Chapter Twelve

I think I went into cardiac arrest. One moment I was just fine, breathing normally, the next I felt like I had exploded. I swayed where I stood and felt strong, warm arms wrapping around me.

"Bella?" Something cool was touching my face, a hand perhaps. I struggled to force my eyes open.

"Alice?" I whispered. Jasper nodded and I finally took him in. He looked just as hurt and lost as I did. I needed to be strong for him. "Jasper," I sighed, bringing my hand up to his face as he slid to the ground as though physically exhausted. Jake freed me from his grip and I sank down next to Jasper, pulling him close and running my hands through his hair. "It's going to be okay," I told him, more for my benefit if I was being honest. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he hugged me close and kissed his forehead.

After a few moments he struggled to look up at Jake. "Where did you find this?"

"Embry found it near our border. He caught the scent of a vampire, but she was gone by the time he got there. I think it got caught on a tree as she fled," Jacob explained.

Alice was here. My brain tried to compute this but it never got past her name. Alice. Alice. Alice. It ran through my mind like a mantra. The ramifications of her presence were beginning to bubble up inside me and a look at Jasper told me he was thinking the same thing. I sat there helpless. I had no clue what to do.

Jacob seemed to be the only one with his wits still about him. "Maybe we should head back to Emily's and sort things out there. The pack will be there later, so we'll have some private time."

Jacob gently lifted me off the sand and set me on my feet. When Jasper didn't seem inclined to get up of his own accord Jacob groaned. "Why do I always have to be the responsible one?" he muttered darkly. I would have laughed if I weren't so devastated. Jake pulled Jasper to his feet. Jasper's golden eyes searched around until they found mine. He reached his hand out and I intertwined our fingers. Jacob gently took my other hand and led Jasper and I along like a teacher with kindergarteners.

The walk to Emily's was just a muddle of absolute numbness and dread. But the moment we stepped into the warm kitchen my mind seemed to click on and then work in hyperspeed.

"Bella!" Emily called, surprised to see me. She frowned when she saw Jasper and then even more deeply when she saw the looks on our face. "What's wrong?" She came over and led the three of us to her couch.

"Is it all right if Jasper and I talk privately?" I asked Jacob and Emily as they sat staring as us. "We'll just take a walk outside." I stood up and Jasper mimicked my movements. I took him by the arm and looked up into his face. It was still unreadable. "Come on Jasper," I said softly. The cool air was welcome relief from the warm, stuffy kitchen.

I walked us out to a crest overlooking the ocean and stood there with Jasper, my hand locked on his. "I don't know what to do," he told me finally. I nodded, feeling exactly the same.

The truth of the matter was that with Alice back in the picture, who knew what would happen with us? Jasper and I had just taken that next step and everything got mixed up in the very next moment.

"I think we have to see her," I told him.

He looked at me sharply. "Bella," he began then stopped, trying to find the right words. I stared at him, knowing what he wanted to say and afraid of it too. "Bella," he began again. "My feelings for you, the way you make me feel, it's so new and wonderful and deep." He pulled me into a hug, taking a deep breath, inhaling me scent. "I don't think I've felt so strongly about anyone before.

"You don't know what you do to me; every moment I spend with you muddles how I feel, or think I feel about Alice. I know that I love you," he said, his voice hitching for a moment at his confession, "but I know I love Alice too. And I don't think I'm ready or that I even want to give up what we have if she comes back into our lives. I-I love you," he said, floundering at the end, unsure of what to say.

I buried my head in his chest, cursing the hot trail the tears were leaving down my cheeks. I wanted to agree with him, argue with him and everything in between. I'd thought this through a million times as I considered my own feelings for him, and I had to tell him how I felt about it all rather than rehash it with myself and rationalize everything.

"Jasper, I could say the exact same thing about Edward and I. I've never felt more cherished and loved, more free and happy than I do whenever we spend time together. Edward was my first love, Alice yours. And I worry that if Edward ever was to come back that I might want to go back to the sweetness of that first love, but then I think about you and I can't fathom why I would. I'm worried that if I see him again I might remember why I loved him so much, but I wouldn't want to give you up.

"And it's not exactly fair to anyone." I closed my eyes and squeezed Jasper, not wanting to let go. "I don't know what's going to happen if we see Alice. You might want to go back to her, and that would be fine. I mean, I wouldn't be fine, but I would become fine, after a while…" I trailed off knowing that my argument was weak.

"Bella, I-"

I cut him off. "Jasper, please, lets not promise anything. You don't know how you'll react when you see Alice any more than I know how I'd react if I were to see Edward again. So lets just…face this together. Lets live in the right now for as long as we can," I told him. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what I was about to say. "Because I think I love you too much right now to have a promise that we're not sure we'll be able to keep. Or want to keep."

Jasper stared down at me, his face tortured. He knew exactly how I felt and what I meant, because the same could happen to him. He bent down slowly and kissed my forehead, my eyelids, my nose, my cheeks, my mouth. It was gentle and longing at first, but the sweet turned into passion as we realized that this could be our last kiss. We clung to each other desperately, our kiss breaking into little splintered ones as I fought to force the air into my lungs between kissing and crying. At last I pulled back, unable to continue as my tears overpowered me and I grew dizzy from lack of air.

"I love you," I whispered to Jasper.

"I love you," he told me, and whether the glow I felt inside was due to his words or his powers I really didn't care.

Someone called our names then and reluctantly we turned back to the house. Jasper held my hand firmly in his own, refusing to let me go, and I held on just as steadfastly. The pack was in the house, except for Paul who was running patrol.

"I already explained to them about Alice," Jacob told me quietly and I flashed him a wobbly smile, giving his hand a squeeze. Tensions were still a bit high in the room, as Jasper was in no state to use his powers to calm everyone down.

Sam, who seemed to pick up on the situation at hand asked in a kind tone, "Do you want to go ahead with your lesson plan for tonight, or would you like to speak with her first?" I was a bit surprised at Sam's understanding, but then I vaguely remembered Jacob telling me a story concerning Sam's own troubled love life.

Jasper shook his head, slowly coming back. "No, it's alright. I have no doubt that I'll be seeing her soon enough. We can meet tonight if you like. Where would you like to meet?"

"We know of a clearing just outside of the reservation. We'll meet you there around midnight."

"I'll lead you there," Jacob said. "Bring a blanket and pillow for Bella."

I looked at Jacob in surprise, then at Jasper as he nodded. But then I guess I was always surprised with how open and honest both Jake and Jasper were when it came to everything concerning me. Edward had been much more…secretive.

The boys spent the next hour or so going over the logistics of it all while I helped Emily cook up enough dinner to feed an army.

"Charlie and Billy will be coming over," she told me.

"Oh." I was too preoccupied to think much on how I'd normally feel very awkward around someone I barely knew. But Emily was kind and warm and she made me feel comfortable, much like Jasper had the first time I met him so many months ago.

It didn't occur to me until I heard Charlie's voice calling my name that he didn't yet know Jasper was back. With fear gripping me I glanced at Jasper who nodded, his mouth set in a line. "In here, Dad!" Charlie walked into the kitchen and did a double take.

For a moment he stared at Jasper, his face slowly turning darker. "Aren't you one of the Cullens?" he asked gruffly, walking forward in front of me as if he could shield me from harm's view.

Jasper smiled and stepped forward to shake Charlie's hand. "Jasper Hale. It's nice to meet you, Chief Swan." Even I was partially affected by the calm mood Jasper was emanating. "Bella talks about you all the time." I shot a look at Jasper but he merely smiled back at me.

Charlie slowly deflated, seemingly embarrassed. "Hope it's only good things," he mumbled, shaking Jasper's hand. Charlie opened his mouth again but closed it just as quickly, a frown marring his features. I knew he wanted to ask about Edward.

"I'm back in town for a bit to pack some of our things from the house and settle a few unresolved matters," Jasper continued on. "The rest of the family is still in Los Angeles."

Well, most of them at least, I thought as an image of a pixie-like vampire danced around my head.

"Right. Well, send Dr. Cullen my regards," Charlie told him.

"Of course. He'll be delighted." Charlie made his way to the kitchen where the pack was already piling their plates.

I sighed, the tension leaving my body. Jasper came over and linked my pinky with his. "That went well," I told him. Jasper laughed. "Much better than I could have hoped for," I amended.

"You should get something to eat," Jasper told me.

I grimaced. I wasn't really hungry, not after everything that had happened today, but Jasper was right. He followed me into the kitchen where I piled some spaghetti onto my plate and grabbed some water. We headed outside to where everyone else was already settling in.

After dinner I helped Emily with the dishes while the men socialized outside; well most of them anyway. Jasper took it upon himself to dry the dishes. There was an easy contentment hanging over the three of us despite Emily's aversion to vampires. Jasper and Emily even shared civilized words, and for a few moments I was able to escape from the grim reality that was facing us.

But time ran out quickly and around nine Charlie mentioned that we ought to be heading home. I nodded mutely, a sudden panic welling up inside of me. Alice wouldn't come to La Push, she probably didn't know that the treaty line had been suspended, but she could be waiting back at the house.

The panic on my face must have shown through because Jake came and put his arm across my shoulder. "It'll be okay Bells," he told me quietly. "I'll be here, no matter what. And as much as I hate to say it, I don't think Jasper will be leaving anytime soon either."

I smiled up at Jake through my anxiety. He brushed a lock of hair off my face and stared at me. For a moment desire lit his eyes on fire, but he reigned it back in the next moment, deflating the tension by patting my head. "Now be a good little human while you're away," he told me.

I tried to give him a convincing smile. Thinking about how much I was hurting Jacob was definitely something I didn't need to think about right now. Instead I gave him a spontaneous hug and mumbled, "Thanks Jake. For everything." I squeezed him again to emphasize my point.

"You're welcome," he breathed, holding me close, and this once I let him hold me intimately. It was the least I could do. I broke away when I heard Charlie honk the horn.

Jasper stepped up to Jake and I, speaking low. "I'll be running along, following after you," he told me.

I nodded, unable to find the words I wanted to say.

Jasper lifted my hand to his lips and gave my palm a kiss. "Be safe. We'll get through this."

Jake escorted me back to Charlie's cruiser and held the door open for me. He seemed to be fighting with himself. "What is it Jake?" I asked. "Watching you acting like that is painful even to me," I joked.

Jake gave me a small smile but it was fleeting and didn't reach his eyes. "Charlie, can I have a sec?"

"Sure thing."

Jake closed the door and turned around to face me. He took a deep breath and stared at me until I met his eyes. "Bella, I know that it isn't the right time. But I figured what the hell? Now is as good a time as any. And especially with everything that's been going on I just…" Jake faltered on his words. He sighed and took my hand in his, playing with my fingers for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts. "Bella," he said finally, staring into my eyes once again. "I don't think you'll even know just how much I care for you."

I stared at Jacob, my mind working to decipher his meaning, and suddenly I grew self-conscious. "Oh Jake," I mumbled, tears welling up in my eyes.

Jake shook his head. "No, it's okay, you don't have to say anything. I feel the way I feel and you feel the way you feel. I just…I wish things were different, you know? That your life had taken its natural path and we'd end up together and Bells you'd be so happy." Jake sighed, his face turning bitter. "But I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it. I just, well I wanted you to know. Because I'll always be here for you in any way you let me. Bella, just promise me one thing?"

I hesitated, unsure what he'd ask. I didn't want to make any promises I couldn't keep. "What is it?"

"Just promise me that you won't stop seeing me. No matter what happens, don't leave me alone. Even when I'm a jerk and you get sick of me. I just…I don't want to go through life never seeing you."

I squeezed Jacob's hand. "Jacob Black, even if I tried to stay away from you, I don't think I'd manage for very long," I told him. "No matter what I'll keep visiting you. I promise."

Jacob pulled me into a warm embrace for a few moments before letting me go. He pulled open my door for me and closed it after I climbed in. As I stared at him getting smaller in the distance I could swear he wiped his face on his sleeve. I frowned. It was hard enough for me to hide my tears as Charlie slowly drove us home.

I tried not to think the whole ride back. I didn't think of Jacob. I didn't think of Jasper. I didn't think of Edward. And I didn't think of Alice. When we arrived home I went straight to my room to grab my toiletries bag and go through my nightly ritual. Sitting back on my bed a few minutes later I was highly surprised that Alice hadn't yet shown up.

I threw open the window and stared into the night. "Jasper?" I called. For a while nothing happened. My heart sped up as the moments ticked by and my breath stopped in my throat. I called his name again. Nothing.

Numb I went to sit down on my bed, crawling under the covers and hugging a pillow to me. It was okay. I would have to get used to this. The alone feeling. There was a creak as my window pushed open and for once, instead of facing whatever it was head on, I ducked under my covers, content for fate to do with me as it saw fit.

"Bella?"

It was his voice. I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. "Jasper?"

He tugged on the covers and I peeked out from under them. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm letting fate do with me as it pleases," I told him.

"Can fate join you under the covers darlin'?" he asked.

I nodded and moved over. Once Jasper slipped under the covers I rested my head against his chest. For a long while we lay there in silence just thinking. At last I couldn't stand to be alone in my head.

"Jake told me he loved me," I stated.

"I know. I heard." I turned me eyes up to Jasper's face, marveling at how the moonlight slanted across his face, reflecting off his skin and giving him an ethereal glow.

"What do I do?" I asked, more for my benefit than his.

"Nothing," he said simply.

I lifted my head to give Jasper a sharp look. "Nothing?"

Jasper urged me to lie back down and ran his hand through my hair before he continued. "Yes, nothing." He was quiet for a few moments and I let my feelings do the talking for me. "I know, I know," Jasper sighed in reference to my tumultuous onslaught. "Darlin', sometimes you just have to let go with grace. In battle I often defeated other Majors, Generals, soldiers alike. Some of them fought till the end. Others just accepted the situation and, while it pained them to do so, conceded defeat. Jacob is bowing out gracefully sweetheart. He doesn't love you any less, he just wants you to be happy, even if it's not with him."

I was silent for a while, trying to process this. If I loved someone as much as Jacob seemed to love me, would I do the same? Would I let Jasper go if being with Alice made him happy? No matter the pain it caused me? I shook my head. "Why?"

Jasper let out a mirthless laugh. "Believe me, I don't know how he does it. I don't know if I could do it," Jasper said softly, his finger twirling a piece of my hair. "I don't know if I could give you up, no matter how happy you are. I think I'd be too thoroughly miserable," he told me.

I interlaced my fingers with Jasper's. "I understand." I was glad in that fact at the very least. The fact that maybe I wasn't the only one not strong enough to let the person I love go; let them be with someone else. "I love Jacob," I said aloud, and as I said the words I knew they were true. I did love Jacob; he brightened my very existence with his warm smile and humorous, lively, free disposition. Jasper's hand paused midway in its run through my hair. "But I don't think I love him enough."

I felt horrible. How could I ration my love like it was a candy bar? But that's exactly how I felt. Jacob held a nice chunk of chocolate, but Jasper held a bigger piece. Faced with the reality of the situation, not just Jacob's love, but the reality that Alice could take away Jasper, I finally realized just how much he meant to me. With the option of having him threatened, I was forced to make my choices.

"I feel horrible," I said quietly. "Selfish and cruel. But…I don't regret it. And I don't have any second thoughts." I glanced up at Jasper to find him staring out the window, a small smile on his face. I turned my view to the moon as well, noticing how the thin sliver was still clinging on despite how frail it looked against the vast, endless abyss of sky. Why on earth was I saying this all out loud? But I felt the need pressing down on me as I considered my situation once more. Now wasn't the time to hesitate.

"I don't have any reservations because I found someone who makes me even happier. Someone I would gladly spend the rest of eternity with," I said, yawning as the emotions of the day hit me with a wave of exhaustion. The world was slowly focusing in on that one crescent of a moon. But even that was fading to darkness now. "I found you."

I struggled to keep my eyes open and saw that Jasper was looking down at me. I gave him a small smile and he kissed my forehead. I think pain marred his features for a moment, but it was soon replaced by his swimming visage as my mind began to shut down on me.

"You should get some sleep. I'll try not to wake you when we meet with the pack," he told me. I just nodded, my eyes closed as exhaustion began to steal me from consciousness. Jasper was silent for a beat, and in that time I just barely hung on to hear his last remark. "I'm glad I found you too."

**

It was cold when I woke up. Cold and dark. But it wasn't the pitch black of midnight, rather the early darkness just before dawn. I shifted slightly, my back a bit sore and took in my surroundings. Trees lined me on either side of a clearing, and a large pack of wolves was staring intently at Jasper. It took a moment for everything to click, but finally I realized what I was doing here. A gust went through the clearing and I shivered, finally noticing that the blanket had slipped from around me during my sleep. Jasper had been very good with his promise of not waking me up and for that I was thankful. I was still utterly exhausted.

I pulled the blanket up around me, my teeth beginning to chatter, and my sudden movement brought everyone's attention to me. I gave a pathetic wave and a frail good morning. A large red-brown wolf trotted up to me, its tongue lolling out the side of its mouth, and reminded me of someone.

"Jake?" I asked as the wolf neared me. His grin widened, baring his shiny canines, and the wolf nuzzled my face with his muzzle. I shivered again and Jake curled up around me. I leaned against him, thoroughly enjoying the warmth that his body offered in the chill, damp pre-morning air. If I guessed right it was almost four am. Jasper was talking now to Sam. "Have you all been here this whole time?" I asked Jacob.

The wolf nodded, dropping his ears as though he were exhausted.

I scratched his head between the ears and Jacob's whine was one of pleasure. "You poor thing," I said. "I'll bet you're beat." I liked this Jacob, despite him being a wolf. I felt comfortable and content, just as if this was my old Jake, pre-transformation Jake, and we were just best friends sitting in his garage. Jake licked the side of my face and I laughed. "You're just like a dog," I giggled.

Jacob let out an indignant growl.

"Aw come on Jake, it's cute," I told him grinning. There were barks of laughter from some of the other wolves and Jake growled in response. I stroked his muzzle and Jake places his head in my lap. "Don't worry about them," I said. "You're definitely my favorite. Better than a dog."

"Bella." I looked up to see Jasper walking towards Jake and I, a slight frown on his face.

"Jasper," I grinned. Just the sight of him made me ridiculously happy. It must be my sleep deprivation.

"We're all done for tonight, Jacob," Jasper said, his eyes locking with those of Jake's. Jake countered his look from his position on my lap. "I'll see you Tuesday night."

Jacob nudged my hand with his nose and I scratched his ears. "All right Jake. You need some sleep," I said. He let out something strangely similar to a sigh and stood, placing his face on the side of my neck. I gave Jake a hug then shooed him off. The return of the cold was not welcome.

Jasper sat beside me, wrapping the blanket more securely around my shoulders. "Sleep well?" he asked, a frown still on his face.

"As well as can be expected," I told him. I searched his face. "You look tired. Was it rough?"

Jasper sighed. "Yeah. Combat training isn't exactly my favorite past-time, no matter how good I seem to be at it," he confessed.

But the frown didn't leave his eyes. "Jasper, what's bothering you?"

Jasper glanced up at me suddenly looking a bit guilty. "Nothing important darlin'?"

I narrowed me eyes at him. "You're not getting off just because you sweet talk me, Mr. Whitlock," I told him.

Jasper repressed a smile then sighed. "No, I don't suppose I will." He looked at me for a moment. "Are you cold?" I nodded; now that Jake had left I was subject to the brutality of the wind and mist. "I'm jealous."

"Jealous?" I asked surprised. "You're jealous because I'm cold?"

Jasper let out a short laugh. "No, I'm jealous that Jacob can make you warm and I can't. Jealous that you pet him and let him lie in your lap and that he makes you happy."

Comprehension dawned on me. "Oh. I'm sorry," I said suddenly feeling guilty myself.

Jasper took my hand in his and shook his head. "Don't feel guilty, I'm glad that Jacob can do those things for you. I'm thankful he can. I just don't like having to share you," Jasper explained.

I smiled, squeezing Jasper's hand. "Don't be jealous," I said. "You do those things too." Jasper raised his eyebrow at me. "Okay, well you're not an electric blanket or anything, but you make me happy. And you warm me on the inside. And you get to lie in bed next to me. I'd say that beats my lap any day," I told him, flushing.

Jasper laughed then scooped me in his arms. "Yes, I reckon it does," he told me, placing a kiss on my forehead. He situated the blanket around me, wrapping me securely, and I clung to the pillow underneath my cocoon. "Now lets get you home and into a real bed. I intend to make full use of my privilege."

I blushed, turning to hide my face against Jasper. The idea of Jasper in bed with me suddenly seemed very intimate, and not so innocent. My other thoughts were swept away with the wind. Jasper held me securely against him and his stride was sure and smooth. Finally I was getting used to traveling this way. My mind slowly slowed down as I grew comfortable, and sleep tempted me once again.

"We're almost there," Jasper told me over the rush of wind. I just nodded my head, sleep making me too lazy to try and respond aloud.

When Jasper stopped abruptly I jolted awake, adrenaline rushing my system. I struggled to turn and look up at him and saw Jasper frozen into place, his mouth slightly open. "Jasper?" I asked, reaching up to cup his cheek. "What's wrong?" Jasper didn't say a word, just continued staring straight ahead of him. My heart began palpitating as I considered the options, and I was almost too scared to move. My hand slid from Jasper's face to his shirt and I gripped it tightly, prompting Jasper to tighten his hold on me.

"Bella."

"Jasper."

The voices were musical and familiar, harmonizing together in a natural way that only a vampire could hope to achieve. I closed my eyes, willing myself to fall into a deep sleep or praying I would wake up from one. Their voices called again and this time they were closer. I pressed myself closer to Jasper, desperation clawing at me. I wanted to scream, to run. I wanted to go back ten minutes, five hours, two days; back to my comfortable world where I only had to worry about school; the world where Jasper and I were free to spend our days in blissful happiness.

"Bella." The voice was even closer to me now, the tone velvety and smooth, just as I remembered it to be all those months ago. I swallowed, trying to force my throat open so I could suck in some much needed oxygen. He called my name again and slowly I opened my eyes. I took in Jasper's visage first, a calm blank that I knew to be his guarded face; I'd seen that face just the other day when he faced off with Laurent and Dustin; but mostly I saw that face whenever we mentioned Alice. I wondered how my own face looked at the moment. Was it frozen into the same blank state as Jasper's? Was it petrified or happy? I couldn't be sure.

For the briefest moment Jasper glanced down at me. Our eyes met and that was all I needed. I knew. He knew and I knew and this time there was no escape. I closed my eyes again briefly, desperately trying to gain the nerve I needed to do this. Then I opened my eyes and followed Jasper's gaze to the two vampires that stood before us, blocking the thirty feet between Jasper and I and my house, our safe sanctuary from the world outside.

I spoke at the same time Jasper did.

"Edward."

"Alice."

A/N: O.M.E. Yes, it is Edward. Well my lovely readers, I hate to leave you here for two weeks without an update, but I wanted to go ahead and give you this chapter before I left. I know it's a terrible cliff hanger, but next chapter will hold the beginnings of the confrontations, so I hope that you can bear with me until then. In them many questions shall be answered, from "What is Edward doing here?!" to "Did Alice see any of what happened between Jasper and Bella?"

I want to thank all of you for your great response to this story so far! I am so glad that you all seem to enjoy it. And, if they happen to read this chapter, I wanted to leave a quick note to j'adore jasper: Thank you for your amazing review! I truly appreciate the criticism, and I am definitely going to work on getting Jasper his own character and bringing it out more. Thank you for letting me know :]

Until next chapter, all my love to my readers and wonderful reviewers, and especially JaspersBella. See you all in approximately two weeks!