CHAPTER SEVEN

I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE CHAPTERS. THANKS TO ALL WHO HAVE REVIEWED.

Feeling great wasn't even close to what I felt the next day; I feel like I am on top of the world! Winning a tournament, just winning, is so amazing. It's strange to look back to those nervous moments with such a great feeling in my chest. My sweaty palms and shaky knees are just minute details now.

I push myself out of bed and pull on a tee shirt and shorts off the ground. I barrel downstairs and I start to make my way over to the kitchen, where I can already smell eggs cooking and bread becoming all golden and toasty.

My face feels strange. It feels…tight. I touch my cheeks, then my lips.

For the first time in a while…I'm…smiling? It feels weird, but good at the same time. I relish the feeling in my cheeks, in my mouth before I proceed to breakfast.

"Good morning, Kili," Mom says. I wonder if she notices anything. I feel so light, so carefree. I'm happy. That's one emotion I haven't felt in a long time.

She puts down a plate full of warm food in front of me. I pour myself a glass of juice before digging in.

Mom doesn't even comment on anything. She tells me that I have to go and wake up my brother, Fili, and Jackie. I felt a strange pit open up in my stomach. I try to tell myself that I'm just hungry but I'm also…what? Disappointed? I immediately start to bash my thoughts around. It's my fault anyway for being so glum, right? I'm just so hopeless. I feel like I'm trapped in the shadows while the rest of the world is so brightly shining. Who would notice anything about me anyway.

I pick at my plate of food before Mom tells me to go and wake up my brother and Jackie. My brother. I glumly nod and put my fork back down, letting it clink onto the clean, smooth white plate before moving. I trudge to the steps.

A few seconds ago I was happy but now I just feel like…spending my day in bed and not moving. My feet thump against the sturdy stairs as I start my way up. I run my hand along the thick wallpaper. I swat a plush curtain and then I march up to the guest room, where both my brother and his fiancé are.

There's a muffled giggle and then a gasp. I hear someone whispering. I didn't mean to hear them, but now I have. Should I still call them down? Or do I stand up here, right before the door frozen until my muscles start burning? Do I hesitantly knock on their door? But then they'd know I was standing there, listening in on their private life. They'd think it was intentional and that I'm some creep but I just wand to tell them breakfast is ready!

My mind is spinning and my body is trembling. Everything was okay not even half an hour ago. I was even smiling. Now I just feel uneasy and nervous. Almost embarrassed.

Then my worst nightmare happens.

The door suddenly swings open. I see sky-blue covers being dragged on the floor. Ugh. Mortified doesn't even make a dent in what I am feeling. I suddenly wish that I could turn into a statue or somehow, I have been invisible for the past few years of my life and no one can actually see me.

I don't even bother looking past the door and into the room. Who knows what horrors might lay in there. Instead, I find myself training my eyes on the covers. I somehow know there's a naked Fili being covered up. We're both silent, shocked.

My eyes somehow trace their way up to gloss over his torso. His hip bones are so defined. His stomach is softly chiseled and he's furry in all the right parts. His chest is like a God's and his arms and hands, which are tightly clutching the blanket, are simply…beautiful. Since when was Fili so muscular, so perfect? He's like one of those statues in a fancy Roman or Greek art museum, only breathing, living…

My brother. He's my brother. And I've come here to tell him breakfast is ready. I keep my head down as I mutter to him eggs and toast are on the table.

I dash to my room and fetch my bow. I'm out the door.

FILI

Jackie must be the divinity of full lips, an enticing body and dirty talking. We had a romp this morning which was kind of against my will but her seducing powers are too great. She's so passionate and wild, it makes my heart (and nether regions, yes) throb. When I look into her eyes, I see everything there. I see the sparks, the passion, the funny, bright girl I fell in love with when I first walked into the lecture hall.

But.

There's passion. There are spontaneous moments in our relationship that make us giddy. We are affectionate for each other. But where's the friendship? Our mutual bond? The pang in our hearts from missing each other while we're separated? Where's the…

I lay in bed with Jackie whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I tell her that I have to use the bathroom and I hop out, pulling the covers with me to hide my bareness.

When I open the door, I see Kili. He looks a little perkier, but not entirely happy. I suddenly realize that he's not the boy from ten years ago. His sullen figure at my doorway…tugged at my heart. He mutters something that I'm not quite able to catch and then he dashes away.

I am so incredibly confused.

I stand there, not sure what to do before finally heading to the bathroom.

When I get back. I see she has pulled on one of my shirts. She's hugging a pillow.

"Who was that? Kyle?"

"Kili. Yes, it was him." It irks me that she doesn't know his name.

"What did he want?"

"I'm actually not sure. Something about toast." I walk over to her and shake out the comforters a bit before putting them back onto the bed. I crawl over to her and wrap an arm around her waist.

"Ugh, he's probably just snooping around and stuff. He's like one of those pervy teenage boys, right?"

Her eyes are glimmering and a cocky half-smile sits upon her beautiful face. I can't tell if she's being serious or just joking around though.

I'm not sure how to respond but some words slip out of my mouth, like a stream of silky, bad tasting oil that I just want to spew out. "Kili isn't like that. He's not pervy at all."

She cocks her eyebrow at me, daring me to say more.

"Kili…he's a good kid. He's been through a lot so please don't push him or anything. I think he's been hurt enough."

She scoffs, but doesn't say anything else. For some reason, it feels like I've been punched in the chest or something, it makes me angry that…that…Jackie…doesn't like Kili?

KILI

I ran all the way to the archery range with my bow bobbing everywhere, hitting my shins.

I don't think I can ever face them again. They probably think I was trying to creep on them doing it.

By the time I reach my destination, I'm completely out of breath. I rest for a bit with my bow and hands on my knees before entering.

I see my instructor at the front desk, chatting with a parent.

"Hi Krista," I call out to her.

She turns around to give me a brief smile. "Good morning Kili. Good job on the tournament." She then turns back to whoever she's talking to. It must be someone important. I feel a little rejected, but I know she's just dutifully doing her job.

I make my way to the range grabbing a basket of arrows with me. I do my usual warm up of just shooting around. The range is almost empty. There is a little boy with his instructor. A few older guys are messing around in the corner. At the far end, I see a familiar figure.

Is that Em? I tentatively walk over casually as if I'm just going to shoot as some different targets. As I get closer I do realize it's her. I stop a few targets away from her and I start to practice, keeping an eye out for her. She's definitely improved since the last time I saw her.

I keep one eye shit now as I load my bow and aim. I'm just about to let go when I feel someone pounce on me.

No doubt it's Emmy. Her wild sunlight hair falls over my arm as I peer into the most stunning set of eyes.

"Hi!" she says, all dimply. I think my heart just skipped a beat. What is this…feeling? Why was I so enticed to see her?

"H-hi," I mutter out. I give her a smile, a forced one. I tried to replicate the feeling in my cheeks that I just had this morning. However, it probably just looks like grimace.

I think she starts laughing at my failed attempt of seeming cheerful. "So what's up then? I'm just practicing, so I'm guessing you are too?"

"Yeah," I glumly say. I am here to practice but more so…to escape from the events this morning.

Emmy is silent, giving me a steady gaze.

"What?" I ask her. She's making me feel a tad uneasy.

She just shakes her head. "Nothing. I mean…" she pauses. "You always look kind of sad."

I'm just on an emotional roller coaster this morning. I'm shocked. How can she read me so easily when the people closest to me never seem to suspect a thing? Well, I do try to keep my inner feeling locked away; I try to not feel them, mask every bottled up emotion, but yet, Emmy caught onto everything.

I can only respond with a sigh. She grabs me by my arm and tugs me to a resting bench nearby. "Tell me" Em quietly says to me.

Should I shake my head? I've never opened up to anyone before. I'm afraid that if I slip a little piece of me out, everything pent up will come whooshing out and it won't be like 'a burden off of my shoulders'. If I tell someone everything I'll feel exposed and weak. The only person I've trusted was Hope and now she's gone. My eyes start to heat up and grow moist at the thought of her and the fact that…she'll never be with me again.

I could always keep it shallow though. That could provide some cover for the underlying anguish.

"This morning was pretty rough," I tell her and I keep it at that.

Emmy cocks her head to one side in disbelief, giving a menacing yet quizzical look. She doesn't push the subject though. I start to stand up.

A hand forcefully drags me back down. "I can see everything in your eyes. Anyone could. So why…are you so sad? Really." I look at her, and see now her eyes look serious. They look like one solid shade of crustal blue.

"I don't want to talk about," I murmur.

I'm expecting her to push me. I've felt so surrounded all my life. Fili this, Fili that. Get better grades. Go to sleep earlier. Stop messing around. But she doesn't say anything; Emmy just wraps an arm around me.

Someday though. Someday, I hope that I tell someone how much everything hurts.

AN: I'm really sorry for posting like, super late. I'll be starting school next week L but I'll try to post every few weeks. I'm sorry sorry sorry guys. Uggghhhh schooool.