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Courtship for Dummies

Chapter Five

Two days after his conversation with Lavi, Allen found himself once again roaming through the halls of the Order. In the preceding excitement it seemed that he had missed the first and most crucial problem in his mission; he had to find Kanda first before he could enact any ritual of courtship.

Apparently Kanda was not terribly happy with the behaviour of his doting father nor the attention of the whole Order. So unsurprisingly he was hiding, that wasn't the problem, what was making things hard for Allen was trying to search for Kanda while simultaneously evading Kanda's "family" who were also on the look out for the missing exorcist.

He'd bought a bouquet of red roses after consulting Miranda; she had assured him that flowers were a good start and that red roses in particular were considered very romantic. Therefore his first step was to give Kanda the flowers and then try to initiate some form of conversation that didn't result in hostility.

As Allen was hyping himself up standing just outside his room he heard a sound from behind a pillar.

"Psst!"

"Uh. Are you referring to me?" Allen addressed the fixture?

"Come closer. Not that close! It's Lenalee, I can't be seen with you or my brother will go crazy. I just came to tell you Kanda is in the meditation room."

"There's a meditation room?"

"Sure there is, in the basement."

"There's a basement?"

"I've got to go, Good luck!"

"Hello? Lenalee?"

She was very good, Allen hadn't sensed any movement and yet she had still managed to disappear. Well if Kanda was in the basement, then to the basement he would go!

*****

Allen was standing outside the meditation room, mumbling to himself. Did he just walk in? Since it was a room for public use. But then would that annoy Kanda? And he really didn't want to piss off the man right now. Was this even an appropriate time to approach him? Although if he didn't do it now, who knew when he would work up the courage to be able to talk to the man.

Suddenly the door flew open and the harassed looking Kanda himself stared angrily at Allen.

"What do you want? I can hear you through the door, so either tell me what you want or go away!"

The long-haired exorcist was gripping the door frame so hard his knuckles had turned white and his eyes appeared to be a little blood shot. Clearly he had an ulterior motive for hiding in this specific room. Shocked and apprehensive Allen found it hard to speak eloquently as he thrust the flowers in the other man's face.

"I… I… I…um, these are for you."

Kanda looked honestly surprised. Apparently no one had bothered to tell him of the new development to their predicament, not that he would have stood still long enough for anyone to tell him. Losing some of his anger he stepped back.

"Che"

The short dismissal was punctuated with the sound of the slamming door. Allen was relieved, that could have gone a lot worse and at least now he had made first contact. So although Kanda hadn't accepted the roses, which now looked pitiful and dejected in his still outstretched arms, he had made his aim clear, more or less. Maybe it was the flowers, maybe he didn't like roses.

So Allen tried daisies, lilies, gardenias, orchids, he even tried a bird of paradise just in case Kanda appreciated more unusual flowers. However every offering was met with the same response and Allen was getting pretty used to the sight of a door slamming in his face.

Next Allen tried chocolate. Miranda told him that you could get chocolates for your sweetheart packaged in red heart shaped boxes, but he didn't want to die. Nevertheless as with the flowers, his plainly packaged chocolate was snubbed.

Allen decided it was time to talk to Lavi again, this time taking Miranda to the library with him.

*****

"Maybe he didn't like the type of flowers you were giving him?"

"It wasn't the type of flower."

The three exorcists were sitting round a table in the library discussing Allen's failed initial attempts to court Kanda. Lavi was frowning, deep in thought.

"Did you compliment him?"

"There was never enough time between him opening the door and then slamming it back in my face."

"Ah, well there's your problem. He needs to know that you think nice thoughts about him, in a romantic fashion. Aha! It's so obvious! Poetry! You can tell him how you feel about him, with compliments and you don't have to see him either, you can just slip it under his door!"

That didn't sound too bad they all agreed. Hunting through some books they found something suitably romantic that would convey Allen's feelings and admiration of eyes, hair and lips. Allen just had to copy out the poem into his own handwriting and slip the piece of paper under Kanda's door.

The next day it was Kanda who finally sought out the white-haired exorcist. He brandished the paper in his hand.

"Are you insulting me?!"

"What? No! I'm trying to tell you…"

"That I look like a woman? You bastard!"

Poetry was definitely a bad idea.

*****

They were back in the library. Miranda looking at Allen with concern, Lavi as always trying not to laugh.

"Nice shiner you got there Allen."

"Kanda didn't quite accept the poem in the way I had hoped."

"Oh really?"

"It was too girly, he thought I was implying he looked female."

"Ah, I wondered if you would get such a response."

Allen tried to glare at Lavi, but it hurt his eye too much. If he knew this might happen why didn't he warn him beforehand.

"I prepared for the possibility and yours truly has composed his own lyrical masterpiece, poetry specifically written for Kanda."

Lavi passed a piece of paper across the table to Allen for him to read. Glancing at the poem Allen was not impressed and read out a couple of lines for Miranda's benefit.

"The way you grip a sword makes my heart flutter,

And oh how it thrills me to see you slice through akuma like butter."

"If that doesn't make Kanda wet for you I don't know what will."

Lavi was genuinely pleased with himself; he had worked on it the night before until he was sure he had written a winning piece. Miranda was unsure whether to praise the poem, to please Lavi or to say it rather lacked the romantic aspect that they were looking for, luckily for her Allen didn't need a second opinion before making his own decision. He passed back the paper making it quite clear that he would not be using Lavi's masterpiece, in fact he wanted to steer well clear of poetry altogether.

Lavi was hurt, it was a good poem.

On to the next option then.

"Are you any good at singing?"

--TBC--