Chapter 10

Reapings

Raging Storm

Current Hayes, 16 years old. District 4.

My heart is beating faster and faster, my face is sweaty and I need to grab the sides of the boat for support. I feel unsteady, and light-headed. I remind myself I must keep my calm. I inhale and exhale slowly and several times until I feel in control again. I hate when this happens, I feel so vulnerable so helpless. I can't let this happen anymore, not now, not when I'm about to go to the Arena. I try to concentrate in the movement of the boat, the motion of the water underneath me. I close my eyes, and picture my little sister smiling at me, my dad with his fishing rod, and my mom sitting in her chair looking at the ocean. I'm doing this for them. And for me too, I add quickly.

I normally go to the sea to help dad fishing, but not today. Today is one of the few days I decided to get some time for myself, to think a bit. And, moreover to calm the storm within me. Even though, I believe keeping myself busy is more useful, since getting time to think like this tends to crush me. If I have my mind busy with other things, I don't have the time to think about whats wrong, and I like that. But, sometimes it is good to get a full view of whats going on, even when it makes me panic.

I look at my reflection in the water. I look tired, but aside from that, I look as I normally do. I run my hand through my brown hair trying to make it more presentable, it's an important day after all. I focus on the scar below my right eye. I pass the tip of my finger over it, reminding how my mother threw the bottle to the floor, and how the glass flew straight to my face. I'm thankful for the fact that it didn't hit me in the eye, I'd have lost it. But, I'm even more thankful that it landed on me and not in Noelia. I hold my glasses in their place since they were falling and I smile. I smile because it's the only thing I can do to reassure myself, to make me think that it will be alright.

I am now walking to the town square. We normally go together as a family, but I felt like walking on my own today. Though, now I kind of regret it. I could use my sister's jokes at this moment, or dad's reassuring words. Damn, I could even use my mom's company now! Even when she wouldn't remember later, even when she'd have a bottle in her hand. I've never stop wondering what made her turn to alcohol, but I don't have the courage to ask. I guess I fear the answer, or hurting them by just questioning about it. When I come back I'll ask them, I promise I will.

I am now standing in the sixteen years old section, everybody seems to give me quick glances. Some of them congratulate me, some just throw angry looks at me. But, I can only think of how will my sister be once I head out to the Capitol. Dad promised me he will be more at home, that he'll take care of my mom and her. I trust him, but I can't help but feel a little doubtful about it. He loves us, but he hates to deal with mom's hangovers. However, Noelia needs to be taken care of, especially since mom is like that, and I hope he understands it. But, what if I don't come back? How long will he be able to cope with the responsibilities I have handled? I shake this thoughts away. I can't be thinking in this when I'm just minutes away from volunteering. I need to come back, and I will come. As manipulative and misleading the Games might be, the rewards will solve our problems. Dad will be able to work less, and spend more time with us. And, who knows my mom might even get better… I smile. This is the life I've always dreamt of, and I'm so close to it. There is no turning back now.

Cascade Maren, 17 years old. District 4.

I walk towards my place in the town square, and as I do a girl bumps into me. She wasn't looking where she was walking, and with the impact her glasses fell. I frown at her as she kneels to the floor to retrieve them, I don't know this girl. She is surely not from the Academy, therefore she isn't worth my time. The girl finally stands up and starts babbling an apology.

"I'm sorry… I'm so stupid…" the girl says. I feel bad for her, but I can't let her go unpunished by what she did either. It's not how I'm supposed to act.

"Oh darling don't worry, I'm not surprised by that. It is something I completely expect from people like you", I keep walking, and as I do I purposely crash my shoulder against hers. I can hear how the girl lets out pained sound and how her glasses, once again, hit the floor.

I finally reach my section, and I exchange words with those I call my friends, though they don't really know me. They think they do, but they won't ever know what really goes in my head. For them, I'll always be the mean girl who loves parties and slaying dummies. I look towards the eighteen years old section where I see Swift, the only one I consider to be me my real friend. She gives me a reassuring smile and then turns her head to the stage.

The mayor starts his speech, and there's silence in the crowd. Soon the escort will grab the microphone and announce the person who got reaped, then I'll volunteer. I'll make my family proud, wherever they are, by doing so. I can even make my father regret leaving us. Everybody probably thinks I am extremely excited for the Games to begin, that I can't wait to get my hands in a weapon and start killing people. But, I hate the Games. I'm just good at pretending to like them, I've become quite skilled at lying to keep others away. I've learned the hard way, not to trust people... Not to let them have a place in my heart, after all, they all leave. Either because they decided that sticking around is not worth it or because a storm takes their lives away. Seeming as if I didn't care about anything is a way of protecting myself, a way of not getting disappointed or hurt. I have my sister Turquoise and Swift, I don't need anybody else. I don't want to need anyone else.

I am not scared of volunteering, so I'm at ease while the mayor gives his speech, after all, I have nothing to fear. If I win, I'll be rich and fulfilling my family's wish, if I die, I'll be able to see most of them in whatever comes next.

Marina Fey, District 4. Victor of the 59th Hunger Games.

I think that sitting here is one of the hardest things of the Games. I remember how Nathan winked at me from the crowd, his warm and reassuring smile. I didn't want him to volunteer, but he made it look as if everything was going to be alright. I believed him, or at least I wanted to. And, now he is gone. I get to see every year how others do the same, determination in their eyes. Not knowing that they might not come back, and even if they know, not caring enough to avoid the risk. Carter squeezes my hand, and I look at him. He gives me a little smile and a nod. I do the same, I'm grateful for him to be here. He lost someone he loved that day too after all. On this day, we give each other strength, or at least that's what he says. I think I'm the only one being helped, he seems so secure about everything... I see no way of being of use in this matter.

I know this year's volunteers already, and I had nightmares with both last night. I couldn't sleep because of the awful dreams, I woke up screaming several times, covered in sweat and crying. I hate to be a mentor, it just opens a deep wound and makes it bigger and bigger. I try my best though, we both do. We want to bring one of them back, like we wanted Nathan to. But, sometimes we can't do anything, like at that time. And, even when we can do something, one of them will still be gone. We know this, or try to convince ourselves that there is nothing we can do, that we share our knowledge with the volunteers and find them sponsors, but that sometimes it isn't enough. It might not be our fault, but we still feel guilty that they died. Maybe if we had given them another tip, or if we had found them a better weapon… It haunts us to think in the 'what ifs'.

I didn't think this way before, I thought like a career. I shouldn't mind if they died, but Nathan's death changed this. I loved him, and I lost him. Loosing someone changes you, and no matter what, you are never the same.

I see how the escort puts her hand in the bowl and chooses a name. I see how Cascade Maren shouts that she volunteers, and then how Current Hayes does the same, taking the place of the little boy who got reaped. One of them has to come back. We must do everything that is in our hands for that to happen, I don't want anybody to lose a loved one like we did. It is a shame that only one can come back… It is a shame that the Games exist. But, there's nothing to do about them. Is it?

AN: I don't know why, but it was a hard chapter to write... Hope you guys like it!