Here is the next installment of "Redefining Limits." This chapter will be from Qui-Gon's perspective on what he sees occurring with Obi-Wan. As a result, there will be some references to the events in "Pushing Limits." Therefore, I must once again strongly recommend that you read that story before this one. You can find it under my profile page.
Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers! Your support has been wonderful. I hope that everyone enjoys the new chapter.
So without further delay…
Perspective
Qui-Gon sat on the sleep couch, watching his student sleep. He was fairly sure that Obi-Wan would be out for the rest of the afternoon, but he felt compelled to make sure. After about thirty minutes, Qui-Gon was confident that Obi-Wan was in a deep enough sleep, the elder dropped a gentle kiss on his forehead and left the room.
Going back to the common area of the cabin, the Master went into the small kitchen and made himself a cup of tea. It was still fairly early in the day and the teacher found that he really needed to analyze all that had occurred in the last week. So much had changed with his student…
No. Obi-Wan had not changed, his true personality had been revealed. Two weeks ago Qui-Gon did not have any idea how insecure his student was. Now Obi-Wan's insecurities were completely visible to the galaxy. It was clear to the Master that through the years his apprentice's self-esteem had been worn away until the dangerously low level that he was at now. The child truly believed that he was not worth anything, nor was he capable of love unless he was perfect. He could not see that he was capable of affection just because of who he was. The Master knew that he played a role in that lowering of his self-esteem by initially rejecting him. And that brought out some great guilt for him. He loved Obi-Wan like a son and it hurt to think how his own weaknesses damaged his child.
Qui-Gon knew that it was now up to him that to undo the damage that he had helped to cause. The question was how? Obi-Wan was a hurt child. He needed to find worth in his life or else this problem would spiral causing untold damage. The problem was the he did not know how to begin repairing the pain. But he knew someone who might be able to help. Taking his comlink out of his pocket, the Master placed a call to the Jedi Temple.
"Troubled, you are."
"Yes, Master Yoda. I am concerned about my apprentice."
"Tell me, you will."
"When we returned from our last mission, Obi-Wan resumed his normal Temple duties. But things started to deteriorate. I did not know why, but I watched as Obi-Wan got more stressed, the dark circles under his eyes got bigger. But I could not figure out what was wrong. I talked to his teachers and they all said that he was performing at his normal level. I thought that he might have been having problems with his friends, but they were all off-planet. And I tried to get him to talk to me. By the Force, I tried, but he refused. Just kept insisting that everything was fine. I knew that it was a cover, but I didn't know what to do. I meditated over the issue, but the only answer I got was to wait. So I watched as Obi-Wan got worse and worse. I kept trying to figure it out. I traced it to the fact that it was a problem at the Temple, but I did not know specifically what. I tried to ease his burden by giving him breaks, but nothing seemed to help. I remember one night I had come back from a committee meeting and had gone to find Obi-Wan. He normally looks so peaceful when he sleeps, but then he was just so tortured, completely tensed up. Once again I called on the Force for guidance and once again I was met with the answer of patience. I was so furious. All I wanted to do was help my student, but I couldn't."
"Understand now, do you?"
"I think so. Obi-Wan needed to have a breakdown so as to uncover his…underlying problems."
"Serious, they are?"
"Yes, Master. Obi-Wan collapsed in his lightsaber class. The Healers said that it was from exhaustion. And that was what finally prompted him to tell me what was going on."
"Problem, there was."
"Yes, Master. His teachers were giving him extra work because he is my Padawan. And he just did the work, never confronting his teachers. Or me. He just worked around the clock until his body gave out. But when I asked him why he did not seek help, do you know what he told me? He said that he needed to do it all so that he would be worthy of being my apprentice."
"Serious, this is."
"Yes. And now, after working with him off-planet I have found that he considers himself a…a worthless failure. He had no self-confidence or self-worth. And I don't know what to do to help him. To show him what a wonderful child he is. I need your help, Master. How do I help my boy?"
"Time, I need. Meditate, I will. Comm you when finished, I will." And with that the older Jedi cut the communication.
Once again, Qui-Gon was forced to postpone helping the most important person in his life. The Jedi took his tea that had already started to cool down and sat in one of the plush chairs scattered around the common room. He avoided meditating, something that was very odd for him. He often went deep into the Force to find the answer that eluded him. But he could not stand the idea of having to go over again and again how he had failed his child. Instead, he set in his chair, drank his tea and tried to focus on ways that he could physically refresh his student.
After about an hour, Qui-Gon decided that it was about time that he started work on the late-meal. The Master had started work on a salad when he felt a faint, distant tug from the training bond. Immediately he stopped what he was working on and went into the boy's room. Obi-Wan was having a nightmare. Not even needing to think about what he was doing, the elder went to the sleep couch and made quick work of waking the boy up. Obi-Wan woke up very abruptly with a loud gasp, sweat dripping down his face.
"Padawan? Are you alright?"
"Yes, Master."
"Are you sure?"
"It was just a bad dream. No big deal."
"But I think it was a big deal for you." No response was forthcoming. "Obi-Wan if this rattles you then it matters. And it matters to me. What was your dream about, Obi-Wan?"
"Please, Master. Don't make me talk about it."
As much as Qui-Gon wanted a straight answer from him, he understood that in his fragile emotional state he could not push Obi-Wan without serious consequences. So he backed off.
"Ok, Obi-Wan. But I want you to come and talk to me if you need to, okay?" The teen nodded. "Good. Now why don't you get up and come help me with the late-meal."
Once again he only got a nod, but the boy got up from his couch and followed him from the room. Without a word, the teen took over making the salad that his Master had abandoned. Qui-Gon continued making the meal and together Master and Padawan created and enjoyed the meal.
But Obi-Wan stayed eerily throughout the whole process. There were not many emotions coming across the bond, but the few things that he could pick up were fear and shame. The Master did not like this at all, but was hesitant to call the child on it. He did not want to do anything to hurt his child, which was a definite possibility in this state.
After the meal, Qui-Gon sent Obi-Wan to get a shower before he headed off back to sleep. Obi-Wan obeyed while the teacher cleaned up from the meal. But before the younger was done, Qui-Gon went into the boy's bedroom and waited. Sure enough, five minutes later, the teen emerged from the bathroom, still damp from the recent shower. If he was surprised to see his teacher, he did not show it. If any emotion was there it was confusion, like he could not understand why his Master would be here or why he would care enough to do so. But Qui-Gon would correct that. Obi-Wan got situated in his bed, tucked under the blankets before the Master attempted to say anything.
"Get some more rest, Obi-Wan. Remember that you are a special person, worthy love and attention. And I love you." Dropping a gentle kiss on the smooth forehead, Qui-Gon left the room, turning off the lights as he went. As he left he wondered if he should have made another offer to listen to the teen's concerns, but feeling all tension leave the young mind fell into a deep sleep, the elder knew that he was right to give the child time.
The Master had just finished putting away the last of the dishes when his comlink alerted him to an incoming call. Knowing who it was, Qui-Gon stopped what he was doing and answered the call.
"Jinn here."
"Suggestion, I have."
"I am listening, Master."
"Needs to see self-worth in the galaxy, he does. Start to restore him, this will."
"What do you suggest, Master?"
"Take the boy out, you will. In nature take him, you will. The smallest bug, show him, you will. To teach value, you will."
"I understand, Master. I will do that tomorrow. Do you think that it will work?"
"Clouded the future, is. Have faith, you must."
"Thank you, Master. I will do as you suggest."
"May the Force be with you."
"And with you," the Master said just before the connection was cut.
He had to admit that Master Yoda's plan was brilliant. He now had to hope that it would be enough. Needing check on his student, the Master went and stood in the open doorway of his student's room and looked down at the innocent face that he loved so much. He had to succeed in this. And he would not fail. Tomorrow he would show the teen how important he was and how he fit into the scheme of the galaxy. Tomorrow he would start to correct the wrongs that he and so many others had committed against the child. And tomorrow Obi-Wan would see how much he meant to his Master. Tomorrow.
TBC...