Chapter 11- Awareness is the Option

Alvin woke up the next day with an odd feeling in his stomach. He wasn't one to believe in superstition, but he was aware that this was no ordinary feeling. The May sunrise was peeking through his room that Sunday; a pale light that he wasn't accustomed to seeing. He wasn't much of a morning person; he stumbled out of his bed and headed toward the kitchen. He looked into Simon's room and he wasn't there. He wasn't quite sure of what to think of this; Simon didn't have much else to go to besides Brittney's apartment and he feared the worse. Simon must have tried to confront Jeanette after his concert! He thought, that possibly lead to disaster, or worse, she took him back. He pondered his thoughts. Why would he consider that to be a bad thing? They were meant for each other, as he had always thought, but he knew the other side of the argument. Running around with the one you've hurt isn't something that works out usually. He's seen how things are changed and his worry rose again. He went back into his room and grabbed his cell phone. He called Brittney's apartment, but there wasn't an answer. He was worried, but he didn't know what to do. He grabbed some clothes and headed into the bathroom. He took a shower, changed into his clothes and headed out of the door.

Eleanor and Theodore decided to take a day off from their usual worrying and spend the day away from each other. They bad locked themselves in their apartment and needed a bit of separation to get their heads straight. Theodore went off to a music store in town to grab the new Spoon album, and Eleanor went to a coffee shop on campus.

She walked a great distance from the house but it was a nice spring morning. The cool breeze was still blowing over the campus, and she was able to feel it in her bones. She was approaching the shop when she heard what she thought was her name being called from across the street. The cars moved by too quickly for her to pick out the caller. Dust was flying everywhere and people were rushing around quickly across the street. A person crossed and waved, but she couldn't tell who it was.

"Ellie-," the faceless man called to her. She shielded her eyes from the morning sun, as he came closer into view.

She squinted and tried to focus on the silhouetted figure but she could tell who it was, he continued to call. Whoever it was he had defeat in his voice, a nonchalant that can't be explained by anything else. She turned around and he caught up with her and put his hand on her shoulder. She was surprised and turned around quickly. It was only Alvin, who was now catching his breath.

"Alvin," she said with shock, "what are you trying to do, kill me?"

"I swear Ellie," he said, "sometimes I think you're completely deaf," he was hunched over, trying to catch his breath, but he lifted his head and smiled after he said that. She laughed slightly and went inside, which he followed her in.

"So, what's going on Alvin," she said as she got in the queue. There were for other people ahead of her, but the shop itself wasn't busy. It was odd; usually the shop would get busy around this time, "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages."

"That's certainly how it seems," he said as he turned away from her.

"Well," she said after a long pause, "how have you been?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I haven't meant to be stand offish. I've been fine; I just woke up today without Simon in the house and I'm kinda in the process of finding him."

Eleanor looked shocked, "he's gone missing then?"

"I wouldn't say all that," he said as he ordered his coffee. Somehow he got ahead of her in the line. He laughed and said, "He just didn't come home last night. It's not something that never happens, it's just that-"

"It only happened when he was with Jeanette,"

"That's just it. I can't imagine what would have happened in New York to make him stay there, so I'm just assuming it happened here."

Eleanor looked away for a second and Alvin drank his coffee as they stood just right of the line, "Do you have any way to contact him?"

Alvin looked to her, "His phone's off, so no. I actually assumed he was at your old place so I called, but nobody answered."

"Why would you assume he was there?"

"Well," Alvin looked back to coffee and took a drink, "I assumed that he would probably try to go make amends with Jeanette. Although he knows that there's no way that it could ever happen, but he doesn't care anymore. He's being irrational, something I've never seen him do. I guess he really likes her or something," Alvin laughed, "Sadly, he won't listen to me, although I know the most about this subject matter. He's just not going to do well if he keeps chasing her. I told him to make a clean break, but he hasn't yet," Alvin was rambling at that point, and Eleanor stopped him.

"Alvin, I'll go with you to my sister's place. We need to solve this thing anyway," She said as she got up, "I couldn't imagine Simon doing anything ridiculous such as this," Eleanor left with Alvin following after her. They walked in silence for the most part across campus.

Brittney and Simon had gotten up but they hadn't much spoken to each other. Simon stepped onto the balcony and was smoking a cigarette while Brittney was sitting on the couch near the door checking her website. Brittney still maintained their fan website which was, surprisingly, still very active after all of the years of inactivity of the two groups. Brittney wasn't really sure why she did this; it just seemed like the right thing to do after all of these years. She lost herself in her work and Simon stayed outside and texted while she was indoors. He had taken his shirt off in the spring sun, but she hadn't really noticed. When she looked up, she realized he had lost weight. He had always been rather skinny and on the verge of emaciated in years past, now was one of those times he looked emaciated. He didn't look inside the house and she looked away, back to her duties. They went on like this for a while; he slide the glass door that separated them open. The glare from the door was immediately noticed, blinding the room unlike much else. She looked up at him, but she could only see a silhouette.

"That light is blinding, Simon!"

He turned around and closed the curtain, "Oh," he walked over to her and sat down, "I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that you were in physical pain."

She laughed, "It's not exactly all that. I just wasn't able to see you."

"I see."

They sat awkwardly together for a period of time, neither of them speaking, until Simon said, "So…"

She looked to him, "Yeah?"

"Are we going to talk about, well, what happened last night?"

She looked slightly disappointed, "I really, hmm," she paused, "what exactly do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," he said, "Where exactly do we go after this? I mean, we can't just pretend that nothing happened, can we?"

She looked to him and held his hand, "I'm not sure that I want to."

"Really? Well, I'm not sure if that's the wisest decision at this point."

"You need to stop thinking about what's wisest thing to do all the time. Think for the moment, and, at this moment, what is your heart telling you?"

He looked away from her, "I'm not sure. The problem is that, my heart and my mind fight an awful lot. I can't just get past what my heart wants without the mind getting in the way. You know me, Brittney. I'm a logical person. My heart is telling me to do what I want, but my mind is telling me that this just might be a mistake," It wasn't what she wanted to hear, but she understood what he meant.

"Our hearts tell us often things are brains never want to here. The fact that your heart is saying one thing is good enough for me. Honestly, I could care less what you Brain has to say about the matter."

He laughed and got up, "want something to drink?"

Eleanor and Alvin continued towards their apartment, which was roughly thirty minutes from where they had started. At this point, they had started talking again.

"Alvin, so what you are saying is that he might have gone to confront Jeanette. Do you honestly think that he would have?" the streets were busy with excitement. People were walking about, entering and leaving stores, and cars were a buzz on the street.

"Honestly, I'm not sure what to think of all of this. He could have done so many things. I know it was something that I thought of doing on many occasions when Brittney and I were apart. I'm trying to not rule anything out," Alvin was walking with his head down. This whole situation had affected him deeply and he wasn't feeling the greatest. In fact, he hadn't felt physically well since it happened. He had been coming in and out of illness, usually with nothing more than a cold. He lifted his head and saw someone he recognized, but couldn't put his finger on whom it was. The person was walking away from them slowly.

Eleanor had seemed to read his mind at this point, "Alvin, do you recognize that girl far in front of us? Is that Jeanette?"

Alvin had a moment of clarity, "Oh let's hope. We can settle this thing right here," they started to run forward through a crowd of people, who were less than happy to let them through. They rushed forward, and, luckily her pace was the same. Alvin yelled, "Jeanette?"

The woman turned around to reveal that it was in fact Jeanette, "Alvin? Ellie?" she turned around and started to walk towards them, "whatever are you doing here?"

They both were catching their breath as they got to her and Ellie said, "We were looking for you, actually."

"Why's that?"

Alvin looked at her, "We were just wondering if you had seen Simon." She was able to see through his use of euphemisms.

"Well, actually I have."

Alvin looked immediately disheartened, "Did he, come to your apartment last night?"

"You could say that I guess."

Eleanor interjected, "Usually going or coming to a certain location doesn't illicit an indeterminate response. How is there a gradient here? Did he go to your house or not?"

"No need for the hostility," Jeanette was stoic in her responses, "I know why you two are here. No he didn't come to me crying or any of that bullshit. He was actually at my place when I showed up, and he cast me aside. So please, if you two would excuse me," she started to walk forward, the way she had came.

They both leapt forward, "wait, wait," Alvin said, "Why was he at your apartment?" She shook free and kept walking without responding. Eleanor got in front of her, which made her turn around. Alvin grabbed her and asked her again, "Stop running from us! Is there any reason for you to not tell us what was going on?"

She had tears in her eyes, "I don't fucking know why he was there! Brittney was with him and they were doing something. What that was, I don't know," she started to yell, "so get the fuck out of my way and leave me alone!"

Alvin let go of her and she walked away. He stood in shock and anger as she left; Eleanor ran after her.

Eleanor yelled, "Jeanette, please, we're sorry! Come back!" Jeanette kept walking as Eleanor yelled to her. Eleanor stopped her pursuit as Jeanette got out of sight. Alvin walked up behind Eleanor, who hadn't gotten far before concluding it was useless.

"Ellie, we still have to find Simon and the best place to look would be at Brittney's apartment right now."

She turned around and said, "yeah, you're right. It's for the best I guess, but I have no idea why he would be over there."

They started to walk again, and, again, they were in silence.

"Simon, do you want to go out or something?"

"What was that?" Simon and Brittney had showered and changed. Simon was the second one in the bathroom and he was still getting ready for the day, although it was mid afternoon. He was in the bathroom at the end of the hallway and he poked his head out, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked if you wanted to go do something."

He stepped out of the bathroom as he put his shirt on, "Yeah, sure. What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know, I just really want to do something. It's way too boring here."

He laughed at this, "yeah you're right," he sat down with her again. There was a knock at the door. Simon went to get it; it was another tenant of the apartment with a piece of paper in his hand, "hello?"

"Yeah, hey there," Simon had never seen him before, but the visitor was visibly confused to see him there. He was expecting to see someone else, "Uh, I found this notes tapped to your door as I walked past. I'm assuming you may want it."

"What? How long have you had it?"

"I just said, I found it as I walked past, so maybe two minutes, all spent with you," the stranger handed to him and walked away, angry that he had helped another.

Simon walked back into the living room where Brittney was waiting, "Hey, so I found a note of some sort."

Brittney looked up from her computer, "Oh, well, who's it from? Actually, who was at the door too?"

"Just one of your neighbors, he found it on the door and alerted us to its presence. And I'm not sure who it's from, I haven't opened it yet. It's also not addressed to anyone in particular. I would imagine it's for you considering that it's your apartment."

Brittney stood up, "Wait, are you so sure it's for me?"

"Why? Do you think it could be for anyone else in the apartment?"

"Well, it could be for you, from like Jeanette or something."

Simon looked at the letter and pondered this for a second, "Why would she want to contact me at this point?"

"Simon, come on, you know why she would. You two aren't exactly in the best of places and she does want to make it right."

"'Making it right', something we all always want to do but rarely accomplish. It's simply a hollow gesture. Brittney, remember a time you asked someone for assistance in some menial task. We're you really offering your help or just making gesture?"

She looked away in thought, "Well, I guess I was just being nice."

"Don't feel bad about it; everyone does it. The point is, it's just a gesture."

"Gesture or not, I suggest you read it. It is most likely for you."

Simon looked down at the note he held is in hand and looked at her, "I'm not sure if I can."

She grabbed it out of his had, "I can if you need me to," Brittney was always so blatant and abrasive, so much unlike her sisters. She started to open it and Simon grabbed it out of her hand.

"I can handle it," he start to read it and she smiled, "I don't get it."

"What?"

"The note is from Jeanette, so we were right there. She wants me to meet her at some address I've never seen before," he took Brittney's laptop from her, "I'll look it up really quickly."

"Yeah, you can use my laptop."

"It's a house near where Ellie and Theo live. I've never been there though. I wonder why there?"

"Yes yes, it's all a great mystery. What time are you going?"

"Oh wow, it's saying 7 p.m. today. I'll need to leave now," Simon got up and grabbed his coat and Brittney followed.

"I'm coming with you."

"What? No, that would be wholly inappropriate."

"And why is that?"

Simon starting heading towards the door and Brittney got in his way, "Brittney…"

He reached out for the door knob and she stopped him, "Don't pretend like you don't need me right now," Until that point they hadn't had as much of a mention of their personal lives. It was an awkward subject and neither of them wanted to approach it first. Although this comment was indirect, they both knew what the implications were. To admit to this would be to admit to much more. In actuality, Brittney hadn't meant to say it. She was as comfortable as he was with dancing around the issue as much as possible, but, in the heat of the moment, she said it, "Simon, we should really talk about where we go from here, but for now, you know that having me around will make things easier for you."

"Brittney, I'm not sure if they will."

"I understand what you're saying and I want you to forget about it. Having me around with you will kill any chance of you two getting back together, but I suggest that you forget about that entirely. Alvin and I, we went back and forth for months deciding if we wanted to get back together, but, in the end, it was never the same and it will never be the same. You need to realize that and move on. I know, I know that it's going to be difficult, but it's something that you need to do. It's never going to be as it once was, and the sooner you realize that, the less pain you'll be in down the line," she put his hand at his side slowly, "I know I'm being cruel, but it's true."

He interrupted her, "I know, I know, but I'm not trying to get back together with her. It's just that, with you there, it will hurt her. To know that her sister was together with me," he paused for a second to think about what he had just said and he looked to her to gage her reaction. She was looking away and he couldn't see her face. She grabbed her chin and tilted her face towards him. She was looking confused and forlorn. He didn't know what to make of it, "Are we together?"

She paused and grabbed the hand that was on her chin, "I'm not sure. I really don't know how I feel," there was never a real connection between the two of them until the night before. She was confused and didn't know if she really wanted him or not. She looked into his eyes and saw his longing, for what she did not know. She had never really considered him to be anything more than a friend, and they were never great friends until her and Alvin broke up that first time almost a year ago now. She looked up at him, a man she had only gotten to really know the last year after knowing him for thirteen years, "I mean, we've been close but I've never thought of us in a romantic sense until last night," she gauged his reaction for the slightest response, but, as usual, Simon was stoic. She liked that about him at least. He was dependable and consistent and he could be passionate. He was a nice opposite to her, a compliment.

"I know, neither did I, but upon thinking about it, I really do have…" at this he paused. He knew what he wanted to say but he wasn't sure if he should. Brittney looked at him, waiting for the continuation of his sentence. She already knew what he was going to say. Simon looked at her and tried to know what she was thinking but it was to no avail. It's hard to read someone when even they do not know what they want, "I really do have feeling for you. You and I have gone through so many things together over this last year and it's brought us closer but I've never really realized what my heart was trying to say. I'm sorry, that part was really cheesy."

"Don't be. I completely agree," she grabbed his face and their lips met. A breeze blew in from the open window and played at their feet. She broke off, with her face still close to his, "I would like to come with you now, if that's alright."

"Always the stubborn one, aren't you?"

She laughed, "I am, you know that," when she said that, there was a knock at the door, "I wonder who that is?"

"You get it, I'm going to get a quick drink before we leave," Simon said as he walked away.

Brittney reached for the door and grabbed the handle, "Well aren't you the bossy one?"

Simon said from the other room, "Oh, you know I am."

Brittney was facing the opposite direction of the door and opened it. As she did this, she said, "Well Simon, you can sleep at your own place tonight then," she laughed and turned around to face the visitors.

"So, Simon is here then?" Alvin said. Alvin and Eleanor had finally made their way to Brittney's apartment and they were standing at the door.

"Alvin! Ellie!" Brittney said, trying to hide her shock.

Simon called form the other room, "Brittney, you know you want me to spend the night," with a bottle of water in hand, he walked to the door. He wasn't in sight of Alvin and Eleanor until he said, "I'm just far to fun to be with for you to say no!"

Brittney was fighting as hard as she could to fight her terror as Alvin said, "What is going on? Where's Simon."

Simon walked into eyeshot of Alvin and his jubilation quickly went to horror. He said, "Hey Alvin! What's going on?"

Alvin was confused and shocked to see his brother, "We were just looking for you that's all," Alvin nudged Eleanor to try to get her to confirm his claim but she was in too much shock to answer.

"You could have just called me."

Eleanor chimed in, almost waking out of her shock, "Your phone's off."

"Oh well sorry," There was an awkward pause for a second, "how did you know where to find me?"

Alvin was about to say that he saw Jeanette, but he changed his mind, "It was… It was a hunch."

"Well, okay," Simon replied, "Well, we're about to be off."

Eleanor was watching her sister and realized her horror, "Cool, then we'll just be going. Come on, Alvin."

"Right! Let's be off then!" Alvin and Eleanor turned around and left. Simon closed the door and looked to Brittney.

"Do you think they suspected anything?" He said. She just shot him a dirty looked and let go of her breath.

Eleanor and Alvin returned to her apartment where Theodore was making dinner. He had been up all day working on the wedding ceremony and was practically exhausted. When they entered, he said, "did you find Simon?"

Alvin sat down, "We did."

"And? Is everything alright?"

Eleanor went and hugged Theodore and stayed in the kitchen with him, "It's alright I guess."

"You guess? What exactly happened, guys?"

Alvin was still emotionally drained, "I'm not sure. Ellie, you know what's going on?"

"Not really."

Theodore was starting to get frustrated, "Well, did he get back together with Jeanette?"

"Far from it," said Eleanor.

"Very far from it."

"Then what did he do?"

Alvin got in the kitchen with them, "We're not really sure. Maybe Brittney."

"What?"

"Yeah," Alvin said as he sat at the kitchen table, "Whatever you're making it smells fantastic. When are we eating?"

"Whoa, you can't just tell me that and stop there."

Eleanor then said, "What else is there to say? He said some implicating things and now we don't know what all they did right now."

Theodore was visibly confused, "I wonder how all that happened."

"Beats me," said Alvin.

"How do you feel about the whole situation, Alvin?"

He looked away, "I'm fine with it."

Eleanor looked at him, "Oh come off the whole tough guy thing. How can you be?"

"Because I dicked her over a long time ago and now I'm paying for it. We already are at our shaky peace, and I'm fine with whatever she does now," Theodore was silent after he said that and continued to cook.

"Ellie, the reception hall finally called us back."

"What did they say?"

"It's either now or not for a long time. At least that's what I think they said. Their English wasn't fantastic."

Eleanor leaned back in the chair and sighed, "This actually aides our predicament. We can just sit the two of them near each other."

Alvin looked away, "Are you sure that's appropriate?"

"Are you harboring residual feelings?" Theodore chimed in.

"It's not that, it's just that this would be a really easy way for them to tell the world, 'hey we're together now!'. What if that's not what they want? I'm not sure the timeline of their relationship, but there is a distinct possibility that they were hiding this for quite some time. We shouldn't out them like this," Alvin grabbed a napkin from the holder and a pen from his pocket and started drawing something, "What we could do instead is sit you two in the middle, Theodore on the left and Ellie on the right. Then Ellie's Bridesmaids sit with her and the Ushers with Theodore. Or we could just do the maids of honor, Jeanette and Brittney, and the Best men, myself and Simon," he revealed a drawing of the arrangement, "I've seen it done before like this; it might work the best and they will have the chance to tell everyone whenever they please."

Eleanor sat up, "that might work."

Theodore sat the food in front of them, "It will have to work."

The next month carried on normally. Not much was seen of Jeanette, Simon or Brittney. Simon wasn't living with Alvin anymore and he could only assume that he was staying with Brittney for extended periods of time. Alvin tried to call, but he rarely got a hold of either of them. Jeanette would pop in occasionally and stay with Eleanor and Theodore, but it was unknown where she was truly staying at this point. It was known that she had moved out of Brittney's apartment but to where, they did not know.

Graduation came in the early part of May, and Simon did graduate a year early. They all went their separate ways and waited for the wedding which would be at the end of the month. Eleanor and Theodore stayed in Philadelphia in their apartment for the remainder of their lease. Alvin's lease was up, so he returned home. The last he heard from Simon was that he was going to stay in Philadelphia with Brittney until the wedding. Jeanette was the only one to return back to Hollywood that summer.

Soon, the wedding was prepared and it was a week away. Theodore and Eleanor went to Switzerland within the week left. The dress Eleanor wanted was sent with her and they stayed together in a semi lavish hotel. The honeymoon would be better, they would say. Their siblings started arriving within the week, Alvin the next day, Brittney and Simon the following day, and Jeanette arrived in the middle of the week. It was Wednesday, May 26. The Wedding would be that Saturday.