CHAPTER 3

Kakashi and Iruka heard the front door creak just before 8. Both looked up to see a tired Yamato enter with what could be mistaken as a smile on his face and feathers in his hair. Yamato looked at his lovers curled up on the sofa and gave a small smile.

"Hi, what happened to you? Get into a fight with a chicken?" Kakashi asked as sarcastic as ever to Yamato. He tried to keep up the teasing and humour for his lovers' sake but he hoped Yamato was OK, he could see scratches on him.

"You could say that" laughed Yamato seeing the funnier side of his eventful trip home. "I'll tell you guys over dinner, first I need a shower" he groaned. Before leaving he raised his right hand to show them a parcel "I have cake" he said and walked past them into the kitchen to leave it on the counter.

Iruka and Kakashi couldn't help feeling a little happy at Yamato's lighter mood they exchanged a look before Iruka followed Yamato into the kitchen. He placed a hand on Yamato's arm and squeezed it smiling at him. "I've cooked dinner, Noodles with miso and walnuts, why don't you get that shower and I'll warm it up". Yamato smiled back, he didn't know what to say, Kakashi and Iruka had been trying so hard to stay positive around him. Bringing him his favourite dishes, desserts, magazines and movies he really didn't deserve them he thought to himself again. He hesitated for a bit and placed a kiss on Iruka's lips before heading for the bathroom for his shower hoping Iruka knew how he felt. Iruka looked on in surprise as Yamato hadn't done that on his own accord since his ordeal. He didn't want to make a big deal out of it but it filled his heart completely as he placed his fingers on his lips where Yamato's were a moment ago and smiled.

After his shower, Yamato dressed in a towel went into the bedroom he shared with his lovers to find Kakashi sorting out the dirty clothes he had just thrown on the chair. "Er thanks Kashi, but I could've sorted that out".

"It's OK" Kakashi replied crinkling his eye with a smile. He gazed over Yamato's body to the scars left behind by Kabuto's cruel experiments and his mood darkened. He hadn't been there to stop it, to save him from the torture, he hated himself for it. When he had heard Yamato had been captured he felt his world torn apart. He had little hope of seeing his lover alive again so he concentrated all his energy being a divisional captain and hoped he'd meet Kabuto to rip him apart. He felt guilty for loosing hope and thinking his lover dead. That was the nature of war though, it didn't give you time to ponder or mourn. A survival instinct takes over and all you can do is think of a better tomorrow if you survive the battle.

Yamato felt the gaze and the shift in Kakashi's mood. He felt torn, so walked over to Kakashi and gently placed an arm around him cupping his face; he kissed and hugged Kakashi quickly as if he was afraid to break the man. Kakashi shocked by Yamato's initiation grabbed and pulled him back in for a longer hug and kiss whispering "Yamato… I'm sorry, I just… I Love You Yama" in his ear, feeling the heart beat to remind him that they had him still to hold. Yamato gulped, he wanted to tell Kakashi how much he loved him, how it was his own fault for being so weak and getting captured. But the shadows were taking over and he couldn't get the words out. He slowly moved away from Kakashi not to alarm him and sat down on the bed gripping the duvet to recover his wits.

"What's wrong Yama" Kakashi asked with a tone of hurt in his voice noticing the change in Yamato's body language though he was fighting it. Yamato looked up at Kakashi and saw the same look he had seen in Sakura's face earlier this morning. He hated this, why couldn't he find the right words to do and show them how much he appreciated them. Why couldn't he get rid of this veil of darkness that kept hounding him?

Yamato was determined to overcome this, he shook his head clear and held up a hand for Kakashi to take, "Kashi...I'm OK, sorry, I Just..." he breathed deeply, regained himself and gave Kakashi a smile "Ruka's warming up dinner, help me get dressed please, don't want it to go cold". Kakashi took the hand stunned Yamato was asking for help and was actually concerned about dinner, but he had seen the shadow overcome Yamato. He held the hand for a few moments looking at Yamato's face, thanking his stars that he had got a small glimpse of his lover back but worried at the same time about the depression that wouldn't leave.

Kakashi helped him get dressed dropping small kisses on him and running his hands over the familiar toned body he longed to taste again. Yamato was the lightest of the three men but he was now thinner which caused his clothes to hang loose. Once dressed Yamato asked for Kakashi's hand again and lead him to the table were Iruka had set up dinner. Iruka and Kakashi both shared a gaze and looked at the hand leading Kakashi to the table. They knew not to think much of anything and every small step Yamato took to returning to himself felt like a giant leap to them. But as Kakashi just witnessed it didn't take much for Yamato to withdraw.

Meal times had been a quiet affair since they had bought Yamato back home from the hospital. Kakashi did most of the talking to keep Yamato up-to-date with the village's progress as well as the nation's developments so he didn't feel left out. Iruka kept him updated on Naruto's recovery and antics. Even though Naruto had matured and grown leaps and bounds he was still Naruto causing unintentional havoc in his pace, constantly escaping the medics monitoring him.

Tonight was a little different. They filled him in whilst he tried to find his appetite and then he told them about the boys and the runaway chickens and the structures he had built. Kakashi leaned over and took out one of the feathers that he'd missed from Yamato's hair. They looked at the feather and all fell about laughing. It felt good to laugh again Yamato thought, especially to see his lovers relax a little and not treat him like fragile glass. The food was delicious but Yamato couldn't handle it. He saw the disappointment in Kakashi and Iruka's faces when he couldn't finish what they had prepared for him but he just couldn't stomach it. Another reason why his recovery had been so slow. After a few mouthfuls, Yamato stopped eating and looked at Iruka apologetically. To deter Yamato's mind from the food Iruka asked him about his day with Sakura. He told them about the tiresome inventory he did with Sakura and general hospital maintenance ensuring he left out the incident he had with the wailing patient. Both Iruka and Kakashi knew him well and sensed something had happened but chose to ignore it. Sakura worried about her Taichou, kept him close to monitor his progress and to distract him from thinking too much. Both Kakashi and Iruka were grateful to her and proud of the young women she was becoming.

Yamato then remembered the cake and rose to go get it from the kitchen. Iruka and Kakashi were left brimming at the thought of him being able to rebuild structures but also how much happier he seemed. Iruka leaned over and captured Kakashi's lips for a thorough kiss. Yamato was slowly getting better. They saw the glimpse of silver lining the stormy clouds, no matter how small. They both then hurriedly finished their meals not wanting to make Yamato feel bad for not finishing his and took the dishes to the kitchen. They found him serving up the cream filled sponge cake. Kakashi without thinking in his happiness wrapped his arm around Yamato's irresistible body and kissed the side of his neck. Yamato dropped the spoon he was holding and for a moment, time seemed to stop for all of them. Please don't withdraw, Kakashi prayed silently as Iruka looked on with a similar plea. Yamato took a moment, steadied himself then turned, wrapped his arms around Kakashi and took his lips. Iruka breathed a sigh of relief and came up behind Yamato to kiss the back of his neck.

Yamato held Kakashi and rested his head on his shoulder whilst both his lovers kissed up and down his neck and jaw. He turned to face Iruka and they shared a kiss of their own. He yawned, the days fatigue catching up on him. "Sorry…I'm just tired" Yamato sighed.

"How bout we take the cake into the bedroom, you can eat it whilst resting a little?" Iruka asked. Yamato put a hand out to Iruka's face and gently stroked his cheek. He didn't want cake but Iruka looked nervous, so he smiled to ease his anxieties. Kakashi picked up Yamato "I can walk Kashi, I'm not that tired".

"I know but I'm not risking it, besides I like carrying you, makes me feel all manly" Kakashi responded with a chuckle placing a kiss on top of his nose, Yamato was considerably lighter than he thought which worried him. Yamato and Iruka looked at Kakashi rolling their eyes. "Who said you weren't manly? We'll attest your manly enough" Iruka laughed squeezing Kakashi's rump making him groan. "Yes we will" Yamato laughed. With that they headed out the kitchen cake in hand.

There was a knock at the door. Iruka and Kakashi looked at one another, who could be calling at this time of night and what bad timing, just as they were easing Yamato out of his world. Kakashi reluctantly put Yamato down and headed for the door, who ever it was knew how to mask their chakra and he wasn't going to risk Iruka and Yamato getting hurt. "Kakashi Sensei" the pale face smiled.

"Sai, what brings you here so late, come in" Kakashi smiled back happy to see his charge back from Suna safe. Sai had been sent on a mission to Suna to share some medical knowledge as they couldn't afford to let Sakura or Shizune go and Sai was a quick learner. "Sorry to disturb you, I've just returned from Suna, Kazekage Sama sends his best Kakashi Sensei. I came to drop this off for Yamato Taichou" Sai said lifting a small brown sack.

"Sai, hello" Yamato smiled peering from behind Kakashi as Sai entered the house. "Yamato Taichou you look happy…I" he paused considering his Taichou for a moment before finishing "Are you really OK… or is that a fake smile and you're not happy?" He asked innocently as he genuinely wasn't sure, his Taichou still looked tired and in pain yet he was smiling.

Yamato laughed "No it's real, I'm really happy to see you Sai" and put a hand on his shoulder giving it a squeeze before stepping back to take the sack Sai handed over, "I came over to give you these, I know you like them, Kakashi Sensei makes Temari Chan bring them for you." Kakashi smirked as he knew Sai was observant but he didn't expect this.

"Eh, thank you Sai" Yamato peered into the sack wondering what it could be. To his great shock and surprise he found it full with walnuts. He gasped and pulled out a handful to show Kakashi and Iruka. "This is too much Sai, I love walnuts and ones from Suna are the best but this…Sai…this must have cost you a fortune!" Yamato asked wide eyed.

"No not really, the lady gave me a discount when I told her it was for my Taichou who was injured. She also sold me this." He handed Yamato a small blue box. "She said it has the power to heal wounded hearts, I hope you feel better" he smiled not realising how this would affect Yamato.

He opened the box to find 12 hand crafted walnut whirl chocolate pieces. Yamato didn't know what to say. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat "I…Sai…" he regarded the pale smiling face; Sai was raised to have no emotions and often didn't understand what he felt or what others felt. Here he was doing the nicest thing for Yamato, even if a sack of walnuts was a bit excessive. Sai had come a long way since his ROOT days and Yamato felt an ounce of pride for the way he was turning out. Sai took everything literally, Kakashi had told him wounded hearts took longer to heal and were harder to reach. So when the shop keeper had told him chocolate could mend hearts in jest, Sai had believed her and thought he had found the answer. Yamato smiled he wanted to give him a hug but knew Sai would feel awkward, "Thank you Sai, you didn't have to do this". Sai regarded his Taichou who was still smiling but his eyes glistened with tears. Kakashi came up behind Sai and placed a hand on his shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze seeing the confusion in the boys face, "Neh Sai, you've made your Taichou very happy". He thought he should tell Sai that chocolates couldn't heal hearts but the boy looked pleased with himself. "The chocolates will help heal his heart because you gave them to him, not because they have any power".

"Oh" was the only response they got from Sai. Iruka laughed "Thank you very much Sai" he ruffled the jet black hair and wrapped his arms around Yamato, "would you stay for a bit to eat some cake with us?"

"No thank you, I need to report to Tsunade Sama. Sorry for disturbing you all. The sack was heavy after that trek so I just wanted to give it to Yamato Taichou before I did anything else. I'll be leaving now". Kakashi put his arm around Sai and showed him to the door "That was very nice of you Sai, thank you." He crinkled his eyes smiling.

"I hope he feels better, he still looks like his in pain" Sai creased his forehead examing Yamato. He just didn't understand why Yamato Taichou wasn't feeling better yet but he didn't like seeing his Taichou upset or Sakura and Naruto. "I hope he his eating better". "He'll get better Sai, don't worry" Kakashi reassured his charge with a smile. He paused looking at Kakashi, this man was harder to read, he seemed happy but there was sadness in his one visible eye. Emotions were strange he concluded, "Bye Kakashi Sensei" and with that he was off.

Kakashi shut the door and turned to face the other two. "Erm that was some visit. You OK Yama?" he raised his eyebrows in question. Kakashi wasn't sure how Yamato would take this. Sai meant well. "I don't know what to say, Sai out of all people" Yamato sighed still shocked at what he had heard. How broken am I? he thought to himself.

Iruka felt Yamato tense up in his arms, "Babe his just worried. You've always been nice to him. You told us about your first meeting with him and mission. Think he feels he owes you and you're probably the closest he has to…well anything that resembles a family" Iruka finished kissing Yamato's shoulder. Yamato didn't think of that, he felt a fondness towards Sai and wished he had hugged him to show him how appreciative he was. "When you guys said he took everything literally I didn't know how literal. A whole sack of walnuts?" Yamato and Kakashi chuckled at Iruka's words. Yamato looked down at the chocolates again feeling tears well up. He blinked them away remembering Sai's words, heal wounded hearts. Iruka saw the tears in Yamato's eyes and turned him around to kiss him. Kakashi came and joined the kiss all three getting lost in one another's lips and tongues causing Yamato to drop the sack. Iruka picked up the sack and placed it on the table smirking. "What are we going to do with them all? We have enough to feed half the village!"

"I may not like walnuts by the end of this" Yamato groaned causing the other two to laugh. "Let's get you to bed Yama" Kakashi said seeing Yamato's eyes drooping. "We can think of endless recipes after a good night's rest". Iruka picked Yamato up to make sure he would be sleeping with them tonight in their bedroom. Yamato looked at him eyes questioning "I like to feel manly once in a while too" he winked. Yamato gave up, rolled his eyes and put his arms around Iruka. They all laughed, Kakashi picked up the cake and followed them into the bedroom.

They cradled him between them in the bed, kissed and fed him pieces of cake making small talk. Yamato resigned himself to them trying to comfort his lovers, concern still etched all over their face. Sai's words still fresh in min, he thought to himself again, how broken am I? They deserve more than this, he had to tell them. "I'm sorry for making you both worry so much" he sighed. Kakashi was about to say something but Yamato held up his hand. He took a deep breath withdrew himself from Kakashi's arms and continued "I know I've not been easy to be around lately… all I've done is pushed you both away when you were trying to help and have upset you both. I'm not the easiest to love either, yet you both tell me you still do… and haven't left my side." The image of Ryuu and his brother came to him and he explained to Kakashi and Iruka that the boys were now forced to grow up with the loss of their father to the war. He looked at Kakashi and Iruka both of who knew better than many how the boys felt. He reached out caressing each of their cheeks. "I realise how lucky I am to have you both alive and in one piece. But I've done nothing but burden you both as well Naruto, Sakura and Sai. Naruto's been so courageous and shouldered everything and I couldn't even protect him". All three felt vast pride towards the boy and how well he had overcome his struggles to become the village and five nation's hero.

Yamato hated himself for not being able to get over his demons and walk with his head held high like Naruto. Naruto, who softened and changed the hearts of many, had touched all three of them. On their very first mission together Sai had stated 'The best way to pass something bad, Is with a smile'. Yamato believed if Naruto wasn't constantly smiling he would be crying. That was how he himself had felt most of his life. Now here he was with two people that cared for him so, looking at him with sorrow, hurt and pain carved onto their faces. Tears welled in Yamato's eyes. He wanted to give them the option, they didn't have to suffer too. Though he wasn't sure what he would do without them but he loved them too much to see them hurt. He gazed at his hands not being able to meet their stares and continued the tears spilling, "I understand that if you don't want to... If you don't want me... If you don't..." at this point Kakashi did jump in, he couldn't take this anymore.

"Yamato, look at me" with that he raised Yamato's chin to meet his gaze and sighed wiping away his lover's tears, "Yamato, we want you baby… and that's all we want."

Iruka looked at Yamato and it pained him to see Yamato confusedt. "Baby, you know you can talk to us, right?" He kissed away the tears which had fallen afresh. "If there's anything we can do for you…anything at all to help ease whatever it is your feeling. We love you baby…and want to help you get through this." He stroked Yamato's pale face noticing the new scratches left by the chickens.

Yamato finally asked out loud between whimpers "How broken am I?" and tears streamed down his face. Sai didn't understand scars of the heart and mind. Yamato knew that, but the pale faced boy had seen that his Taichou was suffering and wanted to help.

"Yama…babe...don't say that! You're not broken baby, you're not broken do you hear me". Iruka reached out but Yamato withdrew covering his face with his hands. "Yama baby please" he cried out "Your taking this better than most would. But we want you to know…you don't have to do this alone. Please…tell us what we can do for you." Iruka's eyes shed silent tears, hearing Yamato ask if he was broken was ripping him in two.

"Don't shut us out Yama please" Kakashi pleaded not being able to hold back his anguish seeing Yamato like this.

"Whatever it is baby…we can get through this" Iruka added.

"Yama…" Kakashi couldn't finish his sentence; it got caught in his throat. Yamato's eyes were red and his pale face flushed from emotion was now buried in his own arms and they couldn't reach him. Kakashi didn't think he could take this pain much longer, seeing his lover like this teared him up. He needed to punch something. Iruka squeezed his hand seeing the fire in Kakashi's eyes, calming him down.

"Yama… please you don't have to do this alone" Iruka appealed again in a whisper. He wanted to hold Yamato to get inside that head of his to remove all the hurt and pain. Iruka couldn't hold onto his emotions anymore, he let out sobs that shook his body.

Yamato heard the sobs and looked up to find Iruka grief-stricken and Kakashi's face contorted in pain. "Please…" he murmured reaching out for them both. "Please…don't…don't shed tears for me". He patted Iruka's cheek dry with his palm.

"Yamato, your pain is our pain; your happiness is our happiness". Iruka sobbed holding Yamato's gaze trying to persuade him, to show him he meant every word he said. "Baby we love you, what else can we do to show you?"

The tears that left Yamato's eyes dripped onto Iruka's outstretched hands. "Nothing, you've both done so much for me. I am who I am today because of both your love. I'm so sorry. I'll try harder" he whimpered looking at each in turn.

"Yama, it's OK" Kakashi hushed him. "We know you've been trying, but these things take time. Please…just don't shut us out. I can't take that babe".

Kakashi put his arms out "come here" and took both Yamato and Iruka into his arms holding them with all his might. The tears eased, Yamato looked up into their faces, "I'm so sorry "he exhaled squeezing the arms holding him. Yamato nuzzled back into Kakashi's chest trying to offer comfort. He felt Kakashi's irregular breathing caused by the tears he had shed for him. "I love you both, I don't mean to hurt you, I really don't…I'm so sorry".

"We know babe, we know, don't apologise" Iruka stroked Yamato's cheek "we love you" Kakashi finished. Yamato felt a weight lift off his chest with the release of his tears. His mind seemed a little clearer. He felt safe again after such a long time and was lulled into his first dreamless sleep in the arms of his lovers, their heart beats echoing in his body. Kakashi and Iruka tightened their hold on Yamato afraid to let him go. They kissed each other over Yamato's head and both closed their eyes finally knowing that they were reaching and slowly bringing Yamato out from his darkness.

Please Review. Little stuck on which angle to take so any help/comments appreciated.