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Courtship for Dummies
Chapter Fifteen
Kanda had been lulled to sleep by the sound of Allen playing the piano, his head resting comfortably on the couch arm-rest as the memory of General Cross's attempt to give him a prostate examination faded away to just a very, very bad dream…
Some time later, Kanda, uncomfortable with his position hunched on the arm rest of the couch, but still half asleep and keen to fall back into a deep slumber shifted. Stretching his body across the length of the couch he rested his head by the opposite arm rest that he'd been leaning on, and nestled into the warmth radiating from the couch below. Too tired to question why the couch was warm and oddly squishy Kanda was soon fast asleep.
When he began to wake up a second time, feeling warm and content he'd held on tightly to his coverings not quite ready to fully return to consciousness as he was altogether completely satisfied by his current position especially when the couch pulled him in closer, creating a comforting cocoon. That was until a girly scream and sudden movement alerted him to the fact that couches weren't supposed to have arms. Shocked and angry at the rude awakening Kanda glared fiercely up at the stupid moyashi before roughly pushing him on to the floor.
Kanda was embarrassed; an emotion of rare occurrence in Kanda's life, as most situations could be either ignored or beaten into submission with his katana. However in this instance Kanda found he was unwilling to make eye-contact with the younger exorcist, instead he listened to Allen's movements as he shuffled around the room.
Lying back down on the couch Kanda heard Allen disappear in search of food, leaving him alone to stew over what had just transpired. Rather then abating his embarrassment now that Allen had left, it had risen as he realised he hadn't been that angry about the sleeping arrangements but rather the fact that he had been woken up. Glaring at the couch he pushed these thoughts out of his mind as he waited for Allen to return.
Having waited somewhat patiently for ten minutes Kanda was starting to feel a bit annoyed, fifteen minutes after that and he was furious. There was no way it would take this long to go to the dinning hall and back again, especially since Jerry could cook with superhuman speed. His embarrassment was thereby completely wiped out by his rage; he couldn't believe the moyashi had ditched him, after all his I'm going to save everyone in the world crap, he'd just run away. Kanda needed his sword and he needed it now.
Storming angrily out of the Ark, Kanda forced his way in to the Supervisor's office and retrieved Mugen before making his way out to the forest for some much needed exercise.
Although Komui had seen Kanda attack his room, from a safe distance of course, before he had run off, Komui decided it was safer to let Kanda keep his sword. It was common knowledge anyway that General Cross had left the premises. Besides Komui had a pretty lady waiting for him in the courtyard which definitely took precedence.
xxxxx
Leaning against a tree to rest after a serious workout Kanda heard shuffling noises coming closer through the foliage, the sounds indicating that whoever else was in the forest had come to a stop a short distance away from his resting place. Intent on doling out punishment to the unfortunate intruder Kanda was about to attack when he heard a familiar voice.
"Your Shnugglebunny thinks you're very cute, and if anyone so much as looks at you there will be hell to pay! Because you're my Cutiepie, the cutest Cutiepie ever and I love you so much which is why I even wore this pink thong for you, but shh we don't want any of the Order to know about this."
Feeling slightly nauseous Kanda turned tail and ran, not wanting to hear anymore epithets of love. Kanda just wanted to go to bed and forget this day had ever happened.
xxxxx
The room, bathed in moonlight, was completely silent apart from the sound of deep breathing coming from the occupant of the bed that stood beneath the window. The quiet of the room extending out into the corridors as the late hour meant that very rarely would someone be traversing through the hallways of the Order's living quarters as most of the Order would be asleep by now. The room's inhabitant was no exception, sleeping with his infamous sword tucked under his pillow. However the peace and quiet would soon be interrupted, much to the occupant's chagrin.
A loud ruckus emanating from the corridor roused Kanda immediately from his slumber, his first instincts telling him that the Order might be under attack. However as the sound increased becoming more understandable he changed his evaluation of the situation, he doubted even the Noah were so eccentric that their plan of attack was to sing god awful lyrics in the middle of the night.
The words "Oh oh Kanda, my sweet Kanda Yu, No one can fight the way you do…," were shouted loudly through his door, the singers still holding the last syllable in a long drawn out whine when Kanda threw open the door, sword in hand to reveal two jubilant exorcists, leaning on each other for support.
xxxxx
Cautiously Allen opened his eyes, blinking blearily as it took a few moments for him to adjust to the sunlight beaming in through the window. Taking a good look at his surroundings Allen concluded that last night he had somehow managed to infiltrate Kanda's sanctuary, his memory of the night before a little vague.
At that particular moment in time however he had more pressing matters to attend to; the rhino dancing the fandango in his head, his arms tied behind his back preventing him from getting up off the floor and the sock that had been wedged in his mouth. Allen's only consolation at his painful and humiliating arrangement was that Lavi was lying next to him in a similar condition, groaning in pain.
Spitting the sock out of his mouth didn't seem to improve the conditions as it still felt as if something had died in his mouth, not to mention that his eyes hurt and his whole body ached and he really, really needed to use the loo. Groaning Allen turned to Lavi giving him a light nudge. Lavi groaned in reply.
"Need to pee. Badly. Help untie. Quick." Thankful that Lavi was able to understand his plea they frantically shuffled about on the floor until they had successfully managed to free themselves. Once free both men stumbled out of Kanda's room, moving in as much haste as they could currently manage towards the bathroom.
Having finished with the facilities Allen left Lavi, staggering back to his own room in need of more sleep. Crawling back into his bed he sighed in relief as his muscles relaxed slightly and he dozed off.
The next time he woke up it was in much better conditions, sleeping in an actual bed having eased his suffering to some extent, although he still had a headache and was feeling nauseous. Too lethargic to get up Allen lay on his bed and tried to remember what had happened the night before.
Flashback
"Ladi, Bavi, Dadi? You with the one-eye! Have I ever told you how muw… how much I love you man? You too my sadistic Master. I…I…really love you, all of you, in fact I love you too table, and chair, and I especially love yoouuu!" Speaking lovingly to his glass Allen took another gulp of wine. They'd moved on from "Ye Olde Tavern" but Allen could no longer comprehend words and so he had no idea of the name of their current location, but that didn't bother him. All he knew was they were at a bar, where there was wine and women.
Finishing off his drink he studied his now empty glass, holding it up to the light to make sure it was completely empty and not some evil trick of the Millennium Earl. Nearby Lavi was happily slurring to one scantily clad woman.
The bar man had already called out the last orders a short time ago and even though it was getting quite late the bar was not lacking in patrons especially with General Cross drawing in a crowd of women. Therefore when the bar man signalled it was time for everyone to leave a groan of displeasure rose from the bar's inhabitants. Putting up a bit of a fight they were finally ushered out of the building.
Somehow making it back to the Black Order headquarters, Allen and Lavi stumbled against each other struggling to stand straight on their own. They had spilt from General Cross back at the last bar, losing him to the crowd and a pair of very pretty identical twins.
Swaying together, they moved through the corridors, singing hearty drinking songs and having decided that the night was not over yet, they made their way towards Kanda's room, intent upon honouring him with their presence. Not even given the chance to knock on the door, it was flung open by an irate exorcist bearing a sword.
At the sight of his object of affection Allen promptly let go of Lavi, lurching forward he suddenly grasped Kanda's shoulders, bringing their faces close together. Lavi now forgotten had collapsed at the loss of Allen's support, sprawled on the floor he was abruptly overcome with tiredness and was soon snoring deep in sleep. In contrast Kanda was now wide awake, his body tense at the unexpected actions of the younger exorcist.
Smiling happily up at Kanda, Allen opened his mouth, looking at Kanda with complete adoration the whole time he spoke.
"Kanda, you're sooo cute and adorable. I like you when you're adorable. You should be adorable more often, yes, yes you should. Makes me want to hold you close and keep you safe. I could protect you? Protect you from Cross! I especially like it when you're all hot and flustered from fighting. But most of all I just like you." Shocked at Allen's sudden confession Kanda stood frozen to the spot, eyes wide in surprise; he didn't even notice that his katana had fallen to the floor. Allen however wasn't finished yet and moved one of his hands to gently cup the others man's face, their lips almost touching.
"I like you, my sweet Kanda Yu." And by whispering these last words to Kanda, Allen had finally used up the last of his strength, falling to the floor, he passed out.
Flashback
Cringing at the hazy memories of the night before Allen tried to suffocate himself with his pillow. After all it would be impossible for Kanda to kill him if he was already dead.
xxxxx
While Allen was suffering both physically and mentally Kanda was otherwise occupied, with thoughts of Allen currently pushed to the back of his mind.
Barging his way into Komui's office he had demanded that his tenure as General Cross's assistant come to an immediate end. Sighing in exasperation Komui removed his feet from his desk and put down his mug.
"Kanda, we've already gone through this, that's not how this works, you have to stay as the General's assistant until he is satisfied. Have you tried talking to the General about this?"
"Che"
"Well then there is nothing I can do." Looking at Kanda, Komui felt a chill run down his back, instead of the expected glare Kanda was smiling.
"Are you telling me Shnugglebunny can't do a thing to help? Even with his special underwear?" Gulping involuntarily Komui quickly regained his composure.
"I can see your behaviour has improved greatly, there's obviously no need for you to endure spending anymore time with General Cross. Now run along." Content with his victory Kanda left Komui on the hunt for a certain General.
Although Kanda had intended to find Cross and rough him up a bit, he had discovered that the General wasn't even in the Order headquarters. In fact he'd heard from the various Order members that he'd threatened, that Cross hadn't returned to the Order since he'd been seen leaving the day before with Allen and Lavi. Concluding that he could wait Kanda headed for the dining hall.
With thoughts of how he could cause Cross pain running through his mind as he ate Kanda was once again given a wide berth of space by the occupants of the dining hall. They were rather fearful of the smile plastered across the face of the normally dour exorcist, choosing to stay as far out of his reach as possible. Lost in his own world Kanda didn't notice the nervous behaviour of the other Order members.
It was during this time that Allen wearily ventured into the dining hall, walking straight into Lenalee as he had screwed his eyes shut at the pain of the sudden onslaught of noise of the dining hall.
"Allen? Are you okay? Do you want to sit down?" Lenalee touched his shoulder uncertainly, specking with concern.
"Uh, sorry Lenalee, I'll be fine in a second, just need to get used to the noise."
"Are you sure?" Lenalee was still concerned, unconvinced by Allen's words.
"Yeah I'm feeling better already." Opening his eyes Allen looked up to give Lenalee a reassuring smile.
"Allen. What happened to you yesterday, everyone's saying you disappeared with General Cross and didn't come back till really early this morning." Lenalee asked curiously.
"I'm not really sure…but I think I may have done something stupid." Allen spoke slowly as if he was trying to remember everything that had happened the night before.
"Oh?"
"I need to talk to Kanda." Grimacing Allen decided it was better he talk to Kanda first before asking for advice.
"Well, okay. Um, he's over there, that table over there which everyone is avoiding." Twisting around to survey the room Allen quickly spotted Kanda as Lenalee gestured to him. Cringing at the sight of Kanda's smile, a sense of impending doom flooding through his body Allen turned back to face Lenalee.
"Maybe I'll talk to him later?" However as soon as these words had left his mouth, Allen noticed the rather threatening figure of Marie standing nearby cracking his knuckles.
"On second thoughts, now looks like the perfect time." Taking a deep breath to strengthen his resolve Allen took his first step into no man's land and the crowd hushed in trepidation.
Slowly he made his way to the table that Kanda had occupied; coming to a stop next to the older exorcist he tried to attract Kanda's attention.
"Kanda?" Allen called out hesitantly to the older exorcist who seemed to be oblivious to his presence.
Kanda, who hadn't noticed Allen's approach, quickly snapped his head to face Allen, shocked. Instantly the smile disappeared from the man's face as thoughts about the white-haired exorcist that he had been able to conveniently forget assaulted his mind.
Face turned stoic, Kanda determinedly avoided looking at the other exorcist, resolutely looking forward instead, where he was confronted with a crowd of Order members staring avidly back at him. One fierce glare later and they had all returned to their own activities, although they attempted to discreetly keep watch. Lenalee who was nonplussed by Kanda's glare remained openly staring at the couple.
Grimacing in disgust Kanda gripped his chopsticks tighter as the moyashi took a tentative seat next to him instead of going away. Staying firm Kanda persisted in keeping his head turned away from the other exorcist. Allen on the other hand had twisted his whole body round towards Kanda, babbling relentlessly.
"Kanda? Kanda? Please look at me. I'm really sorry about yesterday. I was going to return, I promise, but then General Cross turned up and he was looking for you and I was trying to protect you, but then he ended up dragging me out with him and if I didn't go he would have found you, but I really didn't want to go, I would have much rather have gone back to the Ark and stayed with you, but Cross took us to so many drinking spots, I don't even remember all of what happened last night, but I know there was lots of wine and beer and whisky and I got a bit drunk, okay more then drunk, and when we somehow made it back to the Order I really wanted to see you, I'm not saying that makes my behaviour excusable but I want you to know it wasn't to annoy you, so I'm sorry, about everything. Kanda?"
Looking imploringly at Kanda Allen could see out of the corner of his eye Lenalee giving him an encouraging thumbs up. However Kanda remained stoically frozen in place.
"You could punch me if that would make you feel better." Allen watched with hope as a look of consideration passed across Kanda's face but that soon turned to distress when Kanda abruptly stood up and walked away.
Distraught Allen dropped his face onto the table, closing his eyes he tried to block out the sounds of the cafeteria. Concentrating on calming his churning stomach Allen was unexpectedly jolted upright, by the clatter of a dish dropped in front of him, and he stared dumbstruck at the plate of mitarashi dango. Looking up he gawped in astonishment at his companion.
By now Kanda had recovered his previous position, focusing on his own food. However at Allen's persistent stare Kanda deigned to give the other man a haughty glare. Smiling gratefully at the obvious expression of peace Allen picked up a skewer. Not quite up to the task of eating, a lingering affect of the alcohol, Allen heroically forced the first dango into his mouth, chewing and swallowing all under the watchful eye of Kanda, and consequently the rest of the dining hall who were watching in awe.
Apparently satisfied Kanda stood once more, this time walking straight out of the door.
As soon as he was out of sight Allen hastily dropped the skewer, taking deep breaths and holding his hand over his mouth to stop himself from throwing up.
A few moments later when Allen had recovered, he was finally able to discern that while Kanda might have been satisfied by the outcome of their proceedings he had a very protective "brother" who was making his way closer, that wasn't. Definitely not ready for a fight Allen fled after Kanda.
Taking a chance Allen had gone directly to Kanda's room first. Lucky for once Allen had found Kanda sprawled on his bed, his door left unlocked in his haste. Stunned at the exorcist's sudden entrance Kanda sat up watching curiously as Allen closed his door and boldly sat beside him on the bed. Kanda's dishevelled state producing an overwhelming sense of tenderness for Allen as they both sat in awkward silence before Allen spoke.
"I meant what I said last night, I really do like you." At Allen's softly spoken words, his meaning clear, Kanda's eyes drifted downwards as he studied the floor. The room once more cloaked in an awkward silence.
"You can call me Yu," Eyes still firmly fixed on the floor Kanda's words were said tersely.
"Huh." Of all the responses Allen had expected that one hadn't been on the list. Confused he studied Kanda who seemed agitated by his response. Appearing to make up his mind, Kanda moved impulsively to place a chaste kiss on Allen's cheek before whispering in his ear.
"I like you too."
The crowd cooed for a second time at the scene that was replayed from the mouth of a chubby gold golem in the dining hall where the Order members had gathered to congratulate Allen in his endeavours. On the other side of the room Kanda was unaware of the free show he was indirectly giving the Order again as he tried to fend off General Tiedoll, who was trying in vain to bestow an affectionate hug on his 'son'.
Nearby Allen not wanting to intervene in Kanda's family time was equally distracted by his Master.
General Cross had returned to the Order not long ago smelling distinctly of women's perfume and following the loud ruckus had made his way to the dining hall to find Kanda torn between chasing Timcampy and threatening Allen with his sword. Having lost sight of Tim while he glared at Allen, Kanda had focused his attention on 'berating' the young man until he had been violently caught in the hold of General Tiedoll.
Feeling energised by such a sight Cross had begun to walk towards his apprentice. Almost by Allen's side Cross however was stopped by the voice of another exorcist, his question also attracting Allen's attention.
"General Cross! You've got to be feeling a bit down by all of this, eh?" Smiling benignly Cross calmly addressed the hyper-active red-head.
"Oh? Why would you say that?" A little confused Lavi quickly gave an explanation.
"Well, you wanted Kanda as well right? But now he's definitely with Allen and technically that means you lost to your own apprentice right? Allen, what are you doing?" While Lavi was speaking, Allen had been frantically gesturing, moving his hand side to side across his neck to tell Lavi to shut up. However with Lavi's ignorant question Allen hesitantly moved closer, smiling nervously at his master.
"Nothing, just an itch, heh heh." Cross taking it all in his stride and appearing nonplussed, suavely answered Lavi's question.
"Of course not, it was my plan all along to help my treasured apprentice capture the man of his dreams. I was just providing young Allen with the motivation to get a move on." Even though he smiled proudly at Allen, both of the younger exorcists doubted his sincerity and the real reason for his attention towards Kanda.
Unable to keep smiling in such a manner for long Cross's smile soon turned into a more comfortable predatory look, already in search of some new entertainment.
"Besides I prefer less violent and more cheerful red-haired men." Lavi took a step back, uncomfortable with the look the General was throwing his way. With Allen and Kanda completely forgotten, Cross took a step forward following Lavi's retreat.
"So, shall I give you a tour of my bed room?" Panicking slightly Lavi scanned the room looking for a means of escape. Spotting Bookman, Lavi quickly ran over to his side, Cross hot on his heals.
With a serious countenance Bookman carefully looked over first his apprentice and then General Cross, immediately understanding the look on the General's face, expression remaining unchanged he spoke calmly.
"As long as there's no permanent attachment, remember you're a Bookman." The older man nodded his approval and turned back to his previous conversation.
"Excellent." Cross gleefully replied.
Staring in disbelief at both Bookman and Cross, Lavi backed away before turning tail and fleeing, this time with the General following at a much more sedate pace. Grimacing at Lavi's plight Allen hoped he survived.
Turning to see how Kanda was faring Allen discovered that Kanda had some how managed to escape from Tiedoll and that the General was now making his way closer to him with a stern look upon his face. Dreading any further confrontation with the General, Allen quickly manoeuvred through the crowd, taking refuge in a dark corner of the room where he would be obscured from sight. A spot that was already occupied by an irate Kanda staring gloomily at the crowd.
Giving Kanda a tired smile Allen slowly took hold of his hand giving it a comforting squeeze that was tentatively returned as they waited for the moment to make their escape undetected from General Tiedoll who was still on the prowl.
xxxxx
In the newly built Ark of the Noah, the Millennium Earl was confused and annoyed as he sorted through a variety of invoices.
Here he was, trying to build an army of akuma, retrieve the 14th, bring about the end of mankind, all while looking for new baubles for his hat, and all his devoted Noah seemed to be doing was going out drinking in disreputable bars and pubs. Even his precious Road was not exempt from such behaviour, how had she even managed to get served?
Sighing disappointedly the Earl decided that he would have to gather all of his Noah for a family dinner to discuss their questionable behaviour.
-End-
A/N: The last chapter! I could have made this in to two chapters but I thought I'd let you have one big one. Thank you for reading, I know there aren't many Arekan fans so I hope you did enjoy reading this fic, and also thank you so much to all the people who reviewed.