A/N: Another Chapter, more angst. but were drawing towards the end now. Few more chapters and i think i can finally deal with Yamato's depression

Please Review and let me know what you think. Enjoy!

Chapter 12

"Good, Yamato, Kakashi you have 10 days to recover and join the recon team" she said walking away when she suddenly stopped "I know you heard it all and you're not going!" she spoke to the room.

"I'm going!" said a voice from the window ledge "I won't let him harm anyone else I care for".

The figure stepped out the shadow and growled at the Hokage's back "you have to let me go granny Tsunade, I can't sit here and watch him harm anymore people. I know how you feel" Tsunade sighed at hearing this it still hurt, her losing both her best friends, one to darkness the other to light to save the village. If anyone knew how she felt it would be Naruto. "I know that if we can't bring them back we have to stop them. So please let me go, let me stop him for you, for Sasuke, for Yamato Taichou!" Naruto pleaded.

"I can't let you go Naruto! Why will you never listen?! If you hadn't gone off to find Yamato we could have considered this but the elders won't have it anymore! If you leave through those gates this time I can't guarantee that I can protect you!" Tsunade shouted back in anger pinching the bridge of her nose. There was no dealing with this child, even after winning the war for the five nations; he was still that, a child.

"You can't stop me granny Tsunade!" Naruto retaliated. "Naruto why do you never understand, you think-" "NARUTO!" an angry Tsunade was interrupted by Yamato causing them all to look at him. "Naruto, I know you mean well but this is something I have to do on my own" he looked at him smiling sadly.

"But Taichou - " the boy protested but was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder, he looked up to see Iruka smiling down at him shaking his head "No Naruto". Naruto stormed off before any of them good do anything else causing Tsunade call the guards abruptly to follow him. Naruto was in a vulnerable state and they knew he was still struggling with the aftermath of the war as they all were. "Don't let him leave the village" she barked at them.

-oOo-

Yamato sighed he couldn't believe what he had just been told he looked up to see two pair of hurt filled eyes looking at him. He could see the pain in Iruka's eyes and knew how much he hated being left behind waiting for them, but he had to do this. He smiled softly at them "You know when I was being attacked…or well… when I thought I was being attacked by Orochimaru I saw both your faces flash before my eyes. Before both of you…I kind of knew the wall the third Hokage built to hide those memories were cracking. I'd have nightmares that made no sense, I couldn't remember them, but when I was in both your arms I had less of them" he glanced up to see Kakashi look over at him tenderly and felt Iruka's arms tighten around him further. They all had nightmares to deal with but these had been lessened when they were all together.

This was the first time Yamato had openly spoken about the incidents that had occurred in his early life and they didn't want to do anything to hinder the moment. They needed to know what Yamato was feeling but they would never push him. Kakashi was well aware of what Orochimaru had done to Yamato, he'd seen the files and it boiled his blood but he kept his calm demeanour in place all the same.

"If I'm honest, I knew it was there. Sometimes I'd look in the mirror and I could see there was a story in my eyes so I asked the Third Hokage what he had done. He gave me basics and told me it was for the best that I didn't know" Yamato sighed, his shoulder slumped as the weight of his memories bore down on him. "When I saw the face amongst the mist the first time, even though I didn't want to, I think I did recognise it. I didn't want to admit it but I knew who it was. It was easier to lie to myself, to you both, to the counsellor, to Tsunade Sama" he looked at them apologetically. "I didn't think anyone would believe me and I wasn't so sure myself. I was under Tobi's genjutsu for so long I didn't know what was real. Whether both of you were real?! Fate has never been kind to me so to think I had you both…it had to be a dream. Why would you both want me?" Yamato laughed nervously watching the other two smile back at him softly still saying nothing. "Yamato…" Iruka whispered tightening his arms around him further caressing the head to his chest.

Yamato had started now to explain what he'd experienced and he felt he owed it to them, so continued not letting Iruka go on further. "The last 5 months, I just got used to having this shadow follow me. I tried to fight it but it was easier to just plunge into the emptiness and to smile instead of cry. I just wanted to be empty, to feel nothing, and just be hollow so I could find some peace somewhere. But then you both wouldn't give up on me, doing all those things for me that no one has ever done, like leaving roasted walnuts near my pillow in case I fancied a snack in the night" he looked over at Kakashi and smiled. "Sharpening my whittling knife" he looked up at Iruka to meet his eyes "and just giving me my space when I asked for it and not pushing me. I wanted to give back to you both I really did, I just…I just couldn't break this chain of pain, every time I thought I was getting better it would engulf me, this darkness". He looked at them both trying to make them understand; he removed Iruka's arms from around him and sat up to view him better. "That's why I couldn't believe you both would want me, would stay with me for that length of time". He took a deep breath and continued "I didn't know if I was getting better or if I had just gotten used to the pain. And when that thing attacked me I just gave up" he shrugged his shoulders and looked at them apologetically.

"I was ready to accept my destiny and leave but then I heard your voices, I felt both your presence. Kakashi…I thought I felt your breath and then…he came at me, Orochimaru came at me. I buried him, well I thought I buried him" his eyes traced a path over Kakashi's healing body with sorrow. "I asked him why me? And he laughed, it wasn't because I was special, I didn't ever think I was. He said I was just one of many lost children. The only thing different was I had a stronger will to survive which pulled me through his experiments" he paused taking in the other two's reaction. They hadn't said anything since he started just looked at him longingly. "So when I thought I heard you, I had to survive to find out if you both were really mine, I couldn't let him rule me" he gazed from one to the other. They both looked back at him tenderly, their eyes displaying emotions his mind could never comprehend and he knew they were real, that they were really his.

"Yamato…" Iruka whispered swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat. He was glad Yamato had finally opened up and pleased to have him back fighting. Kakashi was having a similar problem and swallowed too, his throat dry from emotion. Kakashi sat up and stumbled out of bed to Yamato, he had to hold him to find out himself that this was indeed real. He found it hard to believe sometimes too and thanked whoever it was that put this beautiful genjutsu on him.

Yamato steadied Kakashi as he approached and pulled him to his chest; he leaned back into Iruka's arms and put his hand through Iruka's hair pulling him closer over his shoulder for a kiss. "I'm sorry for putting you both through this, I really am. But I can't do this alone". He felt gentle lips on his neck from behind and the brush of kisses on his chest from the head he was cradling. He run his hand up Kakashi's spine gently massaging his back "I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused you both. I'm sorry for the state of your body Kakashi, I will make it up to you, I promise".

"Yamato, don't apologise please" he heard the muffled voice in his chest. Kakashi looked up at him and exhaled he had to tell him, he could see the guilt and pain in Yamato's eyes. Yamato had opened up and been honest with them it was only fair he should too. "It's my fault…really. I was there Yamato in the cave; I called out to you but couldn't get through to you. I had you in my arms and I still couldn't touch you. When...when I thought I couldn't reach you anymore...I...I didn't know what to do and just...I guess I just let it happen. I didn't want to hurt you but I didn't want to live without you either Yamato...I've failed you both one too many times and well I...I would rather die by your hands than anyone else's" Kakashi finished. He looked over at Iruka and couldn't read the emotion in his face it was a mixture of anger and affection. He reached out for Iruka but was shrugged away subtly as Iruka held Yamato tighter and nuzzled his neck. Kakashi sighed, he knew he'd upset Iruka, when he did manage to catch his eyes he saw hurt in them.

Yamato pulled him back to his chest and whispered sorry again between kisses. "We'll be OK, right?" Kakashi asked still looking at Iruka. Yamato captured his lips in answer and Iruka still said nothing. Yamato then turned to kiss Iruka caressing his cheek "I'm sorry Ruka" he whispered resting his forehead against Iruka's. Iruka smiled back kissing Yamato on the nose "We'll be fine, none of this is your fault Yamato. A lesser man would have broken down after everything you've had to deal with. I'm sorry about Orochimaru; I wish I could have helped. I'm sorry about Kabuto and Tobi too. I'm sorry we weren't there to protect you. I'm…" Yamato cut him off with a kiss. Iruka looked down at Kakashi and saw the unease in the usually passive face and sighed, "You've never failed me Kashi, either of us, but I wish you would stop trying to protect us with your body. I don't want to lose you, either of you…I can't go on without you both" Iruka reached for Kakashi caressing his cheek. "I need you both, whole". Kakashi leaned into his hand taking the comfort for what it was and gently kissed it.

Yamato looked at them, "I can't do this without you both, I need you too" Yamato repeated and the three lay feeling the echoes of one another's heartbeat as they held on, the strain of the last 5 months slowly lifting.

"We will come back Ruka, I promise you that" Kakashi told him.