Note: -man is a Japanese manga(& anime) written and drawn by Katsura Hoshino. If you haven't read it, go read it! It's one of the few manga that still got me addicted.

Disclaimer: I do not own the -man characters, never did and never will, no matter how much I like them. This is just a fan work, it is not for commercial use and is done solely for the sake of fan-girlism.

Forewords: This fanfiction started in 2008 and I never did finish it. I originally planned to write four chapters, two from Cross' viewpoint and two from Klaud's. Somehow, I wrote a draft for chapter three and then my mortal time got absorbed into my daytime work entirely. I feel so sorry for leaving my readers hanging there. Now, I am back, full of energy and devotion once again! Chapter one and two have been edited and re-written, and chapter three is new.
I hope you will enjoy it and feedbacks are always welcomed and appreciated!

Chapter One : Reason to Live

How long had it been? I could faintly remember.

I was lying flat on my back, bathing in the familiar stink of old blood. My body felt cooler by the minute while the wet muddy pool beneath me became surprisingly warmer. I just laid there, legs stretched out. Too tired to move and too numbed to feel anymore physical pain. I let my eyelids slid downwards, closing out the dim light misting through the tree tops of this little wood. Or what was left of this poor little woodland after such a fierce battle with the Akumas. The poor souls, forever trapped in the "weapons" created by the Millennium Earl until their destruction. A cold soft breeze brushed against my face. My face was not burning anymore from the deep cuts. I knew I must be very ugly from the deformation… but who would care for a pretty little face when I was queuing at the stairway to thy Kingdom. There was that soft breeze again. I could still faintly hear the heart-tearing shrieks of the human souls inside the Akumas echoing in my head. It must have been my imagination. There was no Akuma left. I wiped them all out. Just like what they did to my squad.

I failed my team, my comrades, my family. They trusted me. I failed them just as General Cross Marian expected. Maybe I should have listened to him. He had been a General longer than I had been, he had more battle experience and he was a smart scientist. No, my judgments were not entirely incorrect… but neither was his. We were ambushed by the Akumas in this Dark Forest as I had expected. We were also ambushed by a Noah just as he had predicted. The Noah Clan was the beloved family of the Millennium Earl. The delivery of a dozen of Innocence via this route was too tempting for the Millennium Earl to resist. Cross Marian told me explicitly that the Earl would send out one of his finest to do the job. I didn't take his words seriously, thinking he was looking down on a female General. I should have taken his advice. I was... too naïve. This was my first and maybe last time I would set eyes on the Noah again. She looked as though she was just a spooky little girl. How could such a child be a Noah? Road Kamelot, I would never forget her name. The way she introduced herself while stabbing me with her sharp blade after the Akumas had sent my troops onto the ground. They never got up again. Here I laid beside the remaining bodies that did not crumble into dust. They should be waiting for me in front of Heaven's gate now and I shouldn't keep them waiting. It had been my fault that, instead of heading back to the headquarters of the Black Order, they ended up in Heaven. I sighed slowly, releasing the last breath out of my lungs. Dear God...

"How much time are you going to waste here? Get up when you already had enough beauty sleep. I want my red wine," a deep voice broadcasted through the thick mist.

That voice sounded familiar. It was him. General Cross Marian was here to bear witness to my failure. Despite my tiredness, I snapped open my eyes. The instant movement stung hard on my damaged face muscles and the sharp pain sent me speechless.

"Shouldn't have sent a girl to do a man's job in the first place," he shrugged and was kneeling down beside me. "Now they want me to clean up the mess that you have stirred up."

My face muscle twitched again. I squinted my eyes at the shadow looming over me. That face, half hiding behind the pale mask, decorated by tangled masses of long fiery red hair, was the last thing I thought I would ever see again. His voice was so calm and emotionless. Even face-to-face with death, I heard that this man could still laugh and make jokes about the Akumas. So that must be true. Before me was a man so cold that he would still mock me at this moment when I was dying. No wonder he had no squad of his own.

"I told you, Noah was a tough one. And the Earl sent Road. No wonder your ass was kicked bad. You owe me three bottles of red wine," Cross smirked.

How did he know the Earl had sent Road? He was nearby? He had been watching all along? And he did nothing to help? He let us all suffered and even die? I had to glare at him even if my eye balls were going to roll out of their sockets. My vision was blurred from the blood on my face but I could still see the man's face at close distance. Up to now, he didn't even offer a hand to help me! He was just there, talking nonsense. I had too many questions flaring up but I could only just glare at him in silence.

"What? You didn't forget, did you? I bet you three bottles of red wine that you will be attacked by a Noah. Your brains are not mashed, are they?" Cross frowned slightly, leaning closer as if to really examine whether my brain was still intact inside my fractured skull.

The veins on my head must have popped up so evidently that even the angel of death would be scared off. If I were to die, I would bring down this horrible man with me. I clenched my teeth, with all my remaining strength, flexed my back and snapped my head upwards. I could hear the cracking of my backbone and the blood streaming down my face. The pain was excruciating but I was pleased to hear a muffled yelp from the bastard as my forehead impacted on his bearded chin. It felt good and a wave of blackness overwhelmed me. I flopped back down flat on my back.

"What the hell? You are not passing out on me here, Klaud! I will not carry you back to the headquarters!" Cross yelled.

I would not die, not until I bring down this traitor with me. I told my squad that in my deep slumber. I tried to apologize to them but they just waved and smiled. They turned and walked into the distant light. Was that a farewell? I tried to run after them, but the faster I ran, the further they drifted towards the whiteness ahead. I called out to all of them but I was sucked backwards into blackness. They didn't turn back for me and I was left behind. I guess that was goodbye.

How long had I been passed out? I didn't know. When I finally regained consciousness, I was still in the dark.

"Oh my, you are awake at last!" said a gentle female voice.

I turned my head towards the voice. My eyes must have been bandaged and I couldn't open my eyes. My eyelids hurt when I tried to flip them open. I shifted my arms a bit and felt the materials underneath me. I must be in the intensive care ward inside the Black Order hospital wing. The bedding and smell of disinfectant were all so familiar to me. I parted my lips. I had questions to ask but I already knew the answer. Trembling, I grasped weakly at the sheets beneath my hands. I was the only casualty there. My men did not come back with me.

"Don't worry dear, you're back in the Order now. You're safe. Please take more rests, you are not even half recovered from the massive number of terrible wounds," the gentle voice approached closer. "Your eyes had bacterial infections but they were already treated while you were still in the coma." There was a gentle reassuring touch on my forehead. She continued in a motherly tone, "However, the doctor said it is best to let them rest for a while longer before taking off the bandages. Besides, General Cross Marian specifically ordered that you are to be bed-bound until fully recovered."

"What!" I squeaked upon hearing that name, "Where is that man… that traitor!" I tried to sit up in the dark but a large hand pinned me back down. That hand held me firmly by my right shoulder, squeezing on one of the blade wounds. I wriggled for one second and then gave up, inhaling deeply from the pain.

"Please stay still dear, otherwise the stitched up wounds will be torn apart," said the nurse softly. "Oh, and you, please be gentle on her, the wounds are difficult to treat if they get infections." I heard the nurse giggled slightly and I knew the owner of that hand was in a position of doing something that a woman with decent morale would despise. General Cross Marian was notoriously infamous for being a womanizer. But then again, I had nothing to worry about, not after my face was scarred and him only targeting on pretty girls.

"General Marian, remove your hand… NOW," I greeted the master of that hand.

"I didn't know you miss me this much, Klaud honey. It touches my heart to hear you calling for me. But still, you will pay for calling me a traitor, in addition to the three bottles of red wine you already owe me," he replied in a cheerful tone. I could imagine that sly grin spreading across his face right now. His hand tightened on my shoulder and I bit onto my lower lip to prevent the painful gasp from escaping. His thumb was deliberately rubbing slowly on my wound. He was sitting on the edge of the bed and I could feel he was inching closer.

"Leave us, my good nurse," ordered the General.

I heard the soft thud of the door closing across the ward. Marian was going to kill me now. I knew he was a traitor to the Black Order. He sent the nurse away so no one would witness this murder. I never dreamt I would be murdered by a fellow General. Not General Cross Marian… not Cross…

"Now, tell me about this 'traitor' thing, my love. What did I possibly have done to earn such a rewarding title? I did just save your preciously little ass four days ago, in case your memory system was still rebooting."

"… Just do it, General Marian. Make it swift. I had suffered enough of losing the ones I loved," I breathed as I tasted the salty blood on my lips and fought hard to hold back the tears. They were about to wet the bandages. The last thing I wanted to show this man was weakness. "I should have joined them four days ago," I whispered between clenched teeth.

It seemed he was searching for some cruel words from his sadistic database to respond to me. There was a brief moment of silence. I didn't want to speak to him anymore. I couldn't see the facial appearance of the other man but I knew it would be anything but comforting. Maybe he was trying to figure out which method would be the most efficient to end my life and without leaving any evidence against him. He removed his grip from my shoulder at last, replacing it with a soft embrace. He then tried to get me to sit up. I would not be fooled, I understood very well what he was trying to do! How desperate could this man get? I tried to push the other body away quickly, my arms thrashing and hitting his back like a mad woman. He was too close! I could sense his tobacco-tainted breath on my right cheek. How dared him taking advantage of me like this! He finally backed off, releasing me from his arms. I rested my back on the head board, now sitting upright in position.

Into the darkness I hissed, "You were there and you watched them die! You traitor!" I finally let my last remaining guard crashed. I burst into tears and screamed, "It's all my fault! I led them to their deaths! I should have died with them!"

The clock was ticking on the wall. My own fierce heart beats and uncontrolled cries filled my ears. My face was all wet and I felt drained of blood. I pulled up my knees and rested my head onto them. I sobbed and embraced myself tightly, hoping the nasty man would go away. I didn't know for how long I had cried, until I was too tired and out of breath to continue. Silence crept back into the room when I finally stopped weeping. The room was quiet, he must have left already. So it was also true that the invincible General Marian was helpless against women's tears. Maybe he wasn't planning to humiliate me just yet. Not when I was in such a pathetic state.

I owed the man an apology. I knew very well the death of my squad was entirely my own responsibility. He did save my life.

The soundless room convinced me I was alone again. Startled by a light touch on my head, I trembled and refused to move from my current position. Cross was still here. He caressed my hair and tilted my head away from my knees. His touch was gentle but I kept still as if I was frozen. He glided his hand over my bandaged eyes. "I'm sorry, Klaud," whispered the General and he stood up from the mattress. His footsteps faded into the distance and vanished behind the closed door.

Why were you sorry, Cross? You were too late to save everyone... but you saved me.

-to be continued-