Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N: simply anonymous asked if I would consider writing a oneshot of the Earl's meeting with the Noah, so after quite a long time I thought I'd write a little extra scene. The second scene is of Allen discovering Kanda's actual age.
Thank you to ArAnCaR No.6 for drawing the scene of Kanda eating cake in Chapter 12, the link is on my profile page
Courtship for Dummies Extra scenes
The Millennium Earl confronts the Noahs' recent behaviour.
It was not often the Millennium Earl called the whole Noah family in for a meeting, in fact the last time, as far as Tyki could remember, that they had gathered in this manner was when the '14th' had betrayed them and then disappeared. The Earl had been particularly distressed at the time, calling all of the Noah family to him for comfort.
Now as they sat gathered uncomfortably around the dining room table, forced to share the chairs as there were not enough to go round, Lulubell was in cat form trying to save space, Tyki wondered if they were finally going to get started on those plans of bringing forth pain, and suffering, and ultimately an end to all life on earth. Taking another look at the Earl he didn't think it was very likely. The Earl was not smiling in his normal manner, but neither was he bawling like a baby, Tyki shuddered involuntarily as he remembered the last family gathering; he'd had to throw away his best shirt after it had been soaked in the Earl's tears and snot.
Instead the Earl was looking rather grim. He had watched the Noah file into the room without a word, or a hug or some sort of flamboyant display; even Road was being kept at a cold distance. When they had all been seated, in a manner of speaking, the Earl had risen from his chair, taken two steps away, opened his mouth and then closed it again before returning to his seat in front of the assembled Noah.
He then reached slowly into his coat, pulling out a larger stack of papers which he slammed angrily onto the table in front of him. The Noah remained confused by the sudden display and waited silently with baited breath for the Earl to explain his ire. They did not have to wait long.
"My Noah, look at my face." To add emphasis to this command the Earl sombrely raised his hand and pointed at his mouth.
"I am not grinning manically. In fact there is not even a hint of a reserved smile on my face. THIS DISTURBS ME GREATLY!" At the Earl's angry shout Lulubell skittered to hide behind Road while the others tried not to make any sudden movements. Still pointing at his mouth the Earl lowered his hand to rest heavily on the stack of papers as he continued to speak.
"Here beneath my fingers lies the source of my discontent. Would you like to know what it is? Yes, I'm sure you would." Without waiting for any response from his captive audience the Earl proceeded to explain to the Noah what abominable information the seemingly harmless pieces of paper held.
"What I have here is bill after bill after bill for various establishments of a nefarious nature; pubs and bars, with tabs for ludicrous amounts of alcohol and dancing girls." Here the Earl paused giving a few moments for all the information to sink in and allow the Noah to understand where his grievances lay. Except the Noah didn't really understand much, except the Earl had been spending quite a bit of money on alcohol and dancing girls.
"Did you think I wouldn't find out?" queried the Earl. "That…that you would just get away with this type of behaviour? Well what do you have to say for yourselves? Road even you have at least five invoices with your name on it!" Comprehension finally dawned on the gathered crowd, but not a single Noah could fathom where these bills had come from and Tyki was pretty sure he'd gotten hold of all his recent bar tabs before they had reached the Ark.
When no answer was forthcoming from his Noah, the Earl could no longer contain himself and spewed out exactly why he was upset.
"Why didn't you ask me to come too? Didn't you think I would also like a night out? Enjoy a few drinks away from the daily bump and grind of producing more akuma." The Noah were completely floored, when they had been called for a meeting this had definitely not been what they were expecting. Unfortunately it was Wisely who tried to comfort the distressed Earl.
"I don't drink; it messes with my extra eye. I wouldn't have gone to a pub and asked you to join me for a drink." Wisely bluntly stated. Spinning to focus solely on Wisely the Earl was not particularly happy with the Noah's explanation.
"Well then no more lollipops for you little girl!" he shouted angrily at the Noah.
Sheryl, a Noah of considerably more tact then Wisely, well he had to be in his line of work, rolled his eyes at the other Noah's faux pas and decided to intervene on behalf of the whole Noah clan.
"Ah, yes, well what Wisely is trying to say is that he wouldn't ask you to have one drink, he'd ask you to have as many as you like, isn't that right Wisely?" Sheryl smiled winningly at the Earl while entreating Wisely to confirm his story. However Wisely was being particularly dim that evening and did not seem to understand the reason for the alteration of his initial statement.
"Well no, what I was sayin—ow" Luckily Tyki was quicker on the up take and hastily elbowed Wisely before he could say something the whole Noah clan would regret.
"He agrees with what Sheryl has just said with every fibre of his being, in fact he is so overcome with conviction he can no longer speak and I must answer for him." Tyki hoped that they could just get this sorted as quick as possible as his left ass cheek was starting to go numb as he balanced on the edge of a chair and having Wisely speak was obviously not speeding up the process.
While Tyki spoke the Earl visible relaxed, a hint of a smile starting to return to his face. Noticing this Sheryl quickly dealt the final blow before anyone else could speak.
"There, my dear Earl so now you know that we would of course welcome your company and I would not hesitate to buy your first drink." At this statement a full smile returned to the Earl's face prompting Sheryl to get to his feet and make a hasty exit before anything could go wrong.
"All this excitement seems to have made me quite faint, I think I'll need to go lie down, but we'll go for a drink, definitely, just name the day." Fanning himself lightly Sheryl made for the door before he had a sudden change of mind and quickly grabbed Wisely, lifting him from his seat.
"Oh my, Wisely seems to be looking pretty faint too, he better come with me." Not waiting for anyone to speak Sheryl turned and walked confidently out of the door, a disgruntled Wisely under one arm. Watching him in slight awe the rest of the Noah took his exit as their cue to make their own excuses although a few remained with the intention of staying for dinner now that the danger had passed.
The Earl meanwhile sat back in his chair with his reinforced grin while trying to decide when he would be available to head out for a few drinks.
Allen discovers Kanda's age
It had been a couple of days since Timcampy had officially outed Allen and Kanda to most of the order and Allen was keeping Lavi company as the red-head tried to evade General Cross and his unwanted propositions. At that particular moment they were hiding in Allen's room and so deciding he was in a somewhat safe place Allen thought it was time he got a few things off his chest.
"…but I mean Tiedoll was acting crazy, not that I really expected he would be normal but he was just a little too crazy over protecting Kanda's virtue." Actually taking a moment to think about Allen's concerns rather the responding straight away, mostly because it would ensure he had something to do for longer cramped in a confined space, Lavi spoke contemplatively.
"Well, it does kind of make sense, Yu-chan is only 9 years old, oh wait he's 10 now, and General Tiedoll is his guardian, so you could say it really is like he's Kanda's dad." However his musings were quickly interrupted by an odd choking noise originating from his companion. Moving to sit up straight from his reclined position on Allen's bed Lavi helpfully patted the younger exorcist's back who was at that point trying not to swallow his tongue.
"Hey, Moyashi? Allen? You alright?" A few moments later and Allen finally attempted to speak in a strangled voice.
"What do you mean he's only 10 years old? That's not possible; he's too tall to be only 10 years old!" Nodding understandably Lavi relaxed back on to the bed while he replied.
"Yeah, the Order does like to mess with people quite a lot." Eyes wide Allen was not comforted by Lavi's words.
"Oh god, I'm a paedophile, I've been courting a 10 year old, I'm going straight to hell!"
-End-