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A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I hope you enjoy the next chapter.

Courtship for Dummies

Chapter Six

Lavi and Miranda were at what was becoming their usual table in the library waiting for Allen to tell them how the latest attempt at courting had gone.

"Do you think it will work?" Miranda asked.

"For Kanda? Couldn't say, for all I know the best way to win Kanda's heart would be to present him with the severed head of one of the members of the Noah clan on a silver platter."

"I don't think that's very romantic."

"It would make Allen look more manly though."

"That would be…true."

Miranda couldn't deny the truth, at least not when Allen was absent.

Both exorcists turned at the sound of the door opening to watch Allen walk over with a slight limp.

"I don't want to talk about it."

As he collapsed onto a chair, Miranda noticed that Lavi didn't seem too bothered by Allen's reluctance to talk about what had happened. Instead he asked Allen a completely random question.

"Does Timcampy go everywhere with you?"

Grateful for the change of subject Allen didn't think twice about answering.

"Most of the time, sometimes he goes off on his own."

After giving his reply Allen lowered his head to the table and it looked like he was taking a nap. Lavi was studying the yellow golum that was floating in the air above Allen's head; Miranda could swear it was grinning. Could golum's grin?

By the time she had turned her attention back to Lavi he had pulled out a bag of cookies.

"Are you feeding his golum?" Miranda asked in a pseudo stage whisper.

"Watch and learn Miranda. Watch. And. Learn."

Timcampy had floated down to hover in front of Lavi so that it could eagerly eat the offering of cookies. When Lavi had emptied the bag he gave the golum a little tickle. Miranda watched attentively as the golum grinned, it definitely was grinning, she could see its teeth. Then opening what could be considered its mouth wide she watched shocked as a hologram replayed the events that Allen was so keen to keep quiet.

She would have said something to Allen, of course she would have, but he looked so tired it was better that he was left to sleep and it was hard to stay seated in the library without having to watch the scene play out:

Allen was standing on the outside of the headquarters building, as he'd been told to do by Lavi, carrying a ukulele. Apparently he'd learnt how to play one when working a job while travelling with General Cross. He was counting the windows and after pinpointing a certain room he considered starting his musical incitement.

However it looked like he had decided that he was too far away and would not be heard from such a distance. So Allen then scaled the building until he had reached a ledge just beside the window he was aiming for, where he perched for a few minutes.

He then began to sing, the ukulele providing a musical accompaniment.

Unfortunately as the window opened and a head peaked out it looked like Allen had made a fatal mistake. So startled by the glaring face of Komui Allen lost his footing and fell while Komui watched Allen's crash back to earth with sadistic satisfaction on his face before closing his window firmly.

Looking up wondering why Lavi and Miranda were so quiet Allen caught the last image of his crumpled form before Timcampy closed its mouth, grinned once more and fluttered to hide behind Lavi.

A strangled gasp escaped the younger man's mouth.

"Allen." Miranda tentatively spoke.

"You were on the wrong side of the building."

Another strangled gasp, a look of disbelief and a whimper. Lavi tried not to laugh, but not very hard.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Went Allen's head against the table. Miranda blushed, maybe she should have kept quiet.

"I think it's time to bring out the big guns! We thought you could try chat up lines; apparently they're the new thing. We've narrowed down a selection for you to use."

Lavi passed him a piece of paper.

"This one is my particular favourite."

The red head pointed at one sentence. Allen didn't actually get it, confusion on his face as he read it out loud.

"Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? Would you like to?"

"Now stand up and pull out your trouser pockets."

Allen followed Lavi's instructions and watched as Miranda immediately blushed. He still didn't get it. He wouldn't use that one.

*****

Allen walked into the library a red hand print on his face, glaring at anyone who had the audacity to stare at him. Lavi was the first to speak.

"Ah, Kanda--"

"No, Tiedoll."

"I thought you were trying to court Kanda."

"Lavi…" Allen growled. Miranda thought that was kinda…sexy. Lavi wasn't intimidated and continued to talk.

"I've drawn up some plans, we're going to build a big wooden horse, with a hollow belly and stick it on wheels. Then we'll shove you in it, roll it into Kanda's room and when he least expects it you'll jump out and finally become a man.

What? No good?

Okay how about we "accidentally" lock you two in a closet and then when he least expects it you'll jump him and finally become a man.

What? Still no good?

Okay how about we drug him and tie him to your bed and then you can jump him and finally become a man.

What? Still no good?

Tough crowd."

Lavi thought for a moment and then spoke up with another plan.

"What about voodoo dolls, can we at least use them?"

Allen took some time considering the idea before he rejected that one too.

"How about a make-over?" Surprisingly it was Miranda who spoke.

"What?" Allen wasn't sure how making him look different would help win Kanda's affections. However Lavi found this idea to be of substance.

"Brilliant! We make Allen look so stunningly manly Kanda will be helpless but to swoon in his arms!"

Allen wasn't convinced.

"Don't worry, it's just a makeover."

"Said the spider to the fly..."

--TBC--