Disclaimer: In case you've missed the previous chapters I don't own Naruto. Now get.
Tough love(?)
"Enter."
She had barely uttered the word before the door swung inwards. First in was her old teammate, looking almost exactly like he had just over three years ago, when he left. The fact that Konoha had become a dreary, bleak place, with little to distract her from the burdens of her office, had nothing to do with him, at least directly, but with the boy he took with him.
A boy that could test her patience just by smiling. A boy that seemed to be the natural enemy of stability, harmony and peace. A boy that, if any kind of incident or problem occurred, could be expected to be at its center, blue eyes wide with innocence.
A boy that had time and again reached out to the battered and broken souls of the cold, bloodthirsty and or psychotic killers that inhabitated the merciless world of ninjas, and brought solace, warmth and healing. Even forgiveness.
That boy had brought her back from the slow death she had pursued for more years than she wanted to admit to. When he left, only the thought of preserving his beloved village kept her going. That had thankfully changed, new people, her new apprentice among them, reminding her that although bonds hurt when cut, they gave amazing rewards while whole. But the blonde brat that had worked so hard and dared so much over a stupid bet, was still her most precious person, in her heart as loved as a son.
As Jiraiya moved out of the doorway, she felt her heartbeat rise quickly. Thankfully her palms remained dry and her breathing steady. Control of oneself was vital to any ninja, and the kage was always the ninja of ninjas. Considering the width and depth of her feelings for the boy she hadn't seen in so long, she could allow herself some little sign of anticipation.
When a strikingly beautiful redhead walked through the door, tanned skin and generous assets screaming female, it was only natural for her to go momentarily blank.
"Sex change?" Was all she had time to think, before the person that was, in almost every conceivable aspect, not Naruto, moved out of the way, and a blonde boy entered.
The fact that Hatake Kakashi slipped in and closed the door behind him, somehow managing to combine his natural I-am-supposed-to-be-here swagger with a movement pattern saying don't-see-me, barely registered with the legendary sucker. Indeed, at the moment it seemed plausible that Orochimaru himself, riding an ostrich and naked as the day he slithered out from under the rock he probably came from, could have entered the room, perform a mime act proclaiming his undying love of small furry animals everywhere and leave, without get more than a request to close the door after him as a reaction from the current Hokage.
As Tsunade's mind tried to return from the near-catatonic state I had fled into, a heavy silence filled the room. The four visitors stood at attention, awaiting some sign from the Hokage that they should begin the debriefing formalities.
The fact that she was still as a statue and wouldn't say anything did not seem like a good reason to start. Naturally, this state couldn't last.
"Umm, Uzumaki Naruto reporting for mission debriefing, Hokage-sama." If the natural order of the world seemed a bit bent with the Hokage petrified, it would have to be turned into a corkscrew to fit a world where Naruto, of all people, would call his unofficial mother Hokage-sama. Thankfully, that utterance kick started Tsunade's brain.
"Gack….mmffff……mmmffffmmf!" Was Naruto's eloquent response to the fierce hug that he was enveloped in. The Hokage may have been forced to reach up to put her arms around Naruto's neck, but that didn't change the fact that his face was suddenly parallel to the floor and buried in Tsunade's, um, well, ahem. The frantic arm movements of Naruto hinted at all the things he would like to say, if, that is, he would be allowed the air to do so.
After almost a full minute of the endearing (and endangering) scene, Jiraiya decided to take pity on his disciple.
"Tsunade, I haven't taught him to breathe through his butt you know."
"Hmm?" Was the dreamy response, as a misty eyed Tsunade slowly returned from somewhere quite far away. Most likely a place that contained bunnies, and possibly cotton candy.
"HHHHHMMMM!" Was Naruto's heartfelt comment. Whether Tsunade could decipher it or simply connected the vibrations in her chest with the fact that she could only see Naruto's hair, is something that may never be revealed. The result was at least obvious, as she released her grip enough for the oxygen deprived teen to jerk his head out of the potential death trap and take a much needed breath of air. The emotional Hokage kept her hold, as she smiled at the much changed young man.
"Welcome home, Naruto. We've missed you around here."
"Thanks, oba-chan, it's great to be back." Naruto's smile was nothing like his usual grin, real, raw emotions let loose in a moment of pure joy.
The moment had to end however, and the embarrassment that a polite chough, or some such, would bring was not welcome. Letting the well known formalities of after mission debriefings help control their emotions, Tsunade released her grip and took a step back. At the same time Naruto shook himself ever so slightly, letting his face turn into a more neutral and businesslike façade.
Neither wanted to let out all of their emotions in public, even if the current public could be, and had been, trusted with quite a lot.
"Report mission status." The Hokage's voice was clipped now, efficient and practical. Her eyes were a different matter, but that was okay. No one could hear the emotions hidden there.
"Both missions completed successfully. This scroll contains a detailed summary of my training and its results, and Sabaku no Akane here carries a message from the Kazekage in response to my diplomatic visit in Suna. In addition I can report the completion of fifteen D-class, eight C-class, four B-class and one A-class mission. The details of those missions are in the custody of Ero-sennin." Naruto's voice echoed Tsunade's, only his derogatory nickname for his sensei giving a hint of the rebellious boy he had once been.
Tsunade frowned. "Why the unofficial missions?" Her shock at seeing the transformed genin had been caught, strangled, quartered and drawn, as the psyche of one of the legendary Sannin shelved various emotions to focus on the importance of duty.
"Practical education, testing of acquired techniques and reimbursement of the Super-Pervert for my training."
"What?" Tsunade's voice had suddenly found an edge somewhere, and there was no positive emotion in her eyes anymore.
"Hrrm, it's great-" Jiraiya began, in an attempt to head of certain unpleasant (for him) revelations.
"Silence Jiraiya." Tsunade snapped. "I'll deal, ah, welcome you in a moment." Her voice had now acquired some steel as well, and there was a hint of frost in the air, as eyes that seemed to posses some kind of dojutsu drilled into the head of her former teammate. She turned a somewhat softer look at Naruto, but he still had to remind himself that he wasn't the one in trouble this time around. "I had a substantial stipend set aside for you, why would you need extra money?"
"No idea, haven't heard about any stipend before." Was the neutrally correct reply from Naruto. Jiraiya was starting to sweat at this point, while Akane was looking confused and Kakashi, while remaining the epitome of cool, was broadcasting a body language message saying I-am-not-here-at-the-moment.
"I see." Was Tsunade's only comment, as she visibly reined in her volatile temperament. She then turned to the unknown female. "Sabaku no Akane, was it? A relation of the Kazekage?"
"Yes, Hokage-sama. I'm his cousin. He tasked me with delivering this scroll to you, as Sunagakure's official reply to your diplomatic mission." Akane paused, and then pushed ahead. "He also asked me to convey his gratitude for your choice of envoy. That you would prolong Naruto's absence, even for establishing a contact with the new Kazekage, was something that he is very grateful for. He also asks that you, if possible, would allow Uzumaki-sama to repeat his mission in the future." Akane pauses yet again, seemingly unsure of how to continue. She hands over the scroll to cover this, before continuing. "This request is informal, and the Kazekage understands that Uzumaki-sama will be kept very busy. However, he feels that the bond between them is important enough to warrant the risk of travels. He is also prepared to visit Konoha, if Uzumaki-sama is unable to leave Konohagakure due to his heavy burden."
Tsunade looked at Akane with a thoughtful frown. That Gaara wasn't just referring to how nice it would be to meet his friend and unofficial brother was all too obvious. On the one hand, the fact that he was threatening to take action if Naruto was somehow restrained in his movements was not something that the Hokage should take in stride, their business was their own, and no outsider should interfere.
On the other hand, he was declaring his preparedness to support Naruto if such a thing was to occur. She knew all too well that she was no immortal, age confusing genjutsu or not. If the worst came to pass, and Danzo or some other nutcase succeeded her, she could count on Gaara to come to Naruto's aid, which, knowing Gaara, might well mean an escorting "honor guard" of several thousand shinobi. She knew that Naruto had a reputation in Suna that should rightfully be mirrored in Konoha.
"Well, I'll see to it that you receive a written reply to take back to the Kazekage within a few days. As for his informal request, you may tell him that I, myself, would of course never consider placing such a burden of work on Uzumaki-san as to prohibit a mutually beneficial diplomatic visit. He may feel absolutely certain that I won't need reminding." At that she paused, having sent a firm reply to the first part of the young Kazekage's request. "So don't you imagine for a second that you can intimidate me." Then it was time for the second part. "I am of course pleasantly surprised that the Kazekage himself would consider visiting us if necessary, and although I am certain that it shall never come to pass, I and many with me that he may remember would of course welcome him with open arms and do everything in our power to make his visit a pleasant and fruitful one." Having finished her second reply, Tsunade could see that Akane had committed the message to memory. "If he needs you, you won't be alone in busting him out."
"Ahh, diplomatics between friendly nations can be so heartwarming." This came from Jiraiya, who was desperate to avoid the imminent questioning-turned-punishment, which would be carried out on him unless he could keep Tsunade occupied until she forgot the issue. A foolish notion perhaps, but then, Jiraiya was prepared to grasp whatever straws he could get his hands on. "On the topic of relations, Naruto, don't you have some gifts?
"Oh yeah, just a moment." Naruto replied, sending a disdainful look at his teacher, silently wondering why the normally silver tongued spy master would almost instinctively pull the most obvious, blatant I-am-guilty schemes whenever Tsunade prepared to continue her ongoing attempt at beating out some of the toad hermit's obsession with naked, or if necessity so demanded, scantily clad women. The fact that it hadn't had any noticeable effect on him so far was not really an issue, as Tsunade had an almost religious fervor in never giving up her attempts at turning her former teammate into someone who could be left with a woman, almost any woman, for at least five minutes without making her scream pervert and/or cause him physical pain.
Naruto reached into his backpack, taking out two packages. One he handed to Tsunade, and the other to Kakashi. Tsunade thanked him, a smile once more on her lips, while Kakashi merely let his eye convey the possible smile that, if it existed, was hidden by his mask. Tsunade unwrapped her gift first, finding a long, thin box of carefully polished teak. Delicate scrollwork was set along the edge of the lid, and the discreetly superb work on the box was indeed signaling that the inside contained something every girl in the world should be allowed to wear at least once in her life.
Inside was a necklace. Its base was a simple yet exquisite work in silver, the links small enough to promise a tight fit around the neck, while still being carefully twisted to allow someone with an inhuman amount of patience to cover the links lightly in various precious stones, all glittering like newly fallen snow under a full moon. The centerpiece of the necklace was a detailed snowflake, carved from a single diamond.
While Tsunade stared at the gift, she couldn't help but mumble the question that was on everybody's mind, except of course Naruto*s.
"Where did you get this?"
"Well, we spent some time in Snow country and I ran into the princess there. She wanted to thank me for the last time we met, and when I said I wanted to bring back a gift for you, she gave me that."
Tsunade didn't waste any more words, once more wrapping Naruto into a hug that could easily be confused with drowning in a warm waterbed.
Akane, wishing to save Naruto from death by giant, err, well, you know, turned to Kakashi. "Ah, what did you get, Hatake-san?" It wasn't the best rescue attempt ever, but it did the trick, as Tsunade stopped thanking Naruto to death and turned to the jounin. Kakashi simply smiled and tore of the wrapping. His normally unflappable façade shattered like the expensive but ugly crystal vase that your aunt is certain you'll love, when it's accidentally dropped from the roof. His eye opened wide, his hands started shaking and when he spoke, it was in a voice that none of them had heard before. Naruto got a disturbing flashback to the golden days of the Uchiha fan club, just with a tad more timbre.
"The next Icha Icha novel! It hasn't even been released to the hundred special super fans! I can't believe it! I've been waiting for 'The Apprentice of Love' ever since it was announced almost three years ago!" While the almost squeal of the normally collected jounin made Tsunade and Naruto wish for a short term memory loss, Akane suddenly had a look of interest.
"Kakashi-saaan." She purred, when the worst of the white haired pervert's celebratory antics had settled. "Would you mind if I took a little peek in that book? I just got this sudden urge to know a bit about one of your hobbies." Kakashi, who didn't know the extent of what Naruto had shared about his former sensei, made the mistake to look at Akane, who had assumed a posture that somehow looked innocently asking and hot-bloodedly inviting at the same time. His normal caution was overruled by his joy at the unexpected gift from the gods, and he complied with a smile, handing over the rare novel.
"Hmm, aha…oh my." Akanke's eyes went a bit wider. "Hokage-sama, do you happen to have a ruler? Thank you." Akane stared at the graded piece of wood, threw Naruto a scrutinizing look, and kept reading. "Hmm, not much of an exaggeration, but where did he get the inspiration for all this. Naruto, did you go to an onsen with Jiraiya during your trip?" Naruto started blushing again.
"Yeah, once."
"Would you mind sharing what happened?"
"Err, well. Jiraiya said that the local onsen was closed for renovations, and that we could take this opportunity for some recuperation."
At the onsen, one and a half years earlier.
"Gaahhh, oh damn, this feels reaalll good, Ero-sennin." Naruto was in heaven, muscles that had been worked near constantly for months finally allowed to relax in the hot waters.
"I know, why do you think I like doing my research at places like this?" Jiraiya had a bottle of sake out, of course, but otherwise he and Naruto had the same equipment with them, one large and one small towel. Their clothes had been stashed near the fence at the back, and they had put the chakra suppressing bracelets on each other that was a silent agreement of peace. That there would be no one there for the whole day, letting Naruto recuperate in peace, was a gift from the gods.
The fact that Naruto had never had a chance to enjoy an onsen made him careless and inattentive. He drifted lazily in the hot spring, marveling at the way the rays of the chilly winter sun refracted in the thick steam surrounding him. He would have had a hard time seeing Jiraiya in this, if he had bothered. Instead he let himself surrender to the new found sensations.
He would later surmise that he had dozed off, because he could not understand how else he would be surprised to hear a multitude of female voices from the entrance. Alarmed at this unexpected development, he quickly tried to find Jiraiya, hoping that the toad hermit had a plan in case something like this happened.
That Jiraiya was nowhere to be found was not that surprising. His teacher often took the easy route of the sink-or-swim school of teaching. That his towels were missing as well was a bit more unnerving, and when he couldn't find his clothes, but could find the suddenly locked back door, he started to panic. Yes, he was a very well trained, combat experienced ninja, with near limitless chakra reserves and the nine tailed demon fox bound inside of him. He knew some very kickass jutsus, had trained katas for weeks on end and had even, once, eaten ramen together with Sakura and lived.
None of that was much help in his current situation. The bracelet could be overpowered, but that would take time, which he had a very little amount to spare. If Jiraiya had been where he was supposed to be, he could have removed it, but Naruto was getting the feeling that Jiraiya most likely was behind his current predicament, so the obvious solution was out the window. The fence was very high, well built and offered no handholds whatsoever; making non chakra assisted climbing impossible. Since he wouldn't use force on civilian women, in a hot spring or otherwise and there was a distinct lack of ramen at the onsen, he realized he would have to rely on his intelligence.
He gave this the consideration it was due, and summed up his conclusions in a short but eloquent sentence.
"I'm dead."
Having made that constructive deduction, his skill at surviving kicked in. Moving faster than he ever had dodging kunai and shuriken, he barely managed to get his body covered in the hot waters before the women got close enough to be distinguished through the steam. He dearly wished for one of those big stones that he had been sure was a prerequisite for any self respecting onsen.
Naruto did what any self respecting male throughout history caught in a situation where his life, or at least his, ahem, reason to live, were in the han- no, at the mercy of a large group of women who very recently had been convinced that the male was an enemy of women everywhere.
He started to pray. Fervently.
Through a fear induced hearing disorder, despite focusing on prayers, Naruto could distinctly hear… females. Oh, yes, definitely females. Females who thought that there were no males within hearing or peeking distance. And Naruto, while experiencing this situation for the first and most likely only time in his life, was certain that being where he weren't believed to be would have repercussions on his life. The soon-to-be painful, shortened and at best quickly ended life. At worst… well, he had once happened upon Anko rather late at night, when she was staggering home after enjoying a bit of liquid comforting. He'd tried to forget as much as he could of what she said, but he kept his hands close to his groin for four months, just in case she decided to make good on her threat and test whether they would grow back or not.
There was splashing. Shouting. Giggling. The water moved violently, and for a few seconds he entertained the desperate hope that they wouldn't notice him.
Of course, after those seconds, a sudden silence descended.
Naruto, his fear of women healthy and strong, was at this point keeping his eyes shut, hoping that reality wouldn't be real if he couldn't see it. And then he heard a voice.
"Oh my, what do we have here?"
"Ufufu, a bit of yellow seaweed perhaps?"
"A very brave piece of seaweed, to be floating around on the day we've rented a whole onsen just for us working girls."
"Do you think it's edible?"
"Don't know, maybe we should try…"
Back at the Hokage's office
"I was lucky, I kept my eyes shut no matter what they said, and after we started talking, they understood that it wasn't on purpose. I still had to make it up to them though. It took forever; they all wanted me to do them. Thankfully they had scented oil for it, or I'd have chafed myself badly.
Akane, Kakashi and Tsunade stared at him, and then, as if it had been rehearsed, switched their gazes to Jiraiya.
"Now come on, that's just coincidence."
"Indeed?" Akane asked, reading a bit more. "Naruto, did you ever visit any strip clubs, after closing perhaps?"
"More times than I care to remember, I usually had to drag Jiraiya back to camp after a full night of his "research". Normally he would have racked up quite a tab, on top of spending what I hadn't hidden for food money." He made a face. "Sometimes I could talk them out of the tab, or at least cut it down so I could pay them later. Usually though, I'd have to do it the hard way. I don't blame them, having to do something like that to survive, but entertaining a whole strip club's worth of girls takes it out of ya. Not to mention that they had some pretty weird stuff for me to do. Of course, kage bunshin helps, but I'd still get the fatigue and, of course, the memories. I'd usually take a bath after lugging his perverted ass back to camp."
At this point, Akane and Tsunade exchanged a glance, while Kakashi stood shell shocked, a look of horror on his face. Why he was horrified, well, who wants to know, really? As for Jiraiya, he'd decided to play the part of the wrongfully accused. Of course, sticking your nose in the air and shutting your eyes with two vengeful females within striking distance is very seldom a smart move.
"Ohh, Ji-ra-i-ya-saaann." Akane purred, deciding to play all of her top cards. "Aren't you clever, and that naughty book of yours, ufufu." While these seductive words dripped like honey from Akane's mouth, she slowly moved within striking distance. Then she lazily stretched out her right hand, circling her prey while letting her fingers brush over Jiraiya's shoulders. "My, strong too, I didn't realize that. A man such as you truly deserves the finest." While Jiraiya had slowly started to grin smugly, Akane reached her intended position, and moved in. Her lips stopped inches from his, but her knee kept going all the way up between his legs.
Jiraiya, a man of true experience, took it like you'd expect any man of his caliber would. He folded up like a beach chair on a bad day, making strangely high pitched noises and holding himself, which was rather like locking the gate after the ninja had already sneaked in.
Naruto and Kakashi both winced, reflexively twisting their knees.
"Sorry Hokage-san, I think I just took away your fun for the afternoon, but I just can't have anyone treating my dear Naruto-kun like that." The older woman merely smirked at the younger woman's comment.
"Not to worry, I know him better than anyone. Observe." She then proceeded to discreetly unhook her bra. "Oh dear, I'm afraid my bra just snapped!"
Jiraiya somehow went from a pathetic puddle of whimpering to a fully charged super pervert in less time than you need to say "idiot".
Naruto said it anyway, just before Tsunade's viscous right hook made a rather forceful impression on Jiraiya's face. Jiraiya then became a close acquaintance of the wall behind him. Once again it was his face that took the lead.
While the famous pervert took a much needed rest from the harshness of life, Akane and Tsunade turned to Naruto, Tsunade deftly putting her clothing in order.
"Naruto, you know, there are some very good therapists here in the village, want me to book you a time with one of them?" Tsunade's concern was evident in her voice.
"Why?" Was Naruto's confused reply. He absentmindedly unzipped the jacket he'd put on before entering the office. The summer heat was oppressive. "I mean, sure, I'd get tired in my hands and forearms, but that's nothing to the training I'd do in the days. Besides, those girls were quite tense. A bit of massage isn't too much of a repayment."
Silence filled the room.
"What, why are you all staring like that?"
"Naruto, could you please describe what you did to repay the strip clubs?" Akane said quietly.
"Well, some cleaning or dish washing, maybe serve them while they relaxed after work, some massaging of course, and sometimes they'd want me to do some shinobi tricks or do a strip show for them, for the fun of it." Naruto grimaced. "Embarrassing if you ask me, but they seemed to like it, so why not." Feeling a bit sweaty, he now removed his jacket and looped it over his right shoulder.
"So, there was never any, you know, sex?"
Naruto stared in horror at Akane. "What! No way! I'm only sixteen you know! I mean, yuck!"
"You are sixteen?" Akane looked surprised at that statement.
"You know, Naruto, you look a lot older than you are now a days." That was Kakashi, deciding to chip in. "Can I have my book back now?"
"Of course, thanks for the loan."
"By the way, Naruto, did you wear that in the lounge?" Tsunade asked, suddenly aware of the state of Naruto's clothes.
"Yeah, sorry oba-chan. I thought I had saved my good T-shirt, but it was all dirty when I was changing this morning."
"Don't worry about it. Just keep your jacket on until you can find something less, uh, less."
"Sure thing, oba-chan."
At this point, the phone on the desk rang. Tsunade picked it up.
"Yes. They're here? Good, send them to room 319 and tell Shizune to stay there until Jiraiya arrives."
Hanging up, Tsunade crossed to where her perverted old friend was glued to the wall. "Listen; there are four young women in room 319. They need your help with something, Shizune will explain. Now get, I'll have your report later."
Naturally, the information that there were women in need sent Jiraiya off without thought of possible consequences. While the pervert left them at speed, Tsunade turned to Naruto.
"I'm needed for another meeting soon, so I'll let you go for now. However, I've gotten you a new place to stay, so after you've had Sabaku-san signed in at her hotel, I want you to head to this address. Here are the keys, and I'll be expecting you back here at seven for dinner. I still have questions for you. Oh, and please get some new clothes. Kakashi, go with them; keep Naruto out of trouble for a day at least. Dismissed."
With that Tsunade went back to her desk, while Naruto led the way out into what was now an early afternoon in Konoha.
A/N: Hmm, not really happy with this. It just kept on going, getting longer and longer. Hopefully I'll get to something a bit more interesting soon.
Any comments or ideas, drop em in a review or something.
Later.