Chapter Seventeen

I couldn't help the smug smile that graced my face when Jacob made a show of trotting in with Bella and snuggling up against her. There was absolute shock coming from most of the family, but Edward was radiating pure fury. There was no doubt in my mind that Edward wanted nothing better than to run over there and cause Jacob some bodily harm, take Bella away and keep her in his protective embrace. But I had warned him for Jacob, and we really did need the help of the pack.

I busied myself talking to Alice and to keep my mind off of Bella until I felt a strong stab of pain coming from her direction. It got worse when I glanced up at her, and I was upset to find she quickly looked away. Jacob was worried about her and tried to comfort her, especially when Bella had to say hello to the family again. None of them made a move closer, and I was both happy and angry at that fact.

Focus Jasper, I told myself.

Bella drifted off to sleep quickly and I took my spot as instructor. I was a bit nervous to be teaching the family, especially when Carlisle set his attentive gaze upon me. Alice gave me an encouraging smile and I smiled back, taking a deep breath and beginning.

"I know that the pack has seen the basic moves and techniques on how to kill newborns, but if you don't mind I'd just like to go over them once again for the others." I looked again at Alice who obliged to help me with my demonstration. "I know it's been a while for us, but when we were newborns we were incredibly strong. However, I'm sure you'll agree that we had absolutely no technique, no instruction on fighting. Therefore, if you know what you are doing, it's fairly easy to take down a newborn."

I nodded to Alice who grinned back up at me and ran forward, locking my arms around her neck, but stopping in time to keep her from harm. "There are several ways to incapacitate a newborn, but I'll tell you now-you need to kill them before they kill you."

The rest of the demonstration went on in the same way. After showing basic techniques, I invited Emmett up to show the pack some more refined moves. Emmett had always been one of my favorite sparring partners, and he was quite useful in this sense as well because he was much more focused on using his strength as opposed to technique. Emmett and I had a good time sparring but I needed to move on and show the pack a bit more refinement.

Edward? I asked. He stood and walked over to where I stood while Emmett jogged back to Rosalie. If you don't mind, I'd like to show the pack more skillful and creative ways to take down a vampire. Edward nodded at me and, without a second thought, charged.

I ducked to the left and made to attack him, but Edward jumped up and over me. I swung my legs, knocking him to the ground, but Edward grabbed my right leg and pulled me down as well, growling.

I rolled to the side, barely missing a punch from Edward and used my legs to kick him backwards. In the split second it took for me to stand up, Edward slammed into me from the side, sending us flying towards the pack. I growled at him and managed to disentangle myself first to punch him, but Edward caught my fist and I had to block his other hand with my free one.

This was no longer a friendly fight. This was all about releasing pent up tension and anger over the past events. Suddenly using this "demonstration" was just a clever way of fighting without causing alarm.

Alice, however, caught on quickly. "Jasper? Edward?" she called softly, and we stopped mid-fight to look at her. She raised her eyebrow at us and we slowly stepped away from each other. Thank God Bella wasn't awake for this.

Edward shot me a dirty look at the last thought and strode back over to Esme. I took a deep breath to calm myself and turned to face the pack and continue with instruction.

The rest of the lesson didn't last long, as it soon began to rain, making it hard for the pack to make out the quick movements. So we called it a night and I quite deliberately avoided Jacob, who was pulling the blanket over Bella with his teeth to shield her from the rain, and walked over to Alice.

"Great fight, man," Emmett said when I walked up, clapping me on the back. "You and Edward were really into it."

"Thanks Emmett," I said simply. Alice was definitely not pleased with how that fight went, or what it meant, and I was feeling guilty about it now. It didn't help things when Edward walked over to Jacob and argued with him quietly over who would take Bella home.

"We'll meet you at the house," Esme said touching my arm. She smiled at me and, along with Carlisle, Emmett and Rosalie, began running back to the house.

"Ready to go Jazz?" Alice asked, lacing her fingers with mine.

I brought our hands up and kissed the back of Alice's hand. "Almost. I just need to talk with Sam for a minute."

I left Alice for a moment to jog over to where Sam now stood in human form. I stopped a few feet short of him and he nodded his head. "That was a good lesson, Jasper. The pack should be fine now, instruction wise, but if we need another meeting we'll call you."

"Thank you," I replied. "Just let me know." Sam nodded and turned to head off, motioning for Jacob to follow him,

Jacob growled in response, then directed another growl up at Edward, who was now holding Bella in his arms. So he had won the argument this time. As I turned to leave I heard Bella shift in Edward's arms then sigh. "Jasper," she breathed.

Edward froze, but I kept jogging back to Alice. I could feel Jacob's mirth mingle with my own secret joy the entire run back to the house.

**

Alice dropped a magazine on my desk, interrupting the book I was currently engaged in. I looked at the cover, noting the fancy cars.

"I think you should get a car," Alice said. "I've decided to get one myself."

"All right," I told her, placing the magazine to the side and getting back to my book. If there was one thing I detested, it was someone interrupting me when I was engrossed in my current activity.

Alice made a disapproving sound and informed me, "Carlisle is coming to talk to you in two minutes and twenty one seconds," and haughtily left the room.

I raced to finish my chapter before Carlisle arrived and was a page away when he did. He knocked on the door to alert me to his presence. "Hello Jasper," he greeted.

I bookmarked my page and met his gaze. "Hello Carlisle. Please, come in."

I stood up to let Carlisle sit on my chair and took a seat on the bed facing him. "Edgar Allan Poe?" Carlisle asked, glancing at the cover.

"Yes, I quite enjoy his stories and poems," I admitted.

Carlisle nodded, feeling comfortable but uneasy. "How have you been Jasper?"

"Fine," I responded automatically. Carlisle raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed. He may only be three years older than me in human age, but Carlisle had centuries on me. Of course he wouldn't believe such a weak lie. "I've been..." How have I been? I wasn't sure. The past several days had been a whirlwind of emotion, from incredibly ebullient to devastated, and everywhere in between. "I don't know," I said at last.

Carlisle nodded his head, hesitating to speak, not sure what to say. At last he settled on, "Jasper, I know that you don't always feel a part of the family, and that you've been through a lot of things both in your human life and that as a vampire, and I don't think you've ever really been able to talk about these things. But I wanted to let you know that I'll always lend an ear if you need it."

I nodded my head, unable to speak. Carlisle was right, I did have feelings of isolation and was sometimes desperate to talk about my feelings. Which I wouldn't concede to without prodding, something Bella had been expert at. Furthermore, Carlisle was having a serious talk to me about...me. It really touched me and I had the sudden urge to tell him everything about Bella and me.

Carlisle waited patiently, as if he expected me to do just that, but the words wouldn't come. I tried to force them out, but couldn't bring myself to do so. At last I just said, "Thank you Carlisle," berating myself for my wavering voice. Carlisle looked slightly disappointed but smiled back at me and excused himself.

I turned back to my book to finish up the story I had nearly finished, The Oval Portrait. I read, enraptured, to the last sentence, "She was dead!" and sat shocked. The story had been tragic, that of a radiant beauty who had fallen in love with a painter who loved his art more than his wife. She had obliged to be painted, and he had grown so engrossed in his work that his love lost life, lost spirit, and at last died.

It wasn't so much that I was upset with the self-centeredness of the painter; no, it was the fact that the young woman had died. Died. Sometimes I forgot the pure mortality of humans. And if truth be told, it only made me worried about Bella. What if Edward never turned her and I lived the rest of eternity with only my memories of her. A Bella who wasn't mine was better than no Bella at all.

These thoughts were swirling around my mind and wouldn't let me rest. I had no one to talk to this about; Jacob really wasn't an option, I couldn't imagine having such a heart to heart with the boy. Alice and Edward definitely weren't possibilities either. I'm sure Esme would have been very understanding, but it was Carlisle I decided on. I had wanted to tell them anyway, but now that Carlisle had offered I wanted to take the easy way and perhaps win some advice and understanding in the process.

I stood to make my way across the hall to Carlisle's office, but the moment I stepped out the door Alice was in front of me, her arms crossed over her chest and an annoyed look on her face.

We had a silent conversation, we often did. She would show me how she was feeling and I would make decisions based on that. And right now she was definitely upset with my decision to talk to Carlisle. But this was something I wanted to do, and for once I wouldn't fold to her.

Alice narrowed her eyes at me and then closed them, searching whatever decisions she would make, trying to find an outcome that would work for her. After a minute or two she finally looked back up at me. Her face was still unhappy, but now it was a look of hurt that she gave me. I was hurting her, but I was hurting too. She brushed past me to enter the room and shut the door behind her.

I sighed and walked over to Carlisle's office, knocking on the door.

"Come in," he called, and I pushed the door open. "Hello again Jasper," he said with a smile, setting his book aside.

"Do you think we could go for a walk?" I asked him. I wasn't quite ready for the rest of the family to know about Bella and me yet.

Carlisle smiled at me, standing up. "Of course," he replied. We stepped over to his window and jumped out, landing softly on the ground.

We walked for a long while until I was sure we were out of ear shot of the family. There was no easy way to edge into the topic, so I went ahead and dove in. "I love Bella." Damn, I didn't mean to start off with that.

Carlisle looked at me, thoroughly shocked, but trying to understand. "Romantically?" he wondered.

"Yes," I sighed. "It didn't start like that. I left the family because I needed to get away, I...I felt the blame. I know the family didn't mean for me to feel blamed, told me they didn't blame me, but I could tell, I could feel it. And Edward, everyone really, were suffocating me. I just wanted to take a break, so I went out on my own for a bit. I'm not sure why, but I decided to stop in Forks, just to check up on Bella."

"She was that bad then?" Carlisle asked.

I nodded my head gravely. "But it wasn't like I was in a straightjacket when I was around her. I could actually use my powers to help calm her and soothe her pain a little, or make it numb I guess; unlike in Alaska." I paused, not sure what to say next.

"So how did you two start talking again?" Carlisle prompted.

"Bella went to Port Angeles with Jessica Stanley. And she was being really stupid," I said, slightly amused. "I hadn't really hunted a lot, and Bella was getting into trouble with a group of men. I sort of lost it and, in defending her when the men got too close, let Bella see I was there. I ran away to hunt after that; I couldn't face Bella in the state I was in."

I paused again, looking up at the stars. It was clearing up now, the sky lightening, but the stars were still visible. My mind flashed back to stargazing with Bella. God I loved stars.

"It was a rocky start at first," I told Carlisle. "Bella is incredibly clumsy, and there were a couple of precarious incidents, but in the end they brought us closer. Bella and I became good friends; well I suppose we would have to, we spent all our time with each other. And then one day...I don't know. Things changed. And I realized how right it was, being with Bella. I wasn't worried about making the wrong decision, or that I might accidentally kill her or someone else. Bella trusted me completely, and it was something I was missing.

"Of course we felt really terrible for a while. Alice and Edward. But we decided to focus on the present. I was really getting to know Bella, getting her to trust me, and, despite myself, I started to love her. And she felt the same. I realized just how much I cared for her when I finally took a long hunting trip. Bella and I had been together for most of the day every day, and taking this trip was killing me. But then so was the whole not hunting for a long time part too.

"Things had finally gotten really good. I was happy, so unbelievably happy. And the love I felt for Bella just kept growing exponentially. But then Laurent came with Victoria's plan. And suddenly Alice was in the area. And Edward.

"I still love Alice. She means the world to me, I owe her so much. She brought me joy and hope in my worst times. And Edward has been my brother for so long. But there was just something about Bella. The way she worries her lip when she's upset or nervous, how she cries when she's mad, her ability to trip over thin air."

I paused to take an unnecessary breath and look around me. We had stopped walking and were standing deep into the forest, the thick canopy of trees blocking out the morning light. "I thought, we thought, Bella and I, that breaking up, going back with Edward and Alice was the best thing. I mean, being together, it would break up the family, and I've already done enough damage there. But when I saw her walk away, knowing that she no longer will be mine to hug, to hold, to kiss, to even love...I don't know anymore. I just...don't know."

I let out a deep breath and sank to the ground, my back resting against a tree. Carlisle was quiet, absorbing all the information, shock still radiating off of him, but it was lessening. He sat down beside me, face turned up to the patch of sky we could see through a small break in the trees directly above us.

"Jasper," Carlisle began at last, his voice soft, his tone careful. "You know that I love all of you like my own children. You've all brought me so much joy when I thought I would never be able to be happy in this existence. If it's not too cliche of me, I really do feel like your father. And as a father, I want all of my children to be happy. But most of all, I want you to be true to yourself. It's never good to live a lie, it only makes everyone miserable. I've seen it happen too often in both humans and vampires. But those that did what they felt deep down was right, those were the happiest people I've seen.

"I don't know if being with Alice is what is right for you, or for her, or for anyone. I don't know if Bella being with Edward is right. And I don't know if you being with Bella is right either. All I can tell you is to make your choices, and be happy with them. Make your decisions for yourself, not because it'll please everyone else, or because it's what is expected or demanded of you. Make the choices you won't regret, the commitments that you know you want to make.

"When I created Edward, then Esme, Rosalie and even Emmett, I wasn't sure if I should. I didn't know what to do, I didn't have much time to decide. But I did what I felt was right. I don't regret any of those decisions because they've brought me so much joy. And I don't regret they day that I welcomed you and Alice into the family; that was another decision that I would make all over again if I could.

"What I'm trying to get at here is to let you know that no matter what happens, no matter what choices you make, as long as they are what you think are right, and make you happy, then you'll have my approval and happiness for you. Alice is a wonderful creature, and you've had so many brilliant years together. And Bella is a quite the treasure as well. I hate to see any of you hurting, but in love someone always gets hurt. Just keep that in mind Jasper."

I nodded my head, taking everything in. It was good to know I had Carlisle's blessing, if you will. No matter what happened, whether Alice and I stayed together, or I begged Bella to take me back, the fact that I had at least one person supporting me gave me the courage to make whatever decisions needed to be made when they came along. I glanced at Carlisle, who was watching a ladybug crawl all over his hand, and grinned. He really was a great father.

Alice POV

"Jazz," I called. He looked up from his book. "You haven't decided yet," I reminded him, holding up the car magazine.

"I haven't," he confirmed.

I was quick to hide my irritation, having long been able to practice such reflexes. I made my way over to Jasper and bent forward to place a kiss on his cheek. He smiled at me, and reached up to stroke my cheek. I sighed happily. There was no doubt that I'd been missing Jasper.

I stood up and had only taken one step when I was taken by a vision.

Edward and Bella stepped through the doorway and he led her into the kitchen. She was nervous and kept fidgeting with her clothes.

The family was waiting for them, Esme taking a batch of cookies out of the oven, Emmett and Rosalie playing cards at the table and Carlisle sitting on a chair at the island's counter, leafing through a newspaper. I was hanging back with Jasper, who was reluctant to be near Bella.

At last Bella stumbled through the doorway, Edward's hand on the small of her back, guiding her. The second she stepped foot in the kitchen, Esme turned to her with a smile, balancing a cookie on her spatula.

"Bella!" she grinned. "I've made chocolate chip cookies."

Bella smiled at Esme widely. "Hello Esme. They smell great!" She reached out for one and used eating the cookie as an excuse to hide her nerves. This was the first time she and the family were meeting since her birthday party.

"Bella," Emmett greeted, standing up and grinning at her, his arms opened wide.

"Hey Emmett," Bella mumbled, glancing up at him and throwing a sidelong glance at Rosalie, who was shuffling the cards and ignoring her. Emmett stepped forward and scooped Bella up in a hug, carefully holding her though she felt it as a bear hug.

"I've missed you, kid," Emmett told her as he set her down but kept his arms wrapped around her. "What sort of embarrassing things have you been doing since I've been gone?" he asked with a wink.

Bella turned pink and stammered. "W-what? Nothing."

"Emmett," Esme chastised. She glanced at Carlisle who folded the paper and stood up.

"Hello Bella," he said. "How have you been?"

Bella smiled in greeting. "Fine," she said simply.

Edward tugged Bella's hand, leading her away. Bella waved goodbye to the family and they made their way over towards the stairs, where Jasper and I were standing at the bottom.

"Hello Bella," I heard myself greet, a small smile plastered on my face.

Bella forced herself to smile once more. She looked at me before her gaze flicked to Jasper, then back to me. "Hello, Alice," she answered. She gripped Edward's hand tighter when she looked back to Jasper.

"Alice?" Jasper asked, looking up at me from his seat.

I clicked back into the present, drawn out of my vision. I always told Jasper about my visions, this time was no different. "Bella's coming to visit," I told him, my voice unnaturally cheery, even to me. "I'm going to go rearrange Emmett and Rosalie's closet," I told him, making my way out of the room and leaving Jasper to his thoughts.

I knocked on the door and Rosalie answered, unsurprised. "I knew you'd love to help," she said, smiling.

I grinned back at her, twirling my way into her room and closet. "Don't worry, I know what to do," I called to her.

"Thanks Alice."

I set to my task, pulling shirts down from shelves and stripping them from hangers. Some outfits I left on the floor to be donated, some were matched with different articles to create a new outfit, and some were simply moved around.

As I worked I was taken with little visions here and there. Some were clear but most were blurry. They mostly involved Jasper and Bella: hugging, kissing, fighting, talking, stealing looks at each other. I knew it was Jasper considering different things he might do when she visited. After a particularly vivid scene in which Jasper and Bella reunited with a passionate kiss I had to take a break from Emmett's clothes. I took several deep breaths in and out, and was reassured slightly when the latest vision was one in which Jasper merely glanced at Bella then ignored her. There were no more after that one and I let out a big breath.

That Jasper was thinking so much about Bella truly hurt. It was hard to be Bella's friend when I resented her for inspiring feelings in Jasper. He was my life, what I'd been waiting for so that we could join the Cullens together.

But I wanted to be her friend. The visions I had when Edward first met Bella, visions of our friendship were wonderful and something that I truly wanted to keep. I sighed as I tossed another shirt of Emmett's to the floor, holes in it from being ripped by a bear fight I could make this work. I had to..

Several hours later I heard Edward's Volvo crunching the gravel of the driveway. Jasper tensed and I twirled my way over to him knowing exactly what to do.

"It's okay Jasper, we don't have to really see them," I told him.

Jasper nodded, trying to relax. "So tell me, where are we going to be then?" he asked with a small smile.

I grinned up at him, glad that he was indulging me in my love for telling the future. "We'll be standing at the bottom of the stairs. Everything will be perfect." I reached up and kissed Jasper on the cheek before tugging him down the stairs.

Esme was willing the cookies to hurry up and finish baking while Carlisle feigned calm by flipping through a newspaper; Emmett and Rosalie were actually into their card game, and everything was going perfectly as predicted.

Bella nervously greeted the family, just as I saw, and the entire time Jasper held my hand a little more tightly than normal. I pushed away the negative thoughts because of that and did my best to smile at Bella when she walked by.

"Hello Bella," I greeted, and the smile came a bit easier than I expected. Perhaps actually seeing her there, holding Edward's hand just as she normally would, must have more of a concrete effect than a vision did.

"Hello Alice," Bella squeaked back, her voice a bit high. She glanced at Jasper and suddenly everything was not going according to plan. "Hello Jasper," she forced out, but her eyes screamed a different story.

"Bella," Jasper replied, and suddenly...

Jasper reached across and brushed some hair off of Bella's face. "I love you," he told her, kissing her forehead. "I love you," he said again, kissing her nose. "I love you," he said a final time, and captured her lips with his own.

Bella's tears slipped down her cheeks, her sigh melting into a loving kiss and her hands eagerly pulling Jasper forward, wanting more.

"I love you Jasper Whitlock," Bella murmured, resting her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms securely around her. "Always."

"Alice," Edward said sharply, snapping me back into reality. He tilted his head to the side, wondering what had just happened.

I forced a smile back on my face, years of practice making such a task a little easier. Jasper or Bella were thinking of taking another path for a moment, I thought.

Edward narrowed his eyes slightly and wrapped his arm around Bella's waist possessively. He gave Jasper a severe look before he ushered Bella upstairs, closing the door to his room behind him with a little more force than necessary.

I turned to Jasper to see him staring guiltily at the floor.

"Jasper," I choked out, feeling the burn in my eyes that should have filled with tears. "You still can't decide," I half accused, half begged. He reached out to me but I turned away. My perfect world was shattered.


A/N: Hope that the Alice POV didn't throw you guys off too much. I was having a hard time with the ending of this chapter and wrote from her POV to clear things up, but it was too short to be it's own chapter so I added it on. I am so sorry for the delay, I was very engaged this week in many distractions. Namely stories by AlyNiki, my first concert, and the book Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. All three of which I would highly recommend to all of you.

Thank you to all of my wonderful reviewers, you all really make my day. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was a bit of a turning point, what with Jasper talking to Carlisle. As usual, all my grateful thanks to JaspersBella. I'll see you guys next time!