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He introduced himself as Nicholas. Judging from the dirty brown hair pulled back from his face, secured in a pony tail and the disparaging state of his clothes, the lack of shoes and his overall disheveled appearance, I surmised that he was a nomad with no permanent residence and no access to human conveniences like a shower or a fresh change of clothes. His demeanor was curious, but cautious as his riveting red eyes, surveyed my family assembling on the porch in our usual "V" formation reserved for greeting new "friends". It wasn't often that a lone vampire could approach six of his own kind as a stranger and not feel threatened, but this newcomer appeared quite genial.

Carlisle was aloof but gracious in his introductions, notably leaving me out of them. He stood in front, Esme tucked just off his right shoulder with Emmett flanking her and Rosalie next to him. Jasper, assumed my usually spot to his left with Alice at his side. Through the years, besides the incident with James and the newborn battle, we'd faced little in the way of threats against us from others. The size of our coven dissuaded any aggressive actions by nomads and organized covens alike. Still, until the intentions of a stranger were determined, Carlisle always preferred to demonstrate a united front as a way to avoid further confrontation. His slightly relaxed posture suggested that Alice had already told him the visit would be uneventful.

I remained tucked away in my bedroom, watching the formal introductions through the eyes of my family. Remembering my promise to myself to be diligent, I tried not to think of Bella and concentrated on the exchange between Carlisle and the stranger who was inquiring about the odd color of our eyes. Through his thoughts, I was able to discern that Nicholas knew I was in the house, but he did not ask about me, instead directing a random thought to me from time to time.

"We like to think of ourselves as vegetarians only feeding off the blood of animals. It affects our eye color and allows us to interact with humans without drawing too much attention to ourselves." Carlisle was explaining.

"Never? You never feed off of humans?" Nicholas said incredulously. His voice was a rich deep baritone, each syllable pronounced with exaggeration. I identified a slight eastern European accent that I could not place. "I've heard of your kind, but I would not have believed that it was possible and so many of you."

Why are you hidden away, mind reader?

"It is not without difficulty and accidents happen, but with time comes control and mistakes are rare." I could hear the enthusiasm in Carlisle's voice and thoughts. He always enjoyed sharing the philosophy of our diet with others; always looking for new inductees into our unique lifestyle. "There is another coven north of here in Alaska that abides by the same restrictions. We are an anomaly, but I anticipate as more become aware that an alternative exists, our numbers will grow."

"It is a fascinating concept, but one I'm afraid that doesn't hold much appeal for me. I would imagine it's difficult to get new recruits from those of us that have tasted human blood." He laughed pleasantly. "Tell me how does animal blood taste?"

Disgusting: Jasper

Tolerable: Alice

Depends on how hungry you are: Emmett

Compared to what: Rosalie

It's not about the taste, killing humans is wrong: Esme

"It would be hard for me to describe. Obviously if you are comparing it to human blood, there is a significant difference in taste, but it does satisfy the thirst and you can survive off of it." Carlisle never exaggerated. "Perhaps you would like to stay and hunt with us." He appears quite refined and civilized. It would be interesting to hear his story.

Nicholas smiled, looking over my family before returning his gaze to Carlisle. "That's very kind of you, but I'm afraid that's not possible. I've been traveling for the past year across North American and unfortunately I'm expected back before the end of this month. I was moving down the coast and picked up the scent of vampires in Seattle. I was curious, so I tracked the scent here. To say this has been a delightful surprise is an understatement. Not only have I found one of the largest covens North of Dallas, but also the animal feeders that I thought were a product of rumors and myth." Come show yourself, it's not often that one of your talent is seen anywhere outside of Volturi.

Carlisle chose to ignore the rather derogatory reference to animal feeders. "You have a coven then?"

"Yes, I suppose you could say that. Not in the traditional sense; our ties are not overly strong. We have banded together more out of necessity. However they have been staying in one place waiting for me to get the wanderlust out of my system, but my time has run out." I could see him smile agreeably at Carlisle, but there was a lie under that smile. If I had been at his side, I would have squeezed Carlisle's arm in a fashion that would have conveyed the deceit. Now I could only listen and watch through the eyes of others.

I needn't have concerned myself. Carlisle's thoughts were suddenly wary. He's not being completely honest.

"Do you mind if I ask where? I have many friends in this region. Perhaps I know some of your coven mates?" Carlisle sounded only slightly less affable.

"Oh I'm sure that's unlikely. None have firsthand knowledge of your kind. They are keeping a residence south, outside of Mexico City." Please friend, you intrigue me, your talented sister doesn't hide.

I could hear Jasper's intake of breath from my room. Through his eyes I could see Nicholas looking at him curiously.

"You are familiar with the southern covens than?"

"Yes you might say that," Jasper said sarcastically. His thoughts were less conciliatory. Familiar with them indeed. He can't be trusted.

Nicholas laughed softly. "Please friend. Don't judge us. Not all southern covens exist to fight wars.

What kind of fool does he take me for? Those that don't fight, die.

As if reading Jasper's thoughts, Carlisle's voiced the question aloud. "Is there really much choice? Co-existing with other covens would be difficult if you were unable to defend yourself."

"The hunting is really quite excellent and there is more than enough for all covens it they would use discretion. The authorities in that region are not overly attentive to the deaths of its citizens, you see."

Jasper rolled his eyes, but Carlisle was nodding, encouraging Nicholas to continue.

"My friends are nomads so orchestrated attacks by newborns are difficult. Yes we've had to fight, but we are looked upon as a nuisance by the dominate covens rather than a threat. They are more concerned with losing their territorial claims to other established covens." Nicholas' friendly demeanor had not changed, but he was lying again. I could get bits and pieces of stray thoughts that were quickly blocked or redirected.

I had an overwhelming urge to go join my family, not because I felt like he was a physical threat to them, but I could contribute, convey nonverbally my thoughts to Carlisle. He would be able to read me; we'd been together for too many years, not to have developed an efficient method of communication that could not be detected by others. But my very presence would alert this stranger and he knew of my gift so he would be watchful and even more guarded with his thoughts. Not to mention Carlisle had told me to stay put and hadn't expressed any desire for my presence at his side.

"I hope that you're able to find your friends alive and well when you return. That lifestyle sounds dangerous," Carlisle cautioned. Jasper is right to be suspicious; he's not telling us everything.

Friend, are you listening? Why do they keep you locked away?

"I can only hope as much myself. They are a resourceful bunch, but I've not spoken to them for some months. It makes me quite anxious to return to them." There was a shift in his gaze and from Carlisle's perspective I could see him glance up at my room. "Why do you keep one hidden away?"

I was immediately up from the bed and hovering near the window. From this angle I could not see my family, only the visitor. He was not looking up now; he'd raised the question and was watching Carlisle's reaction, hoping to get some insight on my absence.

"My son has been going through some difficulties lately. We number six without him. I'm sorry but your one is not a threat to us so we did not feel his presence was necessary," Carlisle said politely.

"No I imagine it wouldn't be." Nicholas smirked. He glanced up at the window again. Our eyes locked.

A change of scenery might cure your ills, friend. I'm always looking for a traveling companion.

"What difficulties could a peaceful coven have to deal with?" He looked at Carlisle expectantly.

I'm sorry Edward. Please try not to listen.

"Edward, lost his mate some months ago. Please don't take offense to his absence." Carlisle clearly did not want to discuss me with this stranger.

"Ahhhh, yes well that is understandable. I've never been mated myself, but I have seen the debilitating effects on the survivor. Though recovery is also possible; I've seen that too. One should never lose hope."

"No of course not." Carlisle's fingers slid through his hair a gesture he resorted to in times of stress.

All the more reason you should come with me young Edward. I'm sure your coven mates care deeply for you, but having the survivor near can be extremely taxing on the entire coven. A break might be a nice change for both you and your family.

I found myself in Nicholas' head watching my family. Three perfectly matched pairs. Emmett and Rosalie looked bored. Emmett clearly had been hoping the visitor would be less than friendly; he liked a good fight and never missed the opportunity to display his brawn. Rosalie was thinking about changing the color of her hair, perhaps adding some red highlights. Esme looked tired, my mother actually looked tired. From her thoughts I could see she was clearly relived that this vampire posed no danger to her family, but troubled that the attention had been turned to me. She was thinking how she would ask me to go hunting with her later. She would tell me she was afraid that Nicholas still lurked nearby and she didn't wish to go alone.

Jasper remained tense. Any reminder of his past life in the south always put him on edge. He was flipping through his memories too fast for me to focus on any specific one, looking for Nicholas' face in them. I could see his fingers around Carlisle's elbow where I usually gripped when communicating with him. Even without the gift of seeing thoughts, he was conveying his concerns. When I saw the faraway look in Alice's eyes I immediately jumped in her head. Her vision was blurry but I knew it was me driving somewhere in my car. Where was I driving to?

"As I said, you are more than welcome to stay. We'd love to hear more about your travels. "Carlisle was clearly trying to wrap this conversation up and shift focus away from me.

I felt a twinge of guilt. After centuries of existing on this earth, Carlisle always welcomed the opportunity to interact with others of his kind, but because of me he felt apprehensive and despite his words, he wanted the stranger gone.

"That is very gracious of you, but unfortunately, I have no time to spare, "He laughed sardonically at his own comment. Time was something vampires had plenty of. Your coven looks weary, young Edward, surely the burden of your mate's death weights heavily on all of them. A change would do all of you good.

I snorted, a sound that would carry to all of their ears. Whatever his motivation, it was quite clear that he was trying to entice me to go with him. He couldn't know that even if it were my wish, Carlisle would never let me leave? I was the emotional baggage that this family carried with them wherever they went, woven into the very fabric of their lives.

"Well I completely understand. Can I ask a favor of you then?" Carlisle appeared visibly relieved. He was pondering my expulsion of air, wondering whose thoughts I was reacting to.

Nicholas' eyebrows rose perceptively. "Of course you can ask."

The comment was not lost on Carlisle, asking would not mean compliance. "Please don't hunt in this area. We've had some incidents in the past that have drawn suspicions and we would rather not fuel any more speculation."

Nicholas chuckled. "So humans are not always safe around you then?"

"It's not us that humans should fear; it's our "friends" that create the issues." Carlisle corrected.

"Understood." The dark haired vampire appeared amused. "I will not hunt until I reach San Francisco. Is that far enough away?"

"Yes and much appreciated." Carlisle's tone was dismissive. He was asking Nicholas to leave.

I returned to my bed, thinking how it now felt natural, even comfortable to lie on it. Before Bella, I had never owned a bed other than when I was first changed and still had a need to cling onto human rituals. But now it seemed perfectly natural to curl up in the folds of quilts and mounds of pillows that covered its surface. I could hear the farewells of my family, as they bid the vampire goodbye, but it was Nicholas' thoughts that caught my attention.

He appeared to have let his guard down and I could see them more clearly; a rugged tall blond vampire and a beautiful blond haired female next to him; a young women with black hair, her eyes a brilliant crimson, dancing under a cascading waterfall amidst a tropical paradise; two young males, wrestling in a mock fight, cheers from unseen faces erupting when one would be taken down by the other. Who were these vampires and why was Nicholas giving me access to them?

Take care young Edward and don't despair. Covens can survive the loss of one of a mated pair. It's rare but I've seen it happen. I'll keep you my thoughts. Just remember Jesus of the Mountain, mi amigo. It can set you free.

Later, after I declined Esme's request to hunt, pointing out that I knew of her motivations and dishonesty and trying to ignore the pained look I saw in her eye, I contemplated the words of Nicholas. Obviously his silent commentary was born of the desire for me to go with him, so I couldn't really take his words to heart, but still, a lingering, nagging doubt remained.

I thought back on the last several months, months I'd spent as a recluse existing in a catatonic state or more recently an emotional wrecking ball, hammering at the foundation of my family with my blatant misery. I thought about the hazy visions of my family members as they drifted in and out of my consciousness, the pain and worry clearly evident in their faces as one after the other attempted to entice me to live again. I thought about feeling Alice's petite body curled up against me, her lips against my neck, whispering soothing words of hope and encouragement and only now remembering the annoyance in Jasper's thoughts when he discovered that his wife was once again spending her evening trying to induce some kind of sanguine response from me.

I thought of Carlisle, the guilt that returned to him time and again when he witnessed my agony, the guilt of changing me, the guilt that I could not find the happiness that he'd enjoyed for decades, always second guessing his decisions always trying to come up with a solution to the tragedy that was my existence. I thought of Esme who suffered as I suffered feeling my desolation and despair as if it was hers to bear which made me want to push her away more than any of the others, consequently I hurt her more than the rest. I thought of my brothers for all their sympathy and attempts to empathize with my loss, they were uncomfortable in my presence, spending no more than a few minutes with me at any given time, preferring to hunt or roughhouse or play their games without me even after their wives and Esme, encouraged them to include me. And finally I thought of Rosalie and her comments yesterday, how I was taking my family on a journey through hell, how I was killing Esme, killing Carlisle's mate with my behavior. Rosalie, always the most honest, never sparing the feelings of the injured party, seldom exaggerating her claims.

I pulled my favorite pillow to my chest and sucked in deeply. There was no more Bella scent in my room. If it was possible to drain a scent, to suck it dry, then I'd certainly done that over the last few months. Other than the memories I had of her sitting on my leather sofa or flipping through my music or lying in our bed enticing me to join her, there was no physical reminder that she had ever been here. Facing this reality might allow me to think of another one, a new one, something that had been suggested to me time and again.

I immediately sat up as it hit me. Over and over again, I'd been inundated with requests to leave the house. Denali they all said. It would be good for me. I should go and visit Eleazar and Carmen in Denali. It was a change of scenery. It would help me forget.

"Edward, it would be best if you spent some time in Denali."

"Edward, go to Denali, for just a month or two, so I can get your surprise completed."

"Eleazar and Carmen would love to see you again, why don't you visit them in Denali"

Denali….Denali….Denali….Denali….

It was so clear now. They needed me to go to Denali, needed me out of the house, needed to be free of my misery and angst, even for a short while. And hadn't I heard the chit chat about Jasper, how my wretched disposition was hammering at his sanity. I'd seen Alice's thoughts as she contemplated taking Jasper and going to Denali themselves just to escape my emotion turbulence. Why had I been ignoring all of the signs?

Because I was a selfish flawed vampire too caught up in my own miserable self to recognize what I was doing to my family and it took an outsider with his own motivations to enlighten me. I needed to leave my family, I needed to do as they requested, putting my own emotionally retarded excuses aside. I needed to go to Denali.

"Edward, are you sure about this?" Carlisle was in my room within minutes of my silent proclamation. The vision of me in Alice's mind that was only blurry possibilities earlier in the day had crystallized and she hadn't wasted any time in informing Carlisle of my intentions to leave.

"Yes I'm sure, Carlisle. I think it would be best." My voice sounded tentative. I needed confidence, not indecisiveness.

"Edward," Carlisle sighed. "Why this sudden change of heart? I do not want you doing anything that might jeopardize your well being. I want to understand your motivations. You were fairly adamant about not going only a few short hours ago. I would hate to see you make a decision based on outside influences."

If he only knew. "So wanting to see Tanya again, would not be a good reason?" I tried to change the tone of the conversation, banter, however, was not my strong point.

"It would not be a good reason only because it would not be true." Carlisle never took the easy way out of a conversation. "Esme's surprise for you aside, I can only think of one reason to go and that is to remove yourself from the constant exposure to your memories of Bella in this house or if you'd rather, allow a distraction from the memories by interacting with others that did not know Bella. To be honest Edward, I think being around us, doesn't help. Not only are you reminded of your own recollections of her, but you are privy to our memories as well."

"Yes, you're right; I've only recently realized it." Lying was good. Especially when my lie reaffirmed what Carlisle thought and I wouldn't sabotage my own argument by reminding him that after the move to Duluth, nothing would change. They would always have their Bella memories. If he really believed that my overwhelming depression was triggered by their memories compounded with my own, the only hope that I might ever be whole again was to stay completely away from them. I choose not to point that out to him.

"Don't worry, son. Going to Denali now is just once step in the process." He watched me for a moment as I fumbled around in my closet looking for a suitcase. "When do you want to leave?"

"As soon as possible."

"After my shift tonight I'll drive you up there. Esme might want to come with us if you don't mind."

"No!"

"You don't want Esme to come with?" Carlisle looked hurt.

"No, of course not, I mean, no, I'll drive myself." How could I tell him that spending time with him and Esme would be unbearable? I was leaving them for their own good, but it wouldn't be easy. I needed a clean break.

"Are you sure?" I could see flickers of his memories of me curled in a ball in the bed. He doubted my resilience. "One of your brothers or sisters could ride with you if you prefer?"

"No. I want to be alone." Judging from the expression on Carlisle's face that was the wrong thing to say. "I….I like that drive. I need that time to prepare myself for the sisters." Playing on the well known anxiety I experienced when I was subject to the sexual innuendos in their thoughts put Carlisle's mind at ease; he understood that all too well.

"Edward, I can ask them to leave. They could come here for a visit."

"No. That wouldn't be fair to them. I can handle it. I just need some time to prepare myself. The drive will help." I was starting to believe the lies myself. "Could you ask Rosalie to tune up my car? It hasn't been driven in a while."

Carlisle didn't look convinced but I'd deflected him with the comment on auto maintenance. It struck the right note. I was showing responsibility.

"Of course I will."

"I'm on it." Rosalie's voice echoed through the hallway. No such thing as a private conversation in this house.

We both looked up as Alice appeared in the door of my room. "I'm here to help you pack."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" I smiled. Yes the family was committed to me leaving, the sooner the better. There would be no one arguing for me to stay. How could I have been so dense? The house was already becoming more animated with the anticipation of my departure.

"Will you at least wait until I return from the hospital in the morning?" Only Carlisle still sounded unconvinced. He didn't need a mind reader in his family, his skills at deciphering hidden meanings in words and moods were nearly as perceptive.

"Yes of course. Will you call Eleazar for me? Last time it took me just under thirty hours." Last time I was running away from Bella and her delectable blood.

"Of course son, I'll call him now and let him know to expect you."

Carlisle stood up. Did you gather any information from Nicholas? He did not seem completely forthcoming.

"He was lying. I don't think about anything significant but he wasn't being truthful."

"Yes that's what I thought. You picked up nothing else? His story of traveling while his coven waited for him sounded unconvincing. It really makes no sense. Perhaps his admission that he is from a southern coven has put me on edge. Jasper's own nightmarish experiences have tainted my opinions of those that claim to have come from the South." Carlisle scratched the back of his neck. He was more suspicious of our most recent visitor than he let on at the time.

"No, nothing. " I responded casually. I'm not sure why I didn't mention the stranger's gift or his attempts to communicate with me. I picked up Carlisle's thoughts before he could hide them.

He wasn't listening. He was thinking of Bella

Carlisle automatic conclusion that I hadn't garnered any additional information because of my inability to focus on anything but Bella was demoralizing. I was no longer the asset to him or this family that I once was.

"Good to know. It was unfortunate that he couldn't stay and chat. Despite his appearance, there was a refinement about him. I suspect he had some interesting stories to tell" I wonder if letting him drive to Denali is a wise idea.

"I am perfectly capable of making the drive to Denali myself," I snapped, my mood darkening with these additional revelations about my perceived incompetence.

"But Edward, we could have so much fun." Alice chimed in. "Let me come, pleeaaaaase."

"I think you need to stay here and take care of Jasper, you've wasted more than enough of your time appeasing my unending demands on your time." My room suddenly felt claustrophobic.

"Edward, please." Carlisle's voice remained composed, soothing. We worry about you, son. We only want to help, but of course we will respect your wishes.

"I'm tired of being treated like an invalid." I regretted that comment the minute it slipped out.

"Then stop acting like one, silly." Alice was pulling outfits out of my closet, holding them in front of me, like I might have grown out of them since the last time I wore them.

"Alice what are you doing?"

"Oh just trying to decide what looks best with your beautiful black eyes. Nothing really clashes with black, so any of these clothes should work." She tossed a blue sweater into my suitcase.

I groaned and jumped back on the bed.

I'll let Esme know of your decision. Carlisle touched my head as he left the room.

I felt a lump in my throat. For the first time, the ramifications of my decision to leave was hitting home. I would not wait for Carlisle's return in the morning. My emotions would be too raw and might be misinterpreted. Leaving my family for a couple of months would not under normal circumstances create such a cataclysmic reaction in me and I didn't want to draw their suspicions. I wasn't sure that the month or two of self imposed exile would be enough to repair the damage I'd done to my family and when that time was up, what were my options? My selfishness had to stop, had to stop right now. As Carlisle had said, this was the first step.

I was packed and ready to go. Rosalie had deemed my car fit to drive and Alice had my suitcase packed and loaded in the trunk. I'd already said my goodbyes to my brothers and their well wishes were uncomfortable and short. They wasted no time cajoling Esme into hunting with them. She'd kissed me sweetly, keeping her tears in check. She thought I was waiting for Carlisle so her official more emotional goodbye would come then. I planned on being out the door and on the road several hours before either of them came home.

In the meantime, I barricaded myself in my room and mercifully, Alice had left me alone understanding my need for solitude. I was saying goodbye to Bella. I would not see this room again; not for decades, if ever. I sat on my favorite piece of furniture, the bed, and gazed around me remembering every memory I had of her in my room. Like Jasper earlier with Nicholas, I flipped through all my memories, like they were on a giant rolodex, stopping when I came across one of Bella, sitting on my lap on my couch, playing with my hair in front of the computer, snuggling against my chest on the bed, all of them.

A familiar numbing sadness started to envelop me and I wanted to curl up in a ball and think only of her, forget about Denali, forget about leaving, forget about hurting my family with my emotional turmoil. I didn't care about anything but her. But then, as quickly as that feeling threatened to drown me, a thought that had nothing to do with Bella elbowed through her memories making me take notice.

It was an inconspicuous little comment from Nicholas, one that hadn't made sense to me and didn't seem particularly significant at the time.

"Jesus of the Mountain," he'd said. "It can set you free."

What exactly had that meant? I wasn't familiar with the phrase "Jesus of the Mountain" and I could not understand the relevance of it given the premise of his other comments to me.

I slide in front of my computer and quickly typed in the phrase, scanning the thousands of hits, looking for some connection, some meaning that would pop out at me. There were numerous references to the Bible and various verses within it. Jesus of the Mountain also referred to religious camps and organizations throughout the country, but none of it seemed applicable to me. Yet as its meaning eluded me, I became more certain that the phrase was noteworthy.

I tried combining the phrases "Jesus of the Mountain it can set you free", but that search produced more of the same. It made no sense. Why some obscure comment as a parting word? There was little doubt that Nicholas had been trying to entice me to join him, yet his last thoughts were perplexing. There must be more to it.

Thinking again, I realized I had not been quoting him exactly. His last words were "Just remember Jesus of the Mountain, mi amigo. It can set you free."

I typed in "Jesus of the Mountain my friend", then "Jesus of the Mountain my friend it can set you free." Still nothing.

My fingers drummed on my desk. What was I missing? Why would Nicholas say mi amigo? He wasn't Spanish, he wasn't Mexican. Was it a slip of the tongue, something many of us did when we were immersed in more than one culture, interspersing our conversations with words of more than one language. He suggested his coven was in or around Mexico City so assuming he was being truthful, he would be headed there, back to a Spanish speaking people.

I typed in "Jesus of the Mountain Spanish". More of the same. Then "Jesus of the Mountain Mexico."

And there it was. Jesus Del Monte. The English translation was Jesus of the Mountain. He was referring to a town. Immediately I clicked on the first link. A blog from a tourist. The town was located just on the outskirts of Morelia, a large city in South Central Mexico. Just a few miles away from the town of Jesus Del Monte was a tropical paradise of waterfalls and dense vegetation. I gasped remembering the dancing girl in his thoughts. He was giving me directions to his coven. But why?

Many nomads sought out companionship from other vampires, so it wouldn't be out of character for him to seek my company, a vampire with no mate to accompany him. However, he was headed home, headed back to a coven that he'd long been away from. Why in this last leg of his trip would he suddenly desire a companion? And more specifically, why did he want me to know the whereabouts of his coven. It wasn't anywhere near Mexico City like he had told Carlisle, so not only did he want me to know, but he kept that information from the rest of my family. Again the question was why?

I knew my way to Denali, could drive it with my eyes closed or as was our way in the old days, could run across miles and miles of US and Canadian wilderness using natural landmarks to guide me and easily find my way. So once on the freeway, I didn't look at interstate signs, I didn't check a map, I didn't even consult with my car's built in GPS, I just drove. In my mind I pictured the change of scenery that each mile marker would bring. I pictured the coastal views, the snow capped mountains looming before me and as the highway took me further inland, I pictured the dense forests and massive trees towering over the single strip of pavement winding through it. Sometimes I thought of Bella, imagined her on the seat next to me, coming with me to visit my second family for the first time. She would be excited and nervous, expressing her concerns over her appearance or whether they would like her or not, always thinking she wasn't quite good enough.

But thinking of Bella was becoming harder and harder, especially since I couldn't curl up and sink into my memories of her. So mostly I just thought of the next turn in the road, and the next and the next, all the while reciting over and over, Denali…. Denali…. Denali…., like a devoted Buddhist monk chanting his morning prayers. Ten hours into my trip I imagined pulling into the narrow long driveway that started the slow steady climb up to their home. It was an old hunting lodge, converted and decorated by Esme one of her most prized and cherished renovations. Completely isolated, and almost impossible to navigator by car in the winter, human visitors were kept at bay. Summers were another story. Curious hikers would not be kept out by no trespassing signs and often traversed up the narrow trail to the lodge, their curiosity piqued by town gossip of a group of beautiful women living and surviving year round in such a desolate area. Fortunately for those humans, the coven was completely vegetarian and very in control of their bloodlust and at worst the trespassers were subject to a scare by Eleazar as he roared like a deranged beast from somewhere in the murky wilderness surrounding the house adding to the mystique of the house and its occupants.

Fifteen hours into the drive, I thought about how Eleazar and Carmen would greet me warmly, especially Carmen, with her mothering tendencies, she reminded me so much of Esme. The sisters would be more wary, more standoffish, not wanting to offend me as they had so often done in the past. They saw me as an innocent child, their thoughts which once were full of sexual images and feelings of lust, had been tempered in such a way that they viewed me now as nothing more than their annoying asexual younger brother. That was, all except for Tanya. Depending on her mood, she could be an amused sister or a devilish conniving vixen, more often the latter which made me extremely uncomfortable.

Twenty-five hours into my drive I thought about whether I would park my car in Anchorage and run the rest of the way in or take a chance on the desolate stretch of highway that led up to their house. A phone call to Eleazar might be necessary, though it was entirely possible that they wouldn't know the condition of the roads, running always seemed a faster more efficient way of travel even in the best of conditions. The thought of placing a phone call made me check my phone. I was surprised to see ten missed calls. Carlisle, Esme and Alice. I called Alice first. I needed to know what she saw of my future.

"I told you leaving without saying goodbye would hurt Esme. Did you call her yet?" My sister's voice sounded annoyed, but untroubled. That was good.

"And I told you that I had already said goodbye to her. I never said I would be there when she got back."

"No, you reserved that little lie for Carlisle, didn't you?"

"Is this the only reason you called me," I sighed. As far as lying went, that infraction was minor. Things would be getting much, much worse very soon.

"Well, I also called to talk, but until you apologize to Esme, I have nothing to say to you." Click.

Alice was easily mollified. If I called her back, she would talk to me. Instead I called Carlisle. I knew he was at the hospital so with any luck….

"You have reached the voicemail of Dr Carlisle Cullen. Please leave a message…." I tapped one. "Hi Carlisle. Just calling to apologize for leaving before your shift ended. I….well….I just thought it would be better to get on the road. I'll call you later and.…" I paused, my voice sounded perfunctory, detached, but I could feel the crack coming. "Bye."

It was fine. Everything was fine. Alice was my biggest worry and once I realized that she saw me heading to Denali, I knew I was home free. They wouldn't be able to find me. They wouldn't know where to start. Twenty five hours of straight driving only stopping to refuel had put plenty of distance between me and Forks. For the first time since I hopped in my car and turned onto the interstate, I allowed myself to see, really see what was around me. Gone were the visions of snow capped mountains, densely vegetated forests and the wide blue expanse of the Pacific Ocean sparkling like a blue sapphire in the distant horizon. In its stead were outcroppings of red rock sprouting up from the brown loam in the sparsely vegetated backdrop that lined either side of the miles and miles of pavement stretching out before me, glistening like a mirage in the early morning sun. I felt at once exhilarated and ashamed. Exhilarated that I was beyond anyone's clutches or responsibility no longer held accountable to expectations I could never hope to live up to and ashamed that I had once again lied to and manipulated my family hurting the ones I claimed to love the most. It was an emotional rollercoaster that confounded and depressed me yet I could not find a way off of it.

My phone was ringing and when I looked at the caller ID I saw it was Alice. I shut it off and turned on the first dirt road I saw. I needed to find a place to leave my car. I would not need it in Mexico.

Author Notes:

Jesus Del Monte is a real town in Mexico. Sounds gorgeous. Type it in to any search engine. The first thing that comes up is a tourist's blog. :o)