Disclaimer:Not now, not before and not ever will I own Naruto.
Reviews seem few and far between, but they do appear now and then.
Jaeromaru: Well, that was a bit more than bargained for, thanks for the kind words.
EDS: Glad that you liked it. Exercising ones abdominal muscles is important after all.
A few extra words may be hidden at the bottom. Enjoy!
EDIT: Having gotten the rather abrupt ending pointed out to me, I've decided to give that part a bit of touching up. I'm pleading temporary insanity caused by lack of sleeping. Thanks goes to EDS and SFBKludge for taking me to task on that rather unworkable ending.
Silly reasons
The sound of the blast had barely passed by before a shockwave whipped past them in pursuit. The debris and dust kicked up by the explosion stung eyes and skin as it smashed into the two blonde ninja. They had both had enough time to throw up their arms, reflexively pushing chakra into their limbs and protecting their vital spots. As the gale died down Naruto stared in the direction of the disturbance. Something was going on down the street, but he couldn't see clearly enough to decipher exactly what. He threw a glance at Ino, checking that she was alright.
Ino wasn't hurt, but her dress was dirty. And torn. And their kissing had been interrupted. All were serious crimes in her book. Naruto didn't know this, but to Ino those were the kind of affronts that, when put together, the perpetrator would regret for the rest of a short, brutalized existence. A vein had started to pulse visibly on her forehead, her eyes were almost literally on fire, and an ominous aura was building up where they were standing. "Naruto." She said, anger obvious in her voice. "Someone must die." Then she took off down the street.
"Crap!" he muttered, following as swiftly as he could. He hadn't spent all that much time with Ino when they were younger, but he knew she had a temper to match Sakura, which most likely meant that caution had taken a backseat to vengeance. She'd need him to watch her back. "Ino, wait up!"
Ignoring the call of her date, Ino sped down the street. Further along she could see a commotion, as several shapes seemed to be embroiled in a fight, one person fighting in the midst of several others. As she got closer, she realized that she knew most of the people involved, and that getting revenge for her dress might not be that easy.
"The *hick* flames of *hick* youth burn brightly wi-wizz-inside us tonight. *Hick*." Standing dead center and held back from causing widespread destruction was an obviously shitfaced Rock Lee. Surrounding him was his old sensei, Guy, his old teammate, Neji, as well as Chouji, Sai and Kiba. The team had been out celebrating the success of their latest mission when they ran into Lee and Guy, who were apparently having some kind of ad hoc therapy session involving tears, hugs and fierce declarations of youth and other nonsense often heard by the dynamic duo. Somewhere along a string of rather confusing events Lee had somehow gotten a bit of alcohol inside his vest and then proceeded to run amok. The Rusty Kunai would need to replace its interior again it seemed, as most of the furniture was spread out in pieces on the street.
"Ahh, such a beau-*hick* tiful flower has joined our *hick* little spar! Wonderful! *Hick*." With that, Lee put up his thumb in Ino's general direction, swaying, smiling and blinking drunkenly. Then Naruto arrived, and Lee's shaky smile widened a bit. "Aha, my old rival *hick* finally dares to show his *hick* face to me! Come Naruto-*hick* kun, let us test how the fires of youth *hick* have helped us grow over the past few years. *hick*" Having finished his declaration, Lee took up an embarrassment of a fighting stance, blinked owlishly once or twice, and promptly fell over and started to snore.
Ino did what everyone else did, stared at the now sleeping form of Rock Lee. "What the hell? How am I gonna get even with him for ruining my dress now?" No one dared to answer as Guy stepped over to his former pupil and picked him up, draping him over a shoulder.
"I thank you for your help my friends, but I should get Lee home and into bed. He'll have a terrible hangover tomorrow. Uzumaki Naruto, it gladdens my heart to see you return to us after your long absence, I trust you have trained hard under Jiraiya-sama? "
"Hi Guy-sensei. Yeah, I'm totally stronger than before!"
"Good! When Lee regains his senses you'll have to spar. Have a nice night you two." And then Guy was gone, taking Lee with him and coincidentally out of reach of the vengeful kunoichi standing next to Naruto.
"Damn it! I'm so gonna force Lee to buy me a new dress."
"Aw, don't worry, you still look good." Naruto said, hoping to console the not-very-well-dressed girl. "Hi guys, how you been?"
"Hiya Naruto, been busy getting taller I see." That came from Kiba, who was busy grinning and showing a pair of rather well developed fangs.
"It is good to see that you are well, Naruto. What are you two doing out this late?" Neji had a small furrow on his forehead, but otherwise didn't display any more emotion than what Naruto could remember was normal for the stoic Hyuuga.
"Me and Naruto have been on a date, and now he's escorting me home, like a proper gentleman." Ino replied, answering in Naruto's stead and sending a barb at Kiba at the same time.
"Oh? I thought you were taking Hinata-sama on a date on Wednesday, Naruto." There was definitely a question baked into that statement.
"Oh, I am, tonight it was Ino-chan's turn, that's all."
"What do you mean?" Neji sounded confused, the furrow on his brow deepening as well as gaining a friend.
"Eh, well, I don't really remember what happened, but I apparently accepted more than one date request at Tsunade's party." Ino suddenly began studying her dress intently, which went unnoticed by everyone but Neji. "So I've been booked for every evening up to and including this Saturday." Naruto was grinning his, very own, 'foxy' grin, mischief and innocence in one paradoxal package. He seemed completely oblivious to the fact that most guys would be extremely envious of anyone claiming something like that.
The fact that Neji came from a traditionally-minded clan and was very protective of his cousin went right past the blonde as well.
"What? You're dating six different women?" Neji looked shocked, Kiba envious and slightly impressed, Sai confused and Chouji found a bag of snacks somewhere and started eating to handle a whole bundle of nerves. The big guy was an astoundingly sensitive man, and right now he didn't need his best friend's intellect to know that something terrible was most likely about to happen.
"Oh, no. Seven actually, I took Tenten out yesterday evening." Apparently, no one had managed to warn Naruto of the current social minefields in Konoha, and now he'd managed to jump both feet first into the biggest one. Neji's twitching eye would have been a good clue for anyone looking that running for your life right about now would be a wise, and probably life-saving, move.
"Um, Naruto-"Ino had immediately realized just how many bucket-loads that were about to hit the proverbial fan, and attempted to intercept the potential catastrophe.
Unfortunately, Naruto had used up his current supply of mature consideration for the night, and forged on ahead. "Anyway, how about we meet up tomorrow or something, I should get back home before Akane-chan sends out a search party, she has trouble sleeping alone,"
At that, Neji's eyes actually glazed over. The implication was a bit too much for the rather old fashioned Hyuuga's mind to handle, which accidentally saved Naruto from another near death experience. While the jounin tried to recover from his shock, Ino seized the opportunity and made off with her escort, making certain to keep their speed up. "See you guys later!"
While Neji slowly turned an interesting shade of crimson and Chouji decided to go and have a cold shower, Kiba and Sai exchanged a look. "Eight? The guy is seeing eight girls at the same time?"
"Guess he isn't as dickless as I thought when I first saw him. At least not as much as you are."
"Yeah, that's- hey, what the fuck?!"
Next morning, the Hokage's office
"Someone got into the research center last night."
Tsunade's eyes, having kept up a hint of sleepiness up until then, opened slightly and focused on the speaker. If Aburame Shino felt uncomfortable being under the scrutiny of his Hokage, he didn't show it. Of course, being an Aburame, he'd gotten used to being stared at shortly after enrolling at the academy. The Hokage wasn't glaring anyway, so she probably wasn't angry. At least not with him. He was simply the first one of her various early morning meetings that had said anything half-way interesting. Now she knew why he'd asked Shizune to bypass the waiting list to seeing her.
"Which section? Any losses or damages?"
"They seem to have entered the old archive. We are not certain, but it looks they've been into the files concerning the Yondaime. Nothing was missing or damaged as far as the staff could tell, but some of the files were never properly referenced, so there might be that we're missing something we didn't know we had."
"The Yondaime's files? That doesn't sound good at all. I expect you haven't got any traces or clues as to the identity of the infiltrators?"
"The Inuzuka on duty said they'd used a heavy dose of peppermint to cover their scent, and the ventilation system did the rest. The cameras haven't caught anything of interest and even the chakra traces are too faded to be of use. They, because there must have been more than one person involved, apparently didn't need to use any jutsu that required a large amount of chakra."
"Anything that stands out about their target?"
"One of the archivists said that she got the feeling they were focused on looking into the 'Yondaime's legacy', although it was hard to prove beyond any doubt. I'm not sure what exactly she meant by that, and she couldn't explain what it was either, except that they're a double S-classed group of documents that only the Hokage can access."
Tsunade stared at him. If he was correct, and doubting one of the eccentric workers over at Archives was never a good idea, then a secret that she'd helped keep under cover for more than seventeen years might be about to spill out into the open, or be used by enemies of the village.
She'd have to get Naruto to see her later in the afternoon.
"I see. Were there any signs of them breaking into the Sealing section?"
"None, Hokage-sama. Nor were there any signs of break-ins at any of the other sections. They were obviously very well prepared. They knew what they wanted, where to find it, how to get into and out and how to do it without leaving us with any real clues as to whom they were."
"I suppose I'll have to get Yamato in here later and hear if Danzo has been doing anything suspicious lately."
"You mean like breathing, Hokage-sama?"
"Good point. Let's endeavor to stop him from breathing, shall we?"
Meanwhile, the Yondaime's former estate
"Rise and shine sleepyhead!"
"Ugh, just another five minutes Akane-chan."
"No way! I've got breakfast ready for you and then you need to get ready for meeting your team. Kakashi was adamant that you go over some team formations and plan tactics, as well as discuss who you would like as your fourth team member." Akane hit him with a pillow. "And that's neesan for you, grouchy."
"I can't believe you actually sat up waiting for me. Didn't you trust me to come home at a decent time? And why can't you sleep in your own bed? You're so clingy!"
"Stop procrastinating and move that moneymaker. I wanna go meet up with Temari-chan and do some shopping, and I know I can't leave you with the dishes."
Keeping up a steady stream of complaints, jokes and thinly veiled compliments, the loud pair made their way to the kitchen. As Naruto started wolfing down his breakfast, Akane poured herself a cup of coffee and then one for Naruto. "So, how was last night? Did you get lucky?" Naruto, focused on eating his fill, had enough time to think "Damn, got me again." Before spewing out the mouthful of orange juice he'd just drunk, and then start to cough violently. While Akane laughed at her victory, Naruto got his throat under control and started wiping up the mess, grumbling under his breath. "Ha! So that's why you came in so late."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Put a week-old sock in it, neechan. I came home late because a lot of stuff happened."
"Uhu, very informative. Now spill. All the hot details, I want something to tease Temari with."
"If you go off and tell her any made-up stories she'll kick your ass. Or worse, my ass." Naruto took a few more bites before continuing. "Anyway, the restaurant was nice, the opera a bit weird but okay I guess, the strip dancing was embarrassing and being chased by a bunch of drunk women scary. Then I got to beat up a few idiots and I also met a few old friends. Oh, and I told Ino about the fox-bastard."
Akane gave him a disgruntled look. "Wow, remind me never to let you tell any stories to kids, you can murder any exciting story. Details toy boy, details. A good story revolves around the small details."
Naruto just groaned, took a sip of coffee and looked out the window. "Go bother Ino about those, she was the one getting all kissy-feely. Damn."
"Aha! So you did good last night after all! Now we're getting somewhere, what happened?"
"Troublesome. Ino was getting accosted by these three guys, so I decided to beat them up a little. I'm guessing she thought that was a good thing, 'cause I barely got two words in before she was all over me." Naruto paused, getting something far-away in his eyes. "It's strange you know, I never thought that something like that could happen even once here, like ever y'know, and now it's happened two nights in a row. Weird."
"Hehe, just wait till tonight. Anko-chan said something about giving you a night to remember."
Naruto suddenly turned pale, dropping the almost empty coffee cup he was holding. "Oh no, Kami help me, tonight it's Anko's turn. What am I gonna do?" Akane thought Naruto was joking at first, but got a bit thoughtful when the boy went and collected some paper and a pen. "Um, okay, I know we went over the basics at the academy. Let's see, 'Last will and testament of Uzumaki Naruto'."
"Naruto, I think you're overreacting, don't you? I mean, how bad can Anko be?"
"I don't know how bad she can be, and I don't want to know. It's bad enough with the level of bad I've already endured, I don't need it to get worse! 'I leave my collection of famous ramen tastes through the ages to Sabaku no Gaara, so he can have some decent food and remember his good friend'."Akane started to giggle at that.
"Listen Naruto, you've already been on two dates and you've survived both, right?"
"Yeah, but those girls are relatively safe and sane. That Anko woman is a nut job, what on earth possessed me to say yes to her when she asked?"
"Well gaki, I'd say it was the pills we slipped into your drink at Tsunade's!" Standing in the door of the kitchen like a promise of death by exquisite torture was Anko, wearing her usual getup of not very much fabric at all.
"Uah! Where the hell did you come from? Akane-neechan save me!" Naruto acted instinctively, hiding behind his sort-of-sister.
"Humph, here I let you enjoy to dream of all perverted men on the planet and share your bed for the night, and that is how you act the day after? I'm shocked!" Having delivered that juicy sentence, Anko started to tear up. "Nobody *sob* likes me!"
"Ah come on, don't be like that Anko-san. It's not like you want people to like you anyway. "Naruto frowned." Wait a minute, what do you mean you shared my bed? I thought that was Akane-neechan."
"Oh, she was there too. To be exact, I waited for her to come back to bed, but she didn't, and then when I found her squeezing you like a teddy bear I decided to join in. You know, you're really warm and cozy to cuddle with." Anko had 'miraculously' lost the tears, and now had her usual, slightly maniacal grin back on, coupled with a rather hungry look in her eyes. "Oh, and you're quite good at squeezing too, not even Akane-chan can fondle a girl like that."
By now Naruto was feeling so warm that one should be able to fry eggs on his forehead. Of course, Akane had to seize the opportunity. "Why Naruto-kun, I thought I was the only one you did that with, and now I find you've betrayed me, throwing me aside for the first piece of luscious female flesh to crawl into your bed! I'm shocked, shocked I tell you! You've never fondled me." She took a step away from him, and then she also started tearing up, her eyes suddenly huge and moist, lower lip quivering.
"No! Stop it, I didn't want to fondle Anko and I don't want to fondle Akane-neechan!"
"Are you saying I'm ugly? Do you hate me know?"
" Ack! I mean, no, you're beautiful and I'd love to fondle you if- no! You're not getting me that easily. Stop messing with my head." Naruto didn't need a mirror to know he was blushing red like a sun ripened tomato." And you still haven't answered my question Anko-san. What in the shriveled nut sack of Orochimaru are you doing in my home?"
"He's so cute when he's flustered!" Akane decided that control was for other people and caught Naruto in a crushing hug, squealing about 'cute' and 'adorable', and generally hurting Naruto's ears.
Anko walked over to the kitchen table and started inspecting Naruto's breakfast. "Why, Akane-chan invited me of course. You left her all on her lonesome to go off and fondle that other blondie, so I figured I'd come over and repaint your house." She started to nibble on some of his bread.
"Can we please not mention fondling anymore, and why can't you think of a better reason. I mean you're a tokujou, can't you think of something that isn't quite as silly?"
"What would be the fun in that? If I said I simply wanted to keep her company you wouldn't be even a bit annoyed, and we can't have that, can we?" Anko's grin suddenly became far scarier than usual. "Or maybe you would like to know the details, hm? Of what we did before you stumbled in through the door? Or maybe you'd like a reenactment?" She started lick some jam from the piece of bread in her hand, giving him a lewd look.
Naruto shivered, his spine tingling with a whole bundle of emotions that he'd rather not look too closely at. "Um, as tempting as that sounds," 'Or not' He added mentally" I think it's time to go or I'll be late for my meeting. So, uh, where do we meet up for tonight?"
"Oh, I'm not gonna wait for my fun until tonight. I'll be nice though, and give you until after lunch before we start." Now her grin was feral, excitement oozing out of her like sweat.
"Start with what?"
"Why, me trying to hunt you down and catch you of course. Better watch your back this afternoon, I've got a whole pouch of kunai drenched in sedatives, and they all have your name on them. I tag you, I win and get to do whatever I want with you for the rest of the day. You get away, I'll let you have a say too."
"Okay, you're crazy, you know that? What's to stop me from telling baa-chan about your silly game?"
"What, you afraid gaki?" She walked up to him, getting in his face and trying to stare him down.
"No way, you just try to catch me." Naruto paused. "I just walked right into that one, didn't I?"
"Yup, thanks for being predictable gaki. I'm gonna head off now, see you later!"
"Bye, Anko-chan, thanks for coming here last night." Akane had a small smile on her lips, like she was enjoying a joke Naruto couldn't understand.
"Anytime, sweet cheeks, I had lots of fun. Bye!" And then the volatile snake-mistress was gone, courtesy of a shunsin jutsu.
"I can't believe you've become friends with that crazy woman. Hell, I can't believe that she can actually befriend anyone. The only person I know that's scarier is Orochimaru, and that guy looks like a walking porcelain doll with a snake for a father and is attracted to young boys. She's scary purely by the way she behaves."
"Oh, but I've met Anko-chan before while on a mission, so we didn't really need to waste time on getting to know each other. And trust me; she can be very friendly when she feels like it. You just have to give her a chance to show it."
"But you didn't mention that you knew her before, why?"
"Because I wanted to be certain that she wanted to see me again. It's complicated so you can save your questions."
"Remind me to ask you about that if I'm still alive this time tomorrow." Naruto furrowed his brow, thinking hard. "Didn't she let something slip before?"
"Huh? She did? When?"
"I don't know, exactly. We were talking and she interrupted us."
"Oh, yeah, you wondered what had possessed you to accepting all of these dates."
"Yes! And she said-"Naruto's eyes widened."No, she couldn't have been serious about that, right?"
"About what? She only said- oh my!" Akane's eyes widened as well, as she also remembered the first thing Anko had said when entering the kitchen.
"Do you think she was serious? I mean, spiking a guy's drink like that, why would anyone do that?"
"Oh, I can think of a few reasons, you stud you. Just be glad that I kept an eye on you that evening. I don't think you'd have been happy waking up with someone, or some ones, you don't remember going to bed with."
Naruto shuddered. "Well, I survived that. Now the part that's really worrying me is the 'we'. Who are 'we'? And what do 'we' want with me?"
"I'd guess at least one more of the girls at the party, and considering the number of them that asked you for a date, well, who knows how many are involved. I suggest you keep an eye on your drink and food from now on."
"Yeah, 'cause it won't be a bit awkward to turn down one of my dates when they want to buy me a drink. This is so not gonna end well."
Akane stood silent for a little while, then shook herself, allowing a small smile to show." Kami, you Konoha shinobi have to be the weirdest people I've ever met."
"Well, it keeps things interesting I guess."
"Yeah, but isn't there a saying about living in interesting times?"
"Yeah, it's used as a curse. I guess the whole village has been thoroughly jinxed then, 'cause I can't remember when we didn't have an interesting time in Konoha."
"At least it doesn't get boring."
"I have an IQ of over two hundred."
"Shikamaru-kun, do you prefer hair done up or let down? What color should it be? Should it be straight or curly?"
"I can think over fifty moves ahead in shogi."
"What's your favorite food? What's your favorite topping on dango? What do you prefer to drink with dango?"
"I am entrusted with the most secret and strategically important mission planning. The Hokage trusts me and Akira to piece together all the little pieces of information Konoha can get its hands on and use it to prepare us for a possible war."
"Are you really as smart as everybody keeps saying? You don't look smart, are you really good at disguises too? Can you change colors like a chameleon? What's your favorite animal?"
"So what in the five elemental nations possessed me to bring three troublesome women with me on a two day journey to Suna? Has Chiyo done something to me to turn me into a masochist?"
"Shikamaru-kun!" The fact that the three kunoichi yelled his name in perfect sync, employing the same, troublesome, whining tone, brought home the point that the girls indeed were what was known as 'True-sisters'. The term came from the village of their birth, Bamboo, which he didn't know very much about. True-sisters were apparently not necessarily siblings, although that happened, but bonded themselves with those they felt that they wanted a lifelong relationship with. This bond could apparently involve a male partner at some point, although Shikamaru was hazy at the details.
He did know that there was a saying about three True-sisters, which was rare, rather than the usual two. He couldn't remember the words, but the meaning had been one that could be translated into one of his most earnest 'troublesome'. They had been on the road for less than two hours, barely reaching the first civilian settlement along the way, and he was already contemplating the plusses and minuses of going rouge, or slitting his wrists.
He muttered something inaudible.
"What was that Shikamaru-kun?" Gina, easily recognizable from the hair that most likely inspired her name, was the youngest. Barely seventeen and already blossoming into a poster-child for kunoichi recruitment pamphlets, she was the one dressed closest to modesty off the troublesome trio. Her eyes, a dark purple flecked with gold, were wide and innocent. She was dressed in black with silver trimming, not exposing all that much, but hinting at quite a lot. It fit her silvery hair beautifully.
"I was just talking to myself." He replied, hoping that giving such a boring answer would make them decide that he wasn't worth their time. Apparently the god of listening to the pleas of lazy bums was taking a day off.
"What, what, what? What did you say?" Miyako was, strangely enough, the eldest, nearing her twentieth year. She also lived up to her name through her appearance, long black hair, dark brown eyes and ivory-white skin making Shikamaru think of horror movies with vampires. For some reason, despite her age, she was the one that acted the most immaturely out of the three. She had actually gotten in front of him, bouncing up and down like an overeager puppy. Which of course set her most prominent physical feature, well, he kept coming back to the word bouncing, although jiggling also got a lot of use. He really wished she'd wear something a little less revealing for a top. Why the tight, cut off white leather jacket? Why the glaringly red bra poking out underneath? Why the matching tight white shorts?
"It doesn't really matter." He brushed past her. Why wouldn't they just leave him the hell alone? They were coming along so he could study their skills and behavior in the field, not for a paid vacation. Too fucking troublesome. Women were generally troublesome. Loudmouths were always troublesome. Three loudmouth women were, well, troublesome, just on a whole different level. Why didn't he listen to his Aburame work partner?
"Shikamaru-kun, it's not very polite to act like this towards your teammates. Are you feeling unwell perhaps? Should we stop at an inn so we can help you recover?" And then there was the most troublesome out of the whole bunch, Michiko. He was convinced she had an intellect that could measure itself against his own without shame, although he doubted she could match him in his chosen fields. Yet she persisted in joining her sisters in making the journey an interrogation from hell. And he just couldn't understand why the slim, green haired and blue eyed woman, halfway between eighteen and nineteen, persisted in showing of even more skin than Miyako. Who in their right mind wore a camouflage pattern bikini top and miniskirt on a mission? Sure, she got to show off her dark tan, but could she really move and fight in that outfit?
He sighed. "Is it really that important?"
"Yes!" Once again, the shouted voices were in perfect sync. "That's just creepy, and troublesome."
"Fine, I said troublesome. Can we get going now?" He started walking again, determined not to do anything in response to their silliness. It was annoying. He had things to worry about, keeping the village alive, proving to Asuma-sensei that he'd learnt the lessons on just why he couldn't up and quit being a shinobi. He'd tried, after he and Ino had their catastrophic attempt at a relationship that lasted all of two weeks. Then he'd been in such self doubt and loathing that he felt compelled to get away from it all, quit his career and leave the village.
The cost of his childishness had not become apparent until Asuma had looked him up and pounded some sense into the genius.
"Damn women making me think of troublesome things."
"Mou, sisters, Shikamaru is being no fun." Why wouldn't they just leave him alone?
"I could be cloud watching right about now."
"Then maybe we should play with him a bit, I'm certain he'd be more fun then."
"Oh, tonight! We'll do it-mfff."Michiko quickly caught the excitable Miyako and covered her mouth.
"Shush, we need to plan this right." With that the women dropped back a few paces, heads together and whispering about things Shikamaru was certain he'd rather not know about.
"Troublesome." He whispered to himself. He'd promised himself to work harder, be a better leader, a more efficient shinobi. To focus on the mission objectives and the bigger picture. To keep his emotions in check. He kept trying, but these girls just wouldn't leave him be, wouldn't let him focus on his duty. "And why the hell do I let them get to me? I'm supposed to be able to handle this."
The three girls behind him started to giggle, and when he, against his better judgment, looked over his shoulder at them, they were all blushing and looking at him.
It was going to be a long week.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
The sound of water slowly leaking into the tunnel had long since passed from his mind, the steadily echoing dripping becoming a part of the background. He sat on a throne of stone, several cushions dampening the cold and hardness of rock, created for him several years earlier. He was waiting for a report, as usual, and reading a scroll on a possible method of expanding the number of elemental affinities. It was, of course, forbidden knowledge, that risked both the body and sanity of the person undergoing the process, but such risks were nothing new to the pale man.
The room was dimly lit, two tall braziers placed to either side of the throne giving him enough light to read, yet left the rest of the room in darkness. He preferred it that way. Any visitor was forced to wonder at what could be hidden in the shadows, as well as focus on him as the only one truly illuminated. He himself would not require much light to see every detail of anyone entering, one of many skills he had incorporated into his body.
Inwardly, Orochimaru sighed. The one coming to report to him was once again testing his ability to notice his presence, attempting to sneak into the room without being spotted. Although Orochimaru was constantly making progress in various ways, learning new jutsus, experimenting on captives and recruiting those desperate or crazy enough to enter his service, he was also feeling a bit tired. The last year, since the revolt started, he'd largely lost the luxury of biding his time. He'd always been more of a planner than one who thought on his feet. He knew well that his strengths lay in gathering information and planning his moves using that information. True, he was powerful. Redundancy was ever his watchword, every defense and fall back point, every stratagem and every weapon were backed by at least two reserves.
As was the case of the room he sat in. Of course, he was very hard to fool in himself, but he also had a summon hiding in the shadows to warn him of any underhanded tricks, as well as a special seal worked into the very shape of the room, that would also warn him of any deceit. After all, taking risks were for those too foolish to think of ways to avoid them. He did take them when necessary, but if one looked hard enough, there usually was a way to let someone else take them, or at least minimize them.
After all, if you can grasp at immortality, how stupid wouldn't it be to die from carelessness?
"Kabuto, how nice to see you again. Step forward so I can see you better."
The man's smirk didn't change one bit at being discovered, his loyalty towards Orochimaru was unquestionable. The testing was simply to let his master continue practicing his alertness. Being careless was always the surest way of getting killed in the world of shinobi. "Orochimaru-sama. I have returned from the mission you ordered."
"And how did your mission go? I have been most eager to hear of it."
"Better than expected, worse than hoped. We managed to kill two more rebels, but Sasuke-kun and Tayuya-chan got away again. I'm starting to get annoyed with them. I am pleased to report that they are apparently as busy fighting those, things, as we are. Sasuke actually had a bandage that I haven't heard of before, and I doubt any of his group tried to fight him."
"So our experiments are creating trouble for others than us. That is slightly gratifying."
"There was one other thing, Orochimaru-sama."
"What?"
"I've spotted a pair of men wearing black cloaks with a pattern of red clouds. Akatsuki are here, at least a few of them."
"I should have known. They will want to collect the crystals as well. Did you see who they were?"
"No, I figured it would be taking too much of a risk getting too close to one of them. I do think they were headed for the capital."
"Good, I don't need my shinobi to be taking unnecessary risks at this time, there is too much at stake." Orochimaru, never letting his grin slip, gave himself a few seconds to think. "I believe that we need to hurry up our collecting the remaining crystals however, is the retrieval squad ready?"
"Yes, the survivors from the last mission have already been reinforced and divided into their new teams. We also have the position of the nearest crystal; it's in the eastern part of the old tunnel complex. We'll have another squad launch a diversionary attack at the northern entrance first. Then the retrieval squad will go in and retrieve the crystal. We think it's the orange one."
"Then there are the two others still in the hands of the demons and the two that Sasuke-kun got away with."
"Yes. I have heard nothing about that changing. The rebels aren't strong enough to try and find any more crystals themselves, unless Sasuke joins them, and he won't take that risk."
"Sasuke, you can't, it's too fucking risky." They were walking at a brisk pace towards the staging area.
"That's why you're not going Tayuya." Sasuke sounded about as excited as if he were going on a walk in the forest. "I need you to keep the rest of the group together. Kabuto probably thinks he managed to actually kill those two yesterday, and everyone knows just how close it was. They'll need you to keep their spirits up."
"You Kami-forsaken, cock-sucking wart on an oxen's ass! That's exactly why you can't go. We'll never make it without you."
"You're wrong, Tayuya. They don't look to me for leadership or comfort. They expect me to be powerful and kill enemies, but you are the one that cares about them. If you so much as stub a toe, these kids will be falling apart faster than you can insult me three times." He turned towards her. "I've left the two remaining crystals in your pack, so head out of Konoha as soon as you're ready. I'll take the team in and get another one, then I'll go there as well. I've heard that Akatsuki have started to move around in Oto, so I need you to get out before they can find you."
"You weird-eyed bastard. You're gonna ditch me here with all the responsibility and go off and have fun with those fire-farting bastard demons. And why would I let you do that?"
"Because you know I'm right. And because I'll let you fix my hair when we meet in Konoha. How's that?"
"That has to be the stupidest fucking monkey-loving reason I've ever heard, even from you, you god-damn snake-fondling little faggot."
"But you'll do it anyway."
"Shut up and go already, weird-eyes."
"I love you too. Give my regards to Tsunade, she'll need to know I'm coming in advance." With that, Sasuke turned and walked off, heading towards where his team was waiting. He was pretty sure this would work out, the informant near Kabuto had managed to get the word of their intended attack on the crystal in the eastern section to him in time, and now all he had to do was to sneak in during the confusion and grab the other two. He knew, better than his opponents, where to find them.
Coming into the small clearing, he only found the three who had volunteered to go with him. He walked up to them and exchanged glances, weighing what he saw and deciding that it would be enough. They all knew what was at stake, as well as the odds, and they all knew what they needed to do.
Never saying a word, the four man team dispersed as soon as he nodded.
"Thanks Ayame-neechan! That tasted great, jii-san really taught you everything he knows didn't he!" Naruto was grinning, good company and good food always made for a good mood. That Iruka had finally come back from a mission and happened to be walking past the ramen stand was simply putting the dot over the I, turning a great lunch into a moment of memory-for-life. He'd missed his often exasperated teacher-turned-older brother. There were things he could say to Iruka that no one else would ever hear about.
"Thank you Naruto, but I know I'm not as good as dad, so don't go overboard with the praises." Ayame was smiling at him, knowing that it was true but appreciating the opinion of an expert none the less. Naruto was very good at being honest about his ramen after all. She diverted her attention to his company. "And you, Iruka-san, are you satisfied? Can I get you anything else?"
"Ah, it's wonderful Ayame-san, don't let me be a bother to you." Iruka seemed a bit surprised at the attention. "Getting to be one of the first try Ayame-san's ramen is good enough for me."
"So, what was this mission you've been away on about? Did you get to do any fighting?"
"Um, well." Iruka was suddenly looking a bit uncomfortable, and glanced towards Ayame.
"Oh, sorry, let me give you guys some space." With that, she walked into the back to do something loud to cover them speaking. She was used to such from having shinobi as customers since forever.
"Actually, I've been trying to get into Oto. The country's been a black hole for us the last year or so, nobody getting in or out." He was speaking in a low voice, completely serious.
"What, isn't that kind of a high level mission Iruka-sensei? You're just a chuunin, right?"
"Well, I'm listed as it, but if you're part of ANBU, you don't really care about rank all that much. Anyways, it didn't work. There were patrols all over the place, and my team isn't built around combat, but stealth and infiltration." He shrugged. "Better nins than us have been having trouble with that mission, so it doesn't bother me much."
"Oto, eh? Hey, that's where Sasuke is supposed to be, right? Do you think-"
"No, Naruto. Whatever you want to ask or say, no. I know you want to go bring him back, but trying to get near Sasuke right now is suicide. If he's even himself still, he could have had his body taken over by Orochimaru." Iruka gave Naruto an understanding look. "I know you want him back, but now is not the time." Then he grinned. "Besides, I've been hearing these strange rumors that you are being kept busy, care to explain that?"
"Can I plead temporary insanity? Ayame-neechan, you can come back now!"
"I'm no judge Naruto, just a friend. A very curious friend at that." Iruka waited for Ayame to return before continuing talking.
"Well, when I got back, Tsunade had this big formal welcoming dinner, 'cause Akane-chan was given a diplomatic mission when Gaara heard she wanted to go to Konoha with me. That meant that baa-chan could throw a party for me without anyone saying anything about it before hand, 'cause she was just receiving a cousin of Gaara's. I was assigned to be her escort for the evening, and no one could say anything about it in public since a lot of the guests were of my age." Naruto paused to take a few sips of water. "Then the party moved over to baa-chan's house, where I either got really drunk or someone drugged me. Then I really don't remember what happened, except that I apparently was asked out on seven dates, and accepted all of them."
At this point Iruka was torn almost exactly in two. On one hand, he was glad that Naruto was finally getting along with people. On the other he was shocked at his former pupil actually going on dates with seven women. "Say what?" He managed weakly, exchanging a confused look with Ayame. Who was pouting.
"Hey, they asked me! Kurenai and Anko actually waited until after seeing me in my boxers before they asked. I have no idea what's going through their heads, but I made a promise. If I didn't have Akane-neechan to help me, I'd probably be running for the border by now."
"Kurenai? Anko? What the hell did you do to them?"
"I told you, I didn't do anything. They did."
"Well, holy crap Naruto, I don't really know what to say."
"What other girls are in on this?" That was Ayame, grinning like a madman.
"Tenten, Ino, Hinata, Temari and Sakura. Don't ask me why, I'm apparently an all-you-can-eat buffet these days. And no one is telling me what it is that's so damn tasty either."
"I could give you a few hints if you want, Naruto-kun." Ayame was smiling at him, in a way that he wasn't entirely comfortable with. "But I'll be wanting something in return. Information is valuable to a shinobi right?"
Naruto groaned. "Aw, not you too, Ayame-neechan. What could I possibly give to you?"
Ayame looked him over, her smile growing into a grin. Then she looked over at Iruka, and blushed a bit. "Oh, I can think of a few things. How about…" She leaned over and whispered something in Naruto's ear. He looked confused and whispered something back. She responded, and he thought for a bit before nodding. Then he turned and looked at Iruka, giving him a much more thorough examination than he had for several years. He'd been eating ramen when Iruka walked by earlier after all.
Then he turned back to Ayame. "Okay, I'll give you a shadow clone for an hour, and we can talk more about it tomorrow, but now I'd better get Anko's game started, or she'll get bored and start attacking me here." He put his hands in the correct sign, and a puff of smoke from the back room announced the arrival of the pseudo-Naruto.
"Oh, she wants to play the 'prey' game? Good luck, I'll be sure to bust you out if you get caught, she can be a bit rough once her blood is up. We'll talk about the rest afterwards." The unexpected information coming from Iruka gave Naruto pause, but before he could inquire further a sharp spike of killing intent propelled him at speed away from the food stand, narrowly avoiding two kunai.
Pure instinct was driving him at first, the attention directed his way from his pursuer obvious in the promise of just how much he'd regret getting caught by his 'date'. He quickly headed up onto the rooftops, making a beeline towards the hospital. He had the idea that unleashing a dozen or so clones in the warren like basements would keep Anko occupied for quite some time. That idea was dashed when he spotted movement ahead, recognizing the older Yamanaka woman from the night before. "What the hell is she doing here?"
He skidded to a stop on top of a bakery, hoping that the many chimneys would give him time to figure out a new plan. Looking over towards the Hokage monument, and the refuge tunnels that he'd also considered, he recognized one of the Inuzuka women, nose in the air and dog partner just a few roofs over, obviously trying to catch his scent as well. He realized he was sweating. This was not part of what Anko had told him before. Hoping that his third alternative was still open, he cast his gaze toward the Hokage tower, and almost whimpered when he spotted Tenten, who was idly toying with a kunai. This was beyond unfair.
Then he remembered the one place where even the most skilled of shinobi treaded carefully. He'd have to bypass the cordon they'd built around him, but he knew exactly how that was done. The trouble would normally have been to get through the net, but he wasn't aiming at that this time, merely to direct their attention elsewhere. Sending over two dozen clones towards various possible hiding places, he waited the two or three seconds it took for his pursuers to start intercepting his chakra constructs before running away from all of them, heading towards the training areas.
As he ran, pushing all the chakra he could muster to keep his speed up, he kept receiving and scrutinizing the last memories of his clones. Several had been hit by Tenten, of course, but three had been taken down by the Inuzuka woman through almost playful bites. The shocking parts were that the Yamanaka woman caught a clone and immediately started undressing it, only dispelling it when she squeezed 'him' a bit too enthusiastically. That Anko had cheated in an almost appalling way became obvious when he realized that almost all of the girls on his 'to-date' list had joined in on the fun. Ino acted almost exactly like her elder relative, except he got a glimpse of a black bra as well. Sakura contented herself with yelling pervert and kicking or punching all the clones she could get her hands on, while Temari seemed to take pleasure in seeing just how much clothing she could slice away with a wind blade before accidentally drawing blood and dispelling her prey.
The biggest surprise, however, was the fact that when he arrived at training area 44, he was already being pursued. A couple of clones were dispatched, and their memories revealed that not only a hot and bothered Anko was on his trail, but the heiress of the Hyuuga as well, anemia inducing blush and all. The fact that his clone's memory showed Hinata, with a grin that was even more feral and happy than Anko's, almost made him fall of the branch he was leaping towards.
He shuddered, imagining the result if he was caught by the irate women hot on his tail, no, trail. Hopefully he could lose them in the huge Forest of Death, exploiting the extensive training that Jiraiya had put him through as well as all the knowledge his clones had absorbed for him. Jumping over the fence and heading in amongst the gigantic trees, he set his course for a part of the forest he had some recollections of.
"This is so not fair, how the hell am I gonna stay away from half a dozen or so women out for my blood? And that's the good scenario! "Naruto was whimpering. He'd never thought being popular could be anything like this! He suddenly had a newfound understanding of Sasuke. There was very little of interest in his view on things, and he felt certain that there was no 'good' option to get through this unscathed except evading his out-of-control pursuers.
And he was supposed to report to Tsunade at five, he couldn't possible expect them to willingly let him go before that. That was almost four hours away.
Sending out over a dozen clones to mess up the scent tracks, Naruto crouched in between two huge branches, deciding that a plan was needed. He could of course keep moving, but something told him that running around aimlessly would sooner or later end with him in the hands of the women. He considered setting some traps, but dismissed it. There were some really dangerous animals in the forest, and he didn't want to hurt anyone. At least, not yet.
No, that wasn't an option either. So what were his options? Stealth, distraction and surprise. All of which were his favorite skills. He did choose pulling pranks for a reason as a child. So, what should he do first?
While Naruto was busy preparing his prank inspired diversions, the huntresses had gathered together outside. Most of them were a bit apprehensive in going into the dreaded training area, which was normally off limits and used for high level survival training. After a brief discussion, Anko decided that the older women, along with Ino and Sakura, should split up and patrol around the outside of the fenced-off forest, while she, Hinata, Tenten and Temari would head into the forest to flush him out. Anko was certain that her own habit of camping in the forest when bored would give them all the edge they'd need.
Then they were off, the cordon guards using various jutsus to ward the entire perimeter, while the team led by Anko headed off into the forest. It would not surprise any casual onlooker that Anko was grinning in both anticipation and feral lust, but they might have been slightly disturbed at seeing the grin mirrored on the faces of the others.
It did not take very long for them to start finding trails, but when Temari called a summon, it turned out that their prey was craftier than they had initially expected. He had somehow created over a dozen trails, each indistinguishable from the next, thereby hiding his own. Anko wasn't about to let this stop her and quickly used a summoning of her own, and soon a large number of small snakes were slithering away to explore the various leads. They themselves decided to stick together for now, following a likely looking path of scuffed bark and the faint scent of ramen.
When they came upon a near naked Naruto fighting off three giant tigers, bleeding from a large gash in his side and with one arm obviously broken, they all felt like they'd suddenly stepped into another world. After doing a double take, they all reacted on instinct. Anko and Tenten starting to throw kunai at the tigers while Hinata screamed, and fainted, and Temari rushed forward to give Naruto some cover.
The ones still conscious knew something was wrong when the tigers simply disappeared in smoke clouds when hit by the kunai. Temari was too close to react however, as the suddenly not hurt Naruto caught her around the neck, slammed her into the ground and pushed a senbon needle into her shoulder. It had obviously been prepared with some kind of sedative, as she passed out almost immediately. "Hey Anko, boss says that he'll be doing his own cheating from now on." Then the shadow clone dispelled itself, leaving two gaping kunoichi to stare at the small cloud of smoke.
"Oh, I'm going to murder that gaki!"
As soon as the clone dispelled itself, Naruto got the information. "Hmm, two angry, one fainted and one knocked out. Not bad for a first trap."He grinned, imagining the anger they'd be directing his way once they started stumbling into all the traps he'd set up. Combining henge and kage bunshin was quite possibly the ultimate in pranking techniques, and he was aiming at giving those ladies the camping trip of their lives. He'd even made a point of asking Kakashi about Anko after their planning session, getting the impression that training area 44 would be asking for trouble. Now she wasn't alone however, so he could use the fact that she'd have to look after others in there as well.
"If they stumbled into that trap, they should be finding the water pond with the poisonous frogs next, wonder how they'll like that?"
"Who the hell has been sawing through all of these branches?" Temari was furious. She'd needed a shot to get back on her feet, and now she was up to her waist in muddy water, which she didn't appreciate one bit. The trail had headed straight over a large pond, and they had followed, finding out too late that Naruto could do some amazing things if he was given just a bit of time and a few clones.
"A dead man, that's who!" Tenten was at least as angry as Temari, and it was about to get worse.
"Um, girls, we better get out of here! Those frogs are poisonous!" Anko barely had time to shout her warning, before the frogs were jumping all over the place, clearly agitated by having their pond disturbed.
Naruto was humming, the clone he'd left near the pond had dispelled itself once it was certain they had made it out of the pond alive, if muddy, wet and agitated. "Hmm next should be the reverse sexy-no-jutsu. Wonder how they'll react to it? I did add quite a few guys in."
"N-n-Neji? What are you doing here? Naked?" Tenten had started drooling, and was blushing at the same time.
"Kiba-kun? Why are you and Shino-kun na-nak- 'Thud'." Hinata fainted for the second time, seeing her teammates lying in what might best be described as a snake pit, several of their male colleagues entwined with each other, wearing not much more than Kakashi's mask. Temari was blood red from the feet up and had her back turned, while Anko was merely content to grin at the writhing carnal vision of debauchery. After all, how often did you get to study the naked appearance of several well trained male shinobi at once?
Then the images all transformed into Naruto, all of whom started making faces at the kunoichi. "Fell for it! Perverted women over here!" And the like could be heard, as the taunting got verbal as well as physical. Naturally it stopped fairly quickly, as the targeted women responded with a veritable hail of sharp edged implements. While Anko brought Hinata out of her stupor, Tenten and Temari shared a look that agreed that this had not happened, and would be vehemently denied to have happened if that was ever mentioned. Which it wouldn't, seeing it hadn't happened. Whatever it was.
"That damn gaki! I'm going to kill him slowly for this! That strip tease Ino had him do won't even be close to what I'll make him do as an apology!" Anko was furious, she'd almost seen a very interesting part of Kakashi, and then he'd transformed. And she'd been so curious too!
"What strip tease?" Both Tenten and Temari were looking at her rather pointedly, wondering just how far the blonde had gotten with their prey.
"Later, let's go make that blonde idiot sorry for doing this to us!" With that, Anko led her now thoroughly embarrassed team at a sprint, following the track laid out by Naruto. It would not be any consolation to the huntresses to know that similar traps had been laid out at all the other trails as well.
It would be a long afternoon.
"Ah, Naruto. Good that you're here on time. How was your afternoon?" Tsunade was grinning, a mischievous glint evident in her eyes.
"Hi oba-chan. It was fun, once Anko started falling into my traps she totally lost her head. I haven't laughed that much in a long time."
"How on earth did you manage to lure Anko into a trap inside the Forest of Death? That's her turf."
"Yeah, but she decided to bring along a bunch of other women, and then it got easier. So, why did you ask me to come see you?"
"Ah, well. Have a seat. How do you like your new home?"
"It's great, I'm just surprised that you'd give it to me, I'm not exactly universally loved in this village."
"Well, such things may well change. I've made certain that the truth about you being Jiraiya's apprentice has been spread around in the village. Appearances are important in these matters after all. That's also one of the reasons for your new address. You living in a rundown rat hole isn't helping people in seeing you as the next Hokage. You do still want to take my job, don't you?"
Naruto grinned at that. "You bet! I'm gonna be the best Hokage ever! I've been training like crazy to get stronger and learn more jutsus, right?"
"Hmm, but being strong isn't everything there is to being a Hokage you know. You'll need to learn about paperwork, politics and all sorts of other things as well. Think you're up to it, gaki?"
"Hey, I haven't had my clones read all those books for nothing you know!"
"Good. Now, for the reason I asked for your presence. We had a break in yesterday evening at the research center."
Naruto was waving his hands furiously, denying the charge before it came. "That was not me! Ino and all the other women at the strip club are witness- oh crap."
"We'll discuss that later Naruto. At length. I already knew it wasn't you; I called you here because the perpetrators managed to break into a highly classified dossier. It's called the 'Yondaime's legacy' and until yesterday evening, no one had touched it after the Sandaime buried it there over sixteen years ago. I think you can guess at what was in it."
"Information about me and my, guest. So what? It's not like that's all that much of a secret anymore."
"Well, there were other things in there except the thing about you being a jinchuuriki, although that certainly is important. It also contains information that relates to you, and your background. For example, it contains details of the Yondaime's will, which includes you. Do you know his name, by the way?"
"No, now that you mention it, I can't seem to remember ever hearing it."
"We kind of buried his name as a part of hiding you. It was Namikaze Minato. He was also one of Jiraiya's pupils, you know."
"Ero-sennin mentioned that, but I never really had a chance to speak with him about it."
"I'm not surprised. Jiraiya and Minato were very close. He was there when the Kyuubi attacked, and helped with the sealing process. After Minato died, Jiraiya didn't want any new students until he met you."
"Wow, he never told me that part. Hey, what else were in that dossier?"
Tsunade took a deep breath, standing up and walking around the desk. She sat down in a couch of to the side, patting the space next to her. He understood, and sat down next to her. "Well, there is information about your birth. We had to keep it secret you see. Your father was an important man in this village, and he knew that you'd be targeted if your linage was discovered. That's why your name is Uzumaki, your mother and he was in a secret relationship. They had planned to marry after you were born." Her eyes misted over. "I was out in the field, trying to keep as many of our shinobi alive as possible during the Kyuubi attack, when I was called back to the hospital. Your mother, Kushina, had started going into labor, and it did not go as planned. I ran all the way back, as fast as I could, but it wasn't enough." She paused, wiping away a single tear escaping from her eyes. "By that time Minato had already taken you off for the sealing, not knowing that Kushina hadn't made it. There was so preciously little time left for him to stop the demon before it reached the village and the civilians."
Naruto knew that he was crying, but so far he had managed to control it to two glistening trails of salty water, meandering down his cheeks. "Did she love me?" He couldn't believe the sound of his own voice, it was like he was six again.
"Very much, she and your father were so happy to have you, the best proof of their love for each other as well as the greatest gift that Kami could give them. Your father couldn't wait to show you off to his friends."
"What about my father? Did he die in the fighting?"
"Yes he did. Minato never knew he had condemned you to being an orphan, Naruto." She put a hand on his cheek, feeling the wetness of the sadness he'd never been able to release before. "Now, I think you are almost ready to put the pieces together by yourself. The reason I'm telling you this now, instead of your seventeenth birthday, as Jiraiya and I had planned, is that someone else knows the name of your father, and you will need to be ready to defend yourself because of that."
"Against what? What did my father do to get such hateful enemies?" His voice was getting a gravely quality now, sorrow taking the upper hand to his self-control.
"He fought in the war against Iwa, killing so many of their shinobi that he almost singlehandedly stopped the war. He was given a 'flee on sight' description in the Iwa bingo book, and although they never dared try to get revenge from him, hurting you or your mother would have been the perfect way for those cowards to get to him."
Naruto was frowning, deep in thought. "Wait a minute, I recognize that. That was the description that-"He broke off, sudden realization forcing him into a silenced shock.
"I think you know who he is now, you are after all the proud owner of your father's house, the residence of the Yondaime Hokage." Having said that, and knowing her beloved blonde knucklehead, she simply waited for him to react. She was not disappointed.
"Say what?"
A/N: And the evil ones appeared. And the NaruSasu lovers thought it was good.
As if that'd ever happen in one of my fics... But yeah, we'll be seeing a bit more of a few well known dark haired villains, as well as possibly get a few hints at just why the devil I keep including the hidden village of Bamboo.
And I hope this new take on a 'date' was entertaining enough for you. I rather liked it.
So, hope I'll see you again at my next update (hopefully sometime this year).
Ja ne.