposite direction. I had to avoid him as much as possible. I was surprise he didn't just order Orin away...This is his castle, he is the ruling Lord. But, he never said or did anything. Maybe , the whole thing between us was some sort of fling or curiosity. What if he didn't even care at all? What if I was just some weird experiment? No...that couldn't be. All those things he said the other day...

"Rin, are you ready?"

I looked to Orin as he held the large metal gate open. Outside of the gate, was a Large brown carriage pulled by Two beautifully white horses.

I nodded, but when I moved to walk forward, a strong arm held me in place. My eyes fell straight to the floor. I didn't even bother to look up. I knew who it was. By the authority in his voice when he ordered Orin to leave, so we may speak in private for a moment. I saw Orin's boots hesitantly move towards the carriage, unsure if he should obey or stay his ground. Something must have happened becuase, he then picked up his pace, and quickly got into the carriage.

"Why did you accept his offer?"

I didn't answer.

"Rin, answer me. Why did you accept his offer? Do you feel sorry for him? Is that it? I will go tell him to leave right now, if you so wish."

I bit my lip in aggravation, my feelings had betrayed me. My tears streamed down my face without shame.

"Rin, look at me."

I held my head down.

His hand came to my chin and lifted it up. For the first time in my short life, I seen something other than anger on his face. Right here, inches away from me, was the true definition of pain. The features in his face seemed strained as he looked at me.

"Rin, I need you to help me understand why you are doing this."

My voice came out shaky as I spoke, "Its not for you to understand."

His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Why are you leaving?"

"This is what's best."

For a minute he searched my face, perhaps the truth, but he didn't have to look. It was right in front of him. "You won't be happy."

"I will."

"You won't...Not with him."

His hand tightened on me.

"Let me go."

"No. Not until you give me a reason to."

I tried to get his hand off me, but he was too strong. I was no doubt making it worse.

"I don't want to be with you."

His voice raised an octave, "You're lying." He shook me aggressively. "You said you felt the same. That's what you said."

I pleaded with him to release me. "I did..But, not anymore..."

His face hardened with frustration. "You said you dreamt of being with me forever."

I looked him in the eyes, "I dream of wolves, and hell, and dying! That is what I dream of. You exposed me to too much. In ten years, I died twice. Twice Sesshomaru! I can't live like this, I'm sorry."

Sesshomaru maintained his ground. "I won't let you go marry some peasant, to go live in a low class village, and live a mediocre life."

"Sesshomaru..." I sucked in a deep breath. This would be the single-most hardest thing I had to do. I took another breath. "I don't love you."

His hands let go of me and fell to his side, balling into fists.

Before me, His whole demeanor seemed to transform. First was the pain. Then, it went blank. His whole face went ever so blank. If I didn't know him, I probably would have thought he was a statue. He was completely still.

His eyes stared down at me with such aloofness. I opened my eyes to say something, but it was too late. He turned his back on me and began walking up the stairs back to the palace.

I picked up the little dignity I had, and walked past the gate and to the carriage. As I sat down inside, Orin took a look at my face. He moved next to me, and placed his hand atop mine.

"I know its hard making the transition, but I'm sure you'll adjust."

I looked wearily at his ordinarily plain face. Here he is telling me I'll be okay, doesn't he know I just left the best thing that has ever happened to me? Doesn't he realize that I left the only person who truly mattered, who ever really cared about me? Can he not see, the man-no, demon that I had just rejected, holds my very heart?

Orin gave me a sincere smile.

No. Its no way he could know those things. He's blind to my internal pain. He knows not the strength its taking to keep my composure. He knows nothing, Does nothing, Sees nothing! He's oblivious in every sense of the word.

No. I had no right to judge him.

He was a peasant, and soon I would be his wife. He lived in a low class village, soon I would too.

Sesshomaru's face came to mind.

I blocked it out, along with everything else that happened in the past ten years.

Orin squeezed my hand.

I gave him the best smile I could muster, and prepared myself for what the future held.

Soon, We would live a mediocre life. A new life.