A/N: Thank you everyone who reviewed, and as I promised, this chapter will reveal Michel's cowboy name. Man, that was some funny research, it's really ridiculous how many name generators there are out there… I am in no way sure about whether the business talk is correct or not, I winged most of it, but hopefully I'm not totally out of line. Enjoy the chapter!
Disclaimer: I, the author of this story, do not own any of the characters from Gilmore Girls. That honor belongs to the wonderful Amy Sherman-Palladino. I won't even pretend to own YouTube. I am not making any money on this (in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm losing money over it…).
23. Even Cowboys Get the Occasional Annoyance
"Are you excited? I am, I'm so stoked about this, this is so huge!" Cammie bubbled relentlessly.
She had been acting like a parrot on acid since they left Philly, repeatingly telling Rory and Jess how jazzed she was about the trip and the contract and the prospect of hunting for an apartment, and so on. Jess had already begun looking a bit stressed out, and only answered in hums or monosyllabic grunts when spoken to. Rory tried her best to run interference, and get Cammie sidetracked, but it was hard, and she only managed to get Cammie to talk about something else for more than five minutes when she asked about who was manning the coffee shop. That got Cammie talking about the person in question, Brent ("Mr. No-Social-Skills-To-Save-His-Ass"), from which she segued in wondering what would happen to the place after she moved, would it get a new manager, or would it get sold, and in that case, who would buy it and what would it turn into, 'cause "there was some wicked potential hidden under all the bureaucratic bullcrap".
"Why didn't you ever buy it?" Rory asked as they passed the Connecticut state line.
"I didn't have any clear ideas of what I wanted to do with the place. I tried, though, and it all came out way too crazy, right Jess?"
Rory glanced over at Jess, who actually seemed to smile fondly at the memory.
"Chippendales in pink Converses and neon bodypaint were involved," he replied with a dry laugh. "Thank God you decided not to take yourself seriously on that one…"
"Yeah, the bodypaint was perhaps a bit over the top…" Cammie mused dreamily.
Jess gave Rory a significant look, rolling his eyes. Rory snickered in response. Absolutely. The bodypaint was definitely the dealbreaker in that equation.
"Okay, so what's the itinerary here?" Cammie asked twenty minutes later.
"We've gone over your so called itinerary five times already," Jess muttered, not even looking back at Cammie.
"We have not!"
"Twice in Philadelphia, once in Trenton, once in Newark and once in New Haven," Jess counted.
"Hey, I like itineraries!" Cammie replied in defense. "I like order, I'm like a freaking Borg drone, right down to the 'resistence is futile'-bit, so just walk me through the damn thing, okay?"
"We get to Stars Hollow in a about an hour, maybe less if Jess doesn't mind speeding a bit," Rory replied quickly before Jess had time to throw in an insult. "We meet up with Andrew at the bookstore at 11, sign the papers, then have an early lunch at Luke's, after which we check the papers for apartments for rent."
"See, that wasn't so hard," Cammie pointed out to Jess, and stuck out her tongue, before she plugged in her iPod and cranked up the volume.
"You know she's gonna ask you again in ten minutes, right?" Jess said in a low voice.
"You make it sound like it's the grown-up version of 'are we there yet?'. We're in Stars Hollow soon, just hang in there," Rory replied sensibly.
They entered Stars Hollow forty-five minutes later, on time (mostly because Cammie had mixed an exceptional playlist and was too busy singing along to it to piss Jess off), and they drove straight to the bookstore. Andrew was waiting for them inside with the notary, Mike. Andrew quickly closed the store, hanging the "Away on lunch"-sign up front, while the trio entered through the back.
"Sorry about that," Andrew told them when they were all gathered in the backroom. "I figured you wanted to make as little fuss about this as possible, and lunch seemed like the best coverstory."
"Because this makes it look like you're away for Al's early lunchfest, and that's always a wildcard, so you can say you didn't like the spread and headed back to wait for lunc at Luke's, which is one hour from now, and considerably safer than lunch at Al's," Rory filled in knowingly.
"Right…" Andrew replied, not having thought quite that far ahead.
"Shall we get on with it then?" Mike rumbled, and Andrew quickly pulled out a folder filled with papers.
"I had my lawyer triple check these, so all you need to do is sign here, here, here and here. After this you are formally named as my successors. The store will be yours in two weeks, after which I have no claim whatsoever on this business. No one, meaning Taylor, can nail you for this, and you can make whatever changes you see fit to keep the business going. Of course, you can start planning already, but don't do anything until after two weeks, Taylor could, and would, nail you for that."
"What about incorporating it into the Philadelphia-business?" Jess asked while he eyed through the papers.
"And what about my coffee corner?" Cammie chipped in.
"Yeah, about that… My lawyer suggested that if you want to avoid as much local bureaucracy as possible, you shouldn't formally merge, because that could in some cases mean involvement from some higher administrative force here."
"And since Taylor's a member of basically every major and minor administrative shindig here, we want to avoid that."
"So, what my lawyer suggested," Andrew continued. "Was a sort of informal cooperation agreement. You could focus on selling the material you publish in Philadelphia. The agreement would only have to be signed by you two and the responsible party in Philly."
"And the coffee?" Cammie urged anxiously.
"That's the problem. First off, you need to contact the FDA, make a formal notification that you intend to distribute whatever food and beverages it is that you will distribute here, but that's not it. You'd need to notify the town council, and as we know…"
"Taylor's on the town council," Rory sighed heavily.
"Yeah. My lawyer is of no help there. He's never had to deal with Taylor, and if I want him to continue representing me, he needs to continue not dealing with Taylor."
"That's okay," Jess said appreciatively. "You did what you could. We'll figure it out on our own."
"All right. Let's get this show on the road."
The entire act of signing the papers was surprisingly uneventful, and Mike ducked out as soon as every i and t was dotted and crossed. Rory suspected Mike was a regular at Al's, and was desperate to get there before Al's early lunchfest was over, God knows why. If Grab Night at Al's was like picking a winning scratch ticket, the lunchfest was even worse.
"Congratulations, you two," Andrew said chipperly, interrupting Rory's extrapolations of Mike the Notary's food preferences (if his suspected liking of Al's lunch was anything to judge by, he was a hopeless case).
Andrew shook hands with all of them, lastly with Rory, and she suddenly felt a strong urge to hug Andrew.
"Make sure these two run this business like they want to," he told her with a smile.
"Yes, well, that may involve some sidetaking if I know at least one of them," Rory replied playfully, giving Jess a pointed look. How on earth Jess and Cammie would be able to agree on how to change the bookstore and then run it without going at each others' throats was beyond her comprehension.
Andrew laughed quietly at her remark.
"You were always my best, and most prolific customer, Rory."
"You're not gonna sneak out of town in the dead of night and leave everyone hanging, are you?" she asked.
"I'll announce the move at the next town meeting, and let the gossip mill do the rest. They'll come up with something soon enough.
"Thanks for this, Andrew," Jess said, shaking Andrew's hand again, and Cammie followed suit.
They said goodbye and snuck out the back, taking a minor detour before heading over to Luke's.
The diner was packed with people waiting for lunch, and the trio had to settle for the counter, since all the tables were taken. Luke were so busy he didn't notice them at first, but when he did, he sort of stiffened at the sight of Cammie.
"Relax," Cammie told Luke, picking up a menu. "I'm not gonna take over your coffee maker today, Mr. Danes. Sorry about that, by the way."
"What are you doing here?" Luke asked Jess, seeing as the 'threath' was averted.
"'Hello Jess and Rory, nice to see you'," Jess said sarcastically. "Hello, uncle Luke, we're good, how about you? Your baseball cap is as backwards as ever."
Luke heaved a sigh, looking crookedly at his nephew.
"Hello…" he deadpanned, pulling out his order notepad.
"Hi, Luke," Rory smiled warmly.
"Lunch? The usual?"
"What's the usual?" Cammie asked, still browsing through the menu.
"For you and me, it would be something at least remotely healthy," Jess remarked with a smirk.
"Cheeseburger with chilifries, and a cup of coffee," Rory ordered, then turned to Jess. "I'll have you know there is lettuce essence in that burger."
"You always pick out the lettuce," Luke pointed out and got a cross look from Rory. "Fine, I'm butting out."
"I'm siding with Luke," Jess said and saw Rory prepare her ultimate argument. "And just so you know, lettuce essence only counts as an actual vegetable intake in the Gilmore universe."
"Lettuce essence?" Cammie questioned, looking doubtingly at Rory.
"It totally counts," Rory countered, a bit flustered. "And as for the universe-thing, what universe have you been living in for the past year if not the Gilmore universe? You're totally on the level with lettuce essence satisfying my vegetable needs. Now can we please carry on and not talk about my food habits?"
"Grilled cheese sandwhich and a grilled chicken salad," Jess ordered quickly, not bothering to look at the menu.
"Is your chilaquiles good?" Cammie wondered, looking up from the menu.
"Ceasar seems to think so…" Luke commented darkly.
"You put the chilaquiles on the menu? You never add things unless you're backed into a corner and threatened with something unspeakable," Rory said, surprised.
"Ceasar wouldn't stop yelling chilaquiles, so I put it there to make him stop," Luke responded irritably.
"One chilaquiles, please!" Cammie then chirped.
"Oh, God…" Luke muttered, and shuffled off into the kitchen.
"Hey, is it okay if we stop by the inn before we go hunt for an apartment?" Rory asked while they were waiting for their food. Ceasar had already begun yelling "Chilaquiles!" in the kitchen. "Mom's torturing her French receptionist today, I wouldn't want to miss it."
"Now I know why it's impossible to watch French movies with you…" Jess noted jokingly.
"Sure, we can swing by the inn. French torture sounds great," Cammie said happily. "Does he curse in French, too?"
"Frequently," Rory replied with a smile.
"Super! I'm running out of foreign cursewords and insults to drop when I'm being pestered by idiots at bars."
"Note to self, don't let Cammie and Rory go on a girls' night out together…" Jess muttered to himself.
Luke brought their food ten minutes later, looking almost like he was in pain when he served Cammie her chilaquiles. Ceasar, so happy to have gotten an order of chilaquiles, was still shouting in the kitchen, and Cammie decided she wanted something in her coffee corner that would make her that happy, which made Jess grind down really hard on his grilled cheese.
They finished fifteen minutes later, heading for the inn, with Rory telling Cammie all the ways to get Michel worked up in a state. She recanted old gems like talking in a silly voice, preparing food for him the wrong way, not letting him count the blueberries and leaving her mother in charge of telling Michel that the time for a vital cd-drop had changed. Cammie laughed all the way to the inn, and they could hear Lorelai's incessant nagging already on the porch.
"Why Bubba Washington, you are a shame to your texan heritage," they could hear Lorelai shout in a very cheap Scarlet O'Hara-imitation.
"Stop calling me Bubba, I am French. French!" Michel yelled back. "And stop shoving that awful hat on me."
"Now, now, Pencil Eye Pete, every proud Texan needs a cowboy hat. Look at me, I have a hat, I even have a name, and my name kicks your name's butt!"
Rory couldn't keep from laughing, and they entered the inn, just in time to see Michel rush past them, a sparkly denim cowboy hat jammed on his head, shouting:
"I am not a Texan!"
"That's not what you told the French party when they arrived. Trust me, because I, Holster Holly, was there!" Lorelai replied loudly, emerging from the office behind the counter, wearing something that made Rory cold inside.
Lorelai rushed past them, not taking any notice, and Jess looked first at her, then at Rory.
"What is she..? Is that thing on her head what I think it is?"
"Mom!" Rory yelled, running after her mother.
Lorelai stopped dead, and Michel took his chance to rip off the cowboy hat and disappear up the stairs.
"Honey! You're here! Did you see Michel?"
"What are you wearing?" Rory demanded angrily, her arms crossed.
"Oh, it's…" Lorelai began, then realizing her mistake. "Shoot. I wasn't supposed to wear this, was I?"
"Especially not in company of other people!"
"And especially not with your f... with Jess watching, right?"
Rory turned around, seeing Jess looking at her amusedly, probably imagining her wearing the damn folded paper hat that Lorelai was wearing.
"I asked you to hide that thing!"
"I did, I really hid it, but then I got so swept up in the 'annoy Michel'-scheme, and I got myself a cowboy name, I even got you a cowboy name, and then I needed a hat, but because Michel got the sparkly denim one, and I couldn't find another hat, I though I could use this one. I swear, I didn't think you'd turn up until dinner, and by then Michel would've blown his top, and all the fun would be over."
"It was a simple request, mom, hide the paper hat. How do I know you haven't been parading around Stars Hollow wearing it since the day you got it, huh? Have you told them? Since I can't trust you to hide a freaking paper hat, then how can I be sure you haven't let everyone know that me and Jess are engaged, huh? How many know?"
The look on her mother's face, accompanied by a rather loud "Oh"-sound from the dining hall was enough to make Rory realize she'd just made a huge mistake. Babbette was probably in there, maybe East Side Tilly, too. Taylor would occasionally have lunch at the inn, which meant that the secret would be out on the town within moments. She turned on her heel, rushing out.
"Don't follow me," she hissed at Jess and Cammie when she went past them.
This was bad. Very bad. Like Detroit Rock City-burning the tickets bad, if not worse, and it was her fault. Shoot.
A/N: I think it's the beginning of the end of this fic, but perhaps it's best. They need to get hitched eventually, right? (Come to think of it, so do I... Eventually.) Drop a review and tell me what you think!