Episode 2: Sol
Hello! I'm am so sorry that it's been seven months; I'm in junior high now and there's a lot of work. And drama. And mean girls and boys who I would love to punch. Hard.
Twenty reviews! I feel loved!
I think that the revival turned out better than the original; what do you think?
Right, don't submit dares: I'm currently just rewriting every episode originally without adding anything (changing and adding other things, just not dares), and when we're caught up, I'll have a plan by then. Good? Right.
Remember that episodes two through...eight, I think?...were written before Dove and Ivy became warriors. Therefore, they'll still have apprentice names. And I do not have Forgotten Warrior yet, so I don't know anything that involves that special black feline that everyone matches with Sol...
I don't own Warriors or anything I refer to in the following text.
And the Sol revival begins...now!
A week after the first episode of Warriors Unleashed, everyone is already gathered around the television set. They would be watching a special behind-the-scenes preview if Ivypaw wasn't watching the last episode of Hannah Montana...again.
"Ivypaw, will you please forget that squeaking twoleg and give me the remote!" Dovepaw begs her sister, glaring at the twoleg singing her heart out onscreen.
Sadly, Ivypaw doesn't hear her sister.
"Yesterday's gone...we gotta keep movin' on...I'm so thankful for the moment-"
Thankfully, Whitewing grabs a piece of prey and shoves it into Ivypaw's mouth to stop her from singing. After congratulations have been awarded, Sandstorm proudly pins on her 'I HEART Burntfur' button and switches the channel to Warriors Unleashed as the music plays.
Meanwhile on the set, Goldenheart, Diamondeyes, Burntfur, and Nightsong are breaking some bad news to their camera cat.
"Due to the economy," Goldenheart begins dramatically, "we are going to have to let you go."
Whitefoot stares at the tortoiseshell in confusion, searching for signs of a lie. When she doesn't, she asks, "What?"
"Lay off, fire, throw the book at you!" Nightsong offers synonyms helpfully, to which Goldenheart responds by throwing a large hardcover copy of Harry Potter at Whitefoot.
Narrowly ducking the volume, Whitefoot bobs back up and clutches her beloved camera to her chest.
"You can't fire me!" she shouts.
"April Fools!" the hostesses screech delightedly. Whitefoot's confused frown transforms into a surprised grimace before morphing into an angered glare. She stomps back to her tripod, jams her camera onto it, and shoots one last death glare at the hostesses before turning on the camera.
"Remind me," Diamondeyes starts, "Why did we pull an April Fools prank a week after April Fools Day?"
"Goldenheart never got a chance to play Circle of Life loud enough to wake up her sister, so she wanted to pull a prank on one of her friends," Nightsong answers before lowering her voice. "I think Burntfur is pulling one on us because she's acting normal."
The two glance over at Burntfur to see her working through a large stack of coloring books.
Goldenheart doesn't notice this and opened the show. "Welcome to Warriors Unleashed! I am proud to report that even StarClan was watching this! We've gone astral!"
From stage left, Sunclaw whimpers, "Goldie, Sol is very finicky and he freaks me out. Hurry up and introduce him so I can get him out of my fur!"
"I heard that he can hypnotize!" Burntfur mutters before making a very large cow a very bright green.
"Uh, that has not been confirmed by anyone." Nightsong points out.
Goldenheart also ignores this.
"Our vic-guest-is Sol!"
Suddenly, an extremely dreamy voice that sounds nothing like Sunclaw announces, "Ooh, pretty stars..."
"I tried to tell you..." Burntfur snorts before turning and scribbling across a picture of puppies with adorably large eyes.
Nightsong and Whitefoot both jump backstage and drag out Sol. They quickly shove him into a large beanbag chair that is impossible to get out of. Whitefoot springs back to the camera and the four hostesses stand in front of Sol.
"I insist you release me before I pull out my amazing magical powers on you!" Sol meows angrily, trying to look menacing but instead looking like the tabby kitties that Burntfur just colored blue.
Goldenheart and the crew glance at each other, rolling their eyes and mouthing 'Wow'. Diamondeyes decides to begin.
"So, Sol, do you have a secret crush on anybody? Possibly a famous black cat with green eyes?"
A picture of Hollyleaf suddenly pops up on the wall just behind Diamondeyes. 'Hallelujah' randomly began to play.
"Subtle, Diamond." Nightsong sighs, rolling her eyes.
"Do you mean young Hollyleaf?" Sol breaks in. "Why, of course not!"
Suddenly Sunclaw stumbles from backstage and clucks like a chicken. Nightsong slaps her, making her normal again, and turns to the camera.
"Lads and lasses, please welcome Hollyleaf!"
Suddenly a black screen falls down on her so Nightsong's head and front paws are sticking out.
"Hollyleaf is only a plot device for this episode and will have her own interview later on in which more hilariousness will hopefully ensue."
The black screen rose up and Nightsong gets up again in annoyance. While the screen was down, the now normal Sunclaw kidnapped Hollyleaf from the tunnels and handcuffed her to a chair.
"The Warrior Code forbids you from taking me away from where I was!" Hollyleaf protests angrily.
"And that would be?" Burntfur prompts.
"..." *Crickets* "..."
"Didn't think so," Goldenheart sighs. "Now Sol, if we did this..."
She nods at Liontail and he pushes down a hand-held detonator. A stick of dynamite underneath Hollyleaf's chair blows up. She flies upwards, breaking a hole in the ceiling, through the apartments above it, and out of the building, leaving a few cat-shaped holes in the clouds.
"Hollyleaf!" Sol screams.
Nightsong holds up one paw, and Hollyleaf falls back through the hole and lands in the chair again. She's bruised with a black eye, but is otherwise alive. Sol is thoroughly relieved and faints.
"Pfft. Boys are so odd," Sunclaw sighs before she handcuffs Hollyleaf to her chair again.
"And the answer is: he likes her!" Goldenheart reports delightedly. "Burntfur, ask her if they have mutual feelings!"
Burntfur stares at her with a blank look while Nightsong and Sunclaw facepaw. Goldenheart stares at Burntfur in disbelief before she sighs and rephrases herself. "Ask Hollyleaf is she likes Sol."
"Oh! Why didn't you just say so?" Burntfur meows before turning to Hollyleaf. "Hollyleaf, do you like Sol?"
Hollyleaf glares at her and shakes her head. Meanwhile Nightsong and Goldenheart have rigged up a lie detector behind the chair and are now checking the results of the last question. Goldenheart pops up and hisses, "She lies!"
All the lights go out and Burntfur appears with a flashlight under her face to give her a ghostly appearance. "And liars must be destroyed!"
Burntfur revs a chainsaw and is about to advance before everything freezes.
Liontail stands up from his director's chair and walks over to the stage. He takes the flashlight and the chainsaw, hits the master light switch, and dusts the plaster and drywall off of Hollyleaf. "And cut! Let's try that again, from the top, take two! And...action!"
Everything unfreezes and Nightsong pops her head up.
"Let's try this again! Hollyleaf, do you like Sol?"
Hollyleaf growls, knowing she can't fool the lie detector, and answers with a subtle nod. Everyone looks to Goldenheart, who is watching the detector. She nods and waves her tail in a cat-like thumbs up.
Diamondeyes gives a girl-like scream that only a cat can give and meows, "She said yes!"
Randomly, the wedding march plays and everyone glares at Liontail, who is messing with the stereo.
"It was a she-has-a crush-on-him yes. Not a he-just-popped-the-question-and-she-said-yes yes!"
Liontail immediately tries to shut off the stereo, accidentally changes the music to Justin Bieber's Baby, unintenionally turns up the volume, and finally smashes the thing with Sunclaw's hammer that she left on stage right. Breathing hard and mad at an inanimate object, he turns to look at the hostesses. They're all standing there with their mouths open, Whitefoot has the SWAT team on the phone, and Sunclaw has a tranq locked and loaded on him.
"Someone's got problems," Nightsong meows.
Meanwhile, Whitefoot is trying to explain their predicament to the SWAT team. "Yeah, do you handle psycho cats armed with sledgehammers—Hello? Hello?"
"Can I go now?" Hollyleaf whimpers.
Diamondeyes's eyes light up. "Okay! I'll use my special talk show host teleporting powers on you!"
Diamondeyes claps and Hollyleaf disappears to wherever she was.
Goldenheart immediately drags the attention back to the show. "Right, we only had that dare, so I'm going to have to ad-lib. Burntfur!"
"Yes, sir!" Burntfur pops up and knocks her feet together before she throws a salute. Goldenheart glares at her; a lady doesn't want to be called 'sir'.
"General?" Burntfur tries again and receives a hiss.
"Admiral?" Goldenheart facepaws. "Ma'am?
Goldenheart throws her paws up with a dramatic sigh. "Finally! I want you to…" She whispers in her ear and Burntfur pulls away with a grin. She then skips off, singing "Bustin' makes me feel good!"
"Busting what makes her feel good?" Sunclaw calls. "Busting skulls?"
"You know," Diamondeyes points out, "we really should be worried about her."
Goldenheart shrugs. "Nah. Blindfold him and tie him down."
Sunclaw has this done in seconds and Burntfur trots back in dragging a bag. She drops it and out spills…paints.
"Oh no." Nightsong groans.
Goldenheart grins maniacally and answers, "Oh yeah. Everyone grab something and start coloring!"
A card that says 'two minutes later' pops up and the screen goes back to normal. Sol is now conscious, wildly rainbow colored, and positioned in front of a mirror. Burntfur has lost the single shred of self-control she possesses and is rolling on the floor laughing.
Liontail shouts out, "One, two, three!"
Goldenheart rips off the blindfold. Sol looks in the mirror and screams like a little girl while the whole cast and crew are rolling on the floor laughing. After eventually regaining control, Goldie turns to Nightsong and asks, "Will you go get his secrets? Thanks, dear. And while she goes to get those, we'll be having a quick commercial break. See ya in two!"
The lights are down. Suddenly a spotlight alights on a screen. A string of words flash across the screen. They announce,
"Beginning on April 8, 2012, all original episodes of Warriors Unleashed shall be returning in their original written order. Buckle in, WU fans. It's starting again."
The screen immediately cuts to black.
The show comes back on and we find that Liontail, Diamondeyes, Sunclaw, and Burntfur are all handcuffed to chairs and Goldenheart is gone. Nightsong is still in the vault collecting Sol's secrets. Whitefoot and still multi-colored Sol are standing in the middle, waiting for the commercial to finish.
"And welcome back to Warriors Unleashed! As you can see, some of are staff are handcuffed to chairs. Do not be alarmed, it is simply a security precaution." Her phone rings and she answers it. "You're on with Whitefoot!"
Back in the ThunderClan camp, Dovepaw is practically screaming into the phone, "What in StarClan did you do?"
Whitefoot is confused, "Uh, I handcuffed all of these guys to chairs and Goldie left..."
"Liar! I can see her wrapped in cobweb behind Sol!"
Whitefoot glares at Sol, who does has done a sloppy job of hiding the unconscious and cobweb-wrapped Goldenheart behind him.
"Mouse brain! Now we have to tell them everything!"
"Fine!" Sol rolls his eyes. "I used my special telekinesis to tie up the others so I could kidnap Goldenheart so Whitefoot could be executive producer. She agreed to tell me where Hollyleaf was if I helped her."
Nightsong suddenly appears in a fireman's uniform and holding a hose connected to the kitchen sink.
"Eat water, traitor!" She flips on the faucet and aims at the pair. Unfortunately, the water pressure is so high that she is propelled off of the ground and around the room.
"Hey, watch it!" Whitefoot yells, doing a very bad job of dodging the deluge of water.
Sol, in his haste to get out of the studio and into the safety of the lake territories, releases Goldenheart and runs screeching out the door. Nightsong finally gains control of the rogue hose and drenches Whitefoot (rather unnecessarily) before turning off the hose. Nightsong slits the ropes on her friends and rounds on Whitefoot.
"Whitefoot, because of what you almost did, next episode, you shall be punished!"
Beethoven's Fifth plays combined with lightning strikes. Nightsong flashes a glare at Liontail, who is now messing with the backup sound system.
Whitefoot rolls her eyes and puts her paw on her hip. "Whatevs. I'll get that job somehow! If it's the last thing I do!"
The instrumental speaking part of Thriller begins to play and everyone swivels to glare at Liontail. He's helping Goldenheart clean the cobwebs from her fur and is nowhere near the sound system. Eyes grow wide. No one speaks until...
"I heard that the ghost of a janitor cat haunts the building."
That would be Burntfur, of course, trying to lighten the mood. Goldenheart stands, rolls her eyes, and wrenches an iPod from Whitefoot's paw.
"Seriously, Whitefoot?" Nightsong sighs.
Whitefoot cackles and plays it again…and when it stops, she plays it again…and again…and again. Sunclaw screeches, grabs her hammer, and proceeds to chase Whitefoot. Nightsong calmly turns to the camera.
"Tune in next week when our guest will be Jayfeather. Goodnight everybody!"
Whitefoot jumps on Nightsong's head, hoping this will stop Sunclaw. Let's just say it doesn't and Nightsong is going to have a really big lump on her head next episode.
Back in camp, most everyone is disolving into laughter.
"Did you guys see his face when they painted him? That was priceless!" Firestar is singing the praises of his favorite part.
Lionblaze is quick to best: "No, what was better was Jayfeather's face when they said he was next!"
Everyone looks over at Jayfeather, who has fallen over with paws in the air when Nightsong uttered his name. Everyone has new reason to laugh and quickly begin to while poor Jayfeather lies there and attempts to start mentally preparing for next week. He of course fails. No one can prepare for Warriors Unleashed!
And how did I do?
From this episode until we're all caught up again, my friends Mothstar, Lightningstar of LeafClan, and Storm in the Sunny Sky will be editors, helping to convert the chapters from the original format into the format you see here before you. I'll do evens and these three will help do the odds. Anyway, I hope that you all enjoyed this and please review!
Hosts
Goldenheart: Tortoiseshell she-cat with gold streaks, gold eyes (Goldenstar13)
Burntfur: Black she-cat with orange tail, hazel eyes (Goldenstar13)
Nightsong: Mostly silver she-cat with green and blue dyed streaks, hazel eyes (Goldenstar13)
Diamondeyes: White she-cat with silver streaks, white eyes that glisten like diamonds (Goldenstar13)
Camera Cats/Techies
Whitefoot: Dark brown tabby she-cat, white paws, brown eyes (Goldenstar13)
Security
Sunclaw: Pale yellow tabby she-cat, yellow eyes that glisten like sunlight (Goldenstar13)
Director
Liontail: Dark ginger tabby with a fluffy tail, green eyes (Goldenstar13)