WARNING: There's a very short, non-descriptive reference to cutting in this chapter.
Bella could remember crying at least once during her incredibly short human life, and she knew that when the tears were gone, there had been a moment when a weight seemed to lift and exhausted relief followed. The trouble with memory was that she couldn't recreate the feeling. There were few reasons to envy humans, but that ability to release emotion was one of them. Despite the long moments when she shut out all thought, a caustic sense of her own helplessness kept eating away a hole in the middle of her chest.
If the Volturi had taken Edward, then they knew she was getting close, and they might decide to destroy the evidence. Even if someone else had taken him, the fact remained that until he was back in her – her what? 'Her possession' sounded wrong. He wasn't hers, though he was her responsibility. Until he was back in her company, he was at the mercy of whoever held him hostage. They could be burning him right now.
She wondered whether this feeling inside her was anything like the fear she inflicted on others.
At least there had been good news when they arrived at the airport in Mumbai at dawn. Demetri confirmed that Edward was only about three hundred miles away.
"To the south, and not on the move," he said. "Easier for us if he continues to stay still."
Demetri looked surprised that they needed to head in the direction of Anshi Park, the vast wildlife reserve where Enkidu had recently been seen. When he'd vowed that he'd had no hand in the kidnapping, Ginnie had mouthed, "Yeah, he's clean," which Bella took to mean that Demetri was telling the truth. Of course, it was entirely possible that Alec or Afton had been sent to her cabin to do the dirty work, but at the moment she was willing to forgo questions, as long as the tracker continued to get her closer to Edward.
Unfortunately, the weather slowed them down. Mumbai was hot and sunny, and they were forced to go to ground until nightfall. If Bella shared one thing in common with the Volturi, it was the conviction that vampires were better off going unnoticed. Neither she nor Ginnie wanted to travel through the crowded city while light bounced off their diamond skins, and Demetri would rather have cut off his own head while his body felt around for a box of matches and some lighter fluid. Though they had only been travelling together for the better part of a day, it was clear that he was fanatical about the rules.
"Oh, you're a Virgo all right," Ginnie had told him when they'd settled into a hotel suite and he'd clucked at her for disabling the smoke alarms. "I bet you drive the speed limit too." She pulled out the pack of cigarettes she'd bought in the airport.
It was the first time Bella had seen her smoke, and she wondered if she were doing it just to make the tracker twitch. He and Ginnie had been sparring since Volterra: about her shopping from a catalog on the airplane, about his unwillingness to dress like a regular person, about whose elbow would win the jostling contest for the arm rest that lay between them…
At least they had space to spread out here. The rooms they'd been given – two bedrooms and a sitting room – were larger than Bella's cabin. Instead of giving her a sense of modern India, they were surprisingly like the beige and gold décor in Volterra. "It's the Grand Hyatt," Ginnie had explained as she nodded her approval. Demetri had paid without being asked, and Bella had let him. Currency had never seemed as real to her as trading in actual goods, and besides, the Volturi could afford it.
Ginnie fell back on a sofa with her legs tucked under her. She was reading another magazine and had turned on a screen that was very like the movies they'd seen on the airplane. Women in saris were dancing to music that sounded like nothing Bella had ever heard on a radio. The song was loud and filled the room. Perhaps Ginnie was as addicted to continuous noise as the humans seemed to be.
Demetri returned from the hall. He'd walked far enough away that they couldn't hear his whispered phone conversation, but now that he was back and seated stiffly in an armchair, Bella wasn't going to let him get away with secrecy.
"Who were you talking to?" she asked.
He looked at Ginnie for a long moment before he answered. "Aro."
"And what did he tell you?"
"Caius has only instructed me to find the newborn. I don't think he intended for me to tell you every – "
"What did Aro say?" Bella asked again, and this time her tone of voice caused Ginnie to flinch, though she didn't look up from her magazine.
The lenses Demetri wore had disintegrated, and his eyes were red once again when he looked up. "Aro said… He told me that since I'm this close, that after we find your newborn, he wants me to remain and help the others with the search for Enkidu."
"Why? I thought you couldn't track him," Ginnie said.
"I only end up tracking myself if I try. Even before Enkidu could act as a mirror, I never tracked him; he's immune to me." He gave a wry smile that softened his face. "I can pick up a scent like anyone else though. I'll be as useful as the rest."
"Who else is here searching?" Bella asked.
"I'm not comfortable answering that."
Ginnie's face curved into a cold smirk, most likely because of the absolute truth of his statement.
"Your comfort is not my first priority," Bella said.
"No, I'm sure it isn't. But loyalty to the Volturi is mine."
"Loyalty?" Ginnie's voice was a growl that surprised them both. "You're a glorified hound dog, and if they lose you, they'll just get another tracker."
Demetri sat up a bit straighter. "I'm the best at what I do," he said. "There's never been another who can track someone from the far side of the world. And contrary to your belief, I am valued for more than my skill. Loyalty and honor, though clearly not something you would understand –"
Ginnie was on her feet before he could finish.
"You know fuck-all about honor," she said. "You can't even face a fair fight. You think it's honorable, what you do? You're more delusional than I thought."
She was breathing hard, but she didn't throw off Bella's hand when she felt it on her shoulder.
"Ginnlaug," Bella started.
"He believes this shit, Isabella. That's the worst part. The idiot thinks he's right." She turned to Demetri. "You know what makes me happy? One day you'll all be out on your ass, just like Isabella said. Just like the covens before you."
"You'd rather have the Romanians back?" Demetri asked. "They didn't care who knew what we were. It's only lucky that there were no cameras, no bombs and no internet, just a few angry mobs with torches. You think we should refrain from using our talents so every vampire that gets careless can have a fair chance of taking us down while they let the world see the truth? Grow up. The only reason you live in the relative safety you do is because the Volturi make sure humans think they're comfortably at the top of the food chain."
"I didn't ask for a goddamned thing from the Volturi," Ginnie said. "I live my own life. But you... you're just doing what other people tell you. Tracking down a newborn you know nothing about, just because you were told to."
"And how is that different from you?"
"I owe a debt, you idiot. And after this, I have my own life to return to."
"Oh yes, of course," he said. "From what I've gathered so far, that consists of keeping up with fashion and slang just so you can what? Buy things? Slink around eating animals so you can live among our more natural prey in a rented loft apartment? If that's living your own life, you can keep it."
"I've fought in battles that would make you shake until your knees buckled."
"Then why do you waste your time?" Demetri asked, and his question sounded disturbingly earnest. "Why don't you fight for something?"
"I happen to need… I can't just…" Ginnie stopped to get herself under control. It took a long minute. "My mate died not so long ago." She moved in on Demetri, and he had the good sense to step backward while he processed this turn in the conversation. "Were you in Santa Fe?" she asked.
Bella stepped back. Ginnie's sudden temper, her unwillingness to leave New Mexico that night, the fact that Bella had been forced to use her ability to frighten the blonde into submission – it all made sense.
"What?" Demetri looked completely thrown.
"Were you at the massacre in Santa Fe? 1862," she said. "It's a simple question."
"Aro had no need for a tracker."
"That's not an answer."
"I wasn't there."
Ginnie relaxed almost imperceptibly. "Nikolai was Russian too," she said as though it were an accusation, but she sat back down on the sofa.
No one said anything. Demetri darted his eyes to Bella. Perhaps he hoped she'd know what to do about Ginnie's emotional non sequitur, but Bella decided it was time to retreat to the next room with the door pushed closed so she could get her head around what had just happened.
The bedroom smelled of sanitizer and smoke and plastic and human sex, but as long as she focused on the breath moving in and out, she could handle the thought that she'd forced Ginnie to leave her mate behind to die. I didn't even know her mate was there, so how can I be at fault? But that thought didn't lift her spirits. She knew others felt that the mating bond was almost sacred.
Long ago, Enkidu had tried to convince Bella that she was his mate. For the first hundred years she had almost believed it, because he'd given her life when she thought she would die and because, even though he hardly ever smiled, he didn't leave her behind. He liked to climb mountains until the air was so thin only a vampire could live. He liked to cut himself in patterns and watch the skin seal over again. He liked the thrill of sickening fear he felt around Bella. But more than anything else, he liked the way humans left offering bowls for him, cowed by terror and awe, and it was that obsession with being worshipped that finally proved to Bella that when Enkidu whispered against her temple, "You are my one true other half," he hadn't meant it. She would never be enough for him.
Enough. This sort of thinking was not going to still her mind. She was too close now to lose focus. People were depending on her. Carlisle trusted her with Edward's life; Bat believed she'd return with his granddaughter unharmed. Bella wasn't sure she could do any of those things unless she could get some slim hold on the part of herself that moved through the world as though it couldn't touch her. She let her mind empty again until she was almost floating, and after a while the room grew darker. Then she pulled the door open to tell her traveling companions that it was time to go. She was surprised they hadn't come for her yet, but when she moved farther into the living room, she understood why.
At first she thought that Ginnie was injured. Her pale, thin legs were visible above the back of the sofa, and the moan deep in the back of her throat was almost a feral sound, far beyond reason or self control. What had Demetri done to her? But as she moved closer and saw the muscles pulling across his shoulder blades, she cursed herself for an idiot. Though she was still completely in the dark about how they had gone from shouting to this naked display, there was no doubt at all about what was happening in front of her.
She had the strangest desire to curse them or douse them with a water hose, but she found herself frozen. It wasn't often that anything embarrassed her. She had no idea why she should be upset, but the tension she felt was going to leech out and set the tracker and Ginnie on edge. She took a few steps back. Was nothing going to comply with her wish to have herself under control? Was it so much to ask that she remain calm until she'd snatched Edward back and made her way across the ocean, back to the trees and the river and her small cabin? It didn't seem like a lot to need, but apparently it was, because Demetri jumped up, naked and still obviously aroused, and began stuttering, "She… I…," and Ginnie was lying back with her delicate blouse wrapped around her neck like a scarf, looking resentful and, yes, probably more than a little afraid of her.
"You have the worst fucking timing in the world. Again. I swear to all the gods," Ginnie said.
"It's dark," Bella said. "It's dark now, so you…"
She looked at Demetri, who was still sputtering "I didn't…" and "We only…" while clutching a cushion in front of himself and reaching for his robe with his other hand.
"I'm going to need a minute," he said.
Bella was having none of it. "You stop sniveling. Get dressed, because we're leaving." Then she grabbed her backpack and went to wait for them downstairs by the marble fountain.
Listen to the water pouring into the pool. Breathe, breathe... and why the hell am I angry? Bella didn't understand herself. Even the nearby humans were looking a little concerned for their safety, though they probably couldn't trace the feeling to her. For a moment she wanted to climb into the fountain and lie under the water. Instead, she imagined it, what it would be like to be completely alone right now, and the feeling calmed her a little, and that would have to do, because she needed her companions to focus now that it was dark and they could get her closer to Edward.
Edward. Oddly she found that just thinking his name made something settle back into place. Demetri and Ginnie were coming through the door, and she could make herself not terrify them. She rolled her head from side to side and let her shoulders fall. Alright.
"I've already had a car sent," Demetri said, as though he wanted to placate her with his efficiency. "The valet is bringing it around now."
"A man-servant?" Bella asked. When had he had time to get a valet?
Ginnie rolled her eyes. "That's not what it means any more. It's the guy who parks for you." She pushed past them both and waited at the curb until a grey car was brought around. Demetri waved his hand toward it and followed Bella and finally, finally, they were on the move again.
The drive was an exercise in calm in the face of ridiculous tension. At least Ginnie and Demetri seemed to know why they were tense. Ginnie kept glancing at Bella while Demetri resolutely refused to look at either of them. Ginnie drove them through the night and into the day, and anyone who passed them probably wondered at the blinding, opalescent light shining in their car, but it wasn't as though the truth would occur to them. Demetri had looked distinctly uncomfortable, but there were almost no cars on the small back roads into the jungle, and Bella refused to pull over until they'd gotten so far past the last tea plantations that the rolling hills were empty and dark with evening shadows, and the road became so impassable that it would be faster for them to travel on foot.
Anshi Park had been left wild and untouched. The air was damp with rain that hadn't fallen yet, and after only a few steps, they disappeared into a world that was slick and smelled like moss and oxygen. Like everything, it changed over time in its own inexorable way, but it looked like a relentless green mass of life that had been here since before there were people.
They cut swift paths through the trees. The undergrowth was much denser than in Appalachia, and the insects that swarmed them looked like silver netting when the moonlight would get a sliver of light down through the canopy.
Bella and Ginnie had left their shoes in the car. Demetri's soaked cloak snagged on branches so often that he'd removed it, leaving it folded across a low hanging vine, and now he slipped silently ahead in black slacks and a black dress shirt. Though still overdressed, at least he wasn't falling behind any more.
"Close to the full moon," he called back. "Our timing could've been better."
"Our timing will be fine if you do your job," Bella said.
He was quick when he wanted to be, and Bella picked up the pace to keep him in her line of sight. She could follow him by smell or bring him down, if she had to, the same way she'd floored Edward when he'd caught the scent of human blood, but she was hoping it wouldn't come to that. Every once in a while she'd call to ask if they were still headed toward Edward. Demetri would shout back, "Yes," each time without a hint of irritation, and she no longer doubted that he knew Ginnie would catch him in a lie.
"He wasn't in Santa Fe, you know," Ginnie said, as though answering some question Bella hadn't asked.
"What?"
"No matter what you think of me, I would never have touched him if he'd been there when Nikolai died." She kept her voice low enough that Demetri wouldn't hear.
"I never said… Look, I don't need an explanation," Bella told her. "As long as you do what you came here to – "
"Is that why you're so upset? You think I've gone soft on a Volturi, because what, I wanted a little release? Because he almost made me come before you crashed the party? Well, fuck you. Some of us like to get laid once in a while. Some of us know what to do with a willing cock and aren't too prissy to take what we can get."
"You're angry," Bella said. She reached an arm out as though to an untamed creature, but then thought better of it.
"Damn right. But you were angry first, and it's had your tracker and me jumping out of our skins ever since you found us going at it. You don't know what it's like for the rest of us when you get mad… and why are you mad anyway? What's it to you as long as I keep my promises?"
"Nothing, it's none of my business," Bella said.
"No, it isn't. I can feel how upset you are though. Why do you think the tracker's keeping so far in front of us? It's you," Ginnie said. "Ok, maybe it's me too; honestly I don't think he's all that used to getting laid. But you are making my skin fucking crawl with this feeling that you're about to kill us all, so if you could just, I don't know, tone that down…"
"I'm trying," Bell said. She thought about telling Ginnie to drop back for a while, but she wasn't sure that would help. "I don't know why it bothered me. I do worry about you letting your guard down with a Volturi when we're so close to finding Edward. We can't trust him. You don't even like Demetri."
"I don't have to like him. Not everyone has their mate. You of all people should know about that. Does that mean I never get to touch anyone again?"
"So you're just using him?" Bella asked. She thought about Edward bending her body in the river and his mouth moving along her jaw and pressing into her neck, the way his hand felt against her shoulder and how it trailed down her spine. Then she felt hot and angry all over again, and now she knew why.
"I can't deal with you," Ginnie said. Her voice was tight and strangled. "I have to get…" She didn't bother to finish, just ran after Demetri as fast as she could go with palm fronds slapping against her, and then she too was almost out of sight.
Bella let her leave. The thought that Edward had been filling his time with her only because there was nothing else in the woods to occupy him… She felt a tingling on her skin and she heard Ginnie curse as she and Demetri tumbled to the ground. She had to calm down or she was going to completely incapacitate them. She slowed to a stop so she wouldn't get too close, and she forced in slow, even breaths for several minutes.
Getting Edward back was all that mattered. Getting him back unharmed and keeping him safe. She could do that. She only had to focus on each step. Calm down now so that Demetri could function. After that there would be running, then catching Edward's scent, then killing his captor, then putting her hands on the newborn, then home. Surely it would be easy, when it was all straight forward like that.
She looked up and saw Ginnie dragging herself to her feet.
"Demetri took off. He's found something," Ginnie called. "Can you smell that?"
Bella breathed in, longing for Edward's sandalwood and cardamom but getting a lungful of sour and bitter instead. It prickled at her nose, burning like the memory of the kidnapping, and with a growl she was in the air, pushing off from the trunks of trees and charging toward the scent.
All the usual characters, settings, etc. are the property of the wonderful S. Meyer. Original characters and plot are mine. No copyright infringement is intended. May not be reprinted without express written permission.