Episode 3: Jayfeather
Hello! So, in honor of the one year anniversary of WU, I am posting this special chapter (I'll explain why it's special momentarily) and then making a celebration on my other story, Tailed in Talented.
So, to get back up to speed faster, I have enlisted my three friends Storm in the Sunny Sky, Mothstar, and Lightningstar of Leafclan to convert the odd-numbered chapters from the original form into the form you see below. I'll be converting the even-numbered chapters and my two USA specials (which are my favorite ones as of yet). So, this conversion is by Storm in the Sunny Sky.
I don't own Warriors.
And the Jayfeather revival begins...now!
In ThunderClan, Squirrelflight, Lionblaze, and Leafpool are all fighting to get the remote so they can watch Jayfeather's episode. The rest of the Clan is watching in silent amusement as both Squirrelflight and Lionblaze both jump for the remote, bang their heads together, and knock themselves out. Leafpool just shakes her head at the two warriors before reaching forward and picking up the remote to turn it to Warriors Unleashed for the night.
Over in the studio, the camera has started rolling to film the show.
In the curiously furniture-devoid studio, Goldenheart stares at a piece of paper in her hand with a scared and excited look on her face. She sees the camera light turn red to signal that they began filming, and she, being the professional that she is, gets rid of her scared expression and gets even more excited as she stands up straighter and tries to address the crowd in a British accent that fails horribly.
"So my good fellows who are watching this show, I would be delighted to have tea and crumpets with you later. I am so happy that I got,"
Nightsong, stuffing Goldenheart's mouth with peanut butter cookie to quiet her British accent and horrible speech, interjects before Goldie could go any further.
"Yada Yada Yada. We all know Goldenheart is very grateful to have all you wonderful fans out there. So, while she is eating a delightfully delicious cookie prepared by me, we need to punish Whitefoot for last episode."
Whitefoot calls out from behind the camera cats, "Make me! I'm never going to come out."
Finally managing to eat the cookie, Goldenheart yells out to the back of the stage, "Hey! Sunclaw! Bring your hammer; we have a little problem we need you to deal with."
Immediately, Whitefoot starts to hyperventilate and runs off into the random cat orchestra that appeared. Cellos and violins fly up into the air as Whitefoot tries to run away from Sunclaw who has now appeared on the stage in front of the disrupted orchestra. The pale yellow cat leaps into the crowd and lands on Whitefoot. The fugitive immediately gives up fighting and allows herself to be taken up to the stage for her punishment.
On the stage, Goldenheart decides Whitefoot's punishments, "First of all, you must go by the name Whitefool for the rest of the show. Second, you must be locked in a room with surround sound and Justin Beiber with a microphone. So off you go. Or do I have to set Burntfur on you?"
At the sound of her least favorite cat, she ran into the closet only to see Beiber, ran back out, saw Burntfur, ran back in, ran back out, saw Burntfur again, and ran back in the room. Sunclaw ran over and slammed the door before she could run back out again. The entire studio heard the smack as Whitefool ran into the closed door. As Beiber started his first song, "U Smile" Whitefool starts screaming and Goldenheart puts a sheet of soundproof foam over the door so as to not torture all the other cats in the audience.
Goldenheart breaks the silence by saying in her British accent, "So, Nightsong, would you be so kind to do a lady a favor and go grab that old cot Jayfeather from the greenroom?"
Sunclaw, not being able to withstand Goldenheart's British accent for any longer, whacks her over the head with a hammer to shut her up. Meanwhile, Burntfur, in an I HEART JAYFEATHER shirt and waving a flag with Jayfeather's face on it, tackles him. Sunclaw leaves from trying to knock some sense into Goldenheart (quite literally), and hauls Burntfur off of Jayfeather so he can retain his dignity as one of the Three. She then ties Jayfeather down in the middle of the studio and joins the hostesses and Liontail in a lift. Goldenheart, now recovered from the hammer whacking and British madness, presses a button that makes a ginormous maze descend around Jayfeather in the middle. Nightsong presses a button that makes the lift begin to rise.
Liontail quickly lowers a ghost mic towards Goldie, who calls out, "Jayfeather! You must make it out of the maze in less than two minutes. Otherwise, you must pay the consequences. And begin!"
As Jayfeather tries to get out of the maze, he keeps bumping into the walls. To pass the time, Goldenheart starts to sing to herself, and then gets louder, "Time is ticking, it's keeps on ticking, oh, time is ticking away! Time is ticking, it keeps on ticking, oh time is ticking away!" When Liontail and Burntfur hear this and recognize it, they amplify Goldenheart's voice, teleport Michael Tate and TobyMac there to sing "Jesus Freak", and begin to lower the hidden materials for a concert. Even Jayfeather gets super excited and starts rocking out to the sound of awesome rap/rock music. When everyone has recovered most of their senses after being blinded, deafened, shaken up so much they couldn't feel anything, getting enough breath to say something, and repairing the studio, they are ready to resume the show again. Jayfeather is still in the maze because he had been having a bit to much fun. Goldenheart rappels down and carries back to the center of the maze for his second and much more embarrassing dare.
"Hey, Nightsong! Can we borrow your heels?" Goldenheart and Jayfeather were immediately bombarded with stiletto heels. After she has retained a few scratches from the needle-thin heels, Goldenheart grumpily grabs four shoes, sticks them on Jayfeather, and ties him down again before being hauled back into the lift. She starts the timer and watches as Jayfeather staggers through the maze. She starts humming "Lose My Soul" to herself and made sure not to start the rock concert again.
"You know, that whole rock concert was pretty cool," she stage-whispers to the crew.
"Welcome to the Freak Show," Nightsong mumbles. Right as the timer beeps two minutes, she looks down and saw that Jayfeather has not only made it out of the maze, but he has also torn apart the heels and is now giving himself a bath.
"How did he do that so quickly?" Diamondeyes asks.
"Who cares about that? My heels!" Nightsong dives over the edge of the lift and tackles Jayfeather to the ground.
While Sunclaw, Liontail, Burntfur, and Diamondeyes gather around the pile of fur and claws as they fight, Goldenheart raises the maze back into the air and then nonchalantly strolls over to the closet. She opens it just as Bieber begins to sing 'Baby'.
Goldie drags Whitefool out of the closet before giving Bieber back to a random fangirl. ("Wait until his voice gets deeper and then get all clingy.")
She drags Whitefool before the crew so they could judge and see if she's learned her lesson.
"Whitefool! Do you realize what you did was wrong and will not do it again?"
"Yes, yes. I'll do anything if it ensures I don't have to listen to him again."
"Then by the powers that are invested in me as host, as well as the powers I have made up, I rename you Whitefoot. Reassume your place in the show." That would be Nightsong there, now finished beating up Jayfeather in retaliation for destroying her heels.
The rest of the hosts glance at each other and roll their eyes. Abusing her power a bit too much, isn't she?
"Can I go now? I'm getting really tired," Jayfeather whines.
Goldenheart is about to say yes when Diamondeyes finds a piece of paper and sees a dare on it. She transports Cinderheart, Mothwing, and Willowshine to the studio and positions them in front of Jayfeather.
"Okay, Jayfeather, who do you like the best?" Diamondeyes purrs playfully.
"Oh StarClan, I guess Willowshine because Mothwing is way older than me and Lionblaze has a crush on Cinderheart."
Willowshine blushes and hides behind Mothwing.
"Right, then!" Goldenheart transports all of the cats back to their respective territories. "Anyway, our next cat on the show will be Firestar. And we have something special planned for you, my fiery feline. Be prepared for anything we might come up with. Goodnight everybody!"
The rock star stage appears again with fire spouts and everything. Liontail and Whitefoot quickly turn off the camera as TobyMac reappears with the entire DC Talk fanbase. ("Are there any Freaks out there?")
Back in the ThunderClan camp, Firestar is giving his goodbyes to everyone he loves as he mentally prepares himself for next week. Everyone else in the Clan is laughing at either Jayfeather on the TV or the thought of Firestar getting tortured next week.
"How do you think he got through the maze so quickly?" Blossomfall asks.
Bumblestripe comments, "He probably got through the maze faster because he's memorized how many bumps there are before each turn." As everyone falls silent, he speaks again, "He's right behind me, isn't he?"
"Yep. I heard every word you said," Jayfeather spoke with a tinge of that age-old sarcasm voice.
"OMSC, this isn't going to end well," Bumblestripe says.
"Dude fight!" one of the she-cats yells. Blossomfall grabs a video recorder. "This is so going on CatTube."
Edited by Storm in the Sunny Sky. Give him a hand, folks!
Hosts
Goldenheart: Tortoiseshell she-cat with gold streaks, gold eyes (Goldenstar13)
Burntfur: Black she-cat with orange tail, hazel eyes (Goldenstar13)
Nightsong: Mostly silver she-cat with green and blue dyed streaks, hazel eyes (Goldenstar13)
Diamondeyes: White she-cat with silver streaks, white eyes that glisten like diamonds (Goldenstar13)
Camera Cats/Techies
Whitefoot: Dark brown tabby she-cat, white paws, brown eyes (Goldenstar13)
Security
Sunclaw: Pale yellow tabby she-cat, yellow eyes that glisten like sunlight (Goldenstar13)
Director
Liontail: Dark ginger tabby with a fluffy tail, green eyes (Goldenstar13)