A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay, work's been kicking my butt, so I've been very tired. I should be used to it by now, but the first week's always the worst. Please comment if there are any embarrassing typo's or problems with continuity, I'm so tired right now it's a miracle I can walk. Main thing is, I'm back in business, and so are the Girls, their friends, family and loved ones. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I, the author of this story, do not own any of the characthers associated with Gilmore Girls. That honor belongs to the wonderful Amy Sherman-Palladino. I have no intention of making any money on this (in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm losing money over it...).
14. The List
"Are you insane? You are, aren't you?"
"Now why would you think that, Jess?" Matt asked, mock hurt.
"Because I know you, a little too well for my own mental safety," Jess pointed out.
"Harsh!"
Matt had managed to pry himself loose from the "intriguing" discussion with Luke, and had then suggested to Jess that since all of Rory's and Jess' stuff was back in the Hollow, him and Chris "…would tag along, sort of like a…" Here Jess had interrupted and asked if the words Matt were looking for were "social experiment". But Matt was impossible to discourage, and since Jess was so intent on trying to dissuade Matt, who really didn't take any notice, Chris was soon in on the trip, too.
"Rory!" Jess yelled, hysterics tinting his voice.
"Yes?" Rory answered a couple of bookcases away, where she was recommending books to her grandad.
"Would you please come and give the two nitwits here the basics on Stars Hollow?"
He could hear her sigh from where she was standing, and her light footsteps were soon headed their way.
"Let me guess," she said, when she came up behind Jess. "They're thinking of visiting?"
"Not so much thinking of coming, as planning on what to bring…"
"Well, I guess Kirk needs new friends… I think his imaginary ones have left him again," Rory pondered with an amused expression on her face.
"Who is this Kirk-dude, really?" Chris asked curiously.
"One of many nutjobs in that medical experiment of a town," Jess replied sarcastically.
"Hey, that's my home town you're talking about, junior!" Lorelai hollered from somewhere in the shop, followed by Emily's outraged: "Lorelai!"
"Your mother has freak-hearing," Jess snorted.
"It goes with the ability to know when Grandma calls," Rory whispered to him with a smile.
"Discourage them, please." he continued to beg.
"What's in it for me?"
"What? You're seriously going to make me plead?"
"You're fun to watch."
"You're cruel."
"You discourage them, you did a pretty good job of it yourself back in the days."
"They won't believe me, they think I exaggerate," Jess protested.
"Maybe because you do," Rory retorted with a knowing smile.
"Guys? We're still here. Still going. Not discouraged, but nice try. We're coming," Matt said, looking from Jess to Rory and back.
Jess came out from behind the counter and stomped off, muttering unintelligible curses under his breath.
"Jolly, the old Mariano's back," Chris noted with a laugh.
"Oh!" Matt then exclaimed. "Dude, insight… I'm leaving the state."
"Yes, that happens when you get in a car, and the driver of the car has a heading that is not within the Pennsylvania state limits," Rory said.
"Chris, it's time."
"Please, don't…" Chris whined.
"I'm serious," Matt said, piercing Chris with a look.
"I thought it was a joke!" the other answered in defense.
"You no longer have it?"
"Of course I have it, you'd kick my ass if I'd throw it!"
"What are we talking about?" Rory asked, confused.
"The guy's got a list," Chris answered.
"A list? Sounds mysterious. Is it a compilation of people with freaky abilities?"
"A compilation of freaky things, yes, but the freaky things are things he must do in the event he leaves state."
"He's never left Pennsylvania?"
"Never. Born, raised, educated, employed, in some ways spoiled… He's the prime Pennsylvanian. Why do you think it was Jess who got the honor of scouting for bookstores that would sell his novel?"
"You're not much better," Matt then countered.
"Hey, I went to Miami for spring break one year!"
"And you came back after only three days! Nevermind, bring forth the List," Matt demanded.
Chris sighed, quite loudly, and pulled out his wallet. From the wallet he dug out a torn piece of paper that he unfolded and, sighing heavily again, began reading.
"Item one: Do I have to leave?" Chris read monotonously.
"Dude, it's Mariano. 'Nuff said."
"Item two: Am I sure?"
"Okey, so you can skip to item six, the first five are just precautionary."
Rory had to hold back the laughter. How had Jess managed to live alone with these two?
"Item six: Is the coffee maker off?"
"Yes. Unless you've used it… I don't think… Hold on, I'll go check."
While Matt ran up to check on the coffee maker, Jess returned, seemingly calmer.
"Where's Matt?" he asked.
"He's up checking the coffee maker. There's a list involved, it's fun," Rory answered, full of laughter.
"Oh, no, don't tell me you still have it!" Jess moaned, and looked accusingly at Chris.
"Hey, you know how he is, he's freaking anal about stuff he entrusts to others! I never thought he'd get so far he'd actually leave the state!"
"What number are we on?"
"Six. He made me skip three, four and five, because they're all trying to make sure that he's sure he has to leave Pennsylvania."
"Oh God…"
"We're fine!" Matt then yelled from the stairs. "Coffee maker check, moving on!"
"Did someone say coffee?"
Lorelai popped out from between a couple of book cases, eyes alight with excitement.
"False alarm mom, as you were," Rory yelled back.
Lorelai huffed, and disappeared again.
"Okey, then… Item seven: Is Gertie all right?"
"Who's Gertie?" Jess asked, looking at Matt. "Don't tell my you've gotten laid...
"My plant," Matt replied, looking vehemently at Jess. "She died like a week after I wrote this…"
"Five years ago," Chris finished.
"Figures…" Jess muttered, a little too loud.
"Item eight!" Chris hurried, before a full argument could ensue between Matt and Jess. "Call my poet."
"Yeah, sort of like a Gertie déjà vu there. Poet's dumped, too much Golda Meir, too little constructive work."
"Item nine: Don't leave the state without wallet, keys, phone, Advil, legal pad, functioning pen, toothbrush, toothpaste, laptop, Scooby pajamas…"
"You have a Scooby pajamas?" Rory asked Matt amusedly.
"No comments. Moving on," Matt replied, embarrassed.
"Item ten… Oh, I'm gonna love this… Call Cammie, and beg until my tongue's numb."
"I move to strike that."
"Uh-uh, no can do. Below the ten items, you've written in bright red marker, underlined with five lines, that you under no circumstances may edit the list in any way that would, and I quote: 'compromise the existing items on the list', unquote."
All four of them stood silent. Jess was eyeing Matt intently, trying to surpress his laughter. Chris was already beaming widely, and Rory was looking from Jess to Matt, who was turning every shade of pale and red.
"I hate myself…" he finally managed to choke out. "If you'll excuse me, I'll go sign my death form now."
He turned around, walking away, nervously fiddling with his cell phone. That was it for Jess, he burst out in laughter, as did Chris.
"Who's Cammie?" Rory wondered after Matt had disapperared.
"The object of Matt's infatuation. He's a real sap when it comes to her," Jess replied.
"Why haven't I heard of her?"
"Because Matt tries to keep it under wraps. Think of it like you're trying to tear down a concrete wall with a butter knife, that's the kind of progress we're talking about when it comes to him and Cammie."
"She's not interested?"
"Sure. Just not in him. Not really into guys at all," Chris explained.
"She's gay?"
"And she makes pretty good coffee, too," Jess chipped in.
"Coffee!"
Again, it was Lorelai reacting to the word coffee.
"No coffee, mom!" Rory yelled back. "Luke, you still here?"
"Hiding somewhere by the non-descript artwork," came Luke's muffled voice from somewhere.
"Mom's spazzing out, coffee withdrawal pains. Could you maybe make her chill out until we leave?"
"I'm on it…" Luke grumbled in answer.
"So," Rory said, turning to Jess. "If this Cammie-girl makes pretty good coffee, why haven't you taken me to see her, and the coffee. You know I love coffee, it's the base of my food pyramid. It's taken over the base from pizza and Chinese food, and that says something."
"Have you entirely forgotten what you've been doing for the last couple of months?"
"I think hopscotching was involved. Along with some internal bashing about why I let you talk me into it."
"Yeah, well, it's been hard for me to take you to see the coffee, and its maker, when you've been off hopscotching."
"Right…" Rory anwered thoughtfully and lowered her voice. "May I see the famous Cammie-coffee now?"
"And I who thought she had a coffee-problem when she freaked out about her sacred Luke-coffee…" Chris mused.
"Rory. Your mom's got serious coffee withdrawal pains, and after all the glorious coffee moments I've witnessed between the two of you, I think that the only coffee that will get her to chill is Luke's. I suggest we do not prolong her suffering."
"Yeah? So you're taking us both to the Cammie-coffee?" Rory persisted, looking all wide-eyed and innocently at him.
"No, Rory. I'm saying you will see Cammie and her coffee, just not today. Lorelai, that's your mother, needs coffee. Luke's coffee, preferably at Luke's."
Rory was still eyeing him intently with her blue eyes. Jess suspected his fiancée was having some strange form of coffee withdrawal pains herself.
"Okay, in short: we need to get you both back to the Hollow. As soon as Matt has gotten numb tongue, and packed his stuff…" Jess said, noticing Chris' pointed glance. "Yeah, you too Chris. When these two are ready, we'll leave for Stars Hollow and the glorious coffee, okey?"
"Okay!"
Ten minutes later, Matt was still out, talking they presumed. Lorelai had already begun making jumping Jacks in between the bookcases while humming A-Ha's Take on me to herself. Emily had given up on trying to make her daughter stop, and had instead joined her husband in looking at books. Luke had not been entirely successful in trying to get Lorelai to take it easy, and could only be presumed as hiding again by the non-descript artwork, while Jess, Rory and Chris was standing by the counter, waiting. No one reacted much when the door swung open, not until a melodic voice filled the silence.
"Okey, where's the twerp?"
Chris' and Jess' heads shot up, Rory flinched, and Lorelai stopped her jumping.
"Cammie?" Chris asked hesitantly.
"No, the cookie monster. Who else would show up to…" Cammie began sarcastically, but stopped when she noticed the large amount of eyes who looked at her. "What's with the crowd? Do I have something in my face?"
"I think it's the hair," Jess commented, nodding towards Cammies bright red hair with dark purple highlights.
"Neat, right? Fixed it yesterday. Now stop avoiding my question, Mariano."
"Which one?"
"Both, preferably!"
"We thought Matt was talking to you, but you're not on the phone, so he's probably still upstairs somewhere. The question now is whether or not he's even conscious anymore. I'll go check," Chris replied, and disappeared up the stairs.
"And the crowd… It's Rory's and my family," Jess carried on.
"Rory? The mysterious girlfriend? Blue eys, reporter and unmatched coffee addict?"
"I'm unmatched as long as you don't meet my mom," Rory answered, giving Cammie a nod and a smile. "Hi."
"Hi from me too!" Lorelai yelled from the bookcases.
"And now you have met, so now I'm matched." Rory commented happily.
"Okey…" Cammie mused. "So you're Rory, wow, amazing eyes you got there, girl. That's your mom... Who else is here?"
"Her mother's boyfriend, that's my uncle, and yeah, it's a little freaky." Jess told her. "Rory's grandparents are here somewhere too. Could you maybe keep your sexuality under wraps? I'm not sure they can handle much more extreme today."
"Like the hair won't give them an aneurysm?"
Jess gave her a pointed look, to which Cammie replied by throwing up her hands in surrender.
"So, the twerp, what's up with him?" she went on. "He calls me out of the blue, starts rambling about something, I didn't hear much, a 'convert' here and there, but then he goes on about leaving or something, I don't know. Is he dying? Was Chris serious about the whole consciousness-thing?"
"He's leaving Pennsylvania today," Jess answered, and saw how Cammie just stared at him.
"Seriously?" she said, obviously surprised. "Why?"
"They're coming to visit Stars Hollow. Rory and I sort of left our stuff there, and need to go get it. Apparantly they want to see the Social Experiment the Government Forgot."
"And Stars Hollow's in..?" Cammie asked.
"Connecticut," Rory replied. "It's really small, and not at all an experiment, I'm completely normal."
Rory gave Jess a pointed glance, to which he huffed, earning him an elbow in the side. From upstairs they could hear loud protests, and finally the door opened. Chris was herding Matt, who looked like a little cranky kid now, down the stairs.
"Cool!" Cammie said, seeing some form of opportunity present itself. "Can I come with?"
Jess began banging his head against the counter.
A/N: Will Jess let Cammie come to the Hollow? Will there be a coffee collaboration? I couldn't resist the Heroes-reference, I think I have Heroes withdrawal pains. Reviews rock the part of my day I spend not working!
Oh, and on another note. A while ago I did a kick-ass collaboration with Kassandra27, a oneshot JJ-fic called "Once a Trekkie…". It's published under the account TheRealDodger, so check it out! It's fun-fun-fun!