DISCLAIMER: SM owns all Twilight characters and settings. No copyright infringement intended.

WARNING: Graphic violence again humans and ongoing Edward angst.

I would never get use to the smell of the burning flesh of vampires. It was acidic and sweet like the toxic smell from an industrial fire combined with the syrupiness of bubbling baking fruit. But as I'd recently learned, the smell wasn't the worst part. It was the thoughts of the condemned; the silent screams of terror, the pleas for mercy, the horror with the realization that their body was in pieces and set ablaze and their eternal life, wasn't eternal after all. Hearing their thoughts was when I truly suffered.

But I was forced to endure it. Aro left me little choice. His hand remained firmly gripped on mine through the entire execution of the four vampires including Cedric who was not part of the assassination plot, but condemned as the others for his ignorance. Aro showed little in the way of sympathy for Cedric and his only mercy to the gullible acquaintance was incapacitating the vampire with Alec's gift before Felix and Santiago dismembered and burned him.

But the others…the others were tortured. First by Jane, one at a time, their screams resonating through the walls of the castle; then by the other guard, all given an opportunity to join the macabre scene, tearing the condemned, limb from limb and finally adding the pieces to the fire with the smoldering Cedric. I was not allowed to flee; Aro's intense fascination with the thoughts of the dying held me firmly at his side until the last of the agonizing silent screams dwindled away to nothing.

When he finally released me, I staggered, as much as a vampire could stagger to Marcus' side, seeking refuge from the only mind that brought me any respite but even his thoughts were not on the sanctity of a Didyme memory. In a rare display of interest, he watched with unabashed pleasure as the efficiency of the guard quickly eliminated and disposed of the imposters.

The assassination plot was flawed from conception. Even using Cedric as a ploy in an attempt to circumvent Aro's abilities, there was little chance of evading Alec's formable gift that could incapacitate them all simultaneously. The thoughts that first drew my attention from the vampire, Ethan, were of the destruction of Alec first, eliminating him from the equation, but I couldn't fathom how they planned on accomplishing that without incurring the wrath of Jane. The three vampires never believed they would survive the attacks and only looked to instill as much damage on the Volturi brothers as they could; an act of revenge over the annihilation of their coven some thirty years before.

The Volturi were efficient if nothing else and centuries of living under the threat of an overthrow provided them with plenty of time to refine and perfect their technique so once I alerted them, or more specifically, once I conveyed the thoughts of Ethan to Aro, he'd been able to signal his guard of the danger and the matter was quickly resolved.

The plot was not without its merits however. The wives of the brothers were considered prime targets, easy targets as the guard would close in to protect the brothers first. Even bringing down one wife could substantially weaken her mate. Marcus was proof of that. Once the danger had passed, I was surprised to see Caius gather Athenodra in his arms holding her tightly to his body as his nervous guards hovered around them, expecting the next wave of the enemy to breach the castle at any moment.

I paid little mind to the other guards as they milled around the dying embers, their excitement and enthusiasm for a mission well done barely contained. I was anxious for Marcus to leave the room, preparing to slip out with him before Aro could assign me to clean up duty or some other revolting task. But Marcus made no attempt to leave settling in his throne-like chair, Corin glued to his side with me on the other, waiting.

I wasn't sure when I noticed the change, felt the nudging of the thoughts of those around me, imploring me to look up at them. They were all staring at me. I could feel their eyes on me, see me through them still quaking, the sights and sounds of the dying clinging to me as much as the odor of the smoke. I did not hear their scoffs, their snickers and snide comments. Instead they were looking at me with gratitude and their silent thank yous and expressions of praise invaded my consciousness much the way their insults had. The resounding consensus was that of relief and an unbridled joy and I realized that they held their masters in great deference, felt the desire to serve and protect, an ingrained duty that they did not take lightly. They'd been afraid for the lives of those they were meant to serve and my contribution at great personal risk to myself was met with awe.

"So now, brother, you see what Edward can do for us?"

I looked up at the sound of my name and noticed Aro was staring at Caius, a slight smirk on his face.

Sensing my gaze, they both looked at me. In Aro's eyes, I saw satisfaction, a confirmation of my value and something that gave me an odd pleasurable sensation similar to when Carlisle looked upon me with pride. Caius' gaze were even more disconcerting, his expression even more obvious in its connotation. The disgust, distaste and annoyance was gone, replaced with understanding, a resolute concession to his brother and maybe even something akin to gratefulness to me.

"You did well, Edward. Very well." Aro spoke for the benefit of those around us. "I'm pleased you were given the chance to display the remarkable power of your gift so soon and so convincingly."

Caius only nodded, but in his mind I saw his thoughts meant only for me. You've done well, young one. Perhaps I underestimated what you bring to us.

I nodded deferentially to both of them and Aro raised an eyebrow recognizing that Caius had acknowledged me as well.

Jane at his side was fuming and despite my recent torment, I couldn't help but smirk in her direction. She did not like it when glory was given to another, even if I had potentially saved her brother's life with my intervention.

"Children, children," Aro clapped his hands together noticing Jane and my silent exchange. "Certainly Jane, you are not so put out by Edward's gift that you don't understand what he brings to us. We all have our place, all bring our own strengths. You mustn't condemn Edward his, but think how you will be able to use it to administer your own brand of talent."

My smile faded as Jane, understanding Aro's meaning, grinned pointedly in my direction.

"Of course master, I hadn't thought of that."

Wonderful. Now I would be used as a tool for Jane to torture others. Any minuscule bit of smugness I felt was quickly erased.

Mercifully, Marcus feeling my torment provided me a way out. "I would like you to transcribe for me Edward. Come."

So with Corin on one side and I on the other we followed Marcus from the room and back to his chambers, but not before I heard Aro's last thoughts directed at no one in particular.

So that's how it's going to be than; he's made his choice. He sounded pleased.

The week following my conspicuous intervention and subsequent demise of the vampires involved in the assassination attempt of the brothers brought with it an entirely new perspective of the Volturi. No longer was I treated as a prisoner, an invader, a disruption to the discipline long held by the guard; instead I was revered, thought of fondly, and even sought out by those choosing to align themselves with me recognizing my worth in adding me as their friend. I'd secured a foothold in the perilous pyramid of power, my value exponentially elevated and with it, my position exaggerated.

I still went every day to Marcus' room and did his bidding; still transcribing his memories, reading to him, playing and usually losing to him in chess; but now I was asked to accompany him when he made his rounds of the castle or wandered out into the courtyard. The most significant difference was that for the first time, I was allowed up in the general common area of the private quarters of the brothers and their mates. A place they often gathered along with their most intimate personal guards, to socialize gossip, strategize and reside in communal comfortable silence.

Jane was there and Alec, sometimes Chelsea and Afton and now me along with what I could only describe as ladies in waiting; females that fluttered about their mistresses attending to their every need. I felt the tight knot in my stomach and the tremors intensify the first time I was asked to accompany Marcus to the private chambers, not sure what to expect, but on the second and certainly the third visit, I felt more relaxed, realizing that I was nothing more than a backdrop in the room; standing quietly by Marcus' chair, much in the way the Alec did with Caius or Jane with Aro.

And this I could do, blending quietly into the background, drifting into my own memories, my own fantasies, much as I did when I was alone in my room. Nothing was asked of me other than to presumably protect the brothers in case of a bold attack or do the simple bidding that required me to retrieve a book or contribute a bit of insight to a debate or tantalizing piece of gossip.

I was taken off guard when Sulpicia asked on my fourth such visit if I would mind playing the piano, the classics preferably. It wasn't a request, I understood that now; the brothers nor their wives, requested anything. They simply stated it as such to give the allusion of the option to decline. But I'd never heard anyone decline a request and I wasn't about too now.

Initially I felt the flutter of anxiety, wondering if my tremors would affect my play, but when I settled into a familiar piece by Mozart, one that I was truly accomplished in and had been for decades, I found that as when I transcribed Marcus' memories, my tremors mysteriously disappeared and my play was unimpeded by them, my fingers flying over the keys bringing appreciative mummers from my audience.

So this became another of my duties, chores responsibilities or however one choose to define it. I would be summoned to play, often without the brothers in attendance, at the whims of the wives and though I derived no real joy from the experience, it gave me another means to pass the time and there were certainly worse things I could be doing.

Carlisle's memories of the private areas of the brother's quarters though numerous, could not be explored as much as I might have wanted too. I was not given unbarred access to the rooms and once my duty to my mistresses or masters was complete, I was not allowed to linger in the rooms. But I did delight the wives in particularly when I mimicked Carlisle's actions by sitting in his favorite chair in the room, repeating memorable comments he'd made, reciting the meaning behind a unique painting or work of art or arguing a view point that I wouldn't possibly know to have, unless I'd been privy to Carlisle's memories.

I felt like a trained monkey, my antics an amusing topic of conversation for the bored occupants of the castle, but there was some comfort in being nothing more than a sideshow. I was not expected to contribute anything worthwhile to conversations. I did not need to appear happy or hide my ever present depression that threatened to choke me at times. As long as I served in whatever capacity was asked of me, I was allowed my privacy. No one interfered or question whether it was healthy for me to spend so much time alone locked in my mind and I felt no burden to hide it.

Even Aro, who initially appeared concerned for my mental condition, now was satisfied that despite my odd idiosyncrasies, I would be able to perform whatever duties he assigned me and could still come to rational decisions without the prompting of the others as I'd proven when I'd derailed the assassination attempt.

My appearance in a gray cloak at Marcus' side for the first time, drew raised eyebrows by some of the guard, but my mind was no longer bombarded with their thoughts and after my presence was absorbed, I was relieved to see that I was beginning to blend in with the other guard, no longer the strange oddity that had invaded their predictable and secure environment.

Until I became a regular attendee, I'd not realized how often the brothers accepted visitors, often several times a week and with me now present in the chambers, there was a simple understanding from the entire guard, that I brought with me the gift that would make it very difficult for another imposter to gain close access to the brothers. I tried to stay focused, tried not to let my mind drift understanding that more than any other time during their day, the brothers were always in a danger when they were greeted by outsiders, but the mundane day to day visitors most of whom only wanted to meet the brothers out of curiosity, offered little in the way of distraction for me and I found it hard to focus on them.

More often I would view the thoughts of peers, taking note of the deeply held rivalries between some guard members, the trivial spats, the love triangles, and secret matings. I saw that Felix was generally disliked among his fellow guardsmen and Jane was detested. More than one vampire wished for her death whenever she left the castle on an errand for her masters.

Chelsea and her mate Afton, were as close to being members of the brothers inner circle as anyone and kept mostly to themselves, only coming to the greeting chamber at the special request of the brothers. They too were viewed with jealousy by many of the other guard who observed Chelsea in particular, with distrust, assuming she manipulated their loyalties or passionate hatreds for each other at her whim.

But it wasn't these thoughts that drew my attention as much as I was drawn into those of the guard like Corin or Quentin or even some of the lesser ranking guard like Antonio who had no gift and was part of the guard only because of an undying devotion to those he served. This echelon of the guard, appeared completely devoted to their masters, revered them, placed them on a pedestal, worshiping the very ground they walked on. And this mindset fascinated me with its simplicity. What could make a vampire, who had so many talents, so many enhanced abilities, so many physical gifts, become nothing more than a nursemaid to his master and enjoy it, revel in it, derive great satisfaction from it?

On the rare occasion when I actually spoke without being chided into it, I questioned Aro on the nature of the guard. What made them so devoted, so willing to serve? What did they get out of it?

Aro appeared thoughtful, then amused. I seldom broached him on any subject anymore, preferring to keep all my questions, which were few, for Marcus, who would answer without becoming too introspective and inquisitive about the basis for my question.

"I know it's difficult for you to understand, given the way you were brought into this life with Carlisle as your creator, but there are a great many vampires that hold no higher desire in life, but to serve others." I had the feeling that Aro's words were carefully chosen.

"When we are changed, we lose most of our human memories and if we aren't reminded of them, eventually we lose them all. Most vampires are not encouraged by their creators to remember. This is inherently an undesirable symptom of the change. A newborn, as you know, is difficult enough to control. There must be a bond that is formed from conception; a need for the newborn to venerate his creator, to seek council and guidance and this general helplessness creates the bond." Aro paused.

We were in the private quarters with only a few other vampires present. I deliberately waited for this small amount of privacy so Aro would feel he could speak freely.

"Over time, usually at the initiative of the creator, the bond might be severed. The young one is encouraged to seek independence, perhaps find a mate. This is especially true if the vampire was created by accident. However, often, a vampire is created for the sole purpose of becoming a guard or protector of a coven, the leader and his mate. If that is the case, then the creator does not encourage the young one to seek outside interests and provides everything including meals to encourage loyalty. The newborn has no past memories and is unable to reconcile his human life with his vampire life. Serving his master is all he knows.

"And that's what you do here…create newborns who know of no other existence so they are loyal to you?"

Aro looked up from a book he was studying.

"Yes we've done that of course. But not all our guard comes from our own creation. Many are recruited."

"Then why…" I started to interrupt but stopped when I saw Aro's thoughts.

We give these lost souls a home. A purpose. A reason for their existence. "And in return they give us their loyalty, their devoted service. Is that not a fair trade?"

I said nothing more. It made sense. My life with Carlisle aside, I understood that most vampires were lonely and drifted through all of eternity forming no real bond to other vampires. The lucky ones mated, but for many more, they held no strong kinship to others of their species and often viewed them as rivals for territory and food. Belonging to a coven, feeling needed, serving for the greater good was at most what any of them could strive for.

Few ever left the guard and given that most could, it spoke volumes for their loyalty and dedication; their sense of duty and responsibility. So it was in these minds that I spent a good part of my hours as I stood at Marcus' side, the blankness and utter lack of defiance blissfully tranquil given the kinetic thoughts of the brothers and the trivial spats and bickering of the more elite guard.

I didn't see it coming.

Even with my powerful gift as Aro liked to call it, I never saw it coming. Not in Marcus' thoughts, not in Caius' and certainly not in Aro's. I suspected the rest didn't know; none of the guard, the wives…none of them. It would have been a carefully guarded secret; a secret that they could trust with no one, not if they wanted to keep it from me.

I was in Marcus' memories, lost in them, finding solace as much from his remembrances as I did with my own. He was picturing his Didyme as she ran along the edge of the Mediterranean Sea, dancing along it really, her feet lightly touching the ground, jumping over the waves that lapped at her feet, giggling her delight as Marcus watched her lovingly, her beautiful feminine form illuminated by the moonlight. It was mesmerizing and I felt myself drawn into it, a third party on that beach, smelling the wet salty air of the sea, Marcus' vampire senses becoming my own, making everything that much more vivid, that much more intense, that much more authentic to me.

I was startled as Marcus' head snapped up away from the vision of his mate, his memory of scent one step behind what he visually saw. It was like watching a foreign film dubbed in English, the reaction of the actors out of sync with the spoken words. He'd caught scent of something and Didyme too reacted to it, her playfulness gone, her posture that of predator as she sniffed hungrily into the wind, searching for the tantalizing odor of human that drifted over them with the changing of the breezes. Their attention was pulled from the beautiful romantic scene on the beach and they bolted, running through the trees, Didyme taking the lead, Marcus conceding to his mate barely able to control his bloodlust, giving her the privilege of taking down her meal first.

And I was running with them, my senses overflowing with the powerful aroma that called to me demanding that I take notice. Vaguely I was aware of Corin's entry in the room, his thoughts distracting and from his eyes, I could see his confusion as my hand hovered over the pristine yellow page of the journal, my eyes staring blankly straight ahead, thoughts of transcribing Marcus' words long forgotten as I was enveloped into Marcus' memory of tracking and hunting humans.

He saw his mate take down the first human she came across, a young man guarding the perimeter of a camp. The human barely uttered a squeak as she latched onto his throat, the sounds of her feeding, the familiar grunts of pleasure, drawing a whimper from my own lips. Marcus' eyes shifted away from her to the other humans just up ahead, their location identified by the flickering fire casting shadows against a makeshift shelter of animal hides stretched across wooden poles. The man squatting near it, warming himself only had enough time to gape at the creature that flew at him through the woods, the sickening snap of his back as he was pulled into Marcus' embrace clearly audible even through Marcus' ancient memories. The screams of the others were barely distracting, the scent of fear strong, but not overpowering; it was the blood that dominated the senses. More sounds of terror, pleas, prayers and Didyme had snatched another…

"Edward."

I blinked breaking my fixation on his memory. Marcus was no longer sitting in his chair. I looked at the journal and gasped. My neat handwriting had been reduced to scribbles. The beautiful antiquated page was ruined.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, shaking my head, trying to clear it, but the smell of human was still in the air.

Edward. Look at me. Marcus seldom spoke to me through his thoughts other than when he was transcribing his memories.

I turned in the chair, following the perimeter of the room, passed the door that led to the common area of the brothers quarters, passed the wall of towering bookcases, finally resting on the door that I used to come and go, the door that led down to the turret room. Marcus was standing at the door, but he wasn't alone. In his hand, held casually by the throat was a limp human, a blond female, her eyes were open, blue eyes; she was staring blankly at nothing, dead eyes, but then they blinked.

He moved toward me, holding the human slightly away from him.

Edward? Your eyes are black. You need to feed.

I bolted from my chair and pressed myself against the far wall of the room. My escape route was blocked. The only way out was through the door to my left, and I could hear the wives on the other side chatting calmly. It would not do to startle them with my sudden appearance. Besides, Corin blocked that route. I saw him crouch. He was anticipating any attempt to flee.

Glancing back at Marcus, I could see he'd advanced on me. The rapid fluttering of the human's chest clearly visible was like a captured bird, quivering under the grip of a formidable predator and I was riveted by it. I reached out my hand in a futile gesture to stop his advance. I tried holding my breath, but depriving myself of her scent could not stop Marcus' thoughts of it and he sucked at the air hungrily, enticing me. I groaned out my need.

Behind him I saw Alec. He too was holding a human. The male dangled limply by an arm, but I could hear the heartbeat, the tha-thump tha-thump. He was using his gift, incapacitating them, for what purpose I didn't immediately understand. The humans posed no threat and could be easily contained without it.

"We've indulged you, but now it's time you joined us and fed properly." Marcus' voice, still sluggish from lack of use sounded much like Aro's with his arguments. I was surprised his brother wasn't here persuading me too.

"No," I mumbled. "No, I can't. I'm not a monster." The scent was intoxicating.

"They can't feel anything. Alec has taken care of that. They have no idea where they are. Take the female first." He held it, her out to me.

It would please me very much if you would do this, Edward.

My hands clenched in fists and I pressed them against my teeth, biting down, willing the pain to offer a distraction, anything to stop the tempting allure of the blood so close.

"The humans are as good as dead, Edward. You will not save them by refusing to feed from them."

And this was true. I knew it was true. I could see it in his mind, in Alec's mind. They were both imagining burying their teeth into the hot artery that pulsed with the luscious liquid, feasting on the meal I so hastily dismissed. I swallowed the venom, pooling in my mouth. My limbs trembled, not with the tremors that had plagued me over recent months, but in an attempt to restrain myself, to stop the automatic coiling of muscles that preceded the predatory lunge. My hands went to my throat, it was on fire, the burning was agonizing. I whimpered again.

"You are one of us Edward. It's time you feed with us. This isn't a request." Marcus' voice was brooding, impatient.

That was true, wasn't it? The brothers didn't make requests. They didn't offer suggestions. They only issued orders, no matter how civilized they might sound. I didn't have a choice, did I? I couldn't say no, could I?

"Jane liked the scent of this one." Alec held up the human in his hand. I heard the pop of a shoulder being dislocated. The human didn't respond. It, he felt no pain. I'll take the female."

I heard an aggressive snarl and realized it was coming from me. Mine.

I caught Marcus' nod, but all else was lost as he tossed the human to me and with one swift deft maneuver I snatched her from the air, yanking her body against mine, my lips pressing against the pulsing warm flesh, my teeth slicing through the skin like butter and then I had it, pulling at it, the blood, so sweet, so silky smooth, so scrumptiously amazing. How could I have resisted it for so long, how could anyone resist it? There was nothing more delicious, nothing more intoxicating, nothing on this earth that could compare to the heavenly flavor of it, thick and salty…and the aroma. With each pull of blood, I sucked in the air laced heavily with the scent of the blood. I used all my senses, delighting in the pleasure so long denied me. The warm body held firmly against my chest, the unconscious twitching of her limbs, the beating of her heart that as I anticipated, slowed as I drew her life from her. The only thing missing was the thrashing and struggles that would renew my predatory instincts, but I didn't need any other stimuli. The monster was satisfied, the blood was enough. .

I pulled back when the human was drained and my eyes locked on the other; the one held by Alec, the heart still pumping strongly in his chest, the smell of the blood driving me insane with need I growled again and was rewarded as the second human was tossed in my general direction. This one, I grabbed and pulled back to the corner of the room, eyeing the other vampires suspiciously as I pressed my lips against the vein that held the exquisite fluid, the need to take my prey and feast in private almost overwhelming. But once I distracted myself with the blood, I took little notice of them, my eyes glazing over at the extraordinary flavor flowing over my tongue. When I could draw no more from him, I discarded the human and looked for more, but my nose and ears told me everything I needed to know. There were only two and I'd fed on both.

My eyes locked with Marcus who was smiling, just a little, barely a smile on any other face but when he did it, his entire expression changed. Very good. Very good. I am very pleased.

As I felt the blood burn through my stone body, warming me, saw the first hints of red glow touching my irises through Alec's eyes, I understood. Aro was intentionally absent. Marcus was my master and it was he who would provide me with my meals. My devotion and loyalty would be to him. And so it was him I looked too anxiously. I was still hungry.

I had taken to climbing into the fireplace when I was left alone in my room. It was a little too big and didn't quite hit the pressure points along my spine, but I found if I curled up in one corner of it, I didn't have to hold myself quite so tightly. The rock wall offered some resistance especially when I pressed back on it.

Aro was disappointed when he realized that my tremors had not subsided with the addition of human blood. His assertion that my afflictions were at least indirectly related to my denial of my natural food source had not proven true. I wasn't surprised however. Even in my weakened mental state, I knew that the tremors were not the result of a physical deprivation; it was all mental and feeding from humans would only exasperate that.

I stopped clenching my teeth when my jaw got sore and was relieved that my teeth no longer chattered. I didn't relish the idea of biting my tongue again. The first time had released a flood of the human blood I'd just devoured and though I greedily sucked on my wound recycling the blood into my system, it carried none of the appeal that it had the first time around.

As with humans on a journey of self discovery, my time away from Forks, away from my former family, away from Carlisle, had opened up my eyes and I now understood my true self. There was no longer any pull one way or the other. No longer that tug of war that had me constantly battling within myself, constantly questioning myself, always analyzing my actions, my behaviors and always wondering what I could do better, how I could make myself better, how I could rise above what I knew was hidden just below the surface.

So many times in my past, Carlisle and I had argued about the nature of our species. He holding the opinion that we were not monsters, we had souls and we could lead productive lives. I, with my opposing viewpoint, that we by our very nature were depraved and demonic. Our lack of a heartbeat proof that we were for all intents and purposes dead and could not possibly have souls; our journey to heaven interrupted the moment the beating of that organ had ceased, our souls forever lost perhaps in purgatory, perhaps already burning in the pits of hell. Yet I still wanted to believe him, believe that Carlisle through his years of religious training as a human and subsequent studies on the subject as a vampire, understood something that eluded me. I wanted to be wrong.

For a time, I felt I was losing the argument with Carlisle; felt that his confidence, his long held beliefs were born of a reality that I was only beginning to see. I felt more human than vampire, empathized with those weaker than me, protecting them from the monster, using the very strengths that defined my difference and set me apart from them. With Bella, I was almost there. Had almost believed that I wasn't what I warned her I was; the monster a figment of my imagination; the epitome of a bad Edward that always lurked behind the good Edward. But now that journey was over and there was nothing else to deduce. My long held convictions however weakened by my attempts to dispel them for my own sake, had come to fruition. I was the embodiment of evil; a demon born of the depths of hell. Any illusions I'd held of myself, fed by Carlisle and our attempts to replicate humanity had been cracked wide open. I was a monster and I finally found my lair with the Volturi.

Along with the recognition and acceptance of my wickedness was my acceptance of my role within the Volturi. Until my teeth broke the skin of that human girl, I'd been blinded to Aro's attempt to initiate me into the guard. So fervent was he that he had forgone his own selfish ambitions to have me at his side for all time, giving him access to all the thoughts of those around him with a mere touch of his hand to mine. Instead he stood aside; directing me to the brother I felt more comfortable with, that of Marcus, understanding that our shared experience and Marcus' sedate manner would do much to sooth my own erratic emotions.

Marcus was my master, the one I served, the one I protected and if this kept me in the guard, Aro was resigned to it and even welcomed it. No one was more pleased than Aro when he saw the red glow of my eyes for the first time, barely containing his delight, understanding that I was, if not his, then part of the Volturi. I would serve them for all time. I had nowhere else to go.

Four days after I fed from humans for the first time in eighty years, the others congregated in the turret room. I was invited down, but it was too soon. I still battled my true nature, still resisted what I had proven I was and instead suffered in my room, tormented by the sounds and thoughts of the dying humans, yet envious and jealous wanting to sprint down the winding stairs and join them in the feeding. Marcus fulfilling the role of the traditional creator, providing me with all my motivation, all my needs, did not disappoint and without a word, he was at my door, tossing a human into my room before continuing on to his own quarters.

Shrieks of terror, most not ethnic in their pronunciation, were intermixed with pleas in French. This poor women wasn't held under Alec's blissful painless control. She understood the depth of the evil she was surrounded by, had witnessed the death of loved ones, understood that her life was for all intents and purposes over and even her silent, but overpowering thoughts were not enough to quell the monster as I pounced on her, quickly draining her of her terror and her delightful blood.

I found a beautifully gilded mirror during my wanderings through the lower levels of the castle and promptly brought it back to my room ignoring the curious stares of some of the guard and Caius who I passed without a second glance, so familiar and at ease with my place among the brothers now. I put the mirror above the fireplace, so as I sat in the leather chair in front of it I could stare into it and be reminded with the glow of my eyes of my depravity and reprehensible behavior.

My other duties did not change. I was still Marcus' transcriber, still played piano at the request of the wives or the chattering females that surrounded them, still joined the guard with my place at Marcus' side, or Aro's when he wanted more insight on his visitor's thoughts. And now I was welcomed as part of the guard, my eye color the only previous anomaly that separated me from them, no longer an issue.

When I was released of my duties for the day, I ran quickly to my room and crawled into the fireplace, my mind focusing on anything that would distract me from myself and as painful as it was, that included memories of both Carlisle and Bella. This time, it was Bella and she was throwing a fit, because I wouldn't let her drive herself to Port Angeles in the horrible decrepit truck of hers. Her temper tantrums were almost as endearing as her clumsiness and my smiles would only incite them further.

I was in the embrace of one of those temper tantrums and it warmed me like the touch of her hand on my flesh, when I heard Carlisle's inner voice and those endless medical terms that he would recite over and over. Why he was invading this particular Bella memory I couldn't fathom. Seldom did my memories of the two of them occupy the same thoughts and it was incredibly annoying when they did. Where thoughts of Bella's fury incited smiles, Carlisle's recital of medical terms was a constant source of irritation as it meant he was blocking me. How ironic that he would block me in my memories as well. Was I going to lose him? Was my betrayal so abominable that I wouldn't be allowed to hold onto him even in my mind?

Now he was reciting his medical terms in Latin which was a challenge given that there wasn't exact translations for words like cardiomyopathy and Carlisle's attempts to make up his own words, though hilarious in the right context, did not strike me as particularly funny when I was thinking about Bella.

"Welcome…welcome…Carlisle my old friend. What a surprise."

At the sound of Aro's voice I was out of my fireplace and standing with my back pressed against the wall, in a defensive posture. The reflection in the mirror revealed the horror on my face.

It wasn't a memory. Carlisle was here!

Author Notes:

This chapter gives a lot of hints and insight into Edward's ultimate destination on this journey of self discovery.

The next chapter will be from Carlisle's POV.