Chapter Eighteen

The next week was a blur of activity, Edward, and placating Charlie. The first time I brought Edward home after he returned was definitely not pleasant. Charlie saw his face and immediately went purple.

"He's not happy," Edward whispered in my ear as I fumbled with my key.

I stopped just as I fit the key in the lock and looked up at him. "How bad?" I asked.

Edward was silent as he listened to Charlie's thoughts. He smiled slightly and placed his hand on the small of my back, opening the door and guiding me in. "We'll survive," he told me. "Hello Charlie," he called.

"Hey Dad," I said as he walked into the kitchen. "You remember Edward?"

Charlie gaped at us, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of something to say. At last he ground out, "Yeah, I remember him," and stormed off, plopping down on the couch and abusing the remote.

We sat at the table and pulled out homework. I noticed Edward wince a few timed and at last asked him what was wrong. "Charlie really isn't happy that I'm back," he sighed. "And he keeps thinking about…how you were after I left."

I groaned. I hated any time that Edward would have to see how I had been. "Don't listen to him," I implored.

Edward gave me a wry smile. "I don't really have a choice," he told me.

I frowned at the back of Charlie's head. "Do you want to go somewhere else?"

Edward looked at me with a pained smile. "If it's all right I think I'll head home until Charlie falls asleep," he told me quietly. "I'll come back later tonight."

I nodded my head and pushed my chair back from the table. I walked Edward to the door and, when Charlie wasn't looking, he gave me a quick kiss goodbye. My heart still stuttered and I smiled goofily at him. "See you later," he murmured in my ear and was gone.

After a few minutes the initial high of Edward's kiss wore off and I was staring at my Calculus homework, frustrated. I was really trying my best to make things work out between Edward and I, and Charlie's blatant disapproval really wasn't helping. Wasn't it bad enough that I was missing Jasper nearly all the time? Charlie's behavior was just rubbing salt in the wound, and I let him know as much when he walked into the kitchen to grab a beer.

"Did you have to be so rude?" I asked bluntly.

Charlie looked a bit taken aback by my tone of voice. "Well yeah. The guy leaves you Bells, you're a miserable wreck for months, and when you're finally getting better, making friends again, he comes back in to ruin things." Charlie said this all in a matter of fact way as he popped open his can. Clearly he'd been wanting to have this sort of conversation for a while.

"Edward makes me happy Dad. Don't you want me to be happy?" I asked crossly. I was definitely throwing a tantrum now, but I couldn't seem to help it. Things hadn't been good the past few days and it was all just building up inside.

"Jacob makes you happy. And it seems like that Jasper kid makes you happy too. I don't see why you don't go out with one of them," Charlie told me. "Jacob is a great guy, he's known you for ages and he wouldn't do anything like Edward. Leave you and never bother to call or anything. Hell, Jasper seems like a better choice and I barely even know the man. Proper and charismatic, makes a great meal and friendly too. Sorry Bells, I just don't know what you see in Edward."

My mouth dropped open as if he'd just slapped me. In fact it felt just as if he had. It wasn't as if I could retort. All he had said was true, but that didn't change the fact that he didn't know Edward like I did. Didn't know how kind and wonderful he was. "I love Edward. He's...everything. He's perfect. And he's the one that I'm going to be with." Even as I said the words I was trying to convince myself.

"Isabella, I do not want you to see Edward Cullen anymore," Charlie demanded, his hand clenched tight around his drink and his face red.

"I'm not a child anymore!" I cried, entirely beyond reason at this point. "I'm tired of being treated like one! I can make my own choices and my own decisions, and I am deciding that I am going to be with Edward whether you like it or not," I ground out waspishly before turning heel and heading out the door, slamming it for effect.

I stomped over to my truck, ignoring Charlie's threats behind me. I knew I was being unreasonable, but I didn't want to listen to Charlie; didn't want to hear him validate the same thoughts I had been thinking every time I was with Edward.

I was so incensed that I had made it all the way off my driveway and down the road before I noticed someone sitting next to me. I screamed and stomped on the brakes, my heart pumping adrenaline through me.

"Geez Bella, no need to shout," Emmett cried, covering his ears with his hands.

I stared at him, my knuckles white as I gripped the wheel, and tried to slow my heart and control my breathing. "What are you doing here?" I asked at last.

Emmett grinned. "I'm watching you," he told me nonchalantly, as if he did this every day.

Of course he was watching me, someone had to with a couple of crazed, vengeful vampires trying to kill me. I sighed and started driving again, glad no other car had passed us. "You could have at least given me a warning," I muttered. I was embarrassed. Emmett must have heard everything I said to Charlie.

True to his character Emmett decided to talk about the one thing sure to embarrass me more. "Wow Bella, didn't know you had it in you. You sure put Charlie in his place," he told me, winking.

I sighed. "I probably shouldn't have said all those things."

Emmett slung an arm over my shoulder comfortingly, going into big brother mode. "Why not? You were just expressing how you felt," he told me.

"I was throwing a tantrum," I countered.

Emmett's booming laugh reverberated in my chest. "Sorry, sorry," he amended when I shot him an annoyed look. "What's wrong?"

I didn't, couldn't, exactly tell Emmett what was wrong. Apparently the only ones who knew about Jasper and me were Edward and Alice. Emmett wasn't exactly the best person to tell about the dilemma. "I don't really want to talk about it," I said quietly. "It's just been a rough week."

Emmett squeezed my shoulder lightly. "Don't worry, everything will work out," he told me warmly. We sat in comfortable silence for a while as I drove. At last Emmett broke the silence. "So Bella," he began, elongating the first word. "Are we going somewhere private to make out?"

I turned my head sharply, blood rushing to my face and making Emmett laugh. "W-what? No!"

"Then I think you ought to know that you passed our driveway about half a mile ago," he told me, grinning widely. I cursed under my breath and made a U-turn on the road. "Well I'd personally love to, Bella, but I'm not sure that Edward and Rosalie would be too happy if we did," Emmett told me seriously.

I stared at him in confusion for a moment until I realized he was making a reference to my use of a certain expletive that connoted intercourse. As my face turned bright red Emmett broke out into a laughing fit and was barely able to control himself by the time we pulled up to the Cullen house.

"Thanks Bella, that's the most fun I've had in a while," he told me, giving me a bear hug.

"Yeah, yeah," I replied, still pink in the cheeks but in a considerably better mood. Emmett walked me to the door where Edward was waiting. "Hey," I said meekly.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" he asked me before turning sharply to Emmett and probing his mind.

I was a bit irked by his lack of letting me answer for myself and placed my hand on his cheek to bring his attention back to me. "I got in a fight with Charlie and left," I explained.

Edward sighed, relaxing into my palm. "Bella," he muttered shaking his head slightly. "Come on," he said, grabbing my hand and leading me up to his room as if I didn't already know where it was. What little tolerance I had recovered thanks to Emmett's good mood evaporated when I caught a glimpse of Alice and Jasper curled up on the couch.

After Edward closed the door to his room I tugged my hand out of his and walked over to his stereo and began fiddling with it. He was listening to classical music again and I searched his collection for something more befitting of my mood.

"Did you finish your homework?" he asked me at last.

"No," I replied, opening the case of a CD that held the promise of angry music. Linkin Park never disappointed.

"Did you bring it over?" he asked instead, clearing floundering in how to deal with my bad mood.

"Maybe I don't want to finish it," I snapped, turning up the music.

I looked up to find Edward staring at me, his brows furrowed. He'd never dealt with me in such a mood before and didn't know how to react. "But we have school tomorrow," he reminded me.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically.

At last Edward took a more aggressive approach. "Bella, what's wrong? Why are you so angry?"

I glared up at him. "Maybe I don't like being treated like a child who can't think for herself and is perceived as incapable of handling her own problems."

"I never said you were any of those things," Edward responded.

"You don't have to say it when your actions clearly do," I muttered.

Edward took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting it out slowly. He looked at me with soft eyes. "Bella, love, what's really wrong?"

What's wrong is that you treat me like a child more often than not. What's wrong is that you left me heart broken in the forest with no hope and no will to live life. What's wrong is that you came back just when I was finally moving on and finding my own true, wholesome happiness. What's wrong is that everything Charlie said only consolidated my own insecurities and doubts.

Sometimes I really wished Edward could read my mind. Because I wasn't sure I could do this anymore.

I stared at my shoes, unable to look Edward in the face for fear of being unable to speak my mind. He had the special ability to make me completely forget any reason why I was mad at him or should be mad at him with just one beautiful, breathtaking, crooked smile.

"You left me," I whispered, tears rushing to my eyes.

I didn't look up to see the expression on Edward's face, but I'm sure it wasn't pleasant. "I'm back," he told me quietly, placing his fingers under my chin and urging me to look up at him. "I won't ever make that mistake again."

I stepped back from him, feeling my back press against the wall of his music collection. I shook my head. "Making it once destroyed me," I told him, my eyes staring at a shiny cover. "Whose to say you won't make it again when you think things get too dangerous? I survived once, I don't think I can survive a second time."

"Bella, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere," he told me, stepping forward and trying to embrace me.

I wrapped my arms protectively around myself and finally looked up at Edward. He looked confused and frustrated, not the least bit sorry. "You don't understand," I said, my voice rising slightly. "You. Left. Me. Do you even-do you know what it did to me? I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I was...a zombie. An empty shell, Edward, absolutely nothing but a waste of flesh. I didn't invite death but I didn't shun it. I lived like that for four months. Four months. And do you know what finally helped me?"

Edward's mouth was shut tight, drawn in a line as he waited for me to continue.

"Jasper," I breathed, the name falling pleasantly from my lips all the while cutting at my heart. "I was finally happy again. I was living, I was me. And then you just come back and expect everything to be peachy keen, but it's not!" My voice was dangerously high and I was certain the rest of the family could hear our argument. For a moment concern crossed my mind, but it evaporated quickly in my hurt and resentment.

"Maybe I don't want to make things work," I said at last.

Edward took a step toward me and looked desperate and lost, hurt and broken. For the briefest moment I was satisfied. At last he felt some of the intense pain I'd been feeling for so long, and I was happy. But it quickly turned into disgust. I was purposefully hurting him now, and that wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted...I wanted Edward to understand, to accept things, to make everything better.

I wanted Jasper and flying kites and passionate kisses and apple butter toast.

I wanted my fun friendship with Alice without the awkwardness of both wanting the same man.

I wanted a whole and happy family not torn apart by the mess that was created on my eighteenth birthday.

Truth be told, I didn't know what I wanted. Because everything was inverted and wrong and contradictory.

"We can work things out Bella. We can make things work," Edward told me, his arm outstretched.

I shook my head slowly as the tears that had been threatening to fall all night finally let loose. "No, Edward. I'm not sure we can," I said softly, turning away and leaving the room, trying to find my way to the stairs through the blur of tears.

I stumbled down the stairs, somehow not falling, and noticed someone waiting at the bottom. "Bella," Jasper breathed, his face contorted with worry, blond hair falling into his eyes as he held one hand stretched out, reaching forward towards me, asking me to come back to him. I looked at him, his honey eyes focused solely on me and not the shocked faces around us, his other arm poised in just a way that he would easily be able to pull me into his arms if I let him.

But then I heard Edward call my name behind me and saw Alice let out a little sob and I turned away, pushing past him and out the door. I fumbled with my keys, trying to find the one that would start the engine when a cool hand wrapped around my own, steadying me.

"Would it be alright if I drove you home tonight Bella?" Carlisle asked in his calm, soothing voice.

I nodded my head dumbly, unable to come up with any reason why he shouldn't, though there were probably plenty. He helped me into the passenger seat and waited until I buckled my belt before roaring my engine to life and heading down the driveway. I was ashamed and embarrassed and didn't want to look up from my hands, so it took me a while to realize that we weren't driving to my house.

"Carlisle, where are we going?" I asked, sniffling and rubbing my face on my sleeve.

Carlisle took a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to me. I accepted it gratefully and rubbed my runny nose. "Nowhere in particular," he told me. "I find that driving when I'm upset helps me to calm down."

I nodded my head and was silent for a moment, wringing the kerchief in my hands. At last I sighed. "I'm sorry about what happened back there," I forced out, unable to look at Carlisle.

"It's quite alright. That's one of the most wonderful things about being human Bella, being able to so easily express your emotions."

I nodded my head, biting my lip. This was my chance to tell someone about Jasper and me, and Carlisle certainly would be understanding. The only thing I wouldn't be able to stand is if he was disappointed in me and began to disapprove of either of his sons seeing me.

Carlisle chuckled. "Whatever it is that's causing you to make such a pained face, please feel free to share," he told me.

I grimaced slightly. "I'm just worried about how you'll react," I confessed.

"After as many centuries as I've been through, I'm sure that not much will surprise me," Carlisle told me reassuringly.

I took a deep breath while I tried to organize my thoughts and get my story straight. "Well, it's about Jasper and Alice, me and Edward, and, well...Jasper and me," I said. Carlisle nodded his head and patiently waited for my story. "After Edward left, I...wasn't myself anymore," I said evasively. "I had my parents and friends worried, it was really bad. But then one night I saw Jasper. I thought I was going crazy. After all, why would Jasper be in Port Angeles protecting me from drunken men?

"But it was him. And after a rocky start, and many close calls," I added, thinking of the paper cut and ice incident, "we formed a very close friendship, and I spent nearly all my time with him. Then one day...the line between friendship and love just broke, and I found myself..." here I tried to think of a word strong enough to convey what I meant. "I was inexorably in love with him," I said quietly. "And the problem is that I think I still am."

"But you're worried about Edward and Alice," Carlisle prompted gently.

"Yes. I still really love Edward, and I love Alice. She's been such a wonderful friend, and I know how much she loves Jasper." I took a couple of deep breaths to calm the burning in my throat and eyes. "Jasper and I decided it would be best to go back to how things were before. So I've been trying really hard to make things work with Edward. And I've been having such an incredible time with him."

"But?"

"But...I don't think my heart is really into it," I finished lamely. I couldn't believe I just had a conversation with Carlisle about my love life. What was wrong with me?

Carlisle smiled slightly at me as we pulled up my driveway. It was late now and Charlie was either asleep or afraid to see me after our fight. Carlisle turned to face me and placed his hand on my shoulder in his fatherly fashion of affection.

"Bella, you know that I think of you as one of my daughters. And like all my children all I really want is for you to be happy. My only advice to you would be to do what you know you want to. And I know deep down that you already know what that is. Your hearts have made their decisions, I think it's time you and Jasper make up your minds as well," Carlisle advised me. "Pretending never ends well, and you've lived in misery long enough. Whatever you choose, you are always welcome in our family."

I nodded my head, biting my lip and feeling a few more tears slip down my cheeks. "Thank you Carlisle. For everything."

Carlisle smiled at me and handed me my keys. "You're welcome. If you need to talk anymore I'll be watching you tonight, so just call out and I'll be there," he informed me, opening the door of my truck and stepping out.

I followed his actions, stumbling in the dark, and looked up, surprised, when Carlisle came over next to me and crouched down defensively, protecting me. "Carlisle?" I asked, feeling the beginnings panic stirring. "What's wrong?"

Carlisle was silent for a moment, his eyes scanning the forest and undoubtedly listening for any disturbances. At last he stood up cautiously and turned around to face me, though he was alert and worried. "Charlie is fine, he's sleeping soundly in his room."

"Carlisle?" I asked again, unable to control the panic swelling in my chest.

Carlisle wrapped his arm around my shoulder, probably afraid I was going to faint. "The scent is everywhere," Carlisle explained. I looked up at him, focusing on his honey eyes to control my fear. "Victoria's been here."

A/N: Hello! I'm so sorry about the long wait, but I hope you'll forgive me. I had to drive 16 hours up north for college, which starts tomorrow, so that is why this has been delayed...anywho, I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter, I want to say I'll stay on schedule for the story, but I don't know what college is like! And I'm scared! Haha. Anywho, moving the story along...

I want to thank all my reviewers and readers, especially those who really let me know what they think ;] You know who you are, and also I'm sorry if I didn't get back to you coughdracolovertfcough. And all I can say is JaspersBella. I hope that connotes all the love and thanks it deserves. :]