DISCLAIMER: SM owns all Twilight characters and settings. No copyright infringement intended.

WARNING: Typical Edward angst and additional vampire violence.

Carlisle was here…here in Volterra!

If I thought the quaking of my muscles was bad before, it was nothing compared to what my body was going through now. I clenched my teeth to keep from biting my tongue again. My hands gripped and promptly destroyed the armchair I'd pushed in the corner and I had everything I could do to keep my legs from collapsing under me as I rocked like a man on stilts, precariously close to losing my balance.

Why…WHY was he here? His thoughts were shrouded in those aggravating medical terms and I was only given glimpses of them as he acknowledged Aro. Taking several deep breaths in an instinctual human attempt to calm myself, I listened, heard his words as he spoke to Aro. I did not need to read his thoughts; his words told me what I needed to know. He was here to check up on me. He was worried. He wanted to know if I was held against my will. He wanted to talk to me.

The deep breaths turned into gasps. I was gasping for air. I understood this, had experienced it before, the need to breathe but unable to find the oxygen that my lungs didn't need. I felt myself sway unsteadily. I was going to go over.

I needed to run….to move…escape from this room. I wouldn't go…wouldn't talk to him. They couldn't make me. He would see…see my eyes. He would know what I'd done and I couldn't have that. But then it occurred to me that he in all likelihood already did know. Alice would have seen. Perhaps she didn't mention it. That would be like Alice. She saw much more than she revealed especially if the news was bad. So it was possible that Carlisle didn't know.

"Edward."

I looked up at the sound of my name. I was on the floor. I didn't remember falling, but that's where I was, hidden behind the rubble that use to be a leather chair, my back pressed against the wall and still I shuddered.

"I don't want to see Car…Car…lisle. Make him go away…plea…plea…se." My chattering teeth made it difficult for me to speak.

"You do not have to see Carlisle; it is your choice." Marcus appeared impervious to my condition and sat in the chair that had not been demolished. "Can you read him…his thoughts…do they reveal his intentions?"

I thought about that. Could I read him? No, he was reciting his medical terms. But why did Marcus want to know what Carlisle was thinking?

"He's th…th...king…he's thinking…he's won…wondering if I'm safe." I lied. I couldn't betray Carlisle, even though I didn't know what was truly in his thoughts, I would not reveal that to Marcus, that would be bad…it would be very bad…for Carlisle.

Marcus pursed his lips. He's not being entirely truthful.

"I am," I blurted out. "C..car..lisle is good…honest. It's as he…he says. Aro will see…Aro will see." I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in them. I would ruin this. I would get Carlisle hurt. I had no control. I couldn't think clearly. I needed to be quiet and not say anything else.

"Edward. You mustn't fear for Carlisle's safety. I assure you Aro means him no harm. We just need to make sure he doesn't do anything… reckless."

The cadence of Marcus' words had improved considerably. He no longer sounded like he hadn't formed a verbal sentence in centuries or perhaps it was me that heard him differently. My inability to focus might benefit from his slow deliberate speech.

Chelsea. Oh no.

That was Carlisle's inner voice. My eyes snapped open. Marcus was watching me closely.

"Chel…Chelsea," I stuttered. It was fairly obvious that I couldn't pretend not to hear Carlisle at all.

"You must try to read him, Edward. Its how you will keep him safe." Marcus' voice took on an intensity, I'd never heard from him before. "Concentrate."

And I did try. Inter-mixed with the medical terms were bits and pieces of other thoughts and memories. Chelsea and Carlisle together laughing in the brothers' private quarters; an image of Esme; random human faces of nurses he'd worked with; my face, just a flicker, before it was quickly buried again, but nothing more.

I jumped to Aro's mind and saw Carlisle for the first time in months. He looked as he always had, of course he did. Yet there was a callousness in his face I didn't usually associate with him. It was grim, his eyes cold and expressionless, his demeanor obstinate and unyielding. There was nothing about his mannerisms that resembled the man I knew. He was as closed off and buttoned up as I'd ever seen him. He was hiding something, but what?

And didn't he know that Aro would be able to see it? All he had to do was request his hand. And he would…Aro would. He was fascinated by Carlisle's life as seen through my mind. He would want to read Carlisle himself, see for himself what his old friend had experienced. Surely Carlisle knew this. Why had he come here? Why had he taken such a risk?

When Aro moved forward, I groaned, barely taking notice of Marcus' questioning look. Aro was suspicious. I could see it, could see that he desired nothing more than to grip Carlisle's hand and Carlisle offered it to him without comment, revealing nothing in his steady serious gaze.

I couldn't help myself. I had to watch, had to see for myself Carlisle's true motivation. I held my breath as the images flowed, most too fast for me to catch, most from days long past, some memories familiar, some not. I saw images of my change and Esme's and the rest of our family; saw our life together and Aro lingered on these images of my family…my former family. For just a millisecond I pulled away, the memories too painful, but curiosity brought me back. There were all the images of Carlisle treating humans, diagnosing them, the surgeries, the traumatic injuries and the blood. There was so much blood. I felt the venom fill my mouth just as it did Aro's as he viewed them, but no where in those memories was Carlisle tempted; his control never wavered. Only Aro and I suffered through them.

Mercifully the memories of injured humans disappeared, but then I saw the images of my family again. Recent ones that I'd never seen before. Esme overcome with grief; Alice seeing my horrific future before I lived it, being forced to suffer through my terrible decisions before I made them, but only sharing part of it. Her edit button was in full use. There were no images of the collection of heads in Carlisle's mind, not even an illusion to it and only mental pictures of me wandering through the Volturi castle as described by Alice, Carlisle's thoughts bewildered by my actions. He wouldn't know that I was living in his memories. Alice wouldn't know, so she couldn't truly convey what she saw. In Carlisle's mind, I looked like a madman and even the tremors he pictured were exaggerated. I didn't look like that. I was sure I didn't look like that. Then there was a picture of me, my eyes crimson standing over the crumpled body of a human. Alice told him that. Why did she need to share that vision?

Worst of all, was Carlisle's current emotional state; his endless worrying, second guessing and lambasting himself because of me. And finally it was the thoughts that Marcus was pushing me for; Carlisle's mission, why he came to Volterra, what he sought from Aro. He was here to force Aro's verbal admission that I was not being held against my will, which was his intention, his true intention and Aro was enraged.

I bolted from behind the rubble of the destroyed chair towards the door.

"Edward, no," Marcus did not move, his voice barely rose above a whisper, but his meaning was clear and I was going to ignore him and his command. Carlisle was in danger.

I was greeted at the door by Corin who held up a hand in a half hearted attempted to stop me. Perhaps he might have, given my condition, but now I had a purpose and the tremors had been reduced to a more manageable level. It only took me a moment to realize my mistake. The old Edward would have remembered why I couldn't walk through Corin's outstretched hand, but the one I'd become, this new broken damaged one, had completely forgotten that Corin had a gift and as Marcus promised when he invited me to experience it some weeks ago; it wasn't painful. I found myself exactly where I started from, slumped on the floor in the doorway, but this time I had trouble maintaining even a seated position.

Corin's hand remained against my chest as he gripped me under my chin and dragged me back to Marcus' feet. I offered no resistance, my body felt anesthetized and though I could lift my hand in protest, I could do little else. The effort to hold it up at all was more than I could manage for more than a few seconds.

"Are you going to try and run again if I release you?" Marcus looked down at me sternly.

My teeth no longer chattered, but I still found speaking difficult. I could no longer form the words to talk. I settled for a brief shake of my head.

"Let him go. He understands."

The fogginess dissipated almost immediately. But I let myself slump to the floor on my back as Corin stood over me ready to administer his gift again should I try to flee.

"Edward, no one is going to hurt Carlisle. Whatever you heard, however incriminating could not possibly be so bad as to bring on his death. If I recall, my old friend was always opposed to violence. It's one of the things that drove him from us." Marcus said, his voice muddled and sluggish, but again I suspected that was me, not him.

I searched Aro's mind and though he was angry, what Marcus said was true; he was not contemplating hurting Carlisle physically. I sighed in relief.

"There you see, all this fuss over nothing. You must learn to trust me, Edward. You may serve me but I am your guide and protector too. It works both ways."

I didn't know what to say to that. With Carlisle's presence so near, I forgot that I now served the Volturi. Given his memories, I could understand why he wanted to see that I was safe, but I was lost as to his reasoning for tricking Aro into verbalizing the conditions of my servitude. Was he going to try and convince me to come home with him? Is that why he wanted to see me? Why would he do that? He knew what I did, my betrayal, not only of his trust, but everything he stood for. I didn't belong with him, this is where I belonged, the Volturi was who I served.

I felt a sense of relief when I heard Aro deny Carlisle access to me, but I should have known better. For all his passivity, Carlisle was not easily dissuaded and he persisted by suggesting it was my choice, that I should be the one to decide whether I wanted to see him or not.

I looked at Marcus who would have no idea what was transpiring between Carlisle and Aro. I felt the panic again as Aro dismissed the guard, presumably to give Carlisle and I some privacy. Still Carlisle did not call to me.

"What is it Edward?"

"I'm not…I'm not sure. Carlisle says he wants to talk to me yet he doesn't call to me. Why won't he talk to me?" My voice took on a whiny undertone.

"Interesting," Marcus tapped his fingers against his chin.

I realized too late that I revealed more than I should have. Be quiet. Why couldn't I just be quiet.

Edward, it is your choice, you may speak with Carlisle if you wish.

I jumped up at the sound of Aro's voice. Marcus did not move but Corin was between us holding out his hand.

"Edward?" Marcus said guardedly.

I cocked my head, concentrating.

But understand, young one, he may try to convince you to come with him. He doesn't understand how different you are from him. I can see it in his thoughts. He believes you are capable of being like him, but we know that is not true, don't we? Few could ever hope to live up to Carlisle's principles so don't fret. He is a fine man, a great man even, but his greatness can only lead to failure for the rest of us. I know you see that now.

I put my hands to my head, messaging my temples, feeling the throbbing of phantom pain that wasn't there. The intensity of Aro's words, directed solely at me was burning a hole in my brain.

You can never hope to walk in Carlisle's shoes; it's why you have been so unhappy with your life, why you never felt you belonged. Despite Carlisle's influence and your gentle upbringing, you have still found your place among us. You are not Carlisle; you lack his will, his strength of character so you will never be more than a failure in his eyes. Not that he would tell you this. It's part of his nature. He is too kind, too thoughtful. Which leaves me with the unenviable position of enlightening you on the matter. I'm sorry Edward. I know no other way then to be perfectly blunt.

I was back on the floor sitting cross legged in front of Marcus, he'd grown quiet understanding that I was engaged in conversation with someone.

"Aro," I managed to whisper for his benefit.

So Edward you must make the decision. This may be your last chance. I doubt Carlisle will squander too much more time attempting to retrieve you. He has an entire coven to take into consideration and the others seem better equipped for that kind of lifestyle. But be advised. If you choose to go with him, you won't be invited back. We don't look at betrayal as an admirable trait. The next time you fail him and there will be a next time, you will have no where to go. Is that what you want? Remember what I told you about the need to serve? I don't think you would do well on your own, alone in the world. And you would be alone. You've already found your mate.

I was nodding to Aro's words, understanding that I was at a crossroads. There was nothing in Carlisle's thoughts but those ridiculous medical terms. He was not calling to me as Aro suspected he was. He wasn't acknowledging me at all. Aro had it all wrong. Even after reading him, Aro didn't understand. Carlisle was here at the request of someone, probably Esme. He just wanted to make sure I was where I wanted to be and possibly see firsthand that I'd given in to the monster and was lost to him. He didn't need to talk to me, he had his answers. I would not belabor the point by subjecting him to a conversation with me.

And even if Aro misunderstood Carlisle's intentions, he was correct in his opinion of me and my failure to adapt to a great man's ideals. This he understood completely. I was where I belonged. I was to serve the strongest coven in the world. I would not risk that for another attempt at a lifestyle I couldn't possible adhere too. Appreciating that I was with my peers, that I was as bloodthirsty and heartless as they, a monster of storybooks and legends, an evil incarnate of the devil himself was the first step in distancing myself from Carlisle and would put me on the road towards the destiny I was always meant to fulfill.

I was not going to delude myself any longer into believing I was somehow better than those around me. I'd shown my true colors in the months away from Carlisle's guiding hand. And it had been only months, not years, not decades. All the time I'd been with Carlisle, all his teachings, all his beliefs all the things he'd held the most dear; I simply walked away from them, dropped them in the nearest dumpster without a second glance. I wasn't worthy of being mentioned in the same breath with him, let alone sharing his life and family. And finally…finally I understood that.

I wanted Corin to touch me again, numb me, take the pain that had taken hold of my lifeless dead heart and reduce it to nothing more than a faint ache reminding me of my other life, but I couldn't form the words to ask him. Instead, I crawled away from him and Marcus and giving little thought to my actions and how it would be viewed by them, I slid into the massive fireplace and curled up against the corner of it. I wanted Bella, but she would only come when we were alone, so I decided I would be very quiet and very still and wait until the two vampires went away and they would only do that when Carlisle did, so I waited.

But they didn't go away. Not only did they not go away, but they insist I accompany them to the drawing room. Carlisle was gone. To my surprise, he suggested he might come back. I wasn't sure why. He'd done what he set out to do. He'd confirmed that I was with the Volturi where I wanted to be, where I deserved to be. It was a destiny that even he, upon realizing I was a mind reader after he changed me, acknowledged would be a prized addition to the arsenal of vampires that made up a powerful coven in Italy. Why did he insist on torturing me with a face to face confrontation? It was Esme. It had to be Esme. She wanted me back; she didn't care what I was. She truly loved unconditionally. He was trying to make his mate happy even if it meant bringing a blood thirsty monster back into the family. That wouldn't do. That wouldn't do at all.

"Edward, I'm sorry you've suffered, but I could see no other way then to enlighten you to the truth. Are you alright?" Aro looked genuinely concerned as I stood in front of him. Marcus joined his brothers, taking his place in the chair flanking Aro.

I nodded, not trusting the steadiness of my voice to speak. The rest of the Volturi guard had returned to the room and having found my place within their rank, securing a form of anonymity, I did not want to jeopardize it with foolish behavior.

"I know Carlisle means well, but his endless concern for others, tends to cause more harm than good at times." Aro went on, clasping and unclasping his hands. "Please try not to be too hard on yourself. There isn't a vampire among us that could live up to Carlisle's values, it is inconceivable to put such a burden on his progeny and not expect failures. Attempting to meet such high standards can be exhausting and maddening, and that along with the inability to feed properly can aggravate certain instabilities already present. As a doctor he should know this or is it only the humans he cares about?"

I wasn't sure if he expected an answer, but I wasn't about to oblige him. He would understand more than me what motivated Carlisle.

"Unfortunately, I suspect my friend will not be inclined to give you up without making a return visit, so I think it's important to discuss how we should handle it."

This caught my attention and my eyes locked with Aro's. I shook my head frantically from side to side.

"Now Edward, I know you do not want to talk with him. I can't say I blame you. No one wants to be reminded of their shortcomings, but we must find a way to appease Carlisle so he will leave you in peace."

"I don't want him here." I was relieved to hear that my voice sounded steady, the stuttering gone. This gave me courage to continue to speak. "I don't want to talk to him. I'll write him a letter."

"Yes very good. A letter might convince him of your sincerity. We will deliver it to him the next time he visits." Aro said approvingly. You must tell him you wish to remain with us, at least for the time being.

"No!" I snapped.

Aro's eyebrows shot up and I felt the heat of Caius intense gaze.

He's valuable yes, but is he worth the trouble.

"I…I…mean…yes…I'll tell him that, but not here. I don't want him here." I hated the pleading sound of my voice, but I couldn't bear it. Carlisle's scent in the room was powerful and it weakened my resolve to defy him. I couldn't bear to hear his voice again.

Aro sighed. "Edward, I think you are being overdramatic, but I suppose if it is that important too you we can arrange to intercept Carlisle and deliver the letter directly. Though if I know Carlisle, there is no guarantee that he won't still try and see you."

"Thank you." I managed. I could not understand the overwhelming depression I felt in wondering if today was the last time I would ever hear Carlisle's voice in any form. It was what I wanted, wasn't it? I couldn't have him coming here again. I couldn't bear it. I would write a good letter, one that would leave no doubt that I was where I was meant…

He won't be able to return if he dies first.

The thought hit me like a battering ram. I froze. I did not recognize the inner voice of its owner and so I waited, understanding that Aro was looking at me curiously. He knew I picked up a random thought and my abilities excited him.

It will be my way to get noticed. Why such concessions to an animal feeding rodent? Is the mind reader so important that the strength of the Volturi should be called in question? His death will end the issue soon enough and I will do it. I will find him I will show that I can be more than just a servant.

At first I wasn't sure where the growls came from, the tone and aggression did not sound familiar, but then I realized they were emanating from me. I turned slowly. I knew that voice.

"Edward." Marcus' voice held a warning, but I was beyond his control. Carlisle's life was threatened. That would not go unanswered.

My eyes locked with Antonio who was looking at me first with confusion, then realization that I could hear him. My mind reading abilities, so subtle and unobtrusive were frequently overlooked even by those that knew me best. It was one of the many dangers of living with a mind reader.

"Edward, what did you hear?" Aro's voice sounded far away, but his delight was apparent.

In some ways his need for information, new information, replicated Carlisle's. Odd that I would make that connection at the precise moment I sprung at Antonio, whose surprised expression had changed to a smirk.

Antonio met me head on, our bodies crashed together, my anger replicated by his need to defend and prove himself. My rage was so intense, my fury so unchecked, I took little notice of the other vampires in the room scattering to various corners of it, seeking safety away from us but too enthralled to leave the room completely. Having experienced the torture of Jane's gift several times, I spent the first several seconds of our grappling and wrestling, anticipating the agonizing pain that would immobilize me, but when nothing happened, I concluded that attacking one of the guard was not always frowned upon.

It took me a moment to fall into the rhythm of a physical fight. It had been much too long since I'd fought anyone, even playfully, and I found my skills lacking. Antonio, though ungifted, brought with him an arsenal of physical abilities that quickly put me on the defensive and when we finally broke apart, it was he who stalked me, his eyes ablaze with his delight in fighting the mind reader and winning.

I only needed to be reminded of my gift to understand the significant advantage it gave me in battle. And so when he lunged at me, I was prepared, and grabbed him by the arm, tossing him against a far wall, sending a piece of cornice plasterwork crashing to the floor. He jumped up hissing, shaking off the debris from the wall and charged me again. This time I saw that he would lunge for my throat and I brought my hand up ramming it into his face before he could grab me. He screeched in pain, but quickly recovered and moved around me snarling and snapping his teeth at me. I tried not to let the thoughts of the others distract me but I could hear their silent cheers and taunts even as they stood quietly by us, their delight in a spontaneous unstructured fight taking precedence over a need for the civility usually demanded of the guard.

It was only after Antonio lunged at me for a third time and I quickly stepped around his charging body that he understood how my abilities, my gift would assist me in a fight. He turned again, hissing and this time I saw his struggle to control his thoughts. He was unnerved by my gift, his concentration broken and he looked unsure. He was preparing to charge me again and thought of going right, but instead he broke left, thinking about it before he did it and this time I pounced on him, my body covering his, my teeth catching him in the shoulder eliciting a scream of pain followed by snarls and growls as he attempted to throw me from his back.

My mental disabilities aside, the conclusion of the fight was never really in doubt. He lacked the skills in fighting a mind reader that would have taken years to cultivate and refine. He could not clear his mind or refrain from thinking about his next action. He was Volturi trained in the art of hand to hand combat that surprisingly did not take into consideration that the other combatant might be able to utilize a gift held by one of the brothers himself.

I held him firmly by the throat, my teeth against his neck, but refrained from inflicting any additional injury, understanding that despite my initial aggression, I wasn't at liberty to continue an attack and I did after all hold one of the guard in my grip. I was at a loss for how to proceed with something I'd instigated even if I was provoked by his thoughts.

I looked up at Aro for guidance and rather than seeing condemnation in his eyes, I was shocked to see a maniacal glee. He was enjoying the battle as much as Caius who though surrounded by his nervous body guards hardly seemed agitated by the violent confrontation playing out just feet from him. Even Marcus was intrigued.

"Despite your complete lack of control, quite impressive young Edward. You've learned to utilize your abilities very well. Coming from Carlisle's peaceable teachings, that surprises me." Aro said, trying to appear serious and solemn, while his eyes sparkled with delight.

I was not inclined to tell him that Carlisle taught me how to fight from the time I was not much more than a newborn, so that I might defend myself against potentially violent nomadic vampires. But then he would know that anyway, so his comments were meant for his audience, not me.

"Tell me, what did Antonio say that has you so upset?"

"He…he…was going to kill Carlisle." I managed to say without too much of a stutter. I was not having a full on tremor attack but I could feel the quivering in my muscles.

"He lies…" Antonio spat from beneath me. He was not struggling to free himself, understanding that the brothers had already declared a victor.

I locked eyes with Aro who smiled slyly at me.

"What is it about you young ones that make you so stupid." Aro said contemptuously, the motion of sitting than standing hardly detectable as he moved forward, Renata hovering at his side.

Through Aro's eyes I saw Antonio's eyes widen, he understood now. Lying to Aro was not possible.

"I'm sorry master." He quickly recanted. "Yes it's true. I thought of killing him, but only in your honor. I would not see you made a fool of."

"You think I was made a fool of? Is that how you see me, as a fool?" Aro snorted, settling back in his chair.

"No master, of course not. But oth…others might." Now it was Antonio who was stuttering.

"I think you are the fool," Caius scoffed.

"Yes master."

I felt his body slump. He was defeated. He would not harm Carlisle now. I moved to release him, vindicated by the angry bite on his shoulder that had only started to heal.

"Finish him then," Caius said softly.

Both our heads snapped up to look at the imposing vampire, but he was only looking at me. "You heard me. Finish him. We can't condone or tolerate unpredictable temperaments in the guard. Finish him."

Horrified, my eyes flickered to Aro pleading for a reprieve, but he simply raised his eyebrows at me…waiting. Beneath me, Antonio had started to struggle, I gripped him tighter, his terrified thoughts of his impending death triggering a need to flee even as I, the predator, clamped down on my prey. I looked at Marcus, who was nodding in my direction, a validation of Caius' command.

I could feel my head shaking, back and forth. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill someone that for all intents and purposes had surrendered to me. Yes he's thoughts were deplorable, but he'd rescinded them, been chastised. I didn't feel he was a threat to Carlisle any longer. I couldn't just kill him at someone's command and yet even as I shook my head no, my hand locked under his jaw and my other gripped his shoulder and staring past the chairs that held the three brothers I heard the keening beneath me as I applied pressure.

Moments later, I dropped the body of the twitching vampire at my feet and walked to Aro stopping only when I felt Renata's shield push at me and placed the head of Antonio at his feet.

"As you wish, masters."

I felt myself sway, but I would not fall. I could stand until I was released from my duties for the day. At least I thought so, but then I heard the thoughts of him and saw Aro wave his hand for me to approach and I did. I moved passed Renata who had been shooed away by Aro and felt his hand close over mine and he too was listening while Felix and Demetri finished Antonio off, setting him ablaze in the middle of the room. I kept my back to the macabre scene but that didn't stop the silent gruesome sounds coming from the dying vampire and this time it was I that had put him there. This time I was the murderer and I felt oddly calmed by that thought. It was a reaffirmation that I was where I belonged and for the first time in my life, I was truly home.

Dear Carlisle:

I am writing you this letter in hope that it will offer you an explanation for my reprehensible behavior and to ask for a postponement of any future visits to Volterra until I feel more comfortable with my situation. I know this is an unfair request considering all that I've put you and the rest of the family through particularly Esme, but given that I've lied to and manipulated all of you, it shouldn't come as a surprise that I have not abandon my selfish tendencies.

Carlisle, I have never felt completely comfortable with our life as a family and though I understand that I am an ungrateful fool when taking into consideration how most vampires are created and initiated into this life; in the end, I can only conclude despite your best efforts, I am not able to conform to your lifestyle choices anymore and I must make my own way.

This journey has not been without it's pain as I'm sure Alice can attest too, but I've come to realize that without this misery that up until now I could not have fathomed was possible to endure, I would have never reached the conclusion that has led me to the Volturi.

Suffice to say, you have kept me sheltered from the evil of our kind and again, at the risk of sounding like a complete cad, it allowed me to delude myself into believing that quite possibly you were right in your beliefs and values and we could overcome our basic monstrous instincts. But I no longer believe that in the long term we can deny who we truly are.

That said, I respect your beliefs and hold onto the hope that you and the rest of the family will prove me wrong as you've done by your actions from the moment of my change. It is only with the warmest regards that I hold you in my thoughts and memories and will always appreciate and value our time together. I hope that when you think of me, it is not to remember the pain I've brought to you and Esme and the rest, but whatever small amount of joy that we shared during the times when I wasn't drenched in self-pity over my fate in life.

Tell Esme that I'll remember her through my piano and will continue to play her song, whenever I feel reflective or homesick for the both of you. I know words are cheap, but please know that I have always loved and respected you and that has not changed and will never change as long as I walk this earth.

With that I bid you goodbye, but I hope in the years ahead that we will have a chance to visit again and please Carlisle do not regret anything you've done in the past pertaining to me. Nothing is your fault, my life is what it is and I've only finally realized that I need to be true to myself and accept who I am. I honestly can't say I'm there yet, but some day I hope to be. My only wish if we meet again, is that you will recognize me, the real me as I'm afraid you've never been introduced to the beast I truly am.

Send the family my love and know that I've never regretted a moment of my life with you

Edward.

"Very good Edward, very good." Aro said with his usual enthusiasm.

"Do you think it will keep him from returning?" I'd been drained of whatever emotion I had left and only wished to appease Aro so I might seek the solitude that brought me some semblance of peace.

"Perhaps…perhaps, but even if he comes back, Edward, you don't have to see him. He can't force you."

"How soon before Demetri can deliver it to him?" I said trying not to appear too anxious.

"I'll send him tomorrow." Aro chuckled. "You worry too much, young one. It will be fine. I think you overestimate Carlisle's ability to let you go."

I nodded, finding no comfort in Aro's words.

Later, when I was alone and back in my fireplace, I tried to invoke an image of Bella, but she was nowhere in my thoughts. Would she abandon me now that I'd said goodbye to my other life? Was it a package deal? It made sense. Bella was all that was good and it would stand to reason now that I turned away from Carlisle, she would turn away from me.

So I had no one then. I sold my soul to the devil and I would live in hell alone.

But it didn't last long.

Edward.

Of course Carlisle would still be with me, taunting me. His memories usually didn't call to me though. I wasn't sure I wanted to explore this latest development. I was tired of new experiences.

Edward you need to listen to me, son.

I sighed. It didn't appear I was going to have much of a choice in the matter.

Author Notes:

Obviously Aro knows all of Edward's insecurities and weaknesses and exploits them, attempting to break the bond between him and Carlisle. Despite what he says to Edward, he knows Carlisle will persist in trying to free him and he understands that it is Edward that must reject Carlisle.

If it wasn't evident before Edward's mental collapse should be apparent by now.

I have a strong emotional connection to this chapter. Edward's protective responses when he perceives that Carlisle is in danger speaks volumes for his strong feelings for his creator.