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Just because Edward says its true, doesn't make it so.

They found me on my favorite perch, a large boulder several feet off the shoreline right below our house. I had done my best to wash off my soiled clothing, but little could be done to effectively hide that I was without a coat and missing a sleeve on my shirt or the large tear along the seam of my jeans. My shoes were gone, I couldn't fathom when they went missing and it hadn't occurred to me to change my clothes when I returned home to find it empty. Presumably they'd been out searching for me and they might have been calling to me for some time but until I felt Carlisle's hands on me, I hadn't acknowledged them. I was too deep in thought, formulating a plan and analyzing my surroundings and the welcomed time alone gave me a chance to come to grips with my new role.

The thousand feet of lakeshore afforded us much in the way of privacy, but it would be the weakest link in fortifying and securing the house. Approaching vampires could not be detected underwater and with no need to surface for air, they could travel many miles beneath the surface of the giant lake without ever revealing their location through scent or sound. They could conceivably remain undetectable until they were within a mere three hundred feet from the actual house. A sprint from the shoreline, up the cliff and across the yard would take seconds, hardly enough time to sound a warning or thwart an attack.

My gift would only offer an advantage if the approaching vampires were not aware of it, but if it was the Volturi, their thoughts could be concealed and the speed on which they approached the house even still several miles out would make it almost completely worthless. Only the physical presence of another vampire might slow down the breach of the cliff wall. I would be spending much of my time here on this rock, but it wouldn't start today, Carlisle was already dragging me up the cliff to the house ignoring my attempts to brush him off. Eventually I followed him of my own volition. He needed to leave for his shift and Esme was upset by my peculiar behavior.

Alice was the first to notice that I no longer suffered from tremors. She didn't say anything to me directly, but I saw it in her thoughts. As she and each of the others became aware of it, I heard their whispers and unconcealed silent queries. They were thrilled by it, but wary of expressing anything verbally; afraid it might be the trigger that would start them up again. I had become so use to the constant spasming of my muscles that the absolute stillness of my body was disconcerting.

Eventually Carlisle and Esme approached me as I sat on the back porch of the house a few days after I ran away. It was snowing and as was the case with our kind, the snow did not melt upon touching our skin. It gave Esme an excuse to brush away the accumulation on my head and shoulders her hands lingering on me, reaffirming that the twitching was gone. I could offer them no explanation; I didn't understand it myself. All I knew was from the moment I understood what I was, what I had always been, the physical quaking had ceased.

I spent the next few days appraising the physical boundaries of our property and concluded that whoever surveyed this land had either been completely intoxicated or as blind as a bat. There was no discernable logic to the borders of the property other than following the path of least resistance as dictated by the lay of the land. Fortunately I wasn't above trespassing and created my own proverbial line in the sand that included the home of the Schroder's, the older couple that lived next door and the tiny pittance of a house occupied by Jenna Lambert.

Including the humans in my perimeter of patrol created no great hardship for me and put them in no greater danger than they already were. If we were attacked by land, feeding would not be on the invading vampires agenda and the humans would be ignored, but in the unlikely event that the attack was from newborns, there would be little that I alone could do to stop them and as unfortunate as it was to consider, the distraction of their enticing blood might give me time to sound an alarm.

The land mass included in my patrol was barely three square miles, but my range of hearing was an additional three miles beyond that. A vampire running at top speed could overtake our home long before I could issue a verbal warning that would be taken seriously, but I would perhaps be able to intercept them and delay an attack long enough to ensure that those in the house were reasonably warned of approaching danger and it was the best I could do in any case as the single guard in this sparsely manned garrison.

Protecting an inanimate object was one thing, protecting six individual vampires that tended to wander off in six different directions was quite another. The simplest and most reasonable solution was to sit Carlisle down and tell him about my revelation, my purpose, the point of my existence and enlist his help in solving the dilemma that faced me. Ideally I would want additional help, more vampires if that were possible, to act as guard, but I doubted even if he were in an unusually generous mood, that request would be granted. Besides, I'd never been one to follow a simple path and so I plotted. First I needed to determine the weakest link in the family and by own definition it was the one with the least amount of skill in hand to hand combat. That was easy; Esme.

Next, I had to assign value to my charges and this I found not only difficult, but treasonous, heartless and morally reprehensible, but it was also necessary. Logic dictated that Carlisle as leader of the coven and creator of four of us should be protected above all others, but if I took everything into consideration, I concluded once more that Esme's worth could not be under appreciated. She was the heart of the family and carried Carlisle's much maligned soul in the palm of her hand and without her, he would wither away to nothing and the rest of the family would simply drift away. I was not so disciplined that I could keep my own emotions from entering into the equation and I could use my natural protectiveness of her to ensure that no matter what else happened, Esme would carry on and with it whatever remained of the family.

I had other less consequential things to resolve, like how to refer to those I now served and how they were to refer to me. I could no longer think of them as mother and father, sisters and brothers. My family died in a hole in the ground in Canada. I'd been reborn when I emerged from the ground, sprung from the loins of mother earth. How ironic that I was now an orphan in every sense of the word. Since I seldom referred to Carlisle and Esme as father and mother, the lack of parental titles would not be noticed, but in relation to how I thought of them and to what regard I held for them well that was an entirely different matter.

There was no possibility that I could emulate the Volturi guard and refer to Carlisle as master. In fact, every time I thought about it, my lips would twitch in a smile and more than once I had to explain away my amusement to those that might have witnessed it, not understanding its relevance to a conversation currently in progress. No, even if Carlisle had recognized what he created in me from the moment of my change, I could never imagine a scenario where he would give me permission to call him master, so I quickly discarded that title and decided that despite my subordinate station, I would refer to all six by their given name as I'd always done in the past.

The Cullen surname created another problem. The name itself had no ramifications within our family or amongst other vampires, we seldom used surnames, but to accommodate our human façade, I needed a last name for legal documents, a driver's license, passport and so on. Taking my human name of Masen appeared the most practical solution and it would be something that Carlisle and I would need to discuss in the very near future.

When I thought to name those I served, I struggled with a title for them. Unlike the Volturi brothers or the Denali coven, I could not assign a geographical label to them. We moved too often to accommodate Carlisle's career as a doctor. The Cullens sounded formal and absurdly generic so I thought over several other possibilities and drawing from a previous interest in mobster movies, I thought that The Family had a nice ring to it. But even that lacked any particular emotional draw to me so after rolling the words over in my mind a few times I modified it to become My Family. They were mine whether they willing choose to fall under my umbrella of protection or not. I held them in the highest regard and though my ownership of them could never be documented or even alluded to, it would bring me some small amount of comfort to know that even if I was no longer a part of them, they were still and always would be mine.

The biggest dilemma I faced in my new self appointed role was how to tell Carlisle. He would not be pleased and I suspected the ongoing self-denial he clung to when confronted with anything remotely driven by us as a species would make his acceptance of me as his guard and protector, exceedingly difficult. But the hours I spent buried under tons of cold frozen soil had given me more than enough time to reflect on how I reached my momentous conclusion and understand what had eluded me through all the years of my vampire existence and I only had to find a way to present the evidence to him that had always been right in front of me.

It wasn't hard for me to see where Carlisle had gone wrong with me, but I was still astounded through all his time with the Volturi that he hadn't at least suspected he was trying to manipulate an entirely different conclusion to a story already foretold. He created me for a companion that much was likely true, but upon realizing that I had a gift on par with that of Aro, he should have understood that he was given more than just someone to share his life with. Surely he and Aro had discussed the creation of vampires as guards, and how gifted vampires were to be coveted, whether they were created or recruited. The seed should have been planted from the moment I first read his mind. When he turned Esme, his mate, the one he was destined to be with for all time, the idea should have blossomed and flourished. Instead he chose to ignore everything he had learned from Aro in an attempt to create a human-like family.

He didn't take into account that we weren't humans, we were vampires and though it was not completely unreasonable for him to expand his coven to include beloved children of which both he and Esme desired, he needed to first provide security for himself and his mate and if I were not willing or able to fulfill that role he should have encouraged me to find my own way in the world

In retrospect it might have been too late for me to step into the role of guard when for the three years previous; he treated me as a son. I could not imagine any explanation that would have convinced me to serve him as my master after Esme was introduced into our lives. But I was young and naïve and Carlisle had not laid the groundwork in preparing me for that role. It would take ninety years and a journey of unspeakable horrors for me to finally understand.

According to Aro, most vampires were created for one of three reasons; inadvertently, through a bite without a kill, as a companion or mate and for personal protection. Regardless of his initial intentions, Carlisle had Esme, his companion and mate for all time, there was no place for me, not as an equal. I could serve, I could protect, but I could not be part of their inner circle, no matter how hard they tried to include me and the only other possibility was to leave which eventually I did.

I was a killer from the moment of my turn and it was only Carlisle's guiding hand that steered me away from that path, but on my own, I reverted to my instinctual need for human blood. I had no one to tell me to be anything different. I tried not to blame Carlisle for this, for leaving me so thoroughly unable to cope with a lonely nomadic existence. As unbearable as life was as part of a family that I didn't belong, it was worse being on my own. I was not use to a solitary existence, perhaps more so because of my gift. It wasn't being utilized other than when I was overwhelmed with loneliness and would listen to the minds of humans as they interacted with each other trying to remember a time when I'd done the same.

And so I returned and upon my return Carlisle added another member to our family, someone that he thought could be my mate, but he still didn't see or understand what my purpose was. Ironically, Rosalie saw, she saw right from the start and all her disgust and contempt for me over the years now made complete sense. Rosalie more than anyone else knew my place was not at her side, not at the side of Carlisle and Esme as a son, but in servitude to them. She perhaps didn't have the ability to articulate it into words, but she knew from the moment of her change that I was beneath her.

Now, looking back, all the signs were there. I was always the outsider, always the loner, difficult to deal with, uncomfortable within the family nucleus, only recognizing my value when I was able to use my gift to ferret out trouble and suspicions from the human minds around us.

I searched my entire life as a vampire looking for a reason to explain my existence and Carlisle could have released me from that angst if he would have acknowledged his instinctual motivations and recognized himself as a vampire and not some type of glorified human being.

Even Esme knew, somehow, some way, Esme had an inkling that I didn't quite fit in with them and no matter how hard she tried to embrace Carlisle's belief that I was their son her actions spoke of her insight. I didn't have to think hard to remember how, upon Alice and Jasper's arrival it was I that was cast from the house, regulated to the garage along with all my belongings and where was I now? Above the garage, in the servant's quarters, the servant's quarters, away from the main house and the family. She was the protective mother after all and as with most species of animals, those that didn't belong were nudged from the nest and away from the rest of her offspring.

There would be a time when I could bring Esme much peace, and validate all that she unconsciously suspected, but I could not do that until I was ready to indulge them with the entire truth and I couldn't do that until I was sure that they understood and would accept what I had to tell them. I couldn't risk their refusal to abandon me as a son and look upon me as a guard. It would be difficult for them at first, but if they were reasonable about it they would see the logic behind my explanation; but I had to be sure and so I waited.

Keeping tabs on my family members as they went about their business was inconvenient in the best of times and panic inducing in the worst. Eventually, I limited myself to guarding those in the house and only attempted to trail those that were not paired with a mate or accompanied by a parent or sibling.

Esme proved to be an elusive charge and it was only through unimaginable creativity that I was able to remain with her whenever she ventured out alone, which was often. I followed as closely as I could without announcing my presence, moving too fast to be detected by humans. But many of her trips were into the city of Duluth where I couldn't just pop up out of nowhere next to a building or on the street in the middle of the day. Her work on the Glensheen mansion was the bane of my existence, but thankfully she encountered a problem with these solo treks and I was only too willing to assist. On the days when it was sunny she could not visit the project onsite. The walk from the parking lot to the side door of the mansion exposed her to direct sunlight and it was only after I came up with the solution of dropping her off at the side door completely covered by a generous overhang that she could visit the site as often as she liked. Still, she was alone with humans all day, hardly protected in their company, but I found that by parking exactly 2.7 miles from the mansion in the driveway of an abandon house, I could monitor her thoughts and respond to any calls of distress that didn't involve missing blueprints, delays in the renovation and shady contractors.

I did not offer an explanation to Carlisle because he didn't ask for one. He noted my absences and how they usually coincided with Esme's errands, and though he was troubled, he did not pester me with questions for which I was eternally grateful.

But my self-appointed regulation of my duties did not just include shadowing Esme. Carlisle's work at the hospital created another dilemma for me. If I spent all my hours with him, hiding just beyond his sense of smell, then I abandon the others who would often pair off and leave Esme alone. But if I left Carlisle to his own devices, understanding that he was capable of protecting himself from all but the most gift vampires or a multi faceted attack, I was exposing him, the coven leader, the one that I should be protecting above others, to fend for himself.

So I did what could reasonably be expected. I went with Carlisle to the hospital randomly, assuming that he could defend himself against a single vampire and if we were under surveillance by the Volturi they couldn't know what days I would be with him and what days I wouldn't.

Within days of my rebirth I began distancing myself from My Family. I needed to wean myself from them as surely as they needed to be weaned from me. I spent most of my time in my room, rearranging my space so that I could utilize the floor to ceiling windows keeping tabs on the property around the house and the unannounced or unplanned comings and goings of My Family. I boxed up all my music and stereo equipment and dismantled the shelves that held it. I had no time for it and couldn't lose myself in lyrics and melodies when I was supposed to be listening to the sounds of approaching enemies.

The piano was new, it would be shame to destroy it, but it blocked a large section of a North facing window and I could not justify its presence in light of more pressing needs. My assumption was that it had been placed in the room before the windows were installed; there would have been no way to get it up the narrow stairwell leading from the garage and I couldn't very well damage the windows to get it out. No, I had no choice but to destroy it and carry it out piece by piece, but that would have to wait until I was sure that no one would ever think to visit me here and that wouldn't happen until they understood what I was.

As was to be expected, Carlisle confronted me on my solitary ways and new behaviors that were no less odd, but just different than the ones I'd displayed in the past.

"Edward, do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"

I was sitting in a tree at the end of the driveway, waiting for Carlisle to leave for his shift so I could follow him. The darkness concealed me from the cars on the road and I gave little mind to the sounds of his car coming down the driveway until he stopped and rolled down his window. It was too late to run.

"Bothering me?"

"Esme tells me that you no longer sit with her at night."

A flutter. Was that a tremor? I managed to look confused. "I don't understand. I sit with her every night."

"I understand son, but you no longer let her touch you. I know that might appear insignificant to you, but she has noticed it." He smiled wearily. "She does like to cuddle, so if you wouldn't mind indulging her from time to time."

I was distracted by his use of the word son. He wouldn't know not to call me that, but it was still unnerving to hear the intimate term come from his lips. I nodded. He hadn't phrased it like a question, so I took it for an order. That night I sat closely next to Esme as she read and when she reached out to stroke my hair I did not pull away, though everything about the act felt wrong.

Whatever subtle changes occurred in my behavior as a consequence of my new role went largely unnoticed. I understood their lack of attention. My idiosyncrasies were so commonplace they were seldom given a second thought anymore. But of all things, the approach I took when hunting was perhaps the most noticeable. I hunted often during my nightly patrols, keeping my eyes a golden ochre letting no hint of black touch the irises. I found this kept some of Carlisle's concerns at bay. In the profound words of Emmett, a well fed vampire was a happy vampire and I thought Carlisle saw some truth in that comment.

The difference in my feeding style was a complete departure from my past life and role and would be obvious if I hunted with any of them. I no longer concerned myself with the size of my prey or even the species. If it was a mammal and not human, it could potentially fall to my thirst. I was indifferent to the taste of the blood and viewed hunting as a way to nourish my body so I could carry on with my duties. I fed from rabbits and fox, raccoon, otters, ground hogs and beaver and supplemented all of that with deer. I tried not to take the biggest and best anymore, leaving the choicest prey for My Family and the human hunters that would prize the large rack of a big steed more than I would prize the quantity of the subpar blood its death provided me.

I never hunted predators. Their blood was a special treat and I no longer felt it was my right or place to indulge in it. In fact, I'd taken to scouting for bear in the region so I could subtle steer the others towards them and relished stories of their kills as if they were my own. I drew much of my strength during this difficult transition on my experiences however brief with the Volturi guard. Between Aro's explanation and my own observations I was able to deduce that there was pleasure in serving those you loved. The guard was full of vampires that devoted their life to their masters and had centuries of loyal service to speak to the fulfillment that could be achieved by such a selfless existence. My journey was more difficult, I had no one to guide me least of all those I now deemed my masters and mistresses, but I also had the foresight to understand the reward once I finally transitioned to that role.

Out of concern for his safety, I hunted with Carlisle more often than the rest. He usually hunted alone and I did not feel comfortable with that, so risking that he might try and engage me in conversation, I went with him every opportunity I could, only disappearing when he brought down his prey. He assumed I was hunting myself, but instead I discreetly hid in the trees, swallowing the venom that pooled in my mouth and ignoring my thirst. We were at our most danger and our most vulnerable when we hunted. Carlisle was no exception. Distracted, he could be ambushed, but I always kept watch and never fed on the nights I hunted with Carlisle.

There were unexpected consequences to this role I cast myself in. It might have been my destiny from the moment of my change and the only way I could justify my existence, particularly after Bella, but that didn't make it any easier to accept. I was lonely. Everything I did, I did alone. Not that I wasn't without the physical presence of another for the better part of the day. It was only my private patrols through the woods surrounding the house that I was truly alone, but the rest of the time I maintained a fairly reasonable connection to at least one of My Family and up until a few short months ago, I'd been completely satisfied with this.

But now that I knew I could no longer consider myself one of them, I felt the oppressiveness of my solitary existence like I never had in the past and it was suffocating me. It was entirely my fault. I hadn't completely cut my attachment to those I served, I still pined for Esme's warmth and felt jealous when she bestowed her tenderness and love on her children of which I no longer was and I was envious when I watched from my perch in a tree outside the house when Jasper bested Carlisle at chess or Emmett teased and tormented a sibling to the point of hysterical laughter. Occasionally I would wipe at nonexistent tears, mourning their loss, naively thinking that all these raw emotions had been buried somewhere in Canada and not understanding why I couldn't let them go and embrace my new life, no longer expected to live up the expectations that came with being Carlisle's son of which I'd been a dismal failure.

I despised my weakness. Would I fail at this too? Would my destiny also be my doom? My options were limited if I could not generate a wall of indifference that would allow me to think rationally and behave in a professional manner. When I tried to picture Felix breaking into tears as a bid for Aro's attention I was reduced to a fit of demented giggles. The thought was too preposterous to even consider. Eventually I decided that time was on my side. I just needed practice. I had anticipated making a full three hundred and sixty degree transition into my new life but there were bound to be obstacles and roadblocks and I only needed to condition myself and be patient; eventually I would get my emotions under control.

I could not be described as obedient. I couldn't afford to be. If I were obedient to my masters and mistresses I would answer all their questions honestly and without any attempt to edit or manipulate the truth. Until they understood what I was and released me from my family ties to them, I could not be completely honest, and thus was not obedient, though I did try.

I would sit and play the piano in the house for hours, pulling song after song from the playlist in Esme's mind, but this form of obedience did not please her. On the contrary it appeared to disturb her, particularly when I could provide no answers for her when she asked me about my song selection or why I played only in her presence. Didn't she understand that I was only obeying her thoughts? Eventually she would reach around me and grip my fingers pulling them forcibly from the piano keys to silence me

I had better luck with Carlisle when he inquired about the journal he'd given me. I no longer needed to write to eliminate the tremors, but I could see it was his desire that I write in it as Alice had seen me do during my time with the Volturi. I eagerly embraced this thought when I finally realized I could use the journal to serve him much as I had done Marcus.

I waited until we were alone in the house and surprised him by settling into a chair near his desk with the journal and a pen in hand. He glanced at it and smiled cautiously. His thoughts revealed his suspicions. He assumed that I was going to write in it for his benefit. He was only partially right.

I wrote an introduction in the first page of the journal and some private observations, but after a time, I spoke.

"Carlisle?"

He looked up startled. I never engaged him in conversation. After a moment of unease, I continued. "Did you know Esme was your mate from the moment you met her, even when she was human?"

"Wha…I'm not…what do you mean, son?" Carlisle looked astonished. He wasn't entirely convinced that this question didn't have a hidden agenda and he was right.

"I know you would never have changed her than, as a human, a healthy human, but did you want to?"

"I…well…there might have been a brief moment when I longed for her ongoing company in my life, but she was just a sixteen year old girl than, so it was hard for me to consider her anything more than a patient." His face took on a thoughtful expression and I nodded in understanding.

When I asked nothing more of him, he gave me one last long questioning look, before resuming his study of some case notes. But I'd planted the seed, he was already distracted and he began thinking about Esme as a young girl, her beautiful face contorted in pain as her father scolded her tomboyish ways in front of him. I could see the defiant look in her eye as reflected through Carlisle's memories and his appreciation of the rosy blush the flushed her cheek.

And so I began to write.

By the time Esme and the others returned home, I had several dozen pages of Carlisle thoughts on his first meeting with Esme and his subsequent remembrances of her after she no longer was a patient of his. I managed to capture his tendering longings for someone to truly share his life with and his face always reverted back to Esme as a sixteen year old. Later, alone, I read over what I'd written pleased that I captured the spirit of their first meeting and excited that there would be a day when I would show Carlisle his journal anticipating that he would relish that I'd captured his memories on paper.

As I was the guard, I now became the historian and sought Carlisle out regularly with journal in hand, ready to record memories either spontaneously or through an outright manipulation, inducing the memories I wanted to see. When I filled one book, I had Carlisle get me another and another and felt a warm flush of pleasure as he looked at me approvingly, believing that my interest in writing in the journal was the first step towards the recovery he hoped was in my future. No he did not understand exactly what I was doing but when he did, I had no doubt he would be pleased, even if it wasn't what he expected.

When Carlisle wasn't around, I started questioning Esme, inviting her to relive her first memories of Carlisle. I could not do her human memories service, they were vague and hardly more than an afterthought on a life she no longer hand, but her vampire memories were as clear and vivid as Carlisle's had been and I filled up as many journals as I had with Carlisle, documenting everything. Her journals, I purchased myself, thinking it more appropriate that her memories were stored in a more elegant pale blue book decorated with ornate intricate vines embossed along the edges of it.

Writing took up much of my time and reluctantly I realized I had to put limitations on it or I couldn't devote the necessary time to my guard duties; so I limited myself to spending only a few hours a day recording the memories of Carlisle and Esme, my penmanship perfect, my interpretation spot on.

I kept one shelf intact in my room and stacked their journals neatly on it. There would be a day when all the walls of this room, every square inch might be covered with their journals to include those of Rosalie and Emmet and Alice and Jasper and I was delighted that I found a new way to utilize a gift outside of the obvious ones. The thought brought a smile to my lips. Aro for all his delight in securing a mind reader as part of his guard didn't understand that besides thwarting assassination attempts and wheedling out secrets from friend and foe, the gift had other uses.

My patrols around the property had gone largely unnoticed. I followed the same general path that I'd previously delineated when I wanted to make a quick run of the perimeter but I constantly pushed out beyond those boundaries. The snow on the ground was a problem. If I ran, my foot prints were undetectable unless a curious family member decided to track me, but if I slowed or stopped, I had no more ability to keep from sinking in the snow then any human. I tried not to run over the same area and made numerous zigzags within the circumference of the rectangular boundaries but my scent was everywhere. When I finally did reveal myself to Carlisle, I concluded it would be a lot easier to protect My Family but for now I had to remain secretive about my objective. I needed to develop a plan and understand how I would best serve in my new role.

Because I expanded my territory to include the neighboring residents, I became responsible for the humans as well. The Schroders remained strangers to me. They were housebound as the cold lingered through early spring and though Carlisle and Esme checked on them from time to time, I found no reason to request a formal introduction.

I spent more time near Jenna Lambert's house. She was often awake during my evening patrol and was always awake when I made my rounds before dawn. I knew nothing of the father of the boy, she didn't think of him, her thoughts were of paying bills, dealing with her mother, taking care of her child and keeping her furnace going. I hadn't found a reason to approach her again, since after the incident with her car some months ago, but I visited her twice a day and lingered in a giant oak tree for several minutes before continuing on.

Some weeks into my nightly patrols, I was horrified to discover Carlisle's scent tracking the path of my favorite route. I thought back during the previous day trying to remember when I missed Carlisle's absence, when he left the house without my knowledge. I wasn't sure what disturbed me more, that he was following my scent or that he managed to slip away from me undetected. I hadn't even caught it in his thoughts. The night was one of the longest of my life as I waited for Carlisle to return from his shift, but he said nothing to me even after I made myself available by lingering in the house during his and Esme's private time together. Wherever I pulled the bravery from that kept me near during the evening, evaporated as the afternoon progressed and I eventually snuck away to my room to hide. It wasn't until later in the afternoon when Esme, Alice and Rosalie left on an unplanned shopping trip, that Carlisle sought me out.

Son?

Even that word in his thoughts unnerved me.

I was standing staring out at Esme's departing BMW, unprotected, without a guard; the tremors were there just below the surface.

"I like what you've done to the place," Carlisle chuckled, entering without knocking.

I grimaced and turned to face him; the beautifully decorated room had been destroyed. It no longer look like Esme's hand had touched it. Carlisle's sounds of amusement ceased and I followed his eyes.

What's this about?

To my dismay I saw he was looking at the boxes that held my music.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he said calmly.

I didn't want to talk about it, certainly not why I no longer had time for my music. My eyes went to the shelf that held my array journals. Carlisle was staring at them as well. Why hadn't I hidden them? He was curious about the pale blue ones that I never wrote in when he was around.

I panicked and my hands clenched at my sides.

"Edward, haven't we gotten beyond this? You know you have nothing to fear from me."

He sat in the leather chair that no longer resided in the alcove. I was tired of moving it when I laid in my bed so I pushed it against the window and found that by standing on it I could see over the gazebo. It was unlikely that any vampire could sneak so close to the house without being spotted, but I couldn't be too careful.

"I'm not afraid." But I was. I knew if there was any credibility to my new role as a guard, I would need to answer direct questions. Carlisle didn't have Aro's abilities. He couldn't read me. He would only know if I told him and I was determined to be as honest with him as I could, but only if he asked.

"Can you tell me what's going on here, Edward? Why is your music packed up? Are you going somewhere?"

I shook my head focusing only on the last part of his question. "No, I won't leave again."

Carlisle waited. When I didn't speak he asked again.

"Why is all your music packed up?"

It was on the tip of my tongue to lie. A dozen reasons popped into my mind, all sounded weak but viable, but I just couldn't.

"I don't listen to it anymore."

"Why not, son?"

Because I'm too busy protecting you. "I write in the journals instead."

"You could do both." Carlisle clasped his hands behind his head.

I need to hear your memories not the music. "It's distracting."

"You enjoy it then, writing in your journals?"

I nodded and smiled a little. I enjoyed it very much.

"Any chance that I could see what you've written?"

I nodded my head again. They were after all his memories, but when he rose from his chair, I jumped in front of him holding my hand out. "Not yet."

Carlisle looked confused but sunk back into the chair. "When then?"

From his eyes I saw the disbelieving expression on my face and tried not to appear patronizing in my response. "They aren't done yet. You can't read them until they're done."

"Done?" Carlisle repeated questioningly, then abruptly shifted gears. "Edward why are you circling our property over and over again."

Direct question. Not good. I shifted uncomfortably. "Making sure it's safe."

"Safe from whom?"

"Anyone that might try to hurt you."

"Hurt me? Who wants to hurt me?"

I licked my lips. How could I say this without exposing myself? "Not just you…everyone."

"Has someone threatened us, is there something you aren't telling me?" Carlisle's voice didn't sound alarmed.

"No."

"Edward come here," he stood and waited.

I waited as well, not understanding. We were twenty feet apart. Why did I have to come closer?

But I hadn't misunderstood him; he waved his hand to me, motioning me forward. Reluctantly I walked to within five feet of him.

He smiled sadly shook his head a little and before I could see his intentions in his thoughts, he was upon me, his arms wrapping around mine, pulling me in his embrace.

I was stunned by his actions. Carlisle never forced physical affection on me. A pat on the back was usually as close as he ever got. Aside from the days following my return from Volterra, when I was broken and he had no choice but to hold me to keep me from falling to pieces, we never embraced. After I recovered we resumed our no contact rule. And now that I was no longer his son, it felt completely foreign to me to have him embrace me. I could offer nothing in return; my arms remained hanging limply at my side. That should have been the signal to him that his affections weren't welcomed but he gripped me tighter, almost painfully so.

"Edward, you have nothing to fear. No one is going to hurt us. I know you worry about that and I understand after all you've been through why you're apprehensive, but you're safe son. I spent too many years with the Volturi to not understand how they operate. Aro will never force you to join them and he will not harm us."

"There are always others," I said barely able to push the words from my mouth, so firm was his grip on me.

"No Edward. We have no more to fear now than we ever did and not once do I remember you being so concerned about attacks from other vampires. It's highly unlikely that a nomadic vampire would even approach us, let alone attack one of us, certainly not randomly. Your fears are misplaced son. Nicholas was a fluke, and it was only a coincidence that he caught you at such a weak moment, but neither you nor any of the rest of us will ever fall victim to the likes of him again. It's time to let it go Edward; you need to let it go. You are home safe and no one is going to hurt you or any of us. I won't let that happen."

Carlisle's thoughts reaffirmed the conviction in his words. He truly believed what he said, but he didn't understand. I wasn't paranoid and I wasn't suffering from my past experiences. I was being proactive. There would always be the possibility of a threat from another of our kind, one not morally inclined to respect Carlisle's peaceful nature and unlike a bad human, a vampire with evil intentions had the ability to end our immortal life. It was implausible to me that Carlisle would create such a large family and not have a guard in place to protect them and the fact that he couldn't see my concern and understand it on his own, mystified me. Had spending decades with the Volturi taught him nothing?

But Carlisle had always been different. He wasn't like any of the rest of us. He was a good man, a good person. He wouldn't see things like I did or the Volturi or any other vampire. It was entirely possible that his inability to recognize evil in others had left him incapable of seeing danger that was all around him. He couldn't nor should he worry about such non consequential things as security. That was my responsibility and I wouldn't burden him with it. Perhaps it wouldn't be necessary to broach the subject with him at all.

I remained almost motionless but at some point I must have responded to him as I found myself loosely embracing him; I smiled and patted him on the back. I felt better. There was no question that I brought value to this family now more so than ever.

Eventually, he released his grip around me but still held me firmly by the shoulders. I met his eyes waiting expectantly for him to dismiss me.

"Never doubt Edward, I will get you through this. I will never give up trying to help you and you need to recognize that you don't have to suffer through this on your own; we are all here for you, all of us. Do you understand?"

His gaze was mesmerizing; his power of persuasion was strong. Aro had nothing on him. I swallowed hard and nodded.

"Now do me a favor son, before your mother comes in here and has a heart attack."

I would not get upset with his usage of words that inaccurately described our relationship. He wouldn't know better. Instead I managed a tiny smile and he smiled back.

"Please reassemble the shelves and put your stereo equipment and music back. You can rearrange the furniture how you see fit but it would pain her to see what you love most boxed up and shoved in a corner."

I nodded. I would figure out a solution to the limited visibility the shelves created later. Perhaps the roof of the servant's quarters would offer me a better vantage point anyway. I would survey it later, being cognizant that I would need to remain hidden from the prying eyes that might see me through the windows of the house, but I'm sure there was a solution that would make everyone happy.

Later, after I reassembled the shelves and meticulously rearranged my music by release, date artist and album title and replaced most of the furniture back as Esme originally had it, I made the rounds of the property for my nightly patrol. I hadn't been able to reconcile how I would continue my twice daily patrol duty without drawing further questions and scrutiny from Carlisle, but I decided that rather than worry about it I would just see where his questions led.

For now I would enjoy the peace of having My Family under one roof, because they were my family, even if I were no longer a part of them, they belonged to me. Carlisle was given a rare second night off in a row and having hunted the previous night, he and Esme were enjoying their time together with their children. A small little part of me wanted to join them. It appeared that Alice had taken charge and it was movie night, complete with popcorn that was being tossed around the room in handfuls. What else did one do with it when eating it was not an option? But I couldn't join them. It was family night and I wasn't part of the family any longer. Not that they wouldn't welcome me, but it didn't help me or them in redefining my role. If I were truly honest, it wasn't me they missed as much as the idea of me, a third son. I hadn't considered it before, but if Esme continued to mourn my loss perhaps Carlisle could indulge her with another child. He certainly had access to dying humans on a daily basis.

So I did not join them, not even when Esme seated next to Carlisle on the sofa, looked over his shoulder towards my quarters fervently wishing in her thoughts that I would. She was silently calling to me, but her calls would go unanswered on this night. Instead I climbed in a tree near the house and watched them through the large windows that spilled yellow light out into the back yard. I wanted to get closer, but a spring snow fall earlier in the day had blanketed the ground and footprints outside the windows would be easily detectable. No need to draw Carlisle back to my room for a second round of questioning.

Instead I watched from my perch, the convoluted movie Inception, not understanding Alice's infatuation with the leading man, but enjoying the thoughts of the rest of them as they indulged her. Other than the thoughts of my family, all was silent, even the hum of traffic on the road had died down as the hour approached midnight. My mind drifted to my duties and I sighed despite my rather content disposition.

How was I, one lone vampire going to spend all of eternity protecting six? I couldn't even look to the Volturi for an answer to this predicament. They had dozens of guards that protected just three brothers and their wives and they seldom left the castle. I, on the other hand, had six independent headstrong charges that seldom gathered all in one spot at one time as they blissfully did on this night. And that didn't even take into consideration the four additional humans that I'd however inadvertently become responsible for. It was a quagmire without an obvious solution.

I could help.

I turned my head at the sound of her voice and chuckled.

"Of course, why hadn't I considered that?" I didn't have to turn completely around to imagine the endearing look of indignation on her face. "Granted you are human and only a figment of my imagination, but other than that, you'd be perfect. When can you start?"

Edward. She said in a most exasperated fashion.

"Come love, let's get you out of this tree." I dropped lightly to the ground and turned to catch her before sighing at my ridiculous behavior. Bella had been notably absent from my thoughts over the last couple of months and I was happy to have her back with me. I couldn't deny the feeling of unease that I felt at her abandonment, assuming she wasn't inclined to keep company with a simple member of the guard, But now she was back and I had a better way to occupy my mind then watching my family watching a movie and listening to Alice's silent infatuation with Leonardo DiCaprio.

I ran back to my room and turned on a lamp for Bella's sake and ignored the bewildered thoughts of those in My Family that happen to notice.

Bella was different. Where normally we revisited our past conversations and memories together enjoying each other's company in a passive languorous state that required little interaction from either of us, this Bella appeared to have a mind of her own. She was smiling at me and I suddenly felt shy.

What do you want to do? Bella asked softly.

I could feel her warm breath touch my face and smell her tantalizing scent. It was so real that I felt the burn of my thirst. I swallowed the venom pooling in my mouth and shrugged.

"Shall I read to you?" I said to the empty room. I pulled Mansfield Park from a book shelf.

No, for a change, I think I want to read to you.

My eyes drifted around the room focusing on the spot where the bed would have been then deciding it would be too presumptuous of me to suggest we lay there, I pulled the comfortable leather chair closer to the fireplace and put the book on it, motioning for Bella to sit. Then indulging myself for the first time since I saw it, I climbed into the small fireplace, wiggling into it backwards, wrapping my arms around my knees that were drawn up under my chin. It was a tight fight and one that I attempted only with the intense care. I did not want to damage it, but its snugness afforded me the benefit of security.

There was a time when I would have cuddled in Bella's arms but since her imaginary embrace did not gratify me like her living body had, I made do with the sanctuary of the fireplace. I wondered if my arms around her felt like the stone that now encased me; cold, hard and unforgiving, but safe and comforting all the same.

I closed my eyes and imagined her, clenching my teeth to hide a grin when I saw her role her eyes in my direction. Her beautiful voice was just as I remember and I sighed contentedly as she recited the familiar passages that I knew by heart.

When I opened my eyes several hours later, Bella was gone and propped on the chair was Pride and Prejudice. Apparently I would be indulging Bella by reading the book of her choice later today, but first I had to make my rounds of the property. I was behind schedule and Esme had a meeting with a contractor planned for later that day.

Author Notes:

I rewrote this chapter because I thought it sounded disconnected, but when the rewrite was similarly unemotional I decided it was Edward's fault and part of his coping mechanism and told from his POV there was nothing I could do about it. Please don't listen to a word he says, he was never created to be the guard of the family.

Thanks to my handful of reviewers that kept me going week after week. Without you this story may not have gotten finished. I doubt I'll continue on as there just hasn't been enough interest in it to write a sequel, but the Epilogue to follow will give you an idea where I would have taken it.