Disclaimer: I do not own this. J.K. Rowling. It's her's. Don't sue me.

So this chapter is kind of weak, as are most of my intro ones. It's really just because I want to get into the good stuff. But, you gotta use the primer before you paint the mural. My mother is a painter. Yeah... shut up. Just read the damn thing.

12:47 PM

The Great Hall

It turns out I didn't actually have Double-Potions first thing today! They screwed up my schedule because they forgot about my advanced placement for Potions, so at breakfast they sent me a new one and apologized for the mix-up, and I got to sleep-in instead! Maybe things this year are going to go my way after all.

Oh yeah, and last night was great! Larissa, Blaire, and I all snuck down into the kitchens. I brought Dobby a pair of rainbow socks that I got for him over the summer. Dobby was, naturally, ecstatic (Note-To-Self – Buy Dobby socks for Christmas, his birthday, and any other holiday concerning gift-giving) (Do house elves have birthdays?? Another NTS – Research house-elves. Check up on birthdays.).

Larissa thought it was adorable how happy he was. Blaire called him "wicked". I'm pretty sure that's a compliment. We all just kind of hung out in the kitchens, ordered tons of food (nothing pumpkin related), and talked about loads of stuff.

I've never really done the whole girl-talk thing, to tell you the truth. I only really spent time with boys when I was young, and after that the only girl I was remotely close to was Hermione, and she's not really the girl-talk type. I seriously question her ability to have just a normal conversation. She's completely socially inept, in my opinion.

Anyway, I think Blaire, Larissa, and I are actual friends now. We just get along so well, you know? Blaire's a little tougher to get close to, but she's definitely warming up to me. We have a very similar sense of humor. We spent a good half hour last night just mocking Skanky McSlutface (Oh, by the way, anytime I call someone a name along the lines of that, I mean Alana. Just a heads up. Even though you're not real, so therefore you cannot read this. Sorry. Still trying to get used to that.), which is always a good time. I've still got Charms and History of Magic to get to, so I guess I'll get going now. Am I supposed to say goodbye to a diary? I need to learn proper non-magic diary etiquette.

4:01 PM

History of Magic

Professor Binns may just be the most excruciatingly uninteresting person that ever existed. And I've been to a few of those ritzy ministry parties for my dad; trust me, I've met the dullest of the dull. I don't think anyone has heard a word this man says for the past 100 years. 3 people in this class are dead asleep; drool, snoring, someone's even sleep talking. Every once in a while she'll mutter something about the sea monkeys stealing her blue jumper, and how she left her shoes at the mall. I have no idea what a mall is, or what she's babbling about. Weird Hufflepuffs.

Binns has been at this godforsaken school for ages. Since the founders first created it, I heard. After he died, the staff must've been devastated when they found out he'd come back just to continue teaching ruddy History of Magic. Means he's never going to leave. Ughh. That means my children (if they will even exist; mum would shat herself if she heard me reconsider getting married and having children), my grandchildren, my great-grandchildren, etc. etc. will always be taught bloody History of Magic by bloody Professor Binns.

Larissa is enthusiastically waving me over; I guess that means she wants me to sit next to her and Blaire. You can't tell diary, but I'm grinning and collecting my stuff together to move. It's amazing having my own friends. The looks the Trio gave me when I sat near my new friends was priceless. That and my new friends are so incredible, and interesting, and funny… and I need to put you away now so they don't decide that their new friend is a freak who is forced by a shrink to write in a diary. Even though she is. And she's talking in the third person. And putting this damn thing away, because it's making her less sane more. AHH!!

5:13 PM

Great Hall

Finally some food! I have yet to see anything pumpkin related, besides the juice, but I hear the pumpkin pasta at the end of the table is to die for. ::GAG::. I swear I'm going to talk to the house elves about a menu change, PRONTO. Larissa is talking, I probably should listen. It's actually a really interesting hypothesis she's got going on. I'm definitely recording this for later reading.

"Okay, so I have this theory guys…" Larissa said at random (as far as I know. But I was writing in you, not really paying attention. You don't even write back and you're ruining my shot at a social life! NTS: Stop using pronouns on inanimate objects. Now.)

"Uh oh. Here she goes…" Blaire replied staring into her pumpkin juice like it held the secrets of the universe.

"What's your theory?" I asked innocently. Blaire groaned. Apparently I don't want to hear about Larissa's theories.

Larissa grinned at my interest (A.K.A naivety) and stated matter-of-factly, "Puppets make EVERYTHING funny."

"What? That's got to be one of the most ridiculous ones yet." Blaire said snapping her head up.

"Seriously guys! Think about the most terrible thing ever." Silence. "Okay, I will then. Imagine an airplane full of puppies-"

"Wait, why is there an airplane full of puppies?" I asked.

"Because I said so," she replied

"Ah, but of course," Blaire said, suddenly intrigued in the conversation and not the juice.

"Anyway," Larissa continued, "the airplane full of puppies crashes into an orphanage of tone-deaf children with terminal illnesses-"

"You sick fuck!" I cried.

"Where do you come up with this shit?" Blaire asked, raising a thinly tweezed eyebrow, which I just realized was pierced.

"I have a sick, twisted, little brain," she replied, grinning.

"As I suspected," Blaire said, nodding in appreciation. My new friends are nuts, I tell you, wonderful, but totally nuts.

"Back to my theory. Now, picture the puppies and orphans, but now picture them as sock puppets! See? Now it's funny."

"Hmm… I kind of see what you mean," I replied.

"One of your more bizarre theories, but I'm kind of getting it," Blaire added. Just at that moment, two twin boys jumped on top of the Hufflepuff table. They're names are Terrence and Philip, and they're desperately trying to be the next Fred and George. They're failing. Miserably.

"Here they go again…" I groaned banging my head down on the table in exasperation.

"Terrence! I have a splendid joke for you!" Philip cried dramatically.

"Yes, dear brother? Share it with me!" Terrence replied jovially. Philip then let out a gaseous noise. Hmm… joke. Hysterical. Then Terrence made one back. They started cackling wildly. Thankfully, Professor McGonagall grabbed each one by an ear and dragged them out of the Great Hall, scolding the whole way.

"Can puppets make them funny?" Blaire asked smugly, turning to Larissa.

"I withdraw my theory," she grumbled, glaring at her half-buttered roll.

11:13 PM

My bed

I'm bored. And I can't sleep. And I have my first advanced 7th-year Potions class tomorrow. Right after lunch. And none of my friends are in it. I don't have many friends to begin with, but Hermione isn't even in that damned class. I mean, she should be, no denying it. But Snape hates her. A lot. Why does he not hate me? I don't have the faintest fucking idea. I think he feels bad about the whole, evil-diary thing. Plus I'm pretty decent at potions.

But yeah, potions. Early. Tomorrow. Gahh. I'm going to sleep now.

11:34

Definitely sleeping now.

12:06

SLEEEEEEEEEP.

12:52

Really going to sleep now. I swear it.

1:19

One, two, three, SLEEP.

1:25

Goodnight. Really.

7:00

The Great Hall

Breakfast

I think I'm going to pass out. Larissa just pulled me out of my porridge. Forcefully. The girl's tiny, but let me tell you, when it comes to vigorously pulling her friend out of a disgustingly mushy breakfast, she could definitely compete against the heavyweights.

I know, I know, don't scold diary, I should've slept last night. But I couldn't. I'm nervous about this stupid potion's class, and it's seriously grating on my nerves. I just want to get the first one over with to see how horrible it's really going to be, instead of thinking up worse and worse scenarios. They're really starting to get ridiculous. The most recent one's put Larissa's theories to shame.

I just need to get it over with. Like ripping off a band-aid, or whatever those muggles say. I've never had a band-aid, but the gist of it seems to be that's it hurts, but it's not so bad if you do it fast. They're an interesting bunch. I can understand why my dad's so fascinated with them. But he's a bit behind on the times. A rubber duck? Spark plugs? Electricity? Pshaw! I spent a lot of time in muggle London this summer to get out of the house, and those things are old news. It's about cell phones, iPods, plastic surgery, and a lot of other rubbish that's very fun to play with once you get the hang of it.

Anyhow, I have to be going to Care of Magical Creatures. Blaire threatened steal you, give me an insane amount of paper cuts, and then cover me in last night's pumpkin pasta if I don't get a move on. Yeah. She gets creative. That's cute and cuddly for her. You should hear her when someone really upsets her. It's amusing in a terrifying sort of way. She reminded me of how delicious pumpkin flavored pasta is. I'm leaving now.

10:07

Transfiguration

Professor McGonagall is a bitch.

I know she's my head of house and all that, but honestly, I can't stand the woman. She's only tolerable if you're Ron, Harry, Hermione, or Dumbledore. I swear she hates me. It's not like I did anything! Well, I might've "accidentally" transfigured Alana's bleach blonde locks into Medusa-esque snakes, but it wasn't my fault! Well, not really. She was being bloody annoying! I had to do something to make her stop talking about Draco bloody Malfoy. Have I mentioned? They dated for a little while. Fucked like rabbits, I heard. I'm not exactly shocked.

But yes, she completely deserved it. Annoying little bint. It really was fantastic when she screamed her bloody head off. I tried to warn her it would scare the poor little buggers on her head, but she went on screaming anyway. Then one bit her nose and she really started to freak out. ::Sigh:: goooood tiiiimeeess.

Uh-oh, McGonagall is giving me a death stare. I should probably take actual notes now.

12:58

The Great Hall

I can't do this. I can't go to my next class. It's just not going to happen. I'm seriously freaking out over a STUPID LITTLE PUNY … STUPID CLASS!! Yes, I said stupid twice. I'm allowed because I'm FREAKING OUT. It's first year all over again! I'm terrified over a class! I can't eat. I'm going to throw up, I swear it. Larissa is trying to calm me down and Blaire says to "Stop scribbling so damn loudly, it's giving me a headache. Calm the fuck down. I need a cigarette just watching you" Which, I'm assuming, is her special way of calming someone down.

FREAKING OUT.

Lunch is over. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

9:45

Gryffindor Common Room

MALFOY DESERVES DEATH.

No. not death. He deserves worse than death.

A lifetime in Azkaban!

Even that is too good for him. He deserves something… REALLY REALLY BAD.

That was pretty weak. But a mere few hours dealing with him has drained me of my creativity. Drat. I need to vent, and I figure this is the place to do it. Larissa and Blaire are off doing god knows what, and I don't really feel like bothering with this anyway. It's just dumb shite, precisely like Malfoy, so I figure I might as well write in here, seeing as that's what I'm supposed to do anyway.

Advance Potions was god-awful, just as I imagined. I walk into the class, 30 SECONDS LATE, and there are no seats. Of course, Snape then starts berating me, talking about how he's giving me such a MASSIVE honor, and how I'm belittling him and his kind efforts. The man doesn't have a kind bone in his fucking body, so clearly that is also a complete load of shite.

Then, we are assigned seats and lab partners that will stick with us for the rest of the year. Permitting we are actually tolerable enough to stay in his class the rest of the year (that last bit is an exact quote). And shock among shocks, I'm assigned to Malfoy. Lucky lucky LUCKY BLOODY ME.

So, I am forced to sit within 5 inches of this ass, and he keeps whispering in my ear about god knows what. Mostly harassing me about my family, and how I'm poor (because that's so fucking original?), and all that shite. I just eventually tuned him out completely. He is SO not worth my time.

But I noticed he's not so scrawny anymore… and he smells kind of nice… and EW. WHAT AM I SAYING. STOPITSTOPITSTOPIT.

10:02

Still in the same chair in the common room mulling over my disturbed thoughts

So I just re-read what I wrote before. And I think I threw up in my mouth a little. No, I'm serious.

R&R!!

Thanks so much guys, I really appreciate you reading this. Tell me your thoughts, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Last chapter I forgot to write down some lines and ideas I stole from TV shows and such, so we'll pretend I didn't. But in this chapter I'll actually give people credit for their work. Yay me!

The puppet theory -- Daria

Terrence and Philip -- South Park

Wow. That's really it. Hmm... Read. Review. You people know the drill.