Chapter 5

If there was a hell, I was living in the middle of it.

How could Sasuke come up with these so called sessions, when they were really multiple opportunities to slowly and painfully kill Li – damn, I keep forgetting my new name – Hikari under the excuse of so called "training"?

I had no idea, but I had to admit that it was getting results, which made me grateful, and also bitter, resentful, and angry. You get some, and you lose a lot more, that's how life works around here.

I know, it's really pessimistic, but it's the truth.

After a two months in Sound, I was much more skilled than I was in the beginning, stronger, faster, and more aware of my body. I couldn't believe my weakness I had possessed, it was so pathetic compared to what I had now. I could now perform basic to moderate jutsus, and was beginning to spar regularly with the other apprentices. This place…it brought out the ruthless side of me, the primitive joy in overpowering an adversary. It filled me with excitement, and also with terror.

Even though I was strong, I wasn't close – not even beginning to be close to the thought of being close – to being at the Uchiha's level. I was surprised that I still dared to stand up to him like I did, his power was so immense that when he exerted just a bit of it, I felt like collapsing in fear. He was my teacher, more than that, the one I had to impress, and so I never let my fear show. I had to prove to him that I was strong enough for his respect.

It pissed me off that I had to prove myself to a guy who was the same age and height as me, but of course, being mad wouldn't change my situation. So I just shut up, and accepted it for what it was: reality.

I was still happy, on a deep level, but I found with growing anxiety that those emotions were slowly slipping away from me. It was harder to smile than before, I had to work at it to make my face move the way I wanted it to. My heart seemed to be icing over, hardening.

I was a different person than I was before.

Which was okay, but I had to remember the girl I was before, also. Lily Thompson, happy, carefree, blushing at that smile from the cute guy who lived down her street, laughing at that joke her mother told over dinner.

I had to, more to keep from turning into another Uchiha than anything else.

I rolled over in my bed of blankets on the floor, groaning when I felt a searing brightness burn through my closed eyelids. I flung an arm over my face, and yawned. I had hoped to get another hour of sleep until the Uchiha came back from his early training session with Lord Orochimaru, but the sun was so rudely preventing that, and once I woke up, it was hard to go back to sleep.

I sighed, and opened my eyes, staring up at the ceiling that was lit by the light of the early morning sun, flitting shadows fluttering helplessly against the surface, slowly dying as the sun rose even higher. I sat up, and stretched with another huge yawn, shivering as I put my feet on the cold stone floor.

No matter how many times I woke up to it in the morning, feeling the cold floor always made me shiver uncontrollably.

I got to my feet, and kicked my blankets into a pile over in the corner – I had long since ceased my attempt at being neat and orderly, it wasn't like the Uchiha cared or anything – before heading to the shower.

The warm water was wonderful on the most recent bruises and cuts that I had received from yesterday's training, washing away any blood that might have welled up during the night.

I was used to pain.

It wasn't that I enjoyed it or anything – I still cringed when I cut someone else's skin, even though they were used to it by now – but it was a part of my life as a ninja, I couldn't let it affect me every time I got hurt. After that first time in the cafeteria, I had known that this world I had fallen into was much more merciless than my simple, perfect world back home. If one of the apprentices died during a spar, nothing was thought of it, and all that was done was a stern yell or two, and then another apprentice was quickly brought in as a replacement. Life went on as if nothing had happened.

The ninja world was cruel.

I hated this world, and yet when I thought of leaving, something horrible twisted in my gut. I was tied to this place, this world of bloodshed. A sense of rightness sang joyfully in my heart when I held a kunai, or crouched in preparation to block a kick or punch.

I belonged here.

Right?

I sighed, and quickly washed my hair, and stepped out of the shower, dressing quickly and brushing my hair before tying it up into a tight bun on the top of my head.

Now, the Uchiha was another story entirely. I really had no idea what I was supposed to do with him…other than listen to his emotionless instructions and cringe under his quiet criticisms. He gave out plenty, and yet at times he was silent, letting me figure it out for myself.

He was a mystery, and I found myself talking to him constantly, about the trees, the animals, everything I could think of. He didn't respond, and almost always told me to shut up after a few minutes, but in those few minutes…I'd feel like I was back home again, talking with my friend while the teacher tried to lecture about mathematics. I still don't know why I did this, I'd like to think that it was a way for me to feel like I'm connecting with the only teenager my age in this base that I ever really interacted with. But I think that it really was to keep me from going insane.

Whatever that meant.

I turned as the door opened, expecting to see the Uchiha standing there, and was surprised to see a young girl – no older than ten – slowly stepping into the room, staring at her feet as she spoke.

"Lord Orochimaru wishes to see you."

I flinched at the cool tone of her voice, and slowly followed her out of the room. Her chestnut hair was scraggly and dirty, and her arms were purpled with bruises. I walked beside her, and when she glanced up at me, I smiled.

"What's your name, kid?"

She flinched back as if I had smacked her, and her large brown eyes were shocked, slowing to a stop.

"M-My name?"

"Yeah!" I held out a hand. "I'm Hikari."

She stared at the hand for a moment, and met my eyes again before slowly reaching out her hand and taking it in hers.

"I'm Y-Yumi."

I smiled, and patted her head. "That's a nice name."

She blinked, looking confused, and suddenly a voice rang out from behind me.

"Yumi!"

Both of us turned to see a short woman, out of breath, her brown eyes wide and scared. She raced over to us, and pulled Yumi back, her eyes daggers as she glared at me. Yumi began to protest, but the woman scolded her harshly.

"I told you not to speak to her other than to tell her the Master's orders, why didn't you listen to me?!"

Yumi's lip trembled as her mother smacked her across the face, and I frowned, moving forward.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but Yumi–"

The woman stood in front of her daughter, and the hate that was directed towards me made the words die in my throat.

"Don't touch my daughter again, you monster! You're just like that snake and his demon spawn, you evil, soul-less monster!"

I jerked back, and stared as the woman dragged her daughter away. The girl looked back at me with fearful eyes, and when I smiled at her weakly she cringed deeper into her mother's side. My smile vanished, and I was left with a hollow feeling in my chest as they disappeared into the darkness of the hallway.

Is that what the servants consider us ninja? Monsters? But I'm not…I've never hurt any of them, why does she hate me like that? And that girl…she probably hates me too, now…is that what most of the ninja are like, cruel task enforcers?

I sighed, and made my way down the hall, now alone.

A few minutes later, I was in front of the double doors of Lord Orochimaru's throne room. I laughed to myself. The first time I had come in here, I had been furiously attacking a certain black haired bastard, not really caring who the hell he was, still clueless about this place…

I took a deep breath, and opened the door, slipping inside silently, glancing around me carefully before walking toward the seated man who was staring at me with those yellow eyes.

Lord Orochimaru seemed to get more and more sickly every time I saw him, his shoulders hunching more and more, his breathing more ragged and weak. His forehead was shining with sweat, but his yellow eyes were the same, hungry and merciless eyes that narrowed when they caught sight of me.

I glanced over to see the Uchiha leaning against one of the pillars, staring at the ceiling with those calm eyes that sent shivers of annoyance down my spine. Did he really hate me so much that he'd rather look at the ceiling then at me? I glared at him, and he seemed to sense my gaze, because he glanced over at me, his face blank and composed. He stared at me for a long moment, and I saw his eyes graze over the fading bruises on my arms and the almost invisible bruise on my cheekbone, but didn't say anything, nor did his face give any emotion away.

But, as always, he was much too high-and-mighty to ask if I was all right, and the ceiling soon had his undivided attention again. I sighed, and moved forward, kneeling to the ground, as Lord Orochimaru had instructed me to do whenever I was in his presence.

I bowed my head for a long moment, and I heard the man leaning forward, and felt his clammy hand on my bare shoulder, and I looked up in shock to see his face inches from mine.

"You are a beauty, my dear. You will do very well for this mission…" Lord Orochimaru traced his fingers along my neck, and seemed to caress my cheek. I flinched, and he slowly pulled away, smiling as my legs tensed automatically.

"Sasuke has informed me that you are quickly surpassing the other apprentices of this base…would you agree, dear Hikari-chan?"

I blinked, and looked at Sasuke briefly, to find him still staring, almost bored, at the ceiling. I looked back at Lord Orochimaru, and bit my lip nervously.

"Uh, My Lord, I think that I'm not working hard enough."

The snake-eyed man cocked his head curiously. "Why?"

"I…I always mess up, and Uchiha-sensei always has to slow it down for my sake, and I know that I should be progressing so much faster…I…" I shut my mouth, and stared at my knees.

It was true. I felt as though Sasuke was treating me like a child, always slowing it down, always commenting on how slow I was compared to the others. Part of it was to motivate me, but I knew that there was truth behind his words. It still was weird to call the boy 'Uchiha-sensei'…I mean, what does 'sensei' even mean, anyway?

Lord Orochimaru smiled slowly. "Hm…I suppose it's good that you push yourself like this, my dear, and so I'm going to reward you by sending you on a mission."

I blinked, looking up in surprise. "A…mission?"

"A mission in which you will travel to the neighboring village of Otoko. It's only about ten miles south, and there you will find a man by the name Jiro Itoshi. He is a threat to my…operation here, and he needs to be eliminated."

"Eliminated, wait, do you mean you want me to kill him?" I said loudly, my voice echoing, horror pulsing through my heart as he nodded calmly, as if this was an everyday occurrence. I felt my shoulders shaking, and I swallowed hard.

"Wait, Lord Orochimaru, you can't expect me to–"

"I can and I will." The man's voice hissed, and I flinched back as his eyes flared in controlled fury. I swallowed hard, and stuck out my chin.

I was not a killer. I would not become an assassin for anyone, not even the man who had told me that I was a ninja.

"No."

Lord Orochimaru's eyes widened slightly, and he leaned forward. "What did you just say?"

I swallowed, getting to my feet. "I won't kill that man! If he's causing trouble for you, there has to be a non-violent solution! Killing them just because you're too lazy to actually try to figure out a diplomatic way to solve your problems…it's barbaric!" I yelled, and realized my mistake, clapping my hands over my mouth.

I had just made a big, big mistake.

Lord Orochimaru stood, and his chakra seemed to push me to my knees, and I crumpled to the ground, closing my eyes tightly. I couldn't get up, and when I spoke my voice shook horribly.

"I-I'm sorry….I w-wasn't–"

Lord Orochimaru suddenly had me by my throat, and I couldn't breathe. I was struggling to breath, and I scrambled, trying to pry his iron fingers from my throat. He wasn't squeezing hard enough to completely block my air, but enough so that my vision began to get fuzzy around the edges. I choked, and he leaned forward to whisper in my ear.

"Let me make something clear, my dear Hikari-chan. You are my servant, you work for me whether you like it or not. If I tell you to stab yourself in the heart, you do it without a second thought, do you understand me? If you don't, I can end your pathetic life right here and now, and save myself future trouble."

His fingers tightened, and I nodded hurriedly, my vision blurring even more. I hated this man with every fiber of my being. It was so sudden that it shocked me, but then I realized that I had hated him since the first time I set eyes on him…my joy at being trained had covered it from my sight before.

Orochimaru released me with a jerk, and I fell to the floor, coughing and gasping for breath at the same time…not a pleasant combination. I heard Orochimaru walk back to his throne, and heard him talking to the Uchiha in soft tones, and I looked up to see Orochimaru smiling at me. I glared with all my might, and he didn't seem to notice, holding out a scroll. I got to my feet, and snatched the scroll from his hands. Orochimaru laughed lightly, as if he hadn't just almost strangled me to death, and said calmly.

"You leave immediately, and to make sure you follow through, I'm sending Sasuke-kun with you. You two will have to spend at the least three days there, so pack with that mind."

I bowed shallowly, it felt so wrong to be bowing to such a monster, and I felt the Uchiha try to grab my arm, but I wrenched it out of his grasp, spitting at him.

"Don't touch me!"

The boy didn't comment on my anger, instead disappearing in a poof of smoke with a snort. I flushed when I realized that he had been about to transport the two of us back to his room, saving time. I snarled, and ran out of the room, and didn't stop running until I was back in the Uchiha's room. He was already there, packing weapons into a pack along with other supplies. I scowled, tapping my foot. I had no pack to pack anything with, not that I had anything to pack besides the shuriken and kunai holders that were strapped to my thigh.

The boy looked up at me briefly, and I turned to sit on the floor beside the door, rubbing my temples furiously. I was shocked beyond belief when he spoke quietly.

"You've finally figured it out."

I whirled around, scowling. "Oh? So you're finally talking to me? Do you want me to jump in joy or something?"

The Uchiha didn't respond, and I smirked without humor. I had scared him into silence. Man, I just didn't know how to keep my mouth shut…

I sighed, and looked back at him. "What do you mean, anyway?"

"You're a prisoner here. You played his game, and now you realize that it was never a game, only his puppet strings pulling so you couldn't escape."

My mouth dropped before I could control it. It was the longest sentence I had ever heard him utter in one breath, and not only that, but he was actually talking to me…not just when it was necessary.

I frowned, and got to my feet when the Uchiha shouldered his pack. He held out his arm once more, and this time I grabbed it without hesitation. I closed my eyes as I felt the tug of teleportation, and the swirling sensation that accompanied it.

When I opened my eyes, we were on a hill, far from the base. I frowned.

"Wait, where are we?"

The boy didn't answer, instead striding off towards the path that was snaking through the brush. I ran after him, and after a minute I saw a small village, nestled in the trees.

So…this is Otoko. Normally I would be noticing how beautiful it looked, under the early morning glow of the sun, waterfall glittering and sparkling in the distance.

But all I could think of was the man I had been assigned to kill.

The thought send dread though me, and I looked down at my feet, swallowing hard.

The Uchiha waited a minute, and then headed down the slope, leaving me to trail behind.