As soon as Deryn got to her cabin and closed the door, she leaned on it and let out a deep sigh of relief. That barking prince! The more she saw him, the closer she came to revealing her secret. And now she'd gone and rejected a plain innocent offer just because she couldn't control herself. It was bloody unfair to Alek, and she ought to stop being such a Dummkopf about it all and just be a good friend.

...and she would, if she weren't in love with him. It was insane, so she had told herself countless times, but it was like a little tick she couldn't get rid of no matter how hard she scratched. And she could at least have fallen for someone without so many titles! She wished it had never happened. Alek was her friend, and he was never going to be more than that. He never could be more than that. She was cracked in the attic for sure if she couldn't figure that one out.

Still, it might be a good idea to go back and apologize for being such a ninny. She still didn't want to fence with him, especially now that the lessons had led to Count Volger discovering her secret, but she really shouldn't have been so rude. Making up her mind, she composed herself and left again. She had to walk Tazza in fifteen minutes, but surely it wouldn't take that long to just stop by Alek's room and say sorry.

And so Deryn set off down the hallway, her usual swagger back. She had practiced it so long under the image of Dylan that it had become natural to her, which apparently wasn't such a good thing, since it was a trait that appeared to charm girlie revolutionaries. But now that the only female aboard the ship was Dr. Barlow, Deryn imagined she was safe again. Even though Lilit's kiss hadn't been that bad.

Finally, Deryn arrived at Alek's door. She took one final breath to calm herself then rapped on the wood and waited for a reply. Soon she heard footsteps inside, and a moment later Alek opened the door, giving her a curious look. "Um, hello again, Dylan. Come in." Deryn nodded and entered the room. It still seemed dead fancy, even though she'd been in it quite a few times now.

"I think I was a bit of a Dummkopf back there," she admitted. "I still don't want to fence anymore, but I was kind of sneaky, and it wasn't fair." Alek seemed confused, and she continued quickly, "I should have been clearer. Like I said, I don't think I have time for lessons anymore. There are all the usual duties, and now that the captain doesn't want me spying on you anymore..."

"Spying on me?" Alek spluttered. Deryn froze. "The captain told you to spy on me? Why? And why didn't you tell me? Dylan, I've given away every last one of my secrets to you. Don't you think I deserve the same? How can things work when you know everything there is to know about me, but I can't discern a thing about you?"

Deryn began to panic. "If I told you, it'd defeat the point, and besides, nothing bad happened because of it. Some secrets have to be kept! There's no yes or no about it. I'm sorry, Alek, but I can't give everything away to you. Believe me, I want to, but it would scramble everything up!" Her voice rose to a near-shriek and she covered it with a throaty cough.

Alek glared, his eyebrows drawn thunderously down towards his eyes. "Oh, I see how it's going to be, then. No matter how much I give up, brilliant Mr. Sharp gets to say what he wants when he wants, because he's so much better than the rest of us!"

"That's not what this is about!" Deryn shouted. Bovril began its frenzied laughing, adding to the clamour of their argument. "If you would stop being such a ninny and just let me explain—"

"Enough!" Alek snapped. His fists were clenched, but for a moment, Deryn thought his eyes looked glassy. She wanted to tell him. She wanted so badly to tell him, to go over and spill everything. And then she would put her arms around him and hug him and kiss his perfect lips and tell him she was sorry for all the confusion and the fighting, but they wouldn't fight anymore, now that he knew her for who she really was. But all that would never happen. Her eyes fell to the floor.

"I guess it is enough, isn't it?" she murmured. "I wish I could tell you, Alek. I wish we didn't have to be such Dummkopfs about it. Believe me; I want to tell you even more than you want to know. But I can't." She had come to say sorry for refusing his fencing lessons, and now she was apologizing for keeping her biggest secret from him. She wished her heart would just take a vacation so she could be the dashing midshipman she had been before all this nonsense with a prince. An archduke, she corrected herself. A barking archduke.

Alek didn't seem so furious anymore. Just weary. Exasperated, but accepting that Deryn wasn't going to tell him. She hated forcing him to feel like that, but it wasn't her fault she'd been born a girl, and she had to keep it from everyone else if she wanted to do what she loved. She was pricked by a sharp pang of sympathy nevertheless. "I really am sorry," she whispered.

"Just leave," Alek responded stonily. Bovril's crazed laughter had stopped, and now the loris was uncharacteristically silent. Deryn paused for a moment then nodded and departed as she was told, her steps dragging on the red carpet until she was back out in the hall. She flinched when Alek slammed the door behind her. From the other side, she could just make out Bovril's words as it said solemnly, "Mr. Sharp." The phrase, usually just irksome, stung her, and she left quickly.

How would she speak to Alek now? He knew she was holding something back from him, something big. But she was still supposed to go serve breakfast to him and Volger every morning. She was sure he would keep asking questions, and sooner or later, he might guess...

Deryn was so deep in thought that she practically ran into Newkirk when he hopped down a staircase she was about to ascend.

"Mr. Sharp!" he exclaimed. "If you're going to be such an ignorant ninny, then it's only fair that you walk around with a big red flag on your hat so people know you're not going to move out of the way!" Despite her mood, his words brought a small smile to her lips.

"Aye, I guess I should," she agreed. A wry grin wrapped itself up in Newkirk's cheerful face. She wished she could be that carefree; Newkirk, she imagined, was probably not a girl in disguise. Quite suddenly, an idea struck her, and she requested, "While we're here, I have a favour to ask of you. You know that Clanker Prince? I have to bring him breakfast every day. But he and I, we're not getting on so well these days. Do you think you could do it instead?"

"Yeah, if pigs could fly," Newkirk scoffed good-naturedly. Deryn gave him a pointed look, and his self-satisfied smirk slowly faded to chagrin. "...Oh. Well."

Deryn chuckled. "Well that was just dead clever of you. So you'll do it, then?"

"I'm not so sure... I mean, whatever did he do to make you hate him all of a sudden, anyways? Just an hour ago, you two seemed as chummy as childhood friends. Surely you're not that fickle, Mr. Sharp," he pointed out. Deryn shrugged. "Just do it? I'll do whatever chores you had. He's not such a bad guy, for a Clanker. You two will get along, I'm sure."

"You're up to something," Newkirk said with conviction. "But since I can't figure out what, I'll do it. For now. But it's not permanent! As soon as you two have your little spat sorted out, I want to be back where I should be, as far away from him as possible. He is an enemy, after all. It's something you would do well to keep in mind, Dylan," he added seriously. "You can't trust him."

"I know," Deryn agreed quietly. "That's why I don't want to be near him anymore."

Newkirk nodded, supporting her choice. "Good. The sooner those Clankers are off our ship, the better. They shouldn't be poisoning the Leviathan with their ugly contraptions, anyways. I'll see you later?"

Deryn said absently, "Aye. Later. See you then." Newkirk strode off past her, but she stayed where she was a moment longer, his words running through her head. Clankers were enemies, and she couldn't trust them. It was true that she was unable to put her faith in Alek, but Newkirk had had all the wrong reasons.

Being a girl could be so barking confusing sometimes!