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Carlisle's POV

The sudden shift in direction did not at first alarm me. Edward was leading the hunt with Emmett at his heels, but losing ground quickly. I had decidedly chosen to stay in the background knowing that my thoughts were not fully under my control; my concerns for Edward, not easily hidden. I knew it frustrated him, my anxiety; knew it created conflict and turmoil in his already guilt ridden mind. Emmett on the other hand, could give Edward what he needed, a boyish reckless run into the night with the thrill of the hunt taking precedence over everything else. As we ran, Edward easily outdistancing us, I felt a nagging uneasy feeling, all too familiar over the past couple of months. I tried to brush it aside, realizing that no thought of mine was entirely my own. It wasn't until we'd turned north that the familiar terrain validated my apprehension.

No!

With an aggressive burst of speed, I flew by Emmett who did not acknowledge me, too drawn into the hunt to notice my presence. He could smell the large herd of deer in front of us and perhaps some elk too. These scents of our prey did not distract me, my focus had changed. I needed to stop Edward.

He ran in front of me perhaps a hundred yards. On any other night in any other direction his graceful catlike movement would have filled me with pleasure; given me hope that perhaps the worst was behind us. But as I calculated the location of the herd and our point of intersection with it, I felt a wave dread wash over me. I was flying now, an all out sprint. I had no hope of catching Edward in a foot race, but he was hunting, his body responding to the nuances of the herd of deer. He was the predator stalking its prey, not as a cheetah, but a cunning panther, his movements more precise and always shifting.

Edward.

I kept my torment hidden, controlled, hoping to break his concentration, distract him from the hunt without revealing the nature of my concerns. He did not adjust or slow his pace. If he had heard me at all, he didn't acknowledge it. His body shifted again and I could feel his muscles tense; we would come upon the deer very soon.

EDWARD! STOP!

This time I did not control my emotions other than to try and sprinkle in a certain amount of parental authority. Even in my own head my thoughts sounded alarmed. His step however, did not falter. He was shifting slowing, but not in reaction to my words. I was almost upon him, ready to spring; he, on this night was my prey. I had to stop him.

Oh no.

Out of my peripheral vision I could see a massive sheet of granite reaching to the sky. The herd, startled by the change in terrain had shifted. Normally this would have been advantageous to the hunt. They were cutting right into our path. Edward and I had split the herd. Several deer darted behind us and I heard Emmett take one down. But I saw, clear as crystal in my own predatory mind, the large buck that was Edward's objective. He was near the front running petrified along the rocky cliff and for a brief moment I thought he might shoot over the edge. I saw Edward's cat like movement, saw him spring, his hands reaching for what was to be a sure kill, as always, awed by his hunting prowess. And then I saw something else that made me blink in a very human response.

A memory cataloged in my vampire brain for efficient retrieval, suddenly appeared very vivid in my mind. It was a vision of a young man running down a darkened city street. He was being chased by a police officer. I, walking home from a late night shift, my black doctor's bag in hand had watched in stunned silence from the shadows as the officer pulled his revolver from its holster and directed it at the young man's back. With no warning, there was a loud concussion of gunfire. My vampire eyes watched the scene, almost in slow motion, time suspended, every second stretching into several. The end of the revolver glowed with each successive round fired at the fleeing man. As first one, then two, then three bullets found their mark, the man's body began to jerk, than buckle. In that instant, he was no longer being propelled forward, his youthful, strong legs crumpled under him, his body collapsing like a rag doll, tumbling to the ground, rolling across the wet street, his arms and legs flopping loosely at his side all control lost. I could see that his spine was severed, his body was no longer his own.

That was the memory that flashed in my mind as I watched my son go down, watched his hands slide harmlessly off the buck's back, his arms collapsing loosely at his sides, his legs buckle, the trajectory of his spring catapulting him end over end across the clearing and finally bringing him to rest against that outcropping of rocks that I recognized so well. The force of his body, rock on rock, created a cascade of loose gravel that buried him as he lay in what appeared to be an awkward injured position. I was at his side in an instant, pulling him from under the falling rock, reminding myself that he was not physically hurt, shaking loose from the vision of that young man shot down in the street from so long ago.

He began struggling then, struggling against my iron clad grip on his arms. His eyes were wild with panic, fear, something else.

Edward calm down.

I had difficulty maintaining my composure. I had never in all my centuries of existence, witnesses the complete collapse of an immortal's body that wasn't being manipulated by one of the Volturi twins. I tried to focus on remaining the consummate professional doctor rather than the hysterical father, but frantic thoughts of a relapse were at the forefront of my mind and try as I might, I could not block them. I was still shocked with what I had just witnessed.

The situation was becoming quite desperate. Not only had I not succeeded in quieting my thoughts but Edward continued to thrash violently under me, oblivious to my efforts to subdue him. He seemed unable to breath, gasping and arching his back, gripping at the ground, his eyes pleading with me to help him. I had to force myself to concentrate, to believe the words I spoke that were so contrary to what I was seeing.

"Edward, stop. You're fine. You don't need to breathe, you're fine, just relax, son."

My spoken voice seemed to have an impact. Gradually his struggling subsided; he no longer seemed to be gasping. I heard Emmett behind me, felt his bewilderment, his fear. He would have no idea why Edward was reacting the way he was. He would not understand the significance of the location. He hadn't been here when Bella…

Suddenly Edward pulled away, rolling to his side, his hands clawing into the ground. I grabbed him around the wrists pulling his back to my chest immediately understanding his intent.

Oh no you don't.

"What's wrong with him?" Emmett sounded lost, but I could not offer an explanation now.

"I'll explain later. Go find Jasper." Assuming Alice had foreseen Edward's collapse, Jasper would already be on his way.

I could feel Emmett's reluctance to leave me alone with his out of control brother. Keeping my voice calm but uncompromising, I tried again. "I've got him Emmett. He's calming down; he just needs a few minutes to get himself under control."

"But I could hold him, take him back." Emmett was our family's strength; there would be little chance of Edward breaking free of his hold. How ironic that the strongest member of our family now sounded like a lost little boy.

If I felt the situation was truly that dire, I would not have hesitated to pass Edward to him, but I wasn't entirely sure that Edward, even in his weakened mental condition would appreciate being held by his brother and I felt I could manage the situation without Emmett's help.

"Carlisle, give him to me."

"NO. I need Jasper. Once you know he's on his way, I need you to do something else for me." I had Edward pulled firmly against my chest now. My fingers still locked around his wrists folded against him. He was still trying to break free, but less intensely. A low growl rumbled from his chest.

I know, son, I know. Just hang on, I'll get you home.

"Find that herd or another, bring me back two deer Emmett, two live deer. Do you understand?"

"Wha...at. Why?"

"Just do it boy. I don't have time to explain now," I hissed. I hadn't meant to snap, but Emmett's need for complete explanations in times of crisis was exasperating. "...and Emmett, make sure that they are alive."

With a sign of relief, I heard Emmett's light footsteps as he ran towards the house. Alice didn't see everything that happened to our family and she missed some fairly significant things from time to time, usually because she was concentrating on trivial day to day events, always trying to keep one step ahead of everyone else in the family. But we had left her humming away in front of her computer, no doubt designing a new wardrobe for someone in the house. There should be no reason that she wouldn't have seen this happen, Jasper should be on his way already. I only hoped that she also saw that it would not be in Edward's best interest if she came herself. Alice's presence would only exaggerate the void left by Bella's absence. She had not been much of a comfort to him in the last few months and it aggrieved her to no end.

I'm taking you home, Edward. Just focus on my thoughts. I know it's painful. It's hard for me too. But it will be better once we get away from here.

He wasn't really fighting at all anymore. Instead he seemed to want to curl himself into a tight little ball. I cautiously let go of his wrists, and rolled him towards me, against my chest, sliding my arm under his legs while supporting his back. He sagged into me as I lifted him. He hadn't been this bad since the days following Bella's death. Obviously this place was the trigger that sent him spiraling down into that dark abyss again. I could see the remnants of the tattered tent still staked against the rocky cliff. A physical reminder of that horrible day. In retrospect, I should have had it removed, but I doubted Edward had even seen it. It was the location itself that brought it all back. This place would never be just another outcropping of rocks to any of us again.

And this incident reminded me once more, why we needed to get out of Forks as soon as possible. Edward didn't need triggers to remind him of the horror of that day. Not that everything that reminded him of his times with Bella was bad. But he clung to those familiar places that held only good memories of her with such ferocity, that he had difficulty focusing on anything else. He would carry Bella with him no matter where he went and it was a burden that he didn't carry lightly. He didn't need daily reminders to reinforce his memories of her.

I slowly trotted towards the house. He wasn't limp in my arms; his body was still rigidly curled up as much as my hold on him would allow, and I preferred this reaction to his near catatonic state from some months ago; his body unresponsive and slack, nothing stimulating him to respond to me or anyone else in the house.

Jasper's presence immediately became apparent. A sense of calm permeated me without me consciously thinking about it. I felt Edward relax too. Just a little.

"Not too much Jasper, he's better now," I said softly before I saw my blond son emerge from the trees. We weren't far from the house, but I wasn't ready to go back just yet. "Let's wait here for Emmett."

"He said you asked him to bring you deer?" Jasper's voice was calm, but he had a puzzled expression on his face.

I sat slowly on the ground, folding my legs under me still holding Edward against my chest. "He needs to feed, it's been two weeks. Not sure when we'll get him out of the house again."

Jasper nodded. He leaned his lithe frame against a tree, carefully monitoring Edward's and I suspect, my, emotions and adjusted his influence accordingly. I could tell by his drawn, pained expression that he was absorbing all of Edward's angst. Fortunately, we didn't have to wait long. Emmett's arrival was anything but quiet. He held the two struggling petrified animals firmly by their throats being careful not to kill them. I did not enjoy the suffering of the deer and had voiced my disapproval on past occasions when Emmett or Jasper toyed with them before they fed, but in this case it was necessary. I wasn't sure how far gone Edward was. A live kicking animal was more likely to spur his instinctual prey drive then an unresponsive near dead one would.

I adjusted Edward in my arms, sliding his body to the ground and kneeling at his side. He did not struggle and lay quietly, his eyes closed, his body as still as a corpse. I motioned Emmett to lay a deer next to him. The poor animal squealed in terror and struggled frantically which is exactly what I was hoping for.

"Hold it until he responds then get out of the way," I said quickly. Emmett didn't need any further explanation now. He knew exactly what we were trying to do and how his close proximity to Edward and the deer put him in peril should Edward react possessively. His body was tense ready to spring out of the way if necessary.

Edward had not moved and appeared to be totally unaware of the animal in front of him.

Edward, I need you to breathe, son. Take a breath.

I was squatting now, prepared to take flight, myself. Emmett, to his credit, flipped the animal so that its struggling legs were now flailing against Edward's body. He continued to hold it only by the throat. Jasper took control of the second animal, allowing Emmett more freedom to maneuver. I was vaguely aware of the ridiculousness of the situation. We were all trying to create the most desirable scenario for Edward to feed, but in actuality, if we would have dropped the deer fifty yards away from him, he should have been able to react quickly enough to take down the animal in seconds once he recognized the scent.

"Come on Bro…not often you get your meal delivered." Emmett pleaded. He looked at me expectantly and I didn't have to be a mind reader to know what he was thinking. His fingers tightened around the deer's neck. It would only take slight pressure for him to puncture the jugular

"No Emmett, not yet. He needs to take a breath first." The fact that Edward was not responding to our thoughts in itself was extremely disturbing. He should know the animal was in front of him, yet he remained unresponsive.

"Edward, breathe!" I pleaded. I might as well have been talking to a statue. I could feel the panic in my chest take hold; I couldn't bear to think of losing the progress, however miniscule, we'd been making over the last few months. The thought of Esme's pained expression as she looked at her troubled son lying unresponsive day after day in the bed he was to share with Bella, was not something I wanted to revisit.

We had to make the connection now. I could not let Edward fall into that catatonic state again. I could feel Jasper's influence on me, could feel the panic ease and it spurred me into action. My hand slid around Edward's chest, and I pulled him up against me, holding his sagging head, just under his jaw. I nodded to Emmett, who surmised my intention. His finger flicked across the doomed animal's neck and a spout of rich blood cascaded upward. Immediately he covered the fatal wound with his hand, and bent the animal's neck as an offering. I, in turn, leaned forward with Edward in my arms, guiding his face to the waiting blood.

It was the taste of the tantalizing blood tainted air that finally penetrated his defenses. I felt his jaw moving under my hand, the involuntary gasp as he sucked in the delicious aroma that triggered his instinctual response. In that instant, Emmett released the deer, the blood spurting from the wound, and I pulled away from Edward, feeling his muscles tense and spring all in one motion. Scarcely six inches separated his teeth from the animal's bloodied throat; but I don't ever remember feeling so victorious and joyful over one of my offspring's kills.

Immediately Edward's lips found the sweet spot and he was pulling hungrily at the fading animal's life blood. A warning growl rumbled from his chest as he eyed Emmett and Jasper and they quickly backed away. He did not seem aware of me or perhaps he felt comfortable enough with me at his back, as he did not view me as a rival in contrast to his brothers.

In seconds, the animal was drained and he sprung up anticipating another kill. Jasper released the petrified but uninjured deer he was holding and as I'd visualized earlier, Edward needed no further assistance, catching the fleeing animal in one deft movement and in another instant, had it down and was feeding again. As the animal was drained, the growl that had been emanating from him gradually subsided. He tossed the lifeless carcass away from him and in a startling submissive gesture after the aggressive posturing of moments before; he laid on his back his arms around his chest, his legs drawn up. This act of passivity brought with it a small amount of relief on my part. He was aware enough to know there were no other deer within our general vicinity and he'd fallen out of hunt mode as quickly as he'd embraced it.

"Boys, go back to the house," I said softly, looking at my once again unmoving son.

Jasper started to protest, but I held up my hand. "I think it will be fine now. I'll call if I need you." He would not go far.

I sat down again at Edward's side. His eyes were open now. He appeared to be staring fixedly at the vast black sky filled with an infinite number of bright stars as the rain clouds passed. I wondered if he remembered that first time he had seen a star filled night through vampire eyes. How it had filled him with awe and utter amazement. How he exclaimed in delight that it was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen in his life. He had been referring to his human life; his vampire life had only just begun.

"I remember," he said quietly.

""You thought the stars were falling from the sky, so overwhelmed were you with the vividness, the intensity, how close to the ground they seemed to be. You were even a little afraid of them," I chuckled softly. I felt awed now as I realized he was talking to me.

Come, let's go back to the house.

"No, I'll stay out here tonight. It's nice. Peaceful. No voices." There was apathy in his voice.

"Edward, surely you know that my night would be anything but peaceful if I came home without you. I can imagine your mother's response when I tell her I left you outside in the woods alone." I shuddered in jest but I was not so far off the mark when imaging Esme's reaction.

"To say she would not be pleased is an understatement and I daresay I fear for my own safety at the thought of it." I kept my voice light, soft. Edward had told me once that my internal thoughts were just whispers and it always startled him when I used my actual voice.

Come inside son, your mother needs you, needs to see that you are alright.

"I just need to be alone for a while." He sounded acquiescent.

I knew he was waiting for me to leave, but instead I laid down next to him my hands under my head staring into the black sky. I would not leave my troubled son out here alone. Jasper and Emmett would have gotten back by now. I would give them enough time to convey the situation to the girls saving Edward from hearing the worst of it, but it would only be a matter of time before Esme would try and find us.

Next to me, Edward sighed.

You can't expect your mother not to worry, Edward.

He didn't say anything and I tried to keep my thoughts quiet, concentrating on the different constellations I could pick out between the rolling clouds. When the sky went completely black again and rain drops started to fall I stood and without comment or permission, I reached for Edward picking him up in my arms as I had earlier that night. He was not bunched in a ball now nor completely devoid of awareness. Instead he pressed his face against my shirt acknowledging me and I hugged him to me.

Son, I'm sorry, so sorry you have to suffer through this. If there was anything I could do to ease your pain, I would. But it will get better…easier, son. It just takes time. Just give it time.

I felt his body stiffen against me.

I know that might not be what you want to hear, but no matter what you think, we do still grieve like humans, recover like humans. It might take longer, it might be more difficult, but that is only because our feelings are so much more intense than human emotions. We feel so much more. With this, we are also stronger and more able to take the pain. No human could survive your pain, but you are strong Edward, you can overcome this. You can survive this.

My thoughts came quickly, uncensored, a continuous monologue of hope, much of it my own desire for what I wanted for him. He needed to feel my optimism for his future. He had to understand that losing one's mate did not necessarily mean that life would no longer have any joy or purpose.

So for me and your mother and your family, just concentrate on healing yourself. Please son. It is not a betrayal of Bella to live, Edward. She lives through you, her memories, her scent, her love for you, all of what was Bella is carried in you. You must be strong for her, you must survive for her and in time you will be able to think of her and those thoughts won't be painful reminders of what you no longer have but rather you will rejoice in knowing that you had it at all, had her at all. It is a great gift to have loved and been loved as you were.

I could feel Edward's body soften in resignation. Not the reaction I had been hoping for but at least he was cognizant of my words. It wasn't until we approached the soft lighting that spilled from the house that he spoke and it wasn't to address or acknowledge anything I had told him.

"I can walk the rest of the way," he said quietly and I immediately put him down. It was too late to save face with his brothers and Alice would have seen us coming, but he did not wish to be carried into the house in front of his mother and Rosalie.

The family was gathered in the living room. Edward walked by them and shot up the stairs without a word. I could only hope they had tamed their thoughts and were not bombarding him with mental questions. My eyes met Esme's and I silently implored her not to follow him. But Esme was not inclined to listen where one of her children was concerned and she quickly followed her broken son up the stairs. I felt the stares of the rest of our children and shaking my head to ward off their unasked questions; I slowly sunk into my leather chair.

My eyes sought out Emmett, I knew besides Edward, he had suffered most this night; first at witnessing his brother's breakdown then at my unwillingness to offer an explanation and reassurance, something that he needed and craved from me. His pained, confused expression had not changed from earlier and I smiled, hoping some life sparkled in my eyes, hoping he could see that through my grief, I appreciated his help and understanding on this dreadful night. He smiled back and I knew he would be alright, if only Edward could be so easily fixed.

I stared into the roaring fire that someone had so thoughtfully made. I could not concentrate on Edward's long term future, and mental exhaustion would only allow me to ponder what tomorrow would bring. How would I get my son, my despondent, guilt ridden, grief stricken son, through each day from now until the end of time. That was the looming question and at that moment, I had no answer.

AUTHOR NOTES:

Bella's death will be described in next chapter.