A/N: Sorry times ten over for being so slow with the update. School is hounding me, I've been sick and otherwise over all busy. But here it is, chapter 19, finished it just 15-or-so minutes ago. We'll all find out what Rory stole from Lorelai in the previous chapter. I got a few good guesses with last chapter's reviews, but none of you hit the jackpot. Happy reading!
Disclaimer: I, the author of this story, do not own any of the characthers associated with Gilmore Girls. That honor belongs to the wonderful Amy Sherman-Palladino. I have no intention of making any money on this (in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm losing money over it…).
19. The Negotiation
The rest of the trip to Phialdephia went by fairly uneventfully. Matt made a sitting victory-dance when they entered Pennsylvania, and bounced in his seat like a little kid on Christmas. When they hit Philadelphia he was just a bout ready to burst into song.
"Stars Hollow wasn't bad, I admit it, though the creepy broad..." he began when they parked outside Truncheon.
"Miss Patty," Jess corrected him.
"As I said, the creepy broad with the sex-eyes really freaked me out," Matt persisted.
"Yeah, not bad at all for you, you didn't get outed by your mother," Rory countered.
"Trust me, being outed isn't that bad. Sure, it sucks major balls in the beginning, and it may suck even more if you're not the one doing the outing, but trust me. There are only pros about being outed," Cammie tried to comfort Rory.
"It is painfully clear she has never lived in Stars Hollow," Jess said, with a sideways glance to Rory.
"Well, I'm gonna live there at some point, so they'll just have to get used to me."
"Taylor will have a field day…"
"Oh, big, bad Taylor. Come on, he's old, bald and obnoxious, whereas I'm…"
"A nail in his eye?" Rory suggested.
"A thorn in his side?" Chris chipped in.
"I was going for absolutely fabulous, but I'll take what I get."
"Ab fab, sweetie darling," Rory teased.
"You need a movie/tv-show detox bad," Cammie taunted in return.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you. A Gilmore without movies and tv-shows…" Jess warned
"Is no Gilmore at all," Rory finished. "Though I wonder what that makes Grandma? She does watch a ridiculous amount of ballroom dancing competitions, but I don't count that as good tv. It's more like torture, really."
Cammie laughed boisterously, and said goodbye to the gang. She had things to do at her coffeeshop, and plans to make for the future transfer to Stars Hollow. They waved her off before they took leave of Matt and Chris and headed for their own apartment.
"Okay, so what did you do at home that your mom will explode over?" Jess demanded when they were inside.
"Oh, just a little something…" Rory brushed him off with a knowing smile, putting her cellphone down on a coffee table and walked into the bedroom to change.
"You won't tell me?" Jess asked her as he followed.
"I find the secret rather entertaining," she told him teasingly, replacing her jeans with a couple of sweats.
"You know I wouldn't call your mom. Believe me, Lorelai having a fit is basically prime time entertainment.
On cue, Rory's phone began ringing wildly, playing My Chemical Romance's Mama full blast.
"Take that for me, will you?" Rory asked, feigning inability to answer the phone by elaborately pulling off her shirt.
"I'm not rubbing off on you anymore, you are becoming me," Jess scolded her, but nevertheless went out to answer Rory's phone.
Rory could hear him answer politely, only to be interrupted by Lorelai. She could imagine her mom spluttering away words 80 miles per hour, upset with the situation.
"You want what?" Jess asked, confused. "Yes, she's here, where else would she be? Chill out, it's not like… Excuse me? I'm moving, stop harassing me!"
Jess walked over to Rory, and handed her the phone with a scolding look.
"Your mom wants to negotiate on behalf of your... whatever it is you're holding hostage," he told her curtly as Rory took the phone. "Oh, and I think she cursed at me."
"She did what?" Rory exclaimed, taking the phone. "Mom?"
Jess walked out of the room at this point.
"Where is she?" Lorelai demanded matter-of-factly.
"I'm not sure what you mean," Rory said, mock-aloof.
"You have Kitty, and I want to negotiate the safe return of her."
"Mom, 'Kitty' is a waffle iron, and hence doesn't have feelings."
"I will so pretend you didn't just say that. Is she okay? Have you broken any of the official rules that apply to waffle iron-hostage situations?" Lorelai continued.
"You mean have I used it?" Rory clarified, peeking into her bag, where the waffleiron lay, embedded in her own clothes.
"You didn't did you? 'Cause you know Kitty, she hates heat."
"She's a waffle iron, they're meant to be heated!"
"She has special needs, one of them being reasonable temperatures!"
"Mom, after the stunt you pulled on me at the Dragonfly, the least I could do was retaliate. Kitty's fine, at least for now. There have been no heating, no oil has touched the inlay, and in exchange for you promising to erase Sookie's memory and convince the town that I am not enganged, I will return her safely."
"Yeah, well, that's sort of a no can do…"
"Then I will not take responsibility for what happens to Kitty."
"I'll do you one better," Lorelai coaxed.
"What could be better than you making this whole mess go away?" Rory asked dejectedly
"By making it worse..? For me?" her mother suggested.
"Worse? How could worse be good?"
"'Cause I told everyone that I was knocked up. Apparantly that takes precedence over your engagement."
"You told people?"
"The only thing that could've topped my performance was if I'd done it at a town meeting, backed up by Siouxie and the Banshees."
"Followed by a very heartfelt version of 'Papa, don't preach', aimed for Taylor."
"God no, that would give me issues for life. Freud's skeleton would be involved, and I will not be busted for desecrating a grave."
"The Winchester-boys do it all the time."
"Yes, honey, and as much as I would like to be able to phone Dean and persuade him to dig up Freud, I don't think so. Plus, he'd most likely torch the guy before we could get down to business."
"Dirty!" Rory exclaimed jubilantly.
"Babe, I'm sorry. I panicked, it was Sookie, I tried to tell her not to go overboard."
"Sookie's Sookie. And I know, and I'm sorry for overreacting and skipping out of town with Kitty."
"So she's okay?"
"Fit as a fiddle. Or as a waffle iron."
"Thank God!"
"I'll bring her back with me next time we visit. Shouldn't be too long, whenever Jess and Cammie need to go to Stars Hollow to sign papers or stuff, I'll tag along."
"Yeah, and don't worry. People will be obsessed about my budding bun until the little bugger comes out, so no need to apply any evasive manouvers."
"Because the birth of another Gilmore offspring takes precedence over the fact that the existing offspring got engaged," Rory summed up, smiling widely..
"Don't we have the most spectacular townspeople?" Lorelai mused.
"The best. Hey, did you curse at Jess?"
"I did no such thing, where did he get that from?"
"What did you tell him?"
"I said, in so many words that I demanded to negotiate for Kitty's safe return. Granted, I may have been a little hysterical, but I didn't curse at him."
"He seems to think you did."
"He was lazy, so I said copper boom to him."
"Jess?" Rory yelled. "The thing that my mom said that you thought was cursing... Was it 'copper boom'?"
"May have been. Seriously, what's wrong with saying 'shit' and 'asshole'?" Jess replied from somewhere.
"She wasn't cursing at you, she was beckoning you to move faster."
"Ten-four, ma'am."
"Okay, so now he knows you didn't curse at him, everyone's happy."
"Goodie! Okay, I need to go barricade the door, or else the house will be swamped with people trying to throw me babyshowers."
"We need a secret knock or something," Rory smirked. "Bye mom."
"Bye my fruity kidnapper. Treat Kitty good!"
Rory laughed, and ended the call. When she turned around, Jess was standing in the doorway, looking suspiciously at her.
"What?" she asked him.
Then he began laughing, spotting Kitty the waffle iron among Rory's belongings.
"You kidnapped a waffle iron?" Jess managed to get out amidst his guffaws.
"I'll have you know that waffle iron's like a baby to my mom."
"I stole a gnome because it looked stupid, and the town blacklists me. You nick your mom's Hello Kitty! waffle iron and she calls you to have a hostage negotiation?"
"One would think that you'd know me by now."
"You never cease to amaze me," Jess said, and kissed her.
A/N: Yes, the Hello Kitty waffle iron that was mentioned a couple of times on the show made it into my fic. You liked it? Drop me a review and tell me what you thought. Reviews are better than waffle iron negotiations.