Images of him flashed through her mind like snapshots from a broken camera. All the memories they shared. All gone..
His bright smile that rivaled that of the sun.
Snap. Flash.
His hair falling in his eyes on that rainy night.
Snap. Flash.
His hand that always fit perfectly in hers.
Snap. Flash.
His hair blowing in the wind.
Snap. Flash.
His long fingers in her long hair.
Snap. Flash.
His bright and sunny eyes.
Snap. Flash.
The feel of his hand in hers in the car.
Snap. Flash.
The dark days were creeping up. She could feel it.
Pause. Black. Snap. Flash.
His smile as he offered the perfect red roses.
Snap. Flash.
The way his eyes shone as he presented them to her.
Snap. Flash.
His smile fading when she turned her back away.
Snap. Flash.
The confusion and hurt in his eyes as his roses fell to the ground.
Snap. Flash.
The rain pounding on the cement, him standing in the dark.
Snap. Flash.
The moonlight shining on him that night.
Snap. Flash.
Her echoing footsteps in the empty ally.
Snap. Flash.
His cry of desperation calling after her.
Snap. Flash.
The sound of her heels on the old cobblestone, rushing away from him. There was no returning.
Snap. Flash.
The tears running down her face.
Snap. Flash.
Her sinking to the ground in that white dress, sobbing into her hands.
Snap. Flash.
His footsteps as he chased after her.
Snap. Flash.
His tears mixed with the rain.
Snap. Flash.
His white shirt sticking to his chest in the pouring down rain.
Snap. Flash.
The pain in his silver, stormy eyes.
Snap. Flash.
Her heart breaking at the look in his eyes the last time she saw him.
Snap. Flash.
The film broke off there. Unfinished memories forever lost.
She was the one to break his heart. For the first time, she felt the guilt and the regret. She knew what she did was wrong, but she couldn't turn back now. It was too late. Her chocolate eyes fell to the floor, trying to smile. His voice was ringing in her eyes, his eyes were haunting her. She raised her head slowly and her long hair fell as a curtain around her face. She tucked her hair behind her ear shyly and crossed her legs underneath her and looked sadly at her family.
It was June. Six months since she had made the biggest mistake of her life. Six months had the pain been killing her and the regret eating away at her insides. Six months of barely eating, barely sleeping, barely feeling anything other than pain and regret. Six months of… nothing. Six months of trying but not going anywhere. Her sister reached out to take her hand in hers. Hermione welcomed the warmth.
"Honey, it'll all be okay." Ginny reassured her. "Someday, it will all be alright." She promised.
"No, sissy, it won't." Hermione whispered, turning her full attention to her. "He gave me all his love." She said softly, closing her eyes, hiding the pain clouding their depths. "All I gave him was goodbye."
"Hermione, stop beating yourself up over this. It's over. Gone. You can't turn back time and fix it. What's done is done and there's nothing you can do to fix it." Ron said from his chair in the corner of the room. He was focusing on the bowl of popcorn on his lap. Harry threw a pillow at him.
"Shut up!" Harry said, frowning at his best friend. Hermione wrapped herself in a blanket and fell back on the floor by Harry's feet. "You're not helping anything." He reprimanded his brother. He combed his fingers through Hermione's hair. "I know it seems bad now, but it'll get better. With time, you'll heal." He promised. Hermione sighed and shook her head. "Trust me." Harry added. Hermione offered him a small smile.
The phone rang.
Hermione jumped up and ran to the kitchen in her ducky slippers and silk green jammie pants. Her white tank top rose up, exposing her back. Her long wavy hair flew back behind her as she ran to answer. She picked the phone up in a rush.
"Hello?" When she spoke, her soft voice was breathless.
"Erm, hi, Hermione."
Long nights on the phone by the fireplace laughing.
Snap. Flash.
"Draco?" She whispered. All movement in the living room ceased and everyone turned their attention to her with wide eyes.
"Yeah." Draco muttered.
The blush creeping up his neck to his pale cheeks, somehow lighting his eyes up.
Snap. Flash.
"Why'd you call?" Hermione asked softly, sinking to the floor.
Butterfly kisses while they were waiting for the waffles to bake.
Snap. Flash.
"I was wondering… Would you like to meet me at the Three Broomsticks tomorrow?" He asked slowly.
Butterbeer bottles on the kitchen floor, giggling as music played in the background.
Snap. Flash.
"Erm, sure." Hermione said, trying not to sound too happy and eager. Draco chuckled lightly on the other side of the phone. She was sure he could hear the exuberance in her voice. He knew it so well. "What time?" She asked.
"Three sound good?" He offered. Hermione bit her lip, smiling widely.
"Yup yup, sounds wonderful." She whispered.
"Erm, see you then, I suppose." He said awkwardly.
"I lo.." Hermione trailed off. "Yeah, see you then." She agreed.
"Bye."
And the phone clicked. He'd hung up. Hermione jumped up and ran to the living room.
Her family all looked at her eagerly, awaiting news. Ginny sank to the floor next to Harry, in front of the fire and grinned.
"Well…" She started, leaning her head on Harry's shoulder. "I'm meeting him tomorrow at the Three Broomsticks."
"When?" Ginny asked.
"Three." Hermione stated, her smile growing.
"Really?" Ron asked, sitting straight up in his chair, his popcorn bowl falling to the floor. Ginny idly turned and muttered " Repairo,"
"Yup yup." Hermione replied.
"What are you going to say?" Harry asked, looking at her when she sank back to the floor with her hair sprawled out around her head.
"I dunno yet…" She said, frowning. "I will apologize. I feel awful about what I did…." She muttered. "He didn't deserve that."
"I miss him. And Blaise. And his mum's cooking." Ron chipped in. Ginny threw her pillow at him.
"Shut up!" She said angrily. Ron rolled his eyes.
"Just saying."
"Erm. Hello? I'd kinda like some help with what I should say." Hermione said from the floor, her arms out and playing with her hair on the floor. Her eyes were nervous.
"Oh! Right." Ginny said, sitting down again. "Well…" She said, twirling her hair around her finger and biting her lip, a nervous habit she'd picked up from Hermione.
"Just say how sorry you are." Harry suggested. "And how much you've regretted it."
"And how many times you've picked up the phone to call him, dialed his number, then threw the phone down." Ginny said.
"And how much you've been crying." Luna said as she walked down the stairs, brushing her wet hair.
"And how you can't sleep at night." Ron added. "And how you can't eat." Luna sat on the floor next to Hermione and smiled down at her.
"Tell him that you still love him." She said softly.
"And how much you do." Harry added. "And how many letters you've written to him, even attached them to Hedwig and then torn the letter up and thrown it in the fire, 'cause you were too scared of what he would say."
"And all the pain you've felt since that night." Ginny whispered.
Hermione stood up.
"Thank you." She said. "I'll tell him that. But… I'm really tired and I need some sleep." She said, wrapping her blanket around her and slowly walked up the stairs. She was supposed to be happy; she had another chance. But her heart was breaking again. What if he was only doing this so he could yell at her for what she'd done?
She sat in her bed, staring at the ceiling until Ginny tiptoed into her room.
"It's okay. Everything will be alright." She whispered. "This is good for you; you'll be able to mend things up again, maybe have another chance."
Hermione reached her arm into the air, pulling her blankets up, inviting Ginny to lie down. When she did, they both curled up under the sheets while Ginny spoke to Hermione in reassuring tones.
"I promise, kitten. This will be good for you." Ginny promised. Hermione fell asleep with Ginny whispering in her ear, promising her that everything would be alright.
When Hermione woke up, she found that Ginny was gone and the sun was shining on her bed. There was a light knock on the door; like nails tapping on the wood. When Hermione spoke, her voice was hoarse.
"Yes?" She said, slowly standing up and walking over to the closet. Luna walked in, fully dressed and smiling. "You're up early." Hermione said as she stood in front of her closet. She pulled out a red dress, examined it for a moment, and put it back in the closet.
"No, honey, you're up late." Luna countered, walking to stand next to Hermione. "It's nearly one. " She said simply, handing Hermione a black shirt.
"I slept in that late?" Hermione said in shock. She took the shirt, looked at it for a moment, and threw it on the bed. Luna threw a pair of black tights on the bed.
"Yup." She said, pulling a skirt out. "Ginny wanted you to sleep in. Harry told me to wake you up an hour ago, but you wouldn't budge. Oh, and you have a visitor." She said casually, throwing the skirt on the bed and pulling out an emerald dress. "You're wearing your Chucks, aren't you?" Luna asked somewhat sarcastically.
Ignoring her obvious question, Hermione moved back to the most important thing Luna had said. "Who's here?"
"Blaise."
"But.. He's your boyfriend. Why would he want to see me?"
"He wants to take you to see Draco." Ginny said, coming into the room.
"Why? I can manage to get to the Thee Broomsticks on my own." Hermione said defensively.
"I know that," Ginny said softly, sitting on the bed, catching the white shirt Hermione threw to her. "but he said that he's meeting you somewhere else."
"I think you should wear this." Luna said, holding out a pretty white shirt and black jeans. Ginny stood up and took the black jeans back.
"No, wear these." They were faded and worn out jeans with holes in them. Luna handed Hermione her studded belt and held out her old Chucks. Hermione smiled and ran to the bathroom to take a shower.
Luna ran into her boyfriend's loving arms.
"How's Hermione doing?" He asked softly.
"She's trying." Luna replied. "She's really trying." She sighed. "She's just trying to forget and continue on with her life. You can see it in her eyes, though. It's a mask." Luna looked down. "How's Draco?"
"She sounds better than Draco is."
"How d'you mean?" Luna asked inquisitively. Blaise sighed sadly.
"He mopes around the house all day. He doesn't eat. He's falling behind at work. He's having trouble eating and he's not really sleeping. He talks about Hermione all the time. He's written letters. He's tried to call. He's… just not what he used to be. His eyes seem empty. We try to go out and do stuff, and he tries… he really tries. It's not the same."
Luna and Ginny sat on the floor in Hermione's room.
"What d'you think will happen?" Ginny whispered. Luna shrugged.
"I dunno, but I hope it's something good." She sighed. "She needs something good to happen. And from what Blaise is telling me, Draco needs it, too."
"How do you mean?" Ginny asked.
"Well… Blaise said that he hasn't been sleeping much at night. He hasn't been eating. He hasn't been out of the house 'cept for work. He said he's made Draco get up and go out and do stuff with him, but he's never really into it. He said his eyes are empty. He's trying so hard to continue on with his life, but it's so exhausting for him. And he tries so hard to move on and forget about it." Luna looked at her feet on the carpet. "He's done the same thing Hermione's been doing… Writing letters, then tearing them apart. Trying to call, but hanging the phone up. It's killing him, he's just trying not to show it." She brought her eyes back to Ginny. "Just the same as Hermione." Then Luna thought about it. "No, it's worse.. Hermione's hiding it better. But then again, it's just how she is. She's good at hiding things."
"This'll be good for the both of them." Ginny said, smiling uncertainly. The door opened.
"How's Hermione?" Harry asked, sitting down next to Ginny.
"She's in the shower." Luna answered, pointing at the bathroom door. The running water stopped.
"What do you think will happen today?" Harry whispered. Ginny looked at him darkly.
"Anything can happen, honey." She muttered. "We're just hoping for the best."
Hermione came out of the bathroom, smiling.
"You look beautiful." Ginny said, standing up.
Hermione was glowing; her hair was long and flowing down her back, her jeans fit perfectly, covering most of her shoes, so that only the white tips were showing, her white shirt hugged her curves and her eyes were sparkling. She turned pink.
"Thank you." She beamed. Ginny slipped her hand in hers and together, they walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, where Ron and Blaise were talking over a bottle of butterbeer. Blaise stood up when the girls walked into the room. He grinned at her.
"Hi, Blaise!" Hermione said, hugging him. When they pulled apart, Blaise looked at his watch.
"2:30," He stated in his deep voice. "We better get going.."
Blaise stopped Hermione at the front door of their apartment.
"You may not like what you see.." Blaise warned her as he opened the door.
Evidentially, Hermione wasn't the only one excited about this meeting. Draco was pacing back and forth, his hands behind his back.
"Hi, Draco." Hermione said softly. Draco jumped and turned around, his eyes widening. Blaise was right; his stormy eyes were empty. Hermione slowly walked across the room and into his open arms.
She still smells like lavender and honey.
"I'm sorry," She muttered into his chest. "I'm so sorry." But Draco could only focus on the way she smelled, the sound of her voice again, the feel of holding her in his arms again.
I'm so glad you made time to see me,
How's life? So, tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while..
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk; work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why…
'Cause the last time you saw me is still
Burned in the back of your mind:
You gave me roses and I left them there to die…
She stood in his arms, with her arms around her waist and her face buried in his chest. She listened to the steady beat of his heart, the sound of him breathing. With great force, Hermione pulled back and stared into his eyes.
"You have no idea how sorry I am, Draco. No idea.." She started. "I still love you; I never stopped loving you." She whispered. "You have no how much I regret that night. And I am so, so, so, so, so, so sorry."
So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you,
Saying I'm sorry for that night..
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I realized what I had when you were mine.
And I go back to December, turn it around and make it all right,
I go back to December all the time.
They had migrated to the couch and Hermione was crying as she sat on Draco's lap.
"I'm so sorry. I wish… I wish I could go back. I wish I could go back and change that night. What I did was wrong and I regret it. It's been killing me the past six months."
"I know.. And.. I'm sorry, too." Draco said softly. Hermione looked at him with wide eyes.
"Why are you sorry?" She asked.
"I should have ran after you." He said quietly. "I should have stopped you. I could have stopped all this pain."
"Oh, honey, I don't know if I would have listened at the time."
"You would have… I saw you in the ally, crying." He said. "Why'd you do it?" He finally asked. Hermione sighed, dreading this question.
"I don't know. I honestly don't." She whispered. "I dream about it every night, trying to think… why did I run? Why did I leave you? What happened?" Hermione grasped his hand tightly. "All I know, though, is that it was a mistake." She stared into his stormy silver eyes. "The biggest mistake of my life." Hermione said softly. "I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry, so, so, so-"
Draco stopped her by kissing her. Hermione leaned further into the kiss, letting the tears flow and allowing herself to run her fingers through his hair. She tasted a small amount of alcohol on his breath. But the taste of pancakes and syrup overpowered it.
These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up playing back myself leaving,
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side,
Realized I loved you in the fall…
Then the cold came when fear crept into my mind,
You gave me all your love and all I gave was goodbye…
Draco tightened his grip on her hips when they pulled apart. Hermione's glowing smile lit up her face and seeing her smile once again, his heart finally started beating again.
"I really am sorry," She whispered again. "I mean.. if that was the.. er, last kiss, I still want you to know how sorry I am." Hermione frowned. "I haven't been sleeping, you know. Or eating. Or much of anything, really."
So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you,
Saying I'm sorry for that night..
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I realized what I had when you were mine,
And I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time.
Draco shook his head.
"I'm sorry, too. I really should have stopped you. I could have stopped this whole thing from ever happening. I could have stopped you and we could have talked it all out."
"I was scared, Draco. Scared.. I'm used to heartbreak and I wanted to end it on my own terms this time. But I ended it too soon and I realized that it was a mistake. I wanted to stop myself from falling too hard again, but it was too late. I was just terrified of you leaving me and I didn't want that to happen. I was scared, and that's… that's all I can say. That's why I ran. I was too scared."
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right,
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
First time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
If we loved again,
I swear I'd love you right.
I'd go back in time and change it,
But I can't…
And if the chain is on your door,
I understand.
"And if you don't want this to continue, if you don't want to finish our story, it's fine.. I only want you to be happy at this point." Hermione whispered, still staring into Draco's stormy eyes. Draco shook his head.
So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you,
Saying I'm sorry for that night..
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I realized what I had when you were mine,
And I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time.
All the time..
"Our story is still unfinished. We can't leave it without a proper ending; a happy ending. We have to keep writing." Draco said, smiling. "But only in your handwriting, 'cause you're much neater." He finished, beaming at her, his eyes alight with happiness. Hermione beamed at him.
"Give me the quill and I'll finish our story."