TWO YEARS LATER

We bustle in with a flurry of snowflakes, cashmere, and lipstick. We quickly shut the door behind us.

"I'm hooommmee!" I bellow. Jackie giggles and her fire-n'-ice red lips spread into a smile.

I see Dis coming through the archway and out into the foyer. When she sees me, her face lights up and her arms spread open and I am crushed in a mother-hug.

"Finally! Oh, Fili, we've been waiting for you! And I see you've brought a special someone with you," she exclaims. She tweaks my cheek a bit. Jackie and I shed our coats and scarves and we walk into the cozy warmth of my home. In our thick, wooly socks, we pad our way into the dining room where everyone is already seated. Uncle Thorin sits at the far end with his good friend Bilbo. I see that a plaid beige scarf is draped over the back of the head seat. I guess that's where Dis will be sitting. I see that Kili is complacently sitting to her left.

I find that my spot is right across from Fili, with Jackie next to me. I am a bit surprised that I don't see Hope anywhere. What a shame. I smirk, and I lace my hands with Jackie's as we take our seats. I quickly flit my eyes across from me. Kili's face is turned down into his lap, his face a stone mask. His little pink lips are set in a deep line and his eyes seem half-lidded. His hair is a bit wild, like how it used to be when he was young.

I vaguely hear what everyone else is talking about. I see lips moving, smiles, laughter, but everything is fuzzed out and blurry. Bilbo is joking around with Thorin, and Jackie is bantering around and sometimes I see her mouth her concentration, or and I watch her lips form a year. One year. That's how long we've been dating. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kili shift slightly. He seems so aloof, like we're segregating him: adults and kids. I know Kili's not a child anymore. He's turning eighteen in two months. I'm conflicted. What do I do? Talk to him? It hurts my heart to see him so…quiet.

I pretend to join in with Jackie and I lean forward on my elbow and I slap a smile onto my face. I am still keenly looking at Kili; he's slipping out of my peripheral vision, but I do notice that he looks up briefly. Dis has come in with the food.

The 'adult' side of the table continues talking. She set's down a few dishes and then she takes her seat. We all dig in. While our mouths are full and we are muffled for a few moments, Dis starts talking. She chooses a subject that we have not discussed yet. It is a subject that I doubt has even crossed anyone's mind.

"So Kili, how are your archery lessons going?" she asks. Archery? Who would've guessed. I mean, his arms have gotten leaner and his stance is more pronounced, wider, and proud, but…he could've been a golf player? All eyes suddenly turn to Kili.

"Fine," he says. He doesn't even move. He didn't even lift up his head. His words were clipped, and somehow, some string beans magically got onto his plate.

"Tell us about your competitions," our mother urges him on. "Tell them how good you are." Her voice is soft, almost pleading.

"They're fine. I'm fine." Again, another terse answer. A hush falls over the room.

I find myself speaking up before I could stop myself. "Archery?" I scoff. "That's cool. I can see where you get all of your…bulk." I smirk, and I get down to cutting my turkey.

"Fili!" Dis exclaims. Her tone is hushed but she might as well have been spitting acid.

"What? Why can't Kili play a real sport?" I lean forward to put a piece of broccoli into my mouth when I hear a chair scrape. I notice Kili's spot is now empty.

We all sit in silence for a few moments, hearing the soft thumps of Kili's feet as he bolts upstairs. Strange. I shrug and continue eating.

"Fili! Go up there and apologize right now!" my mother hisses at me. I glance over to Jackie, who seems a bit worried. I look at Thorin who carried a stern look on his face. I sigh. I nod. I push back my chair and I take slow strides as I go to chase after Kili.

KILI

I see him walk into the dining room, taking his seat right across from me. He walks in with some girl on his arm, dressed in a red sweater dress and a fuzzy scarf. Her lips are hot red with ashy brown hair falling over her face. By Jove, it's like they think they're so great, or movie stars, something.

And then there's me. Isolated. Like I'm truly not good enough for them. They talk and laugh. My face heats up as I sit there, unmoving while everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves. I wish Hope was here. I feel tears start to pool over my eyes for a second before I rapidly blink them away. She was so young…why me? I could still remember inhaling the white roses at her funeral. They finally got the drunk driver and arrested him for homicide, but that didn't even quell the anger, sadness and hurt in me.

Then the conversation suddenly turns to me. I know Mom means well and she wants to make me feel like I'm part of something. But I won't ever be standing with them, at least not Fili. I wish they could leave me alone.

I only give terse answers. Then, Fili goes and bashes the one thing that has kept me sane. Archery is the only thing I have passion for now.

I just remember my feet hitting thirteen stairs as I dive onto my bed. I bury my head into my pillow and I softly weep. I feel my body shake a bit and my pillow cover starts to feel a bit damp.

I hear another set of footsteps follow me up.

"Leave me alone!" I yell. It's muffled by my thick pillow.

The door opens behind me.

"Kili, I'm…sorry." I stop shaking for a moment, my tears still dripping out of my eyes. Fili?

"What do you want?" I murmur. He's the last person I want to see. He's half the reason for my pain and the reason why I tried to overdose on pills two months ago. It's like no one is there to watch out for me.

"I just wanted to apologize," I hear him softly say. I feel the mattress sink down to my right and the bed creaks a bit. I feel his warm, broad hand on my shoulder as he continues talking. I just lie there, almost suffocating. I feel like a cardboard cutout as he makes contact with me.

"I know that I'm your older brother and I should really respect what you do. And look after you. Sorry." I feel him lift his hand off. I hear him turn and leave. He's probably taken two steps before I lift my head, resting my chin on the pillow. "You are my brother. I thought you loved me." I then bury my face back into my pillow. I felt my heart tear a bit in the corner. So that's it then. Fili will apologize and say sugarcoated words but he won't even comfort me or love me.

That's when everything goes still. Fili stops. I feel the strands of my loose brown hair fall over my face. I go to sit up and I wipe my face with my sleeve.

"Kili, we aren't little kids anymore you know," I hear him softly say. After the silent moment stretched out like melted taffy, we knew that we were both thinking the same thing. We were both thinking about the night of Fili's fourteenth birthday when I curled up with him in bed, afraid of the maelstrom outside. I could remember his tense body, his scent. I felt safe that night. I felt like Fili finally truly liked me.

"I…care for you Kili. I want you to be happy," he quietly goes on.

"Do I look happy to you?" I say. I clench my teeth and my mouth forms into a sneer. I felt like pouncing on him, unsheathing claws or brandishing a blunt cudgel to just…knock him down. How is he so blind? Does he think ignorance is bliss? That he'll be happy if he pretends I'm not there?

"No. I'm sorry."

"You keep saying that but—" I stop to gasp, inhaling deeply when a new wave of tears bursts from me "—but you don't mean it. Don't ever say it again." A heavy sob wracks my chest and I fall head first into my comforter.

My heaves and sniffs fill the room for a bit. Then Fili shifts; I hear him maybe straightening out his sweater or something. "So archery, huh?" I hear him say. His tone feels light, playful.

"Fuck off." Archery is serious. It's not just some hobby I do. Fili talks about it as if I was going to go to a Boy Scout meeting.

"Well, do you have any competitions coming up? I think I'd like to go," I hear him hesitantly say. For some reason, it feels like an enormous weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

"Well, yeah. Next week. It's not like you're going to be sticking around or anything though…" I grumble.

"Actually, I will be."

I peek out from my blanket. I cock an eyebrow.

"Jackie and I are planning our wedding."

WHAT.

I flop over onto my stomach. After years of trying to be his number one, I find that that spot has finally been occupied. I'm still unranked.

Please review guys! And I guess I'm going to update around every Friday/Saturday. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Next chappie in a week! Whoo! haha