Chapter Nineteen
After Bella stormed off an awkward silence reigned in the house. Edward stood at the top of the stairs, his mouth slightly open from shock as he stared at the door. Emmett and Rosalie had stopped their video game, their characters slowly being killed by the enemy as the looked between Edward, Alice and myself. Esme stood in the kitchen, her hand poised above the counter she had recently been cleaning. Alice was sitting on the floor in the far corner of the room, her body shaking with silent cries. Everything was a mix of confusion and shock, hurt and anger.
At long last Emmett broke the awkward silence. "Well, that came out of left field," he said, his voice faltering.
"Does anyone care to explain what the hell just happened?" Rosalie asked, standing up from the floor and facing Edward and me.
"Why don't we go to the dining table," Esme agreed.
Edward, Alice and I didn't move a muscle. After a few moments of inactivity, Esme headed over to Edward and took him by the hand, tugging him to the next room.
Emmett walked over to Alice and bent down. "Hey there Alice. Why don't you give Emmy Bear a hug?" he asked, reaching forward to lift her up. I was quick to notice that the nickname she had given him didn't bring a smile to Alice's face as it normally would have. Emmett picked her up carefully and carried her over to join Esme and Edward.
Rosalie looked at me for a long moment, "I'm not carrying you," she deadpanned.
I wanted to crack a smile but my face felt frozen, my entire body did. I stared at her helplessly and she walked over to me, placed her hand on my shoulder and forced me to look at her.
"Come on Jasper. We'll get through this together," she told me quietly.
I let her take my hand and lead me to where the others were waiting. She sat in between Emmett and me, while Edward, Alice and Esme faced us across the table. When no one took the initiative to begin the conversation, Esme cleared her throat.
"Is there something going on that we don't know about?" she asked mildly,all motherly concern.
I didn't want to open my mouth, suddenly dreading the family discussion. I forced away such feelings and took my opportunity to explain to the family about Bella and I.
I began with why I left in the first place, and how I went to visit Bella. I explained my reasons for staying with her for so long, and how our friendship started to form. Another round of shock ran through the others when I informed them about my feelings for Bella and her reciprocation. When I was through I turned to Edward, who was to explain the scene that had just occurred.
"Bella just...exploded," he said at last. "She was angry, I'm not sure about what, and I don't think I handled it very well," he admitted. There was a silence again as we absorbed this information. "Look, I'd really rather not discuss this any further. Bella and I-"
Edward cut off suddenly, his attention focusing on Alice, who was staring blankly into space. As soon as he heard whatever it was he needed Edward jumped up from the table and sprinted out the door.
Alice snapped out of her vision, and just before she could tell us what was going to happen, my phone rang.
"Carlisle?" I asked, slightly panicked.
"Jasper. Victoria's been here. She's not here now, but who knows when she might come back. I'd like-"
"I'll be right there," I interjected, flipping my phone closed and heading out the door. Edward had the advantage of being faster than I did, and arrived twenty seconds before me. Carlisle had his arm around Bella's shoulder as she tried to keep calm.
"I haven't checked the house yet, but I can hear Charlie snoring in his room," Carlisle informed us.
I nodded, throwing a glance at Bella who was studiously memorizing her shoes. I turned away quickly, scaling her wall and entering through her window, Edward right behind me.
Victoria's scent was strongest in Bella's room, although it was all throughout the house. I peeked in at Charlie to find him unharmed. I was both incredibly surprised and grateful for this. After determining that there was no danger Edward and I called down to Carlisle. He lifted Bella in his arms and she closed her eyes as he brought her up to her room.
Edward was sitting in the chair across from her bed, and I took post near the window, leaning back against it and crossing my arms over my chest. I hadn't expected to be back here, and the memories were beginning to flood in. Edward hissed at me and I did my best to focus on Carlisle placing Bella on her bed and sitting at the edge of it.
"Jasper?" he asked me.
"I'm not sure what it means. Victoria's behavior raises a lot of questions," I told him. "Why is Charlie alive? What was she doing here? Did she expect to find Bella or know she was gone?" I looked to Bella who was hugging a pillow to her chest, her knees drawn up as well. "Bella, do you notice anything different? Edward and I didn't disturb anything."
Bella took a good look around and then shook her head. "No, everything seems like it's in it's place."
I frowned again, trying to figure out what was going on. There was a thump near the window and Bella brought her hands to her mouth to stifle her scream. I opened the window and Emmett jumped in.
"Sorry Bella, didn't mean to scare you," he said, taking in her look of fear. "The others are staying home," Emmett informed me as he traipsed around the room. "Nice room Bella."
Ignoring Emmett's antics I pulled out my phone and hit nine on the speed dial. It rang twice before it was picked up.
"Hello?"
"It's Jasper. Is Jacob there?" I asked.
"Hold on," Billy replied. In the background I heard him yelling for Jake.
Jake sighed irritably as he picked up the phone and immediately began talking. "Look Quil, I've told you a million times. Bella and I are just friends, and if you keep calling I swear I'll pulverize you," he threatened.
"I'll be sure to give Quil the message," I told Jacob, unable to hide the hint of amusement.
Jacob cursed as he realized who he was talking to. "Jasper? It's pretty late. What's up?"
"Victoria has been to Bella's house," I informed him.
"What?" he yelled. "Is she okay? Let me talk to her. Jasper I swear to god-"
I handed the phone to Bella who took it quickly and began soothing Jacob.
"Jake? I'm fine, I promise. I wasn't even home. Yeah at the Cullen house. Yes, Charlie is fine. I'm fine. Jake, stop. Seriously don't have an aneurism, I'm perfectly okay. Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow." Bella handed the phone back to me and for the briefest moment our fingers brushed. I almost reached out to hold her hand, so sweet was the contact, but now definitely was not the time.
"Hello?"
"Jasper. We need to talk and figure out what we're going to do. This really isn't good," Jacob ranted.
Emmett was searching through Bella's bedside drawer and pulled out the camera. "All right!" he said, turning the camera around so he could take a picture of himself. "There you go Bella, you can get that one enlarged and put it on your wall, make all your friends jealous," he told her.
"Emmett!" Bella chastised, reaching out for the camera.
"Oh all right," he grinned, ducking down to bring himself level with Bella and snapped another photo. "If you wanted one with me so much you should have just said so."
"When do you want to meet?"I asked him.
"Tomorrow. It's Friday anyway, after school just bring Bella down and we can figure this out. I'll have my dad invite Charlie over after work, but for now one of us will watch him."
"Alright," I agreed, once again getting distracted by Emmett's antics. "Tomorrow it is."
"Carlisle, pretend you're a ballerina," Emmett begged. "Come on, it'll be great!"
Carlisle refused, but pulled Bella up next to him and let Emmett take a picture. Carlisle chuckled and bent down to reassure Bella. "Remember, even when things are going terrible, it's good to laugh," he told her. "That's the only reason we keep Emmett around," he joked and Bella finally giggled.
"Hey!" Emmett cried indignantly.
"Shhh, not so loud, you'll wake Charlie," Carlisle warned, a smile still plastered on his face,
Emmett laughed quietly and ducked out the door.
"He's gone to take a picture of Charlie," Edward explained, a small smile on his face.
A moment later Emmett returned, his large grin on his face. "Got it," he whispered conspiratorially. I shook my head slightly, a smile gracing my features. This was exactly why Emmett was my favorite sibling, no matter what he could always lighten the mood.
Emmett surprised me by taking a picture while I was distracted, and while Edward was laughing at my misfortune Emmett clicked a picture of him as well. After a few more minutes of Emmett's photo shoot, he turned to Bella looking sheepish.
"Sorry Bella, I used up all the film," Emmett told her, grinning.
"That's all right. I've been wanting to get these developed," she told him softly, giving me a quick glance. Bella glanced down at the bed again, fiddling with the camera in her hands. "Um, I'm really tired."
"Of course," Carlisle agreed, standing up. "We should go." Carlisle paused for a moment, considering her. "I think it's best if one of us stays with you tonight."
Bella nodded up at Carlisle, waves of gratitude coming off of her. She was still frightened about Victoria's surprise visit. I wanted to go to her, hold her in my arms and soothe away her worries.
Edward stepped forward, his palms facing her and looking rather meek. "Bella?" he asked hopefully.
Bella hesitated, glancing at me. Deep down I could tell she was still upset with him and when she looked at me all I felt was overwhelming desire. Whether it was her own or mine, all I knew was that I longed for nothing more than to step up to her, grab her in my arms, and kiss her senseless.
But I didn't move, couldn't move. I'd never wanted to do anything more, but here I was unsure and hesitating, not knowing if this was right or wrong. Carlisle had said do what I want, what was right for me, but was Bella right for me?
And she looked away, her mood considerably down, and she gave Edward a halfhearted smile. She nodded and didn't look at me as I followed Carlisle and Emmett out the window.
I let them run ahead of me, and soon after I slowed from a run to a walk to slumping against a tree. I was so frustrated with myself. This had been my chance to win Bella back, claim her as my own, and yet my own self-doubts had once again prevented me from claiming happiness. I had tried with Alice, but the past few days simply hadn't been anything like the days I spent with Bella. Everything Bella did was interesting, from attempting Calculus to talking in her sleep, everything was new and wonderful. And here I let is slip through my fingers once again.
Stop it, I told myself severely. I wasn't going to mourn my wasted chance. There was still hope for me, despite Bella allowing Edward to stay with her. The look and feelings she gave me were proof of that.
I consoled myself with the thought that for now I would focus on destroying Victoria, Laurent and any other man or creature that stood in the way of keeping Bella safe.
Then I would win Bella back.
**
The following day was more troublesome than I would have liked. Carlisle finally went back to work, and I had to make another appearance in town, dealing with financial issues.
"Jasper dear!" Mrs. Stanley cried when she saw me. "How are you? Now I heard that your family moved back in," she said with a wide grin.
I forced a smile on my own face. "Yes, it was quite the surprise. But Esme really doesn't like Los Angeles," I told her, per the story we agreed on.
"Yes, how lovely. Oh, I've forgotten myself. What can I do for you today?"
"Carlisle asked me to donate some of the money from his account to the hospital," I informed Mrs. Stanley. "Ten percent of his account. With the bonuses he got working in Los Angeles, the hospital will be able to update its technology and purchase more supplies."
Mrs. Stanley tapped away on the computer. "Yes, how very nice of him. So, I hear Edward and Bella are back together," she mused aloud.
I pursed my lips. "Hmm," I said in hopes of making a non-committal answer. My real hope was that Bella and I would be back together soon. But I knew where Mrs. Stanley was going with this. She used Edward and Bella as a segue into the relationship between Alice and I.
Sure enough the next thing out of her mouth was, "So are you and Alice back together?"
I knew she was asking in hopes I would say no and that Jessica would have a chance. "You might say that," I responded vaguely. I didn't want to outright say we weren't together, because technically we were, and give the Stanley's hope, and yet I couldn't claim my unending love for Bella either.
Mrs. Stanley finished writing up a receipt and handed it to me. "There you go hun. Well I'll be sure to talk to Jessica. I know she was talking about that party she mentioned last time we talked."
"Thank you ma'am," I responded, edging out the door. I made a quick getaway and then headed to the store to pick up some groceries for Esme, who insisted that she didn't have enough on hand in case Bella got hungry when she was over.
I picked up a half gallon of milk, some cherry Nutri-Grain bars, a jar of peanut butter and some pretzels. Near the checkout line I saw fresh strawberries, so I grabbed some of those as well.
"Thank you Jasper," Esme said as she helped me put away the groceries.
"You're welcome," I replied. She came over and gave me a hug. "What was that for?" I asked, surprised.
"Because I love you," she replied, a smile on her face as she rinsed off the strawberries.
A small smile worked its way onto my face as I watched my surrogate mother work in the kitchen. It was surprising how such a small gesture could make me feel so much better.
Around two thirty I took the rental car to Forks High. I was still undecided on which car I would eventually buy, but Alice hadn't bothered me about it for a couple days. Still, after having this car for a few days I realized just how handy it was when it came to escorting Bella around.
I pulled up next to Edward's Volvo and waited the few minutes for the bell to ring. Edward strode towards me, a frown on his face.
"She doesn't need to be down there," he said quickly in a low tone.
"All of us are going to be at the meeting, it's important. You should be there as well. And we can't leave Bella by herself," I responded in a calm tone. Fighting with Edward now would get me nowhere.
After a second's deliberation Edward conceded. He turned around and opened the door for Bella, who got in without even a glance at me. I carefully controlled the way my heart ached and got out to open the door for Alice, but she gave me a dirty look and said, "Don't bother."
Sighing I slipped back into my seat and turned the car back on, following Edward down the road towards La Push.
The silence was eating away at me, the tension in the air thick. "So, how was school?" I asked stupidly. Where had all my charisma gone?
"Fine," Alice replied, not bothering to look away from the scenery flying by. "You're going to buy a Jaguar. This color," she told me after a moment.
"Sorry?" I asked surprised. "Why?" I hadn't really even been looking much into buying the car.
Alice's voice was tight and she crushed a rock into dust, one I hadn't noticed she was even holding. I really was slipping away from her. "Because Bella will say she likes it," she responded.
"Oh." What else was there to say. Of course it made sense now. All I wanted was for Bella to enjoy whatever we did together, and if she liked a dark blue Jaguar then of course I would buy one.
The rest of the trip was spent in uncomfortable silence, so far from the easygoing companionship that normally flowed between Alice and I. After my first attempt of inducing calmness, and Alice's resulting hissy fit, I didn't bother to try and make things better and suffered the rest of the way.
Edward was holding Bella's hand when Alice and I got out of the car, whispering something to her that made her giggle then hit him playfully. I wanted to rip that smile off his face.
"Jasper, buddy!" Emmett called from near the house where the rest of the family were standing. He waved his huge arms at me, a goofy grin on his face.
I made my way over to him, noting how Bella kept her adoring eyes glued on Edward, and immediately scrunched up my nose, in perfect unison with the rest of my family as Jacob and another Quileute exited from his house. Jacob and his friend likewise twisted their face in disgust and stood a polite distance away from us.
"Jasper," Jacob greeted, the hint of a smile on his face. "Emmett," he greeted as well, having taken an odd liking to the biggest of my brothers. I wasn't sure whether it was because they had found a fun sparring partner in each other, or their mutual love to tease Bella, but Rosalie wasn't happy in the least. I glanced over at the other boy and raised an eyebrow.
He noticed and grinned. "I'm Quil," he told me, though he didn't offer his hand. "Newest addition to the pack." He said it with such a ridiculous sense of pride that I couldn't help but smile and congratulate him.
Jacob looked over to find Bella speaking in low tones to Edward, who was frowning and shaking his head. At last she pulled away from him, and in a mad sprint, started to make her way over to Jacob. Jacob jogged out to meet her, no doubt afraid she would trip and hurt herself, and scooped her up in his arms, laughing. He twirled her in a circle, inhaled her scent, then put her back down, kissing the top of her head.
It was a tense moment for Edward, who didn't relax again until Bella made her way back to him, smiling guiltily but shining nonetheless. Jacob winked inconspicuously at me and I smirked. I looked away soon afterwards when Jacob glanced back and I could feel jealousy and longing ache through him. He was still in love with her.
Jacob jogged back over to us and became serious. "I think it's best if we head to Emily's house. Charlie will be down here after work, and he might find this gathering a little suspicious."
Carlisle nodded his consent. "Will someone be staying to watch Charlie?"
"I will," Quil said, puffing out his chest a little. "Don't worry about a thing."
Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie and Alice piled into the Mercedes, and Bella once again joined Edward in his Volvo. "Sorry man, but I'd rather run there," Jacob told me apologetically, his nose still scrunched.
"Not at all," I replied. I wasn't eager to have werewolf scent lingering in my car either. Jacob arrived at the house first, followed by myself, Carlisle and Edward. Inside Emily was finishing making a dozen sandwiches and a batch of cookies for the pack.
I said hello to her politely as I passed by and went to the dining area, which was exceedingly crowded with all the present company.
"Jasper," Sam greeted, nodding his head. "Why don't we move this outside?" he suggested in that same calm, authoritative manner that Carlisle possessed.
"Bella, do you mind helping me? I'm afraid I might burn something with all that I've got going on," Emily muttered.
Bella nodded and left the rest of us to our devices outside.
The pack didn't need a repeat of what had transpired the night before, and we dove straight into tactics and plan options. It was agreed that the wolves would work best if they were to surprise Victoria and ambush her followers, while we would draw her out into the open. The only point of contention was the idea of using Bella as bait. It went on for long enough that Esme and Alice retired to the kitchen to help Emily and Bella finish up the cooking.
"There's no way in hell we're leaving her out there, vulnerable to a bunch of bloodsuckers," Jacob growled at Sam.
"As much as I hate to, I have to agree with Jacob. I won't allow for Bella to be used as bait. It's too dangerous, even with all of us ready to protect her," Edward argued, concern lacing his tone.
"I understand the gravity of this. But how else are we to lure her out if we hide the object of her mission?" Sam responded.
They argued for a few minutes more until Jacob turned to me. "Jasper, there's no way you'd allow this," he half begged, half assured himself.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, sending out a wave of calm to the party. As soon as the tensions eased I opened my eyes, frowning.
"I can't say that I like this any more than you do," I told him. "But from my experience, this is usually the most effective method in luring an enemy out." Edward hissed at me while Jake opened his mouth to protest. I held up a hand to silence them. "We won't leave her out in the open as Sam proposed," I continued. "But if we were to leave her scent somewhere, stage it as if she were out for a hike by herself, then Victoria will likely take the bait. She wants this finished as much as we do."
There was a clatter from inside the house, and after a moment Edward turned to me, defeated. "Alice had a vision," he told us. "Apparently she's far away enough from the pack," Edward explained to me when I shot him a confused look. "The plan will work. She didn't see much, just Victoria catching on to Bella's scent and following it to a clearing where we were waiting."
I sighed, relieved. At least that would work out well. We took a recess in which the women, excepting Rosalie, brought out the food. After the wolves scarfed down the food, Emmett taunted Jacob into a sparring match, which Rosalie watched with a frown but hidden amusement.
Carlisle secretly bet her that Jacob would win, to which she scoffed and placed her money on her husband.
The battle was a deadlock, and Jacob and Emmett were soon lost in whispers. The next thing I knew I was thrown to the ground, the bulk of Emmett lying on top of me. I reacted immediately, kicking him off and he landed in a crouched position some thirty feet from me. Before I had time to ask what the hell was he thinking, Jacob's shaggy wolf form hit me from the side.
"Come on Jazzy," Emmett howled with laughter. "Don't let the big bad wolf win!"
I grinned slightly and rolled over, dragging Jacob by the tail. He yelped and bounded away, nudging Emmett who accepted his tag and came after me again. Emmett meant to slip behind me and surprise me into submission, but I quickly scaled the nearest tree and dove at him from above. I landed into him with a loud crack, and Jacob's barking laughter resounded through the trees.
"Yeah, yeah, well then why don't you take him on pup?" Emmett called, popping his shoulder back into place.
But Jacob was laughing too hard and merely shook his head, trotting off to where Bella sat with a slightly amused smile, Edward's arm curled protectively around her.
Jacob lolled his tongue out at Bella and she giggled at him. He nudged her hand with his nose and she stared at him confused.
"He wants a cookie," Edward explained.
"Oh does he?" Bella asked wonderingly. "Normally dogs perform tricks before they get a treat," she teased.
Jacob, who was in an exceedingly good mood despite Edward's presence, laid down and rolled over, then played dead. He stood on his hind legs and hopped forward a few times, much to everyone's amusement.
"All right, all right, enough already," Bella laughed. She took the largest cookie from the plate and let Jacob eat it out of her hand. With a cheeky grin at Edward, Jacob leaned up and licked Bella right on the mouth.
"Eww Jake, gross!" Bella squealed, laughing. Jacob took off running, his barking laugh echoing behind him, and Bella did all she could to prevent Edward from chasing after him.
"Jasper?" Emmett called from my right.
I focused my attention on him and he gave me a shrewd look. After a tense moment I asked him, "Ready for a rematch now?"
Emmett just shook his head, grinning, and jogged back to Rosalie who was arguing with Carlisle that no one had won because neither had betted on me. Emmett looked back just once, a worried look on his face, but turned away quickly when he noticed I was still watching him.
The frivolity ended soon after, as Charlie called up to Emily's and told Bella he was heading on home, having eaten dinner with Billy and wanting to go to sleep. We departed soon after, Edward driving Bella home, and Alice joining me this time.
The ride home was silent once again, and my good mood was rapidly deteriorating. Just as we turned onto the Cullen driveway, Alice turned to me and asked me to stop the car.
"Jasper," she said softly, and I turned to look at her reluctantly. When I finally saw her devastated face I felt my heart sink, and all the feelings she'd been trying to block from me assault me at once. I gasped slightly at the pain and my hand tightened on the steering wheel.
"Alice," I pleaded, staring at her hopelessly, wanting to make her stop. Not just for my sake but for her own.
"I can't do this Jasper," she told my quietly, her eyes glistening. It was taking all she had not to break down right here. "I love you so much," she told me after a prolonged silence.
"I know," I replied. "I'm sorry," I whispered after another pause. "I'm sorry I couldn't make this work. Sorry that my attempts were so pathetic. I've had such a wonderful life with you Alice. You brought me out of such great despair that for the longest time I could see nothing but you."
Alice laughed bitterly. "I know. I've always known." She fiddled with the stereo for a bit, flipping through the channels until she paused and listened to the intro of a very familiar song.
Alice and I were silent as we listened, and I could feel her resolve and heartbreak increase as every moment passed.
For all we know this may only be a dream
We come and go like a ripple on a stream
So love me tonight, tomorrow was made for some
Tomorrow may never come for all we know
The musical interlude filled up the car and suddenly I was standing back there in that half empty diner in Philadelphia, defeated and alone.
"The song that was playing the first time I met you," I whispered to Alice, who had her eyes closed, probably reliving the experience herself. I had only heard it a few times after that, sometimes from Edward's room, and sometimes when Alice took the fancy to sing it.
Alice finally opened her eyes and looked at me, though it was slightly unfocused. She reached up slowly and cupped my face in her small hands. She kissed me softly once, twice, then pulled back slowly, her eyes trained on my own, searching them for some sort of hope, some defiance against what she was about to do. But she found none.
"It's been over a long time, Jasper," she whispered to me, her breath hitching. "I just couldn't admit it to myself."
Alice stared at me for a long moment, the music serenading us in the background, and she brushed the hair off my face, giving me a small smile. "I love you," she said softly. "I will always love you."
Then the music ended and Alice left the car, walking slowly through the drizzle of rain that had started up, and disappeared into the mist.
A/N: First off, I'm sorry this took forever. I have no other excuse for not updating sooner other than school and a general lethargy. Please forgive me. I also wanted to bring up that the following chapters will probably be taking a bit more time than usual. I really want to write them well, and it's taking me longer than I would hope to get things right. So I hope you will be patient, and I will do my best to get them out there as soon as I can.
Thank you so much to my wonderful reviewers and JaspersBella. I truly appreciate everything.
Oh, the song is For All We Know by Nat King Cole, just in case anyone was wondering.