A/N: Spoilers for Non-Manga Readers!

I realise this chapter is very descriptive, but I needed to get Yamato's feelings out. Chapter 3 will be up shortly.

All views and opinions are appreciated.

CHAPTER 2

It was little after 6pm, Yamato finished therapy at 5 but wasn't ready to go home yet so he thought he'd go for a brisk walk to build up his stamina. He wasn't sure if Kakashi and Iruka would be home or not as there was still a lot of work to be done in the village. He had left early this morning without seeing them to help Sakura at the hospital leaving a note telling them where he would be. He walked around the village surveying the damage and felt useless. The structural damage could be repaired quiet easily had his chakra channels been normal. Five months' worth of physical therapy and medical intervention and his chakra flow was only two thirds recovered. Tsunade Sama said it would take a while but he couldn't wait that long and he hated psychotherapy. There was only so much a person could talk about themselves and how they felt. He felt hopeless, useless and incapable of doing anything without feeling like he was being overshadowed by darkness he couldn't explain. Even helping Sakura, his mind was obscured when he saw a patient waling and had frozen to the core. Sakura had gently placed her hand on his arm when she saw his eyes glaze over and cursed herself for bringing him to the hospital, what was she thinking? she asked herself. He had assured her it was OK and he was fine. But he could tell she was beating herself up over it. That was the other thing that bothered him, the worry and pain he caused the people closest to him. He'd sometimes hear Iruka crying over him and Kakashi distressed but he couldn't reach out to comfort them. Even Sai who had little comprehension of emotions asked Kakashi why Yamato Taichou looked in pain when he thought his wounds had healed. Kakashi had to take the boy aside and explain wounds of the heart and mind were not that easy to heal.

He hated himself for all the worry he caused them and often wished he hadn't survived the war. It would be easier for his lovers and his friends, and for himself. He wouldn't have to put up with the helpless gazes they threw him and the awkward silence when his friends came to visit. Even exuberant Gai San was quiet on his visits. But he heard Kakashi's faint words in his head when he felt this helpless. On a tough ANBU mission were they lost a lot of comrades one of the enemy rather than be captured took his life in a terrible manner 'dying was the easy option; it was living that was hard'.

Kakashi and Iruka had been so loving and understanding and all he'd done was burden them. He missed them greatly, wanted them, but he just couldn't find it in himself to reach out. Few days after returning home they had made love to him, he wanted to taste them, feel and be with them, be whole again. But the shadow had cast its spell and as Iruka was in the midst of kissing him he screamed with the pain he felt in his head. He got into such a state, Kakashi had to bind him down to prevent him from hurting himself and summon Shizune urgently. Since then, when he felt the slight presence of darkness appear, he slept in the guest bedroom. The darkness of his torment invaded him, he prayed the shadow would let him be. How was he to explain that to the ones he loved? He couldn't do that to them again, Iruka hesitated to touch him and Kakashi was always on edge. Though he was surrounded by friends and his lovers he felt isolated, like the world was carrying on leaving him behind and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't catch up. He felt like he didn't deserve happiness, he wasn't worthy of the love and care bestowed on him.

He looked up at the sky and closed his eyes for a moment, "I was but a man with no past and no future, destined to walk alone. I wasn't fated to be loved or love. I was supposed to be a tool, and I should have remained so" he murmured to himself, his childhood horrors flickering through his mind.

He was rescued from Orochimaru's clutches as a child and knew how lucky he was to be alive. He was the only survivor from the experiments carried out by Orochimaru in that lab. He had no name, no identity or any notion of who he was and how he had come to be. He fought tooth and nail to find himself a personality and be acknowledged, graduating at 6 and then immediately being promoted to Chunin, shortly after a Jounin and then joining ANBU. He didn't know love or friendship and was always the person someone needed him to be, mimicking what he saw. He could never be himself as he didn't know what he was until he met his ANBU team and his captain Kakashi. Yamato was fine on his own, hiding in the depth of the Shinobi system…or so he had thought. His ANBU team taught him to laugh, to smile, to live, and eventually his captain Kakashi, taught him how to love. The darkness that had surrounded him as a child was blinded by the light and beauty of what Kakashi had shown him. They then had accepted Iruka and life was bliss. Those who witness and feel the dark, hardly get to witness light. He never hoped he would fall in love not once, but twice! But he did, he had it all, the feeling of being safe and loved, that someone cared what happened to him. He felt like he belonged and he was needed. His life was full with the addition of Sakura, Sai and Naruto as team members, all three a handful with problems of their own but he wouldn't change his charges. It was probably why they all clashed and got along at the same time as each understood the other better than they realised.

He had never hoped for anything before, but he now yearned to remain happy like this forever in the arms of the ones who understood him. He felt complete.

Happiness doesn't last and he knew this. He found himself in the midst of an experiment once more surrounded by the darkness he had fought without realising its form as a child. His DNA and chakra force was used to reinforce the Zetsu army, the major problem faced by the alliance during the war. Sakura and Shizune had noticed his DNA in an autopsy they carried out on one of the Zetsu killed by Sakura. The damned DNA he carried, it had saved as many a life as it had killed, but was it really worth it? He was just an experiment and that was what he should have remained as. Instead of protecting Naruto, he managed to get captured and tortured into giving away the alliances strategy. He felt his head frequently burn after Madara's use of Tsukuyomi on him; he still wasn't sure how much time had passed until Itachi had released him from the genjutsu. He had tried so damn hard to resist but those knives stabbed him constantly, he felt it, the cold blunt blades strike, one after the other. He heard it, the knives exiting and entering leaving wounds. He watched it, the drips of blood a constant steady stream. Darkness. Emptiness. When he could make a coherent thought he saw sudden flashes of light so bright it consumed itself leaving a darker void in its place. He knew there was a better place than this...this emptiness. But he'd lose his mind again. Engulfed by darkness and emptiness. The constant echo of dripping blood. Darkness, drip, drip, drip, darkness.

Yamato had lost himself again as his mind was obscured and the shadow sidled in and consumed him slowly causing tremors through his body. The sudden shouts of two boys bought him back to his senses. "Hey Mr, catch the chicken please!" shouted a breathless boy as he bounded towards Yamato with a flapping chicken ahead of him. "Chicken?" Yamato was too slow to register the shout and was hit square in the head by a fluster of feathers knocking him to the ground before the chicken rounded the corner. Yamato picked himself up grumbled abuse forgetting himself and run after the chicken chasing it around the field with the two boys on his tail. He then heard a cluck and watched as another chicken flapped by him. "What am I doing? I'm a Shinobi for crying out loud" Yamato mumbled to himself. And with that he formed a four-pillar prison capturing the stray chickens.

The little boy looked at him in annoyance panting, "You're a Shinobi? Why didn't you do that earlier?" he inquired. So much for gratitude Yamato thought, but he had no answer, why hadn't he done that earlier? He was now panting hard to catch his breath with two chickens in tow that were scratching him. "Our dad was a Shinobi, he woulda caught those chickens quicker if he was alive" the child said with pride. The eldest put his arms around his brother, "Don't be rude Ryuu! He might still be injured from the war. Sorry Mr, thank you for your help" he smiled.

Yamato looked at the boys, both sadly left to grow up fast with the loss of their father. He realised how lucky he was to have both Kakashi and Iruka with him still alive. Kakashi had been quiet beaten but he had come out of it whole. Then there were Sakura, Sai and Naruto who had been altered by war but that was expected. Naruto was physically and mentally exhausted but he was still in one piece. For the first time he realised life could've been worse. Naruto had walked around weighed with the 5 nation's fate on his shoulders without grumbling. He had just accepted that was his destiny and he couldn't fail no matter how hard and lonely it was. Yamato felt his pain and torture small in comparison to Naruto; he was wallowing in self-pity while the boy took on the world. Naruto could've thrown in the towel when it got tough but chose the lonely path, never really questioning his fate. Even today after saving the world from destruction, they hated and feared him for his strength. It couldn't have been easy being labelled a monster and growing up not having anybody. But once he had made his bonds, he wasn't afraid to ask for help. Both he and Kakashi were alive thanks to Naruto; he made a promise to himself not to ever let Naruto shoulder the burden alone. The poor boy had it tough but Iruka had been there for him at the early stages, Kakashi later on and they would remain so as long as he needed them. Once again he realised how lucky he was to have both his lovers so willing to help but were being pushed away by him. He looked at the two boys who had accepted their destiny to grow up without a father figure. He vowed then to accept what came his way and stop the self-pity.

He observed the coop the eldest boy was trying to repair, it was in dismal condition and near impossible to repair after the damage. "Erm, maybe I can help you boys and your chickens" Yamato smiled handing them a chicken each to hold and giving their hair a quick ruffle. He wanted to do something for the boys and thought to himself it'd only take a little chakra to build the boys a new simple coop. He formed the hand seals and with some concentration conjured up the coop to the admiration of the boys.

"Your amazing Mr" shouted little Ryuu, now clearly a Yamato fan, jumping and shouting for his mum to come see whilst the eldest boy thanked and bowed furiously causing Yamato to chuckle. The mother came running thanking him and bowing just as much as her eldest son that Yamato found he couldn't help himself and asked if they needed any other small structures repaired. After summoning a small shed and repairing a few fences, Yamato felt his chakra dwindle immensely. He had to get back home to rest and once again started feeling a little hopeless with the state of his body. With a wave to the boys and a cake of gratitude from their mother, Yamato walked towards home smiling. It felt good to be needed again and be of a little use to someone at least.