Hi guys! Sorry for the really irregular updates. I'll be updating every one to two weeks (most likely two). I'm actually really busy this summer, I'm sorry. Thank you for the great reviews! I really want to write this story, but sometimes I just…feel lazy. Unmotivated. I dunno. Well anyway, enjoy!
KILI
Hope loops her hand through mine and I take it. We walk to where Mom is, along with Thorin and…
Fili.
Okay. I have to play it cool now. I take a deep breath and I push back my hair a bit. As I close in on them, I begin to worry whether or not my shirt is unwrinkled, if my bowtie is lopsided or if my hair looks okay.
"Oh hi, KIli! Congratulate your brother," Mom says when she sees me. She flashes me a strained smile.
I see Fili turn around. As I step towards him, I suddenly realize that I only go up to the bottom of his chin. His chest is like a barrel and I seem to be encased in his shadow.
"Congratulations, Fili," I mumble. I look down at my shoes as Fili continues to tower over me. I glance up, and suddenly, all of those feelings came back to me in one sharp intake of a breath. I find myself staring at him, looking into those molten liquid eyes.
Sweaty nights. Tangled sheets. Tears. Tissues building up in the small trashcan next to my bed. All of my toys pushed into a corner, thinking that I would be a big boy. Thinking that I would be good enough for Fili. How after my middle school graduation, I shut myself into my room, breaking down into tears until he left back for the Academy. How is it that he's the world to me, but I'm nothing to him? It's like…we're complete strangers.
Hope must've noticed the weird reaction I was having. She squeezed my hand. I jerk my head towards her, seeing that she gives me a concerned look. I ever-so-slightly shook my head and give her a small smile.
"Well, this is Hope. Hope Walton," I state. I turn to Uncle Thorin and Dis. Hope walks over to shake their hands and welcomes them with one of her sunny smiles.
FILI
What the hell just happened? Kili comes over with a girl, and then he mumbles a few words. And then…what? We were both lost in some kind of fantasy, with a sprinkle of angst, world. I saw him, I seemed to have pried him open. I was lost in his perfection and surprised by the pain behind his eyes. He was my little brother. I…I need to protect him. I had the sudden urge to run my hand through his hair to smooth it down and I wanted to reach down to straighten that cute little bowtie of his.
That's when the entire atmosphere shifted. In less than a blink of an eye, this…Hope girl decides to shove her face in front of everyone.
Walton though. Huh. She doesn't happen to be related to Lucas Walton? I suppress a chuckle as I think back to our shared, shining, glorious moments. If Kili somehow ended up with Hope, it wouldn't be so bad. I'd have Lucas as my brother in law. A slight twinge started to grow in my stomach.
Hope lays a hand on Kili's forearm and Kili rest a hand around her waist. What am I doing? I suppress the strange feeling in the pit of my body. I don't care about Kili and his love life. He can do whatever he wants. What do I have to do with it? I scoff.
We all return home, with Hope leaving Kili in one last tight, too-long embrace. We cram into Dis' SUV and we make the long trip back.
I shed off my robe and I place my cap in my lap. I find that I am stuck in the back with Kili, as Uncle Thorin is in the front with my mom, who is driving.
So…another four years for me. I'm off to Erebor University, majoring in neuroscience. I won't be going off until another three or four months, so I'll just be sticking around for a bit. Maybe I'll go on vacation, take a nice long trip to somewhere down south. That would be nice. I stretch in my seat and I start to buckle up. I notice that Kili sits far from me, his head cupped in his chin. His entire back is almost facing me as he is already staring out the window.
When the last colors in the sky begin to fade away, I look to my right to once more stare at Kili's light blue, pinstriped back. He's slumped over, freely rocking with every motion of the car. I reach over and I lightly tap him on the shoulder. No response.
For some reason, I think about the color yellow. Not just any yellow, Hope's dress, light yellow. I think about color schemes and how the light pastel blue and the fading buttery-ness seemed to look good together. A strange pang in my heart formed. I'm…lonely. Even with the people I had in high school, I felt insatiably lonely. Something. If my heart, stomach, lungs and all of my vital organs had a color, they'd be black. If they had physical form, it would be a piece of clay pottery brutally smashed into a million pieces.
Wait a minute. I know. I just need a girl. Like Kili. She will be the most understanding, passionate, intelligent woman anyone will ever meet. Even Kili will be jealous.
Oh my god. I did not just think that.