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A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I hope you enjoy the next chapter.

Courtship for Dummies

Chapter Three

Landing awkwardly after being tossed into Komui's office, Allen was hesitant to pull himself up after noticing General Tiedoll was also present in the room. Taking the choice away from him, Allen was hauled into the chair in front of Komui's desk. He could feel sweat dripping down the back of his neck as he was faced with the fierce glares of both Tiedoll and Komui.

Tiedoll's left eye twitched twice shortly before he decided to speak, in what could only be described as tightly contained anger.

"Knowing who your Master is, I wouldn't hesitate to tear you limb from limb, but it seems that my lovely Yu-chan has been taken in by your charms, so distraught by your actions that he has locked himself in his room, even refusing to talk to me; his loving Papa."

Here Tiedoll had to pause, taking a deep breath as if to calm himself before he could continue to talk. Allen's eyes were stretched so wide they looked like they were about to fall out. Anger once more in check Tiedoll carried on speaking and Komui just nodded in agreement to everything the General said.

"He is a very delicate flower, and though I raised him as best I could, it seems I was unable to protect him from your hands. So as the instigator of Yu-chan's anguish you shall be the one to fix it. You will give him the respect he demands and court him, do you understand?!"

It took a few moments for Allen to comprehend the General's words, involuntarily he squeaked:

"Wait. WHAT!"

"Court. Woo. Pursue or Seek the affection of my lovely Yu-chan, and you will mean it! You will prove that you are worthy of taking care of my wonderful son, if you don't or if you fail, I will make your battles with akuma look like insignificant skirmishes to the wrath I will unleash on your pitiful existence."

With Tiedoll stopping to take another breather it was Komui's turn to add his own threats.

"Such callous behaviour will not be tolerated within the Order and I will have no other choice but to force you to resume travelling with Master Cross, rather then live inside headquarters. If you so much as look at anyone but Kanda there will be hell to pay, and we will be watching you like hawks!"

Giving Allen a pointed look Komui further punctuated his threat with a firm squeeze to Allen's shoulder. Allen up until this point believing he could cope with the threats of pain and torture was willing to take his chances by refusing the command. But at the mention of his Master, his whole demeanour sank to new lows. He couldn't even contemplate having to deal with his Master's whores and debts again. Lowering his head he meekly gave his assent.

Kanda, who was still hiding in his room, suddenly felt a cold shudder run down his spine.

******

After Allen was released from the "meeting" he was forced into with Komui and Tiedoll, he disappeared into his own room. First taking a couple of hours to properly let everything sink in, followed by a couple of hours of cursing, screaming and contemplating who to kill first.

Finally, defeated, he sat down to think about what he had to do to accomplish his new mission. This prompted more cursing from the young exorcist. What did he know about courting someone? His main role model was Cross, emulating his behaviour would result in certain death, from Kanda or Tiedoll, probably both. He wouldn't put it past them to somehow find a way of resurrecting him just so that they could kill him again, especially if they had Komui on their side. He was so screwed.

Giving up, he decided he would have to ask for advice, maybe tomorrow though, for now he just wanted to sleep and try to forget everything, just for the time being.

*****

Allen had woken up early and progressed through his usual morning exercises. He often wondered what the average amount of lifts was that people did upside down on the backrest of an angled chair and if he should maybe do a couple hundred more to catch up, but then that would mean sparing less time for breakfast.

Finishing up his breakfast he was not immune to the sympathetic looks cast in his direction, nor the occasional consolatory pat on the back. So he hurried off to find his first target, to extract information on how to court Kanda.

He'd concluded that Krory would be a good person to start with; he'd been in love with Eliade, so therefore he would definitely have some experience with romance.

Finding Krory was easy, he was still in his room, and welcomed a visit from the younger exorcist quite happily, still amazed when people actively sought out his company. However Allen's first source of information was about as successful as a baby girl trying to grow a beard.

They exchanged pleasantries: that was all good. Krory congratulated Allen's luck in finding love, although he couldn't understand why Allen would pick the fierce, anti-social Kanda and not the friendly Lenalee, with whom he could often be found; that wasn't so good. Nonetheless, Krory gave him his best wishes and would stand by his decisions. At this point Krory started mumbling about his own failings at love, how he missed his dear Eliade and that Allen should cherish every moment he had with Kanda: this was the absolute pits.

Allen's fruitless attempts to calm the vampire exorcist down and try to turn the conversation back on track were for nought. Eventually giving up, Allen resorted to tucking Krory back into his bed, telling him to just sleep it off and reassuring him that no one would be troubled if he was not doing, well, whatever it was he did normally.

Allen feeling like he should have known this would happen, would not let the turn of events stop his quest, he would endure, not like he had a choice anyway. So he decided to follow onto his next target. Having already witnessed Krory's break down, he felt that he was definitely prepared to deal with Miranda's nervous quirks in the name of gaining knowledge.

Miranda was a good friend, she was quite a few years older then him so would surely have some experience with romance and even if she didn't she was quite observant so maybe she would have some idea of what he should do to win Kanda over. He didn't quite feel comfortable asking some of the other older inhabitants of the Order and he would probably receive some sort of painful admonition from Kanda if he found out that he was going around asking the science department or even worse the finders how to "woo" him.

Locating Miranda's whereabouts was more difficult then Krory, she had gotten lost again trying to find her way around the Black Order headquarters. At length he discovered her walking in circles through the lower floor private rooms. Relieved to see a friendly face, she told him that she was trying to make her way to the science department so that they could help her use her innocence more efficiently.

Allen persuaded her, quite deviously, that as she was already an hour late for her lesson, it would make no difference if she was late by a few more minutes. He needed her advice and would be grateful for any help she could give him, he'd even walk her to the exact room she needed to get to when they were finished talking, and he went so far as to throw in his best puppy dog eyes for good measure.

Miranda eager to help a friend, rather then due to the freaky way he was looking at her, reassured him that she would do what she could. She smiled at him shyly while telling him that she had already heard about the fiasco in dining hall yesterday, and although she was sure Kanda was a very nice person she didn't think they were together in that way.

Miranda was his beacon of light; she hadn't laughed at him, accused him of being a womanizer, threatened him or congratulated his new love interest, which is why he graciously let her comment about Kanda being a nice person slide. If only she hadn't been so embarrassed about his questions about courtship, she'd barely been able to answer him through her stuttering.

Unfortunately due to her nervous disposition and failure at keeping a job amongst other things during her life previous to the Order, she'd had no proper experience in love. The mention of one relationship she'd had, turned her face so red that Allen had taken pity and not pressed her on that matter. He'd hurriedly walked her to the right room, hoping no one would see them together and get the wrong ideas, the threats from yesterday still ringing in his ears. He made sure to leave Miranda in someone's capable hands and then took his leave. It was possible for him to try talking to her again at some other time, when she was calmer and more used to the idea of him coming to her for romantic advice.

Walking down a corridor he noticed Choaji moving in the opposite direction and even though he hardly knew the latest addition to the exorcists he could see Choaji trying his best to maintain an angry glower at him.

He continued to walk in an absent minded fashion. Usually Allen would have talked to Lenalee and Lavi first to sort out his problems, if he could bring himself to actually go to them for help. But he didn't want to create more friction between himself and Komui if he found out that he had searched out Lenalee to talk about romance. Furthermore, knowing Komui's overprotective prerogative when it came to Lenalee, he was apprehensive as to whether she had any experience on the issue either, though not by choice.

This left Lavi, his last hope for getting help. Allen had purposely been avoiding having to take the issue up with Lavi as he would be forced to deal with his mirth and teasing. On the other hand Lavi was an older man, physically if not mentally, and was constantly falling for pretty older women, but most importantly his occupation involved watching people living. He was bound to have witnessed some aspects of courtship surely, and maybe he had access to a manual or something. A manual would be amazing. Taking a deep breath Allen went off in search of Lavi, and hoped he wasn't busy with his work with Bookman.

--Interlude of Concerned Siblings--

Noise Marie had stood by and watched the events of Kanda's love life play out so far, from Tiedoll's intervention in the dining hall, through the chase to Kanda's room, to when Tiedoll tried to walk a tunnel into the floor of his room. Now here he was left with trying to explain to the new "family" member what the fuss is all about.

It wasn't that he didn't know that General Tiedoll had probably completely over reacted and was exaggerating the seriousness of the event regardless of whether Kanda really was locked in a passionate gaze with the younger exorcist. But then he understood the basic fact, which was this: Kanda was the youngest member of their group and he was to be protected at all costs, not from the fight against akuma, he was capable of dealing with them on his own, but to protect Kanda's idiosyncratic world from others. It was their duty to take out the threat, even if the threat had yet to form completely, so if there was even the slightest chance that what Tiedoll feared could come true, then he would support him all the way. After all what was a little violence when trying to protect family?

So right now his priority lay in explaining to Choaji all the whys and what fors that applied to their group and teaching how they protected their own. Starting with his own particular speciality of intimidation: to stand looming over your opponent, no need to talk and then finally crack a few knuckles to emphasise your point.

--

Choaji Han was confused, had been confused since he'd been dragged along with Marie through the whole Kanda escapade and was going to continue to be confused.

He'd listened to Marie's explanation about family and protecting Kanda, followed the example set to learn to intimidate and threaten opponents. But he didn't feel comfortable glaring at Allen when he had nothing against him really, especially when the conflict seemed to stem from a catastrophic misunderstanding.

Still this was his new family and they looked out for each other so he would try his best. According to Marie he had to understand that from now on Kanda was what could be considered a younger brother to him. If that was the case then he would do his duty and protect his virtue, although he couldn't help the eye twitch at the whole idea.

--Interlude of Concerned Siblings--

--TBC--