Chapter Five: Black Veil

He lay on his futon with his eyes closed and a peaceful expression on his face. Soft satin sheets lay on top of him, as well as a small square satin below under his head. The blinds were closed but, a light gray shadow of the moon made itself present. Nothing stirred in the darkness of the room, as I stood over him. His mouth was partly open as he breathed in and out. His short dark hair spread to the sides of his face, creating the image of a youth, straight out of childhood.

I held the knife tight in my hands above my head. I took a deep breath. This was it. The moment I've been waiting for ever since I arrived in this low class village. While I had rejected my one and true love, I had felt no real pain, and I thought maybe it was because I didn't really love him. That it was just the thought of it. The idea of loving someone who couldn't be loved, or actually obtained. But, I was wrong. I was completely wrong. To this very moment I still can't fathom what exactly went through my mind, as I said those words. If I could change time, I would. But, now I can't. And, here was the next best thing...

I would kill Orin.

There was no other way I could quench my anger. I hated Orin, and everything he stood for. He was nice, and kind, gentle, polite, and humble in every sense of the word. Orin was what every woman dreamed of. A perfect husband who would treat them with absolute kindness and give them a loving and secure lifestyle. The compassion that he had was absurd. His thoughts were nothing less of optimistic. His smiles were full of trust. He was...Perfect! And...I hated him for it. I looked at his pure and innocent face. Not a trace of hatred or spite in his feeble little body. He was mediocre! This man who lays here and wishes me to be his wife has nothing going for him. I can't even stoop so low as to marry him. I cannot allow myself to. Compared to Lord Sesshomaru he is...dirt! He isn't a ruler of an entire region! He isn't even a noble! Orin, cannot wield the sword of healing, or open the gates of hell! He can't make humans and demon cower in hid very presence without even looking in their direction! This man who lays here, with the very aura of a saint does nothing than repel and disgust me! His hair is not the color of winter! His eyes are not the color of a waking sun! He doesn't have the branding of pure blood, or the mark of a crescent moon! He doesn't have the face of the face of angel and the strength of an entire hoard of demons in one finger!

I stared at Orin with ravenous eyes. What was I thinking? This is a disgrace! Choosing to marry this...this...HUMAN!? This filth! I am no common peasant girl. I am Rin! The ward of the great and wonderous Lord Sesshomaru! I deserve better than this human! I deserve..I deserve...

I deserved Sesshomaru.

As much as I didn't want to hurt him..in the end...I did. I had fallen in love with him, and led him into thinking we could have been together. I encouraged his feelings and let him believe in what I wanted to be true. I wanted..him. And, even though it seemingly was impossible. I let him believe that it wasn't. That we could have somehow overcame any obstacle that came our way. But, that hope. Mine and his, although it was never said aloud. He and I, we hoped that the love we shared would and could overcome anything! Our hope was mainly based on that, he just...believed in it more than I did.

He wanted forever...And, I just wasn't it.

At first, I will admit marrying Orin was a small bit tempting. For the simple fact, of being normal for once. Getting married. Having kids. Loving someone who could love you back...Even dying old was a little appealing. But, as the carriage stopped at the entrance, and I was led to my room I started to come to terms with what had just taken place. I remember sitting there with my arms to my chest feeling as if I would never be whole again. As if my whole world was over. There was no point to living. And, right now with this knife in my hands I still believe that to be true. Each and every time I think of Sesshomaru and what could have, should have, or wanted to happen I unknowingly blame Orin. It wasn't his fault, It was never his fault. I was just putting the blame on someone else, instead of taking responsibility for my actions. I was the one who crossed the line between ward and lord. I was the one who let myself fall in too deep, and it was me...who said I didn't love him. Those were my words...and I regret it. I haven't seen my lord in maybe several hours but, it seems like an eternity. Now that I'm thinking about it..I don't think I can bear it any longer.

A world without Sesshomaru was no world at all.

If I couldn't be with him, I might as well be dead. I lowered the knife to my stomach.

I might as well be dead...

I began to pulled the knife back, ready to take my life.

Orin stirred in his sleep. I looked at him as he began stirring restlessly. His eyebrows began furrowing together, as if he was trying to figure something out. I took a deep breath. I couldn't do it. I thought I could but, I couldn't. I slipped the knife in between the folds of my kimono, and walked to the door. I pushed it aside, and muttered, "You deserved better, Orin.." Before slipping through the dark hallways, past the night maids and back to my room.

Day One_

They cut my hair. They said it was unruly and coarse. It was not lady-like and would not be appropriate. I looked to the ground as they cut through the split ends and tangled knots. My long, wild hair that flowed down to almost my hips, was now all around my feet. I reached my hand up, my hair was just above my shoulders. They even cut my bangs symmetrically straight. They said If the village girls were to look up to me, I was to have a more suitable hairstyle. One, with style, and elegance. That portrayed just a hint of grace.

I was fitted with new clothes. A girl was not meant to wear such bright, colored kimonos. Especially not the colors of a demon clan. They constantly reminded me I was not to bring attention to myself at all. I was to wear only dark, dull colors, at all times. The New Lady, must be heard of, spoken highly of, thought of, but not noticed.

Day Two_

If I was to be a good wife, I must follow and obey certain rules and regulations. I must wake up promptly at dawn, and begin preparing breakfast. Make sure there is enough wood for the fire. If not, go to the forest and collect some myself. Finish breakfast, and have it ready for him as soon as he wakes up. And, while he is eating gather up a horse for him as he eats his breakfast so he can run his daily errands. Have the horse ready and saddled as soon as he finishes his food. Carry any weapon or important item he might need and retrieve it for him before he departs. Upon him leaving, Take care of anything that needed to be done such as: The cleaning, The cooking, The farm animals, the crops, the categorizing of his important documents in alphabetical order, the fixing of any household object and furniture, and anything else that needed to be done. While all these rules were being said to me, there was only one that truly stuck into my head.

I was to give him sex, if he so pleased. And bear as many kids as he deemed fit.

Day Three_

Sesshomaru grabbed hold of my arm.

I looked at him with wide eyes.

"Why did you accept his offer?"

I looked down.

"Rin, I need you to help me understand why you are doing this."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

"You said you felt the same way..."

I nodded my head.

His arms tightened on me. "Rin, I don't have time for this. Answer me."

"Rin?"

My throat seemed to close and when I tried to speak nothing came out. I put my hand to my throat trying to signal to him that something was wrong, but instead he released his grip. He pulled away from me, and looked me square in the eye.

"You said you dreamed of being with me forever..."

I tried to move for him but, my body seemed to weak. My vision began to blur.

I patted my hand on my chest trying once again to signal him, but instead he turned around and walked away.

I fell to my knees. It felt as though all the oxygen in my lungs had evaporated, and I was now on the floor struggling to breath.

My eyes fly open and before I have a chance to even recall what had happened in my dream, I felt my throat close, and I began gagging. My light tan sheets were stained I bright scarlet color. Tears began forming in my eyes. Something is happening to me. And I don't know what it is. I'm scared , but I don't know what of. It keeps happening to me, and I don't know what to do,or how to stop it. And, I don't know if I should tell somebody, or..or...

I'm all alone, and I don't know what to do.

I wanted to die because I couldn't be with him, but now...

I pushed my knees to my chest, and squeezed as hard as I could. I don't wanna die, not yet...not yet...

Later That Evening_

I walked amidst the local villagers without notice. I wove through and around them to reacha small shamble of a house, apart from all the rest. After this morning's incident, I needed someone who I could somehow confide my trust in. Someone who knew of things completely out of the norm. Someone who knew things others would probably kill for. Who knew the fine line between True and False, Reality and Illusion, Life and Death...

I put my hand on the door and knocked three times.

I needed a fortune teller.

I waited for a couple seconds and thought about turning around when, a high pitched voice reached my ears.

"Why are you waiting outside, my darling when you have so many questions? If you want to return before someone at the palace notices, you had better hurry!"

I opened the door to a dim lit room, that had maybe two windows, but other than that the room was mainly lit with candles. Tall, short, wide, light, dark. There were so many different types of candles, that all had very peculiar colored flames. In the one room house, there was just a table, and two chairs. One was open, and the other was occupied by a old woman who looked as though she had lived too lives. Her skin was sagging and wrinkled, which barely clung to her lithe form.

"I'm not as old as you think, dearie."

Her high pitched luminous voice caught my attention. I bowed an apology, and looked up to her old and aged face.

"Have a seat won't you?"

I walked over to the chair and sat down cautiously. She eyed me for a moment, and as she did, I continued to observe her decaying body. Her light brown eyes looked me over as if I had something written on my face.

"You love him."

I bit my lip in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"Child, we have no such times for this. When I ask a question, you answer. You love him do you not?"

I looked at her warily, "I did."

She put a hand under her chin. "You mean 'I do.'

"I am to be married."

"Yes, Yes. I know that, But you do not wish it."

"I don't."

"Then why did you accept?"

"I had to."

"No, my dear child...you didn't have to do anything..you chose to."

I slammed my hands on the table furiously. "I had to! If I didn't then..Then.."

The old woman tilted her head. "Then what child? You would have been happy."

I came to a stand. "No! You don't understand!"

"Make me understand, then. You had finally found love. And was loved in return and yet you turned him down, to live a pathetic, and unhappy life here, with someone you had just tried to kill this morning!"

I put my hands up in protest. "No! I-I..I wasn't going to hurt him I-I was..He wouldn't understand what..Its not what it seems!"

The old woman stood up, she was just above my nose. Her wild gray hair flowed around her lithe form in thick masses.

"What happened this morning?"

She must have seen the confusion in my face for she stepped around the table and stood in front of me. Her eyes staring at me intensely. "What did you dream of?"

I bit my lip out of nervousness, "I-I dreamt of..."

Her voice raised an octave. "Was it him you dreamed of!"

Tears fell down faster than I could count. "Yes..."

She looked at my face as if she was looking for something else. "There is something else child! What is it child? You need to tell me now! Perhaps I can help you!"

I put my hand to my throat.

She moved a little closer. "What is it, child?"

I took a shaky breath. "I couldn't breath..."

She gave me a grave look. "I'll see what I can do. First I must touch the ailment see what is-"

As soon as she touched my neck, it felt as though her hands were fire. She yelped at the contact, and fell backwards over the chair and table. I moved over to help her up, but she began screaming.

"What is wrong with you?!"

I started at her startled. I didn't know what to say.

"There is a something so very odd about you! You are not what you seem!"

"That's why I'm here. This morning, After the dream..I coughed up blood.."

The old woman's eyes bulged out of her eyes like large wide saucers. She put her hand on her mouth. I began to panic. "What?! What is it? What's wrong with me?!"

A sad look came over her.

"What is it? Tell me! Why is this happenning?"

The old woman lowered her hand. "Your bleeding from the inside out."

"What? I don't understand! How..How..What does that mean?!"

I made my way closer to her but she just, retracted closer to the opposite wall. She spoke very softly, "You're dying."

My mind began to panic."I don't understand...What are you saying?! I'm dying?! But..." I looked to the ground for answers.

"Child?"

I looked back to her.

"How long have you been alive?"

I gawked at her. "What does that have to do with this? You're not making sense, old woman. Why does my-"

"Have you ever died before?"

"Yes, but that was a long time ago. What does that have to do with-

""How many times did you die?"

"Twice, but-"

"You were supposed to die..."

I began pacing in the small house, desperately trying to comprehend what exactly she was trying to saying.

"The first time was chance, the second was curse." I looked at her as I paced from one window to the next. "The first time half your soul had left your body, the second time most of it has also left."

"Are you saying I have no soul?"

The old woman nodded her head solemnly."Since that day, it has slowly left your body. I don't see how you made it this far in life." She looked up at me with solemn eyes. "Your body is warning you of your fading life."

I looked up at the ceiling. My life was over. From what she was saying, I was barely alive this whole time. I was some kind of empty shell, with no purpose that would soon fade away. As I thought about all the years I spent with Sesshomaru, the only words I can use that truly describe them are 'happy' and 'oblivious'. I was happy to be with the one who had resurrected me from death and oblivious to the fact that it had followed me this entire time. I feel as though the last couple of years didn't even happen. Like they were some kind of amazing, and adventure-filled dream that I never wanted to wake up from. This whole time...Anger flooded through my veins and boiled my blood. This whole time...Camping in the wilderness, wandering around aimlessly, playing in fields of flowers, growing up with demons...Loving Sesshomaru...

My life flashed before my eyes. And, I was mournful because It had been too short and had gone way too fast. I felt like I had just started to live, and now...The years that I used to claim were my best years seemed to be an illusion. I was not really living, like everyone else. I was living a false life, led by false beliefs. I could neither change or intervene in what the fates had decided. In essence, Sesshomaru had already done that. When I died the first time by wolves, he had resurrected me with his sword of healing, tenseiga, thus defying the fates. The second time, when I was dragged into hell by the hell hound, he used his mother's meidostone to save me, thus defying the fates again. Sesshomaru couldn't defy the fates a third time. He can't save me this time. My time was up a long time ago, it made no sense to keep avoiding it. Its ironic how feelings and emotions can change a situation completely. Because just like before when I rejected Sesshomaru, 'hope' was present. Every time I died, he and I, we hoped that he could save me, and he did. In that instance, I believed in it more than he did. Just as we had hoped love would keep us together, we both knew that death would somehow drive us apart. We both knew that. Its just that neither of us felt the need to state the inevitable.

"When..uhm...When will..-"

"I'm not sure. I would say three days max, if you don't overexert yourself."

I stood motionless.

"You will suffer."

I turned and began walking to the door.

"There will be pain!"

I kept walking.

"Pain and immense heartache!"

I put my hand to the door ready to open it.

"When the end comes...know that he will be there."

My heart seemed to ache.

I paused. My voice came out in a whisper. "How long?"

There was a silence. "Long enough for it to matter."

I opened the door.

Jaken stood outside clutching the staff of two heads uncontrollably, with tears in his eyes.