Hey everyone!

This chapter isnt as Hikari centered, but it is very important nonetheless.

I'm starting school next week, and since its my 11th grade year (most important) im gonna have trouble finding the time to update regularly. I'm trying to squeeze in a few more updates before the horror starts, but i cant make any promises. So please, be patient and I'll try my best!

Thanks!

PLEASE REVIEW!

Chapter 38

Three days later, Sasuke was still reeling at the fact that he had kissed Hikari, so boldly and without any hesitation. Even more surprising was that Hikari had been the one to initiate the contact. It made a foreign feeling flutter in his chest at the memory of the feel of her lips against his, her hands reaching up to lightly trace his face as if hoping to imprint him into memory.

Sasuke smiled slightly as he watched Kakashi and Naruto spar, with Sakura sitting beside him, watching and cheering the blonde on enthusiastically. Kakashi was using his Sharingan now, and Naruto yelled angrily about how using that technique was cheating.

Sasuke tuned out the blonde's obnoxious protests, his mind inevitably moving back to his original train of thought.

It hadn't been a kiss of lust or raw desire; instead it was an action demonstrating the unspoken trust within both of them, the feelings that intertwined both of their destinies.

It was the closest that Sasuke had ever felt to someone other than his family, and now that he had that closeness, he never wanted to go back to that dark and empty life of before. He wanted to bask in that feeling forever, but something held him back from fully embracing it.

His vengeance was still there…lingering like a horrid shadow that refused to leave his thoughts. Would he ever be free of it, or would it plague him as long as the Council members lived and breathed?

Sasuke gritted his teeth angrily, and pushed it all from his thoughts as Kakashi signaled the end of the spar. Naruto flopped down in exhaustion, while Sakura smiled slightly at the Uchiha, her emerald eyes shining and bright.

"Are you going to train next, Sasuke-kun? I'll spar with you, if you want."

Sasuke shook his head, and stood to leave. "I've got to go."

Sakura huffed, flicking a pink strand over her shoulder in irritation. "It's Hikari, isn't it?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at her tone, and Sakura scowled as she too got to her feet. "I don't understand what you see in her, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke growled at her haughty tone, and moved close to her, so close that she was forced to look up at him. "It doesn't matter whether you understand or not, Sakura."

If one thing had changed since Sasuke had left Konoha, it was Sakura's lack of fear when stating what was on her mind. And so Sasuke wasn't entirely surprised to hear her bold words as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"We're teammates, Sasuke-kun. I'm just looking out for you, and I just don't think Hikari is a good match for you. You really deserve–"

Sasuke made to answer angrily when Kakashi barked. "Sakura!"

Sakura whirled around to see Kakashi motioning for her to come over. Sakura sent a glowing look to Sasuke – who rolled his eyes – before running over to where Naruto was seated. Kakashi said something to her quietly, and the girl nodded, helping Naruto to his feet and the both of them waving to Sasuke before exiting the training field.

This left Sasuke and Kakashi alone.

Sasuke looked over at the man who had tried so hard to steer him onto the right path. The man who Sasuke had secretly looked up to as a provider of the guidance Itachi would have provided had he been able.

"Trust me, Sasuke, for those who follow the path of revenge, it never ends well. You'll only tear yourself apart, and even if you succeed and you get your revenge, what will you have then? Nothing. Emptiness."

"Easy for you to say! Maybe if I kill the most important people in your life, destroy anyone who actually means something to you, then you'll have some idea of how I feel!"

"Hm…an interesting theory, but I'm afraid you're a little late to put it to the test. You see, everyone in my life who falls under the category you just described…they've already been killed."

Sasuke sighed before turning to leave also, but Kakashi spoke curtly. "Stay, Sasuke. There's something we need to discuss."

The jounin's tone left no room for discussion, and Sasuke resisted the urge to glare as he slowly turned back so he was facing his former sensei. The man was carefully casual and wary, as he had been for the past two and a half weeks since Sasuke had returned to Konoha, and the two ninja stared at each other for a moment before Kakashi spoke.

"Sit." The jounin sat down on one of the logs that were scattered across the training field, and Sasuke sat without complaint, watching his former sensei coolly as the silver haired man sighed. "Why did you come back, Sasuke?"

Sasuke gritted his teeth. "Does it matter?"

"Your lack of explanation may placate your teammates, but it does nothing for me. I need to know why you came back. It wasn't because you really wanted to reconnect with Naruto and the others, that much is plain. It was because of something else, and I need to know what that something is."

Sasuke ran a hand through his hair, and couldn't help but grimace slightly at the prospect of explaining his reasons – the reasons that were still slightly unknown to Sasuke himself – to Kakashi of all people.

Sasuke supposed Kakashi was the best to confide in out of all of his ex-teammates, seeing as Kakashi was the most experienced and wouldn't interrupt with personal qualms and other bothersome exclamations. Sasuke trusted Naruto and Sakura, but he was still trying to recreate those bonds with them, and confiding in them that the reason for returning didn't involve reviving the friendship between them wasn't the best way to gain their acceptance.

"I returned because I was finished. My revenge against Itachi was complete; there was no reason to continue."

That was the truth. But at the same time, it was a complete lie.

Sasuke hadn't returned because of his revenge. He wasn't finished with the vengeance; he was finished with the darkness. He had returned because of Hikari, and the way her clear blue-gray eyes made his path seem so much brighter, the way her words seemed to be a part of the waves that rasped soothingly against the sand and the torn edges of his soul.

"You've done all you can do for your family…now it's time to let them go. Let them rest, Sasuke."

Kakashi smiled slightly, and tilted his head lazily to stare up at the clear blue sky. "A typical response; predictable, believable enough for people not to question it, and general enough to encompass the gist of your reasoning."

"You don't believe me." Sasuke muttered, and Kakashi glanced over at the Uchiha with his one dark gray eye.

"Oh I believe you, that's not the issue. I just know that that's not the only reason you came back. And I know that you aren't the type to let your revenge go so easily."

Sasuke felt his composure slipping as he stared into the face of the jounin beside him, and after a moment jerked his head away sharply. His words were impossibly soft, and Kakashi was silent as Sasuke began.

"I had a choice…to continue my path of revenge, or to return to Konoha and try to move on. I wanted to continue being angry, I wanted to let my hatred for…certain people…consume me. It was the easy way out."

"Then why didn't you choose that path?"

"I…"

Sasuke stared at the silver haired jounin

To hell with protocol. If Kakashi really wanted to know why, he needed to hear all the elements included in his decision, including Itachi's true identity and who Hikari and he had met in the coastal caves.

And so Sasuke took a deep breath, and began to tell Kakashi everything.

Tsunade stared at Fukasaku – the leader elder frog who was crouched before her desk – her hands shaking uncontrollably as the old creature stared at her unblinkingly, gauging her reaction. The woman struggled to control herself, and managed to let out a slow sigh, folding her hands in front of her and forcing her face into a reasonably calm expression.

But even then, three words continued to pound through Tsunade's mind, worse than any migraine, worse than the most terrible hangover.

Jiraiya is dead.

Part of her wanted to slap the old toad around for even suggesting such a thing, but one look in those solemn eyes of the amphibian had that thought sinking down to the depths of her mind. Hitting the toad would do nothing, crying would do nothing, screaming in denial and searching for her teammate would do nothing.

Because Tsunade knew – she had known the moment that Fukasaku appeared in her room without his master – that Jiraiya was dead.

Tsunade had always prided herself in her strength; she had always prided herself not to get too emotional in serious situations. Well, most of the time, anyway. With someone like Orochimaru on their squad, Tsunade had learned fairly quickly not to show too much emotion, because manipulating the emotions of a person was something at which Orochimaru excelled, and he used his skill often times for dark purposes, even when they were young.

It only took one slip up, and Orochimaru had an array of weaknesses to use against her. Like her grief for her younger brother and her beloved Dan. Like her fear of blood, like her tendency to be unnecessarily reckless.

Jiraiya was similar to Orochimaru in the sense that he was very skilled at learning people's weaknesses, and, in the case of an enemy, using it against them. But Jiraiya wasn't cruel like Orochimaru, and as a child, he had always been kind despite his crude humor and perverted tendencies.

The most memorable show of that unique kindness was the day after Nawaki died. Tsunade had been sitting by the lake, staring into the water as if hoping to find her brother within the clear blue depths, laughing and grinning as he always did. Tsunade hadn't cried when she heard from Orochimaru that her brother was dead, she hadn't cried when she watched the medic nin move the body – or what was left of it – away on a stretcher. She had been numb, and a small part of her would always remain so.

Jiraiya hadn't said anything as he approached, silently sitting beside her and watching the water as she was doing. Tsunade half expected him to try and crack a joke to cheer her up, and was surprised when he didn't. Instead, he just looped an arm around her shoulder and tugged her into an awkward embrace. He was so much taller than her then that her head only reached his collarbone, and he let his chin rest on top of her head, making Tsunade blink up at him in shock.

It wasn't anything romantic; instead a warm show of genuine sympathy and affection. Tsunade remembered hugging him back tightly, finally giving in to her grief and crying more than she had cried in years. It was like all of her tension and sorrow just overwhelmed her mind in that moment, and Jiraiya was there for her to cry on, soothing her with his strong arms and his peaceful silence.

Tsunade glanced back up at the toad, and nodded curtly. "I see. I will wait until tomorrow morning to alert Naruto and the others. Do you wish to remain here for the night, or will you return to your summoning place?"

Fukasaku bowed his head respectively. "I will return to the place of my summoning, and will return to your office at noon tomorrow."

"Alright." Tsunade dismissed the creature with a wave of her hand, and the toad hesitated before disappearing.

"Jiraiya was a brave man, Lady Tsunade, as I'm sure you know. His death was not in vain; for he succeeded in leaving a message for us to decode that will help us defeat the Akatsuki. He also wanted me to leave you a message. He gave it to me just before he was confronted by Pain, and is something that he wrote the day before leaving on the mission to scout Amegakure."

Tsunade's head shot up, and she watched as Fukasaku placed a simple black scroll on her desk before bowing once more and disappearing. The Hokage stared at the roll of parchment, almost afraid to touch it.

But after a few minutes went by, she went to the door and locked it before returning to her desk. She was not in the mood for visitors this morning, not even from her trusted assistant Shizune.

The woman's manicured hands trembled as she opened the scroll, and her chest ached at the sight of his familiar sloppy writing. But Tsunade had become so accustomed to the messiness of his writing that she could read it without any trouble.

Flat-Chest,

Heh, it's been a while since I called you that, hasn't it? I suppose it's not really applicable anymore, but I always call you that whenever I picture you in my mind. Don't worry; in all of my thoughts concerning you, you are fully dressed. So don't go throwing a hissy fit.

I'm leaving for Amegakure tomorrow, as you well know, but I do know something that you aren't as well aware of. We both know that the Akatsuki leader is extremely powerful, and I know that this mission is most likely going to be the end of my journey in this world. I know that my meeting with you tomorrow will probably be the last chance I have to speak with you. I also know that we're both too uncomfortable with the whole face-to-face down to earth stuff, so I'm writing this letter instead to spare us both the embarrassment.

I'm hoping that I don't have to send this letter with Fukasaku, but if you are in fact reading this, then I have indeed been killed and you are probably counting your blessings. It's a bit strange, writing that sentence. I'm pretty much digging my own grave, but I suppose that's what the life of a ninja entails by taking that first step as a genin. They're signing up for a job that may or may not lead to their early demise, but at least it's something that is chosen, not forced upon them.

I'm sorry to disappoint you if you're reading this in hopes of finding some useful information, because frankly, I've got nothing new. Even in the Icha Icha department…I've pretty much seen it all. It's been a pretty good life that I've led, not perfect, but a life that was worth living. I've been smart, I've been stupid, I've been reckless, I've been cautious. I've loved, I've hated, I've treasured. I've gained, I've lost, I've mourned.

What more can I ask of life? What more is there to have?

Bah, there I go again, sounding just like Sensei. I always swore I'd never get all preachy like him, but I guess I failed in keeping that vow. Oh well, it's not such a bad trait to have, I guess.

I'm leaving so much behind me here, and I feel kinda guilty. I mean, Naruto will be pissed that I've left him alone, and I don't blame him. The kid's very protective of his loved ones, almost as much as his mother. Remember how in the first week or so of their marriage, Kushina used to literally growl at any attractive woman who got within five feet of Minato? Ha! That was new in my book, and I've seen plenty of protective wives in my time.

Make sure you're alive to see Naruto become Hokage. You and I both know he'll get there someday, just like his father did. Be there for him in my place, and support him as I would have done. Be sure to tell Naruto that he will always be my favorite idiot, and if it isn't too much trouble, tell him more about his parents when he gets older. Tell him how Minato accidentally caught Kushina bathing that one time, and how she chased him around the village in only a towel. Tell him how beautiful their wedding was, so bright and happy and perfect. I will never forget the joy on Minato's face…it was probably the happiest I've ever seen him, besides the day he announced to me that Kushina was pregnant.

There are so many more memories of them I had one day wished to tell Naruto, but unfortunately time isn't – in fact, it's never been – on my side. So you'll have to tell them for me. But don't just tell him the good things. Tell him their bad habits and quirks, so he won't get the thought that his parents were perfect.

He'll see past it all and love them for their flaws, just as I do in the case of someone with the tendency to beat the living shit out of people when aggravated, and their reckless gambling that wastes God knows how much money.

We've been through a lot, you and I. I would be willing to change a lot of things in my life, I would be willing to go back and desperately shift the pattern of events. Maybe then…things wouldn't have gone so wrong with Orochimaru and the war. Maybe if I wasn't such a coward, I would have been able to come back sooner and be there for Naruto when no one else was.

But there is one thing I will never wish to change. That day that we got put together on the same squad. The day that I sat on the Academy steps and looked over at you as you introduced yourself. I'm not ashamed to say that in my eyes, I was the luckiest guy in the world, because the prettiest girl in the village was on my team. That day was the brightest in my eyes, because it was before the darkness began rising in Orochimaru, it was before all the pain and sorrow that have shaped both of us into the people we are today.

Well, now it's time for me to go. I hope that you are reading this and remembering all those good times too, because as I look back, those good times are all I can see. There is so much I wanted to say to you, most of which cannot be stated in a measly letter. But I think this is good, because I can say something that I would never be able to say to your face.

I love you, Tsunade. And thank you for everything.

I could try to explain exactly what those words mean…but I think you already know.

Goodbye,

Jiraiya

Tsunade slowly lay down the scroll, and the ink at the bottom was blurred suddenly by droplets of liquid that fell. Tsunade pushed the scroll away harshly, ignoring how it fell to the ground messily. Her face contorted as she buried her face in her hands, sobs racking through her frame as she cried out her grief.

"You i-idiot….you mother fucking idiot!" Tsunade choked out, her golden brown eyes streaming with tears.

Because no matter what she said or did, Jiraiya – her own favorite idiot – was never coming back. Just like Nawaki and Dan were never coming back.

She was alone, left with only memories of them and the happy times they had brought.