First of all, I would like to apologize for this new installment being so much later than I anticipated. Unfortunately, real life has a tendency to get in the way of such things. Next, I would like to offer my gratitude to all of my readers and reviewers. It is so nice to know that people are enjoying this. And finally, I present the next installment of "Redefining Limits"…
Epiphany
Obi-Wan was being shaken. He slowly surfaced from his state of deep sleep. Eventually he managed to open his eyes to find his Master standing over his sleep couch, shaking one of his shoulders.
"Come on, Obi-Wan. Time to get up."
The teen forced his groggy brain to comprehend what his Master was saying to him and tried to force his body into an upright position.
"Come out for breakfast when you are more awake," Qui-Gon said before he left the room.
Still trying to wake up, Obi-Wan rubbed his eyes before preparing to get out of bed. As he was doing this, his brain decided to join his body and forced itself into alertness., Immediately he wondered why his Master woke him up. Ever since his collapse, Qui-Gon had been adamant about his getting as much rest as possible. So why wake his student now?
A spike of fear shot through him. Oh, no. He had told Qui-Gon his feelings yesterday. Suddenly the teen got furious with himself. He spent so much time and effort making sure that Qui-Gon was not aware of how he really saw himself. Because if his Master knew how worthless he really was then he would not want him anymore. Maybe that was why his Master woke him. Maybe he was taking him back to the Temple so that he could formally renounce him as an apprentice.
'No,' the teen scolded himself. 'Stop thinking like that. Qui-Gon would never do that without talking to me first.' But even as his brain tried to convince him of that, he could not help but feel a hint of doubt. Unfortunately, there was only one way to discover the truth.
Steeling himself for the worst, the apprentice walked out into the common room.
"Excellent. Come and eat your meal, Obi-Wan." Still on edge, the teen took a seat and started to eat. "I am sorry that I woke you up, Padawan. But I wanted to get a somewhat early start."
So they were going back to Coruscant. Knowing and accepting his fate, Obi-Wan asked his Master if they were going back to the Temple, expecting an affirmative answer.
He did not get it. "Of course not! We will be here for at least another week. Why would you think that? Do you not like it here?"
"No, I do like it here. But you said that you wanted to get an early start…"
"Yes, Padawan. But not to Coruscant. We are going on a hike. We will take it slow, but it will help you get back up to full strength. I am going to pack some food for the mid-day meal so that we can eat outside. Alright?"
"Yes, Master."
"Good. Now why don't you finish your meal and go get ready." The teen just nodded. Now he really felt stupid for over-exaggerating like that. He should have known better.
Still berating himself, he finished his meal and went to get changed. It did not take him very long and soon the two were on their way.
"Where shall we go, Padawan?" Obi-Wan was surprised. Why would Qui-Gon ask him that?
"Go, Master?"
"Yes. This is a hike. Where do you want to explore?"
"You're asking me?"
"Of course, Obi-Wan."
"But it was your idea. And I don't have a preference." Force, he did not want to pick a direction. What if he picked the wrong one? Why were they doing this?
His panicked thoughts were stopped when he felt Qui-Gon's hand on his shoulder. The elder dropped to one knee, looking his student straight in the eye.
"Padawan," Qui-Gon said in a very gentle voice. "Relax. It is going to be okay. There is no wrong answer. I was only asking because I wanted to give you a chance to see part of the world that looked interesting to you. Look around. Feel. What looks the best for you?"
That didn't make him feel any better. Why couldn't Qui-Gon just pick? Looking into his Master's eyes, he did not find any of the judgment that the student expected. He only saw love and patience in the blue depths. Reluctantly accepting the task before him, the teen looked at the forest that surrounded the cabin. He found himself drawn to the beauty of the wildlife in one of the paths behind the cabin that winded up the left side of a nearby mountain. Checking with his Master first to ensure that it was still okay, Obi-Wan pointed to the path that he liked. Qui-Gon smiled and agreed with the teen's choice, before wrapping an arm across the thin shoulders and leading them onward. Obi-Wan was still hesitant about this, but maybe he should not freak out over this. After all, who was he to overrule his Master?
Qui-Gon was trying to hide the mounting concern, as he guided his student through the forest. Obi-Wan was just so insecure! It seemed like every time he thought he had gotten to the worst of Obi-Wan's insecurities, the boy would reveal something even worse. He saw now that Obi-Wan truly believed he was worthless and that Qui-Gon would dump him and get a new apprentice. The Master even had a strong suspicion that that was why Obi-Wan thought they were going back to Coruscant. And if that was not bad enough, he had just watched his student try to refuse picking a path to hike on for fear of being wrong. He knew that he would eventually get through to his student. He had to. But it broke his heart to see his child like this. He wanted Obi-Wan to see himself like he saw him. The elder knew that they would get there, but it would surely test his legendary patience.
Trying to focus on his surroundings, knowing that focusing on this would not be helpful. It was a beautiful day out, much like it was yesterday. Obi-Wan had selected a gorgeous path, full of wildflowers and fruiting trees. The sunlight danced along the plants, enhancing the rainbow of colors. But even as he was in awe of the beauty, he made sure to keep a part of his awareness on his student. Obi-Wan did not seem to be enjoying himself, but he was not stressing over his insecurities, so Qui-Gon decided not to push him. They would confront it soon enough.
After about an hour of walking, the Master suggested a break. Obi-Wan just nodded, silent as he had been since they started. Qui-Gon pulled a bottle of water out of the pack that he had brought and gave it to the teen before sitting next to him. The Master was starting to worry. He knew that he needed to talk to his student. He even had a vague idea of what he was going to say. But bringing the subject up was another story.
As he pondered this, he felt Obi-Wan focus on something. That was a shift from the past hour, so the elder turned to see what had captured the attention of his companion. Obi-Wan was turned away from his starting at something on the leaf-covered ground.
"Obi-Wan…"
"Look, Master," Obi-Wan said in a whisper. "I found an injured sisaos."
Sisaoses were small forest creatures that lived in woodlands on this and neighboring worlds. However, they primarily lived in small brooks that wound through forests. Qui-Gon looked around, but did not see any water source. He wagered that the little guy left in search for food, got injured and now could not get back.
He watched as the younger picked up the injured animal that barely covered his palm. And inspiration struck. This was how he could help his student. It would go against everything that he believed, but if it would help his boy…
"Just leave him, Obi-Wan. Come on, let's get moving."
"But, Master! We can't just leave him here. He'll die!"
"But he's injured."
"So? If we could get him back to the water, then his family could take care of him. And he could recover!"
"Obi-Wan, it is just one sisaos. There are hundreds of them. Why should we go out of our way to help one sisaos?"
"Because…because the Force would want us to."
"Why?"
"Because he is a part of the Force. And we have to help him!"
"Very well. I will let you take him back if you answer one question?"
"What?"
"If this little, injured sisaos is worth all the time and effort and an equal place in the Force, then why aren't you?"
The Master watched as Obi-Wan comprehended that the whole thing was a set-up. The elder waited to see if the student would say anything. But he did not, almost shaking his head at the idea that Qui-Gon had implanted. The Master knew that it would not be wise to push at this point, so he took the injured creature from the teen's hand and used the Force to find the closest water source.
Once at the shallow brook, he gently laid the creature in the shallow water, where he was sure not to drown. He stayed there, watching as other sisaoses came to the injured one. As the creatures helped their fallen, Qui-Gon felt his student come up behind him, presumably watching the same scene.
After the injured sisaos had been helped downstream, Qui-Gon turned to the teen. Obi-Wan looked so confused, clearly trying to comprehend what his Master said. Qui-Gon was going to give him time to work everything out in his head, but he looked so confused that the elder felt a new course of action was needed.
"You are worth it, Obi-Wan. You are an equal part of the Force and because of that you are worth just as much love and care as you were going to give that sisaos. You saw. He was injured and he got the help that he needed, regardless of that. The same is true of you. You are worth love, care and attention despite your weaknesses. Trust in that, Obi-Wan. Trust that you have a special place in the Force. And trust in your own self-worth."
Once again, Obi-Wan did not say anything, but the confusion in his eyes lessened. The Master hoped that this would start the process of getting that teen some of his self-esteem back. He knew that it would be a long process until he got his confidence back, but he wanted to start making progress. Seeing the confusion fade a little, Qui-Gon took his opportunity and pulled the boy into a strong, parental hug. The embrace did not let up as the Master felt a great need to prove this point. After a little bit, he felt thinner arms circle around him; and Qui-Gon felt hope. It may have been something small, but Qui-Gon knew that Obi-Wan being confident enough to hug him back was an excellent sign.
"I love you, Obi-Wan. I don't care about your weaknesses and imperfections. I care about you. All of you. And that will include your imperfections. But that is okay. No one is perfect. But I promise to love you regardless."
"Promise?"
"Absolutely. And I love you enough to help you understand why I love you."
"So you are not going to give me away?"
"Never. You are my apprentice and nothing will change that until you are Knighted. Alright?"
Obi-Wan nodded against his Master's chest. Qui-Gon just smiled and held his student for another minute before finally pulling back.
"Do you understand everything, ObiWan?"
"I think so, Master. But…"
"You don't feel it yet?" Obi-Wan shook his head, shame clearly visible. "It is okay, Obi-Wan. I know that this is something that you will struggle with and I know that it will take time. But remember my words and know that I will help you."
The Padawan nodded, seeming calmer over the whole situation.
"Good. Now do you want to keep hiking or should we head back?"
"Well, I brought the pack. Maybe we could eat…"
"Ah, yes, that is an excellent idea." Together the two pulled out their lunch and started eating, silent except for the gentle babbling of the brook.
Right before the two finished their meal, the sky opened up and rain started to pour down.
"Well, Padawan. I guess that we should go back. Ready?"
"Yes, Master."
The elder hurriedly put their lunch supplies back in the pack. When he was done, he saw Obi-Wan staring at the brook where they had left the sisaoses.
"Do you think he will be okay, Master?"
"Yes. I think that he will be fine. And you know, I think that you will be okay too." Obi-Wan looked up at his elder and smiled. "Now come. This rain is picking up." And so, the two started to move quickly through the forest, eager to get shelter from the rain. But even as their clothes grew more and more saturated, both Jedi felt refreshed, knowing that they would start on a path that would bring a great deal of healing and lay a foundation of trust and love that would last for years to come.
TBC…